miss-little-kitten

[miss-little-kitten]

My sister told me a story about how our gay roommate asked to see my vagina and i was at the OBGYN and I went “sure whatever”.

Forgetting I’m permanently disfigured.

He begged to know if they all looked that scary or if I was extra scary and if my twin had the same scary vagina. anyway his crisis ended when my sister went “these are what they look like. Hers is unfortunate.” He fucked my then fiancé later but like man he was real worried about heterosexual and lesbians for a hot minute.

in most fics i've read robin is grossed out when steve talks about his sex life, which is probably far more in character for her, but hear me out

imagine them discussing literally everything. like having no boundaries whatsoever.

one day robin mentions she's never seen a dick and she's curious what all the fuss is about.

robin: you have one

steve: yeah...?

robin: so show me

steve: ??

steve: sure, why not

when steve pulls down his pants, robin just stares at him with a blank face

robin: that's... it?

steve: what do you mean that's it??

robin: it looks sad

steve: ??? well, it's not hard rn, obviously???

robin: ugh, boring

steve: you want me to show you my hard dick?? is that what's happening rn?

robin: i mean yeah?

steve: your judgemental face is forever burned into my mind. i don't think i'll ever be able to get hard again.

then robin bursts into his room like a week later

robin: steve, you're a slut-

steve: hey!

robin: so you know your way around a vagina, right?? i need you to tell me if i have a rash or not

steve: do you not own a handheld mirror?

robin: i'm freaking out so much, i can't make a sound observation rn

steve: *sigh* alright

turns out robin does indeed have a rash and steve takes her to the doctor

at one point they lose all shame. steve regularly air dries while robin hangs out in his room. robin makes steve do her monthly breast self-exam. they check each other for ticks.

when steve and eddie start dating steve tells robin literally everything. robin knows way too much about eddie and she loves it.

robin comes over for movie night, eddie is already there

robin: how was your day?

steve: we slept in, then eddie fucked me, it was great-

eddie: *chokes*

steve: then we cooked lunch, there are some leftovers in the fridge, go ahead and eat. yours?

eddie: ???

robin: ugh, don't get me started-

eddie: wait wait wait, how did you just say that so casually?

stobin: ???

eddie: that i fucked you??

steve: i tell robin everything. i told you that. you said that's fine.

eddie: i didn't know that included our sex life?

steve: why wouldn't it? ... wait, oh no, are you not okay with that?? i'm sorry, i thought you knew??

eddie: oh no, it's fine! it just surprised me is all. y'all are real freaks, carry on

stobin: okay then

robin freaks out before her first date with a girl

robin: what if my vagina looks weird???

steve: are you planning to fuck her on the first date, buckley? and how many times do i have to tell you your vagina looks absolutely normal??

robin: no, i'm not, but it's still a valid concern!!! what if my vagina looks hideous to girls??

eddie, the silent observer: lol

steve: what are you even talking about... a vagina is a vagina, vagina lovers love all vaginas

robin: stop saying vagina

steve: vagina vagina vagina-

robin tackles him and they end up wrestling until steve yields

steve: okay okay,, as someone who's seen his fair share of coochies

robin: that's even worse

steve: yours looks perfectly fine.

eddie: wait, you've seen it?

stobin, staring at him: ...

eddie: right, dumb question

[miss-little-kitten]

She’s still here. Bits and pieces.

I see her when I see my sister and I’s hand prints on our wall.

I see her with her ballet shoes hung over her door.

I see her with the dance studio my dad placed for me during Covid, now filled with storage but once fills with laughter of girls.

I see her with flower stickers all over.

I see her as I look at a small pink llama flower pot that held my rings.

I see her in the Polaroids with my parents, ng tube and chemo clear.

I see her in bits of my memory. But I’m walking in her grave yard all the same. I am her or was her. I devoured true crime novels that I’ve covered. My bedroom moved to across the hall from my parents despite the fact I am grown. Now the room in which my twin and I would lay in each others bed well into our twenties, not able to imagine one without the other. She can’t look me in the eye now. But that girl lives here yet. Her ghost haunting me. Crowns and sashes and medals and trophies line the wall, pageant robes in every corner. A girl who was so hopeful, she seemed to be happy.

Ghosts aren’t real, but then why do I feel like one? Why do I feel like a lost little girl seeing who she grew up to be? Ballerina trapped in her box. I am safe here. I am home. I wish I could have asked my younger self to write how I am supposed to be. How I am supposed to live. How I am supposed to love. Because right now I’m lost. Begging to play one more board game because they have rules and I understand them because I can read them.

Begging for the rules of my life to come back to me. Begging for the rules who I am to be real. Begging to know more and more because I am lost, I am haunted by her, but in reality I want to be her. She didn’t marry for money, she married for love. She felt love to raw and real. She must have. If she did not I don’t understand why everyone wants her back so badly.

I hope I get to meet the ghost. Become her once more. Love real, laugh wildly, and smile widely. For now I accept that maybe I am haunting her by being in this space while I recover. I think she’s fine with it though. She seems like she was nice.

[miss-little-kitten]

It’s weird to think I’m an actress/model when not writing silly little fan fiction. Like I tell people I’m a writer. My mom thinks I mean from when I published articles. My dad thinks it’s because I like messing with people. My husband knows it’s because of fan fiction. Like at fashion week my priority was my favorite fanfic at the time updating

[miss-little-kitten]

From all the consequences the 9/11 had in this world, the ending of The Umbrella Academy is by far the worst possible.

[miss-little-kitten]

[miss-little-kitten]

me every night after i tell myself i'll go to bed early this time

[miss-little-kitten]

Hey H, if you’re able to read this from your death, you would have loved season 2 Steve Harrington. Maybe we would have watched the show sooner. Maybe you’d love it so much you would have played one more game of dnd. You would have shown me season one in our pajamas and scream laugh at scenes. We would have played one more game. We’d have watched one more episode. Death is weird, but he talked about the show before it came out so much. He was so excited to see it. He died two days before the premiere. So now I get to sit here: dice, trading cards, cosplay, and more and hope he would have liked it as much as I do now.

7 years ago, Stranger Things 2 premiered on Netflix… and we got THIS Steve Harrington

[miss-little-kitten]

We’ll have to do dinner Thursday night instead.

[miss-little-kitten]

I’ve been reading one direction fan fiction because 27 year old me didn’t hear that news 13 year old me did. 18 year old me who sang their songs after chemo did. 21 year old me who fell into a depression and listened to them did. Yeah he wasn’t perfect, but that little girl needs to mourn. She needs to heal

[miss-little-kitten]

Me: I LOVE THIS SONG

My husband, trying to smile behind the pain: I’m so glad you remembered the clash.

Me: why do you look in pain?

Him: glad you remembered this one very specific detail about yourself. But it’s CIA torture to listen to this with you. You listened to it for an hour straight one day.

Me: is this like the tv show you had on when I woke up?

Him: yeah don’t care for that show much, you love it so we played it over and over hoping you’d wake up.

Me: sorry about the memory loss

Him: no, no. I’m glad you’re curled up reading fan fiction again, and comics. I’m glad you speak English again, I’m glad you’ll be you again one day.

Me: so I can’t play this song on repeat?

Him: please for the love of god torture your family with this song not me.

[miss-little-kitten]

THE GREAT LORD COULD NOT PUT INTO WORDS HOW BAD I WANTED TO HOLD BILLY DURING THAT SAUNA SCENE.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MIND FLAYER. HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS.

[miss-little-kitten]

Billy:

Steve: . . .

[miss-little-kitten]

“We hope this email finds you well” babe, the only emails I hope find me well are the ones from Archive of Our Own

[miss-little-kitten]

Girlhood isn’t talked about a lot in Stranger Things and I think that’s a damned shame. Being silly? Like so so silly? Girlhood.

Like giggling and switching ice cream come? Girlhood.

This is my personal favorite photo of el. You know when you’re giggling on the phone with your boyfriend or girlfriend? That’s also girlhood. How she falls back laughing that Hopper looked like a tomato.

Anyway.

[miss-little-kitten]

Eddie: Look at how cute they are. We need a kitten

Steve: No I already have a feral rat at home we do not need any animals

Eddie: wait how did you know about the rat?! I’ve been so sneaky about it

Steve: I meant you

Steve: Wait what fucking rat?

[miss-little-kitten]

I’m at that weird point in the relationship where I call my husband daddy because that’s what our girls call him.

“Daddy can you call my phone?”

“Daddy I’m headed to the gym.”

“Daddy…..” you get the point and it’s weird

[miss-little-kitten]

At this point Steve doesn’t know Vickie broke up with her bf. he’s just proud of Robin being a homewrecker