missbellamere

[missbellamere]

So, my friend, (a straight man), dropped me a link to your shenanigans in the x male reader tag with the promise that I would enjoy it as much as he did and you're out here doing the goddesses work.

thank you love! get ur friend a nice gf cuz he sounds like he got a sense of humor

I'm glad yall liked my bait x male reader fics and boosted it to the top of the #vi x male reader tag LMAO

700+ notes is wild that brain shit (but ig im just too funny obvi)

my humor is the result of analytical YouTube video essays and growing up in the south as a minority with deeply rooted family trauma that I will try to explore and resolve through popular media but will ultimately fail and resort to therapy (hasn't gotten to that stage yet)

BRAVO SAPPHICS BRAVO WUHLUHWUH BRAVO BRAVO

I promise ill actually write real wlw soon trust

LONG LIVE LESBIANS

LONG LIVE TOXIC!IHATEYOU!IDONTLIKEMEN!VI X MALE READER

[missbellamere]

caitvi x male reader SMUT

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caitvi x male reader

tw: literature and writing so beautiful you wouldn't be able to read anything else after this x2

mdni

--

You followed vi after she left you for Caitlyn.

"who the fuck is he and why is he here." Caitlyn said.

"EW OH MY LORD JUMP SCARE" vi said as she noticed you. "seriously, why are you here. I literally told u to go away and that I'm not interested in men."

"but I'm a straight man and I'm entitled!" you protested. "I can't stand the fact that lesbians exist and that they don't cater to me! I'm so mad! I'm going to post x male reader fan fiction on Tumblr and get mad when people call me out! btw I can also fix both of your sexualities! I'm 6'0 btw"

Caitlyn had to crank her neck to look down at you.

"6 feet? more like 6 centimeters. you can't fix us." Caitlyn shot back.

"Cait has fascist dictator tendencies and I caused my sister so much trauma it caused a disorder." VI added. "I don't think being lesbian is the issue here. also just look at you, you're the reason why bisexual girls turned lesbian."

anger boiled inside you because how dare women turn you down. how dare they have opinions. how dare the government from the handmaid's tale not be a real thing. you tried to jump vi but then Caitlyn tripped you and you fell on the ground like a pathetic loser.

"oh god why is it trying to fight." Cait said. "it tripped and it's not even wearing heels. and I'm wearing them. the platform 5 inch chinese laundry ones btw."

you tried to get up but vi knocked u unconscious

~~

tw: a bit of body horror

you woke up and u got tied to a chair. Caitlyn is angry asf cuz you attempted murder on her girlfriend. her girlfriend, not yours, because vi is a LESBIAN AND IS NOT INTERESTED IN MEN.

"how do men always find the balls and the audacity to do these things" Caitlyn thought out loud. "oh wait, I have an idea"

Caitlyn then got out this weird device.

"you have one more chance. say you'll leave fictional lesbians alone and I'll let you go."

"no. I will not leave fictional lesbians alone. all women must love men." you said idiotically.

"so which one of your balls are you the most attached to? I'll literally chop it off." she said as she got out her weird device and made a snapping noise twice with it.

you were so consumed by horror and you didn't answer her so she snipped both of them off and then left you for vi.

--

a/n: yall asked and I delivered

I hope I've done the genre of satire justice.

[missbellamere]

I was peaceful scrolling through the male reader tag just to find your annoying bait so I guess I'll have to get back to writing my vi/male oc fic now

ru sure about scrolling… there’s like a max total of 4 real posts under vi x male reader lmfao. what is there to scroll

and my post was the first thing on there 😋

my bait ISNT ANNOYING!!! It’s great writing that beautifully captured vi’s character. i also greatly contributed to the vi x male reader tag (y’all got ratioed HARD ☠️)

srsly speaking, consider your audience. there’s like nobody to feed your mediocre writing to. making an “oc” also limits ur audience cuz ppl want to SELF INSERT, not see an actual character in their place.

also shipping lesbians with male characters is disgusting but I thought that's a given

[missbellamere]

Vi x Male Reader SMUT

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pairing: vi x male reader

tw: writing that's way too amazing and realistic

--

"bro wtf are you a man?" Vi said with a disgusted face.

you nod like the good boy that you are.

"ew bro I'm not into men." Vi said.

but you're desperate, you're an incel, you definitely can't pull anyone and you peaked in elementary when you were the fastest racer. this is your first and possibly only interaction with a woman.

"wait vi don't go!" You plead. "i'll tell riot to bring vander back to life, and not kill him immediately after! please I'll invest in stocks, I'm literally a stereotypical straight man!"

vi looked disgusted but thought about it for a second.

"ok fine." she said. "but you have to wear this blue wig, 4 inch boots, speak with a british accent, and magically become 6'1."

you did those things and she side eyed you HARD.

"never mind. this is so cursed and I'd rather date a mongoose. the actual animal."

vi then left you for caitlyn

a/n: don't need to remind me I'm the most amazing x male reader writer in all of tumblr

seriously... all of the non-satirical vi/caitlyn x male reader writers are SO BAD. it's pretty obvious that I'm not trying here but they actually try... and it's so terrible. the syntax, writing structure, and aesthetics are deplorable. hope yall enjoyed this cuz I thought it'd be funny to shit post

also is it kinda bad that this is my first ever Tumblr post

-from me, bellamere, who is NOT a straight male