misselaineyuuus

[misselaineyuuus]

I haven’t written in years, but I watched Miss Americana (again) and it inspired this personal essay.

I wonder if this is a fraction of how Taylor might feel when she writes a song; kind of a super personal story to tell the world, but incredibly liberating at the same time.

So you’ve been fucked with - again. You are better than that. Honestly, he was such a disappointment to you.

How many orgasms did you fake? Most of them. Or at least exaggerated the part he played. You know how to get yourself there.

How many times were you sad because he didn’t really show you any kind of want or need for you? All the time.

How often did you feel insecure about what he thought of you? Every day.

Did he ever make you feel like you were special to him? No.

There’s no wonder you’re so freaked out. He only knew you for a year. He only dated you for six months. You got twist-turned-upside-down. He was not someone you wanted - you always knew you deserved better than what you were getting.

But he got in there. He made you try so hard to be the best girlfriend. He made you feel like you had to be a certain kind of sexy. He never made you feel pretty or particularly good about yourself - only a sex object, be real. And oho my god, he didn’t even look at you towards the end!! Wtf is that shit? Fuck that. You are fucking beautiful. You are a goddess. And he should have opened his fucking eyes.

You are going to be everything you ever wanted to be, before he poured Kevin’s chilli all over your life. You are going to get to work.

First of all, on yourself. You are so lucky to have so much love and support in your life. Your parents, your family, your friends - all they do for you shows you exactly how worthy of amazing things you are. You will heal.

You will eat properly - nourish that bad bitch who just signed up for six months of pole dancing classes. You are going to be your kind of sexy.

You will plan it all out - the journey, but the steps most of all. You will be mindful of your time, your goals and where you want to be in six months. Because you are going. You are going to be that young woman who jumped on a plane and made life for herself across the world, all over again. You have so much to see and so much to learn. Be the strong, independent, loving, passionate woman you were at 22. Remember her? She moved to New Zealand by herself. She fell in love with a tall, smiley Jon Snow look alike who treated her so wonderfully.

Fundamentally, yes you were a disaster (Jehovah’s Witness). But he made you so happy - happy with him, happy without him, happy to be exactly who you were. It was hard, but you loved him so deeply, through long distance and the difficulties you faced together. He is beyond a doubt one of the best decisions you have ever made. You grew up so much with him. You cared so strongly for one another, you once held each other for half an hour and didn’t even realize the time had passed. You never felt for one day that he didn’t love you. You have always wished him so much joy for his life, and don’t regret a minute.

So get your ass in gear. You have to make money so you can get wherever you are going. You know what to do - charm those people in some kind of pub/restaurant setting, pocket everything you can - and budget your shit so you stop buying so many damn craft supplies!

This is the start of everything you ever wanted. You get to see your dreams - cheesy af, but you’re that bitch with those saved photos of German castles that inspired the Disney castles. You have a list on your phone with the names of all the places those beautiful photos were taken. You’re going to see them. You’re going to take your own pictures. You’re going to walk down European streets, marvelling at the history you’ve watched and read about.

You’re going to work over there - you are going to be the pastry chef you trained to be. That fluttering feeling that you get when you succeed at baking or decorating cakes is everything you ever need.

Do what needs to be done. No one knows you better than you, and you know you have what it takes to be happy. You are strong enough to pick your ass up, strut it the way you know you do, and keep what’s important in front of you.

Okay go eat something now. Something good.

[misselaineyuuus]

If you can see a future without me and that doesn’t break your heart then we’re not doing what I thought we were doing here.

That 70’s Show (via temperare-te)

[misselaineyuuus]

[misselaineyuuus]

Jobs fill your pocket. Adventures fill your soul.

Jaime Lyn Beatty  (via elauxe)

[misselaineyuuus]

[misselaineyuuus]

[misselaineyuuus]

[misselaineyuuus]

[misselaineyuuus]

Making love was never about you and me in a bed. We made love whenever we held hands.

Ian Thomas, I Wrote This For You (via blackbruise)

[misselaineyuuus]

I’d be his, if he asked.

(via atotheri)

[misselaineyuuus]

You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains.

Sara Bareilles (via langleav)

[misselaineyuuus]

[misselaineyuuus]

Fall in love with someone that doesn’t make you think love is hard

09/08/14  (via letsmeetinourdreams)

[misselaineyuuus]

[misselaineyuuus]

[misselaineyuuus]

I want you to hold my hand while we grocery shop. I want you to play with my hair while we watch our favorite tv shows. I want you to kiss me in the middle of my sentence because you wanted to taste my words. I want you to rub my back as we fall asleep. I want you to play my favorite song when I look sad. I want you to do these things without having to think about them. Do them because you love me.

(via im-sad-lets-have-sex)

[misselaineyuuus]

If you’re ever lucky enough to find a girl who is a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind, you should hold onto that. Because she’ll be yours at two in the morning and at two in the afternoon the following day. She’ll kiss you where it hurts and until it hurts. And that’s important. Someone who not only knows how to turn you on but also knows how to treat you right is someone worth a little something… and a little more than usual.

(via the-taintedtruth)