missericac

[missericac]

[missericac]

Cut me open and tell me what’s inside Diagnose me cause I can’t keep wondering why And no it’s not a phase cause it happens all the time

bring me the horizon (via hellothetruethoughts)

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Depression blog

[missericac]

She died of loneliness yesterday, everyone is here for her today.

VàZaki Nada (via wnq-writers)

Me?

[missericac]

That night I cried so hard I talked to God so hard I called my mom crying and hyper ventilating she prayed me to sleep and today Drove to Edmonton with dad and Sam and They know I only want to see mom she's arriving in 4 mins and I don't know how it'll play out even just with mom let alone dad and Sam and I'm panicking so hard I'm going to have a heart attack I told God that but i feel like I'm still guna puke like I can't really breathe. I've bought her Chinese food I haven't eaten yet I'm waiting to eat with her she's probably guna be late that's fine I just feel like I have Asma and I just want things to be okay and I never seem to be. I'm losing hope it ever will be.

[missericac]

5 failures

I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I Try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try. I'm scared of what I might do. I can make a living, I have no one to go home to, I don't know who I am without unrest. I just want a chance to see my mom again, in person. I want to protect myself and not be shattered by my earthly father. I'm going to get older and my mom is mid 50's. Will I ever be able to see her? All I've ever felt and learnt is pain and suffering. My emotions are so great and confusing it's collapsed itself and becoming denser and denser and I don't know what to do I don't have strength. I've just been promised another 4 weeks of purposeless meaningless sorrow pain suffering loneliness wandering and lost. I miss my mom I miss my mom a lot I miss her very very much. I want to see her, just her, not anyone else. I can enjoy time with her if I'm surrounded by those who hate upon me. I want to pay for my moms flight here. But I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and I try and nothing but pain and suffering. I am scared of myself. I don't know what I am going to do. What if I hurt someone what if I actually hurt myself. I'm so scared. I just want to see my mom. Please?

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9537) I used to be able to get jobs when I was in the closet.

Sure, it was tough, and I had to apply around, but I’d eventually luck out. Now, I’m lucky to get an interview, and it’ll never progress further than that even if I’m qualified and the interview went perfectly because I’m visibly trans. I can’t even get a job at McDonald’s. They’ll hire a 16 year old over me even though I’m 24. And on top of that, I’m too ugly for to have any luck in sex work and I wouldn’t even want to do that.

[missericac]

9538) I self-harm in order to cope with the pain.

Now I not only have a body that I can’t stand for gender related reasons, but it’s all scarred up. It’s a shitty habit I should have never started but somehow, it just works when I need to do something drastic to cope.

[missericac]

9544) i can't die now because if i do i'll be buried and remembered in a suit and as a man.

[missericac]

9566) I feel like I'm too different from cis women.

I didnt have their childhood, and they always ask why. I just tell them I was a tomboy since none of them know I am stealth. We all laugh and they move on, but I cant. I’m forever stuck with this feeling that i dont belong because of my past.

[missericac]

This is so cute omfg I'm dying

when my friends are sad and do not want to talk