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Finding Nemo would have ended a lot differently if Marlin was played by Liam Neeson.

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The amount of students who ended up in the hospital wing in Hogwarts because they tried to magically enlarge their penis must’ve been daunting.

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Cats Behind Famous Movie Posters, And The Result Is Purrfect

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Bad idea for a Romantic Comedy The Chief of Police is married to a Mob Boss, and they have to keep “just failing” to catch each other. When one of them hits the other in a shootout, it’s followed with “Oh I’m never going to hear the end of this…��

“So how was your day at work?” “YOU FUCKING SHOT ME! THAT WAS MY DAY AT WORK!”

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PSA: journalists aren’t supposed to put names in the headlines if the person isn’t a public figure. It’s not a matter of maliciously not giving credit

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I wish I was enough for someone. Just once.

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I made this instead of writing

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I got plans. I’m coming out on top. Fuck you, i’m gonna win this break up and you’re gonna regret ever taking me for granted.

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Fuck.

(This is dramatic. Don’t read this. Its just a brain dump of dramatic bullshit) 

This sucks. Break ups really suck. And I don’t know how to handle it, since the last time I broke up with anyone i was sixteen. FUCK. I don’t know how to be single. I don’t remember how to do it. I guess it’s a learning curve? I guess i’ll “get used to it?” I don’t fucking know. All I know is that my chest physically hurt today while i was at work. I don’t remember heartbreak hurting that much. 

I’m still not angry at him for ending it. I’m still confused why he decided to wait for so long when he’s been “thinking about it for weeks.” I am angry at myself. When I told my friends, almost every single one said they had been waiting for that text. THE FUCK GUYS?? Why didn’t anyone tell me?? Why did I waste so much time, and energy, and love...fuck I loved him so much. If I had to go back and figure out where things fell, its the summer he graduated. We’ve been rocky for two FUCKING years. I feel like he’s been looking for an out since the second I didn’t live 10 minutes away. And we made it over a year into long distance- we were supposed to make it. We were supposed to beat long distance. There were plans to move in, I was applying for jobs, looking at apartment complexes, and now I realize- it was just me. He never intended to move in with me. He didn’t ever see a future. He just couldn’t pluck up the courage to break up with me sooner. We were in a game of break up chicken I didn’t know we were playing. I put in all the work, all the compromises, all the sacrifices, I didn’t get a promotion at my job because we were going to move in together. You cost me a fucking job, and for that I will not forgive you. 

I’m also thinking about all the shit I didn’t like about you. Maybe now I can find a guy that tries to be friends with my friends. That will actually dance with me when we go out. Will stop bitching about money to the point where we don’t go anywhere or do anything that isn’t free. Maybe my next guy won’t just eat french fries for dinner. Maybe my next guy will actually talk to me, rather than “talk to me” while playing video games. Maybe he will actually come to me for once. Maybe he won’t be attached to his phone c o n s t a n t l y . Maybe he will actually watch my favorite shows with me, or my favorite movie, rather than judge me for rewatching shows or enjoying trashy TV. Maybe my next guy will be a man, not a fucking child. 

(maybehewiillgodownonmemorethanonceafuckingyearjustsaying) 

Tumblr is not the place to air my dirty laundry, but fuck it. I spent four years on you. I have a lot of laundry to do. 

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I’m very strong, I could fight off maybe 20 snails, 21 on a good day

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I really want Hillary to just say “Donald how does a bill get passed” and just wait for his response

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(ha) (ha) (I’m) (falling) (for) (someone) (I) (can’t) (have)

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