misnightsnailstory

[misnightsnailstory]

Smudge is a tabby cat

He is as thick as a burrito

His professional job you'd think would be purrito

but it is actually middle mangement

He is a sweet boy who loves adventures.

He walks through the woods having parties and fun with his friends.

They have picnics on toad stools

They gallop and play hop scotch with flower crowns

He is very talkative but his friends love him

[misnightsnailstory]

I enjoy my life. This little life. I have the boy, the house, and soon the job. Everything is wonderful.

But somewhere, in some time in space there is a realty where there is a girl who has long hair, probably dyed brown. And she packed up a few belongings and got in her and just drove until she found her new town. The moon is note quite full and the stars are bright and she has no clue where she is heading, but she knew she had to leave before she settled down roots. And she found an exciting city. A big city. And she probably won't stay here forever. It's not as big as new york, or even Chigaco, but something big enough for her to diseapear and make her mark. She walks into a dive bar and has a drink. Chatting up some locals and finding the vibe. She likes this little place. She plays it smart. She finds a job and soon a place to stay. Just a small shitty little apartment. But it is her shitty apartment alone.

Sometimes I wish I had that moment.

She is care free and finds adventure.

She just says Yes and goes out.

Casually kisses but only teases more. She can't be tied down. She has dreams to fullfill and places to see. She follows her passion for fashion and becomes a designer. She follows her passion for science and writing and publishes those books and she becomes a docotor and is living her best life. Where would she be if not for love?

[misnightsnailstory]

As sweet as nectar

as beautiful as a fresh spring flower

girlhood is spinning carelessly in dresses, long hair flowing in the wind

The sun on her cheeks and her cares are tossed away as she spins

sticky as blood

as painful as a sharp knife

girlhood is gasping for breath on her bedroom floor as another medicore man has ......

how are we still focused on being beautiful as we cry

how are we to preform and to be perfect as we both spin and die in the same time

To be careless and carefree

to be careful and cautious

a beauty and a bitch

girlhood is growing claws and snarling

girlhood is beauty and tea parties and kisses shared with friends

girlhood is a warzone

a tragic and a beautiful wonder

to master being sweet as nectar

to find beauty in blood and the ache in the bliss

to harness the pain and be a beauty

and a bitch

[misnightsnailstory]

Dresm: there was this blond boy who was chasing this person down the street and they fell in a manhole and died. (The scene was them running and then a dramatic fall to rock music a dark comedy esq) and then he was chasing another person and they accidentally died as well. He was after them for robbery but now he had a taste for murder. He was in a gang called The Rebels. An older blond guy told him he was stupid and the rebels weren't about murder. But he was keeping his secret and protecting anyone in the group. I knew the secrets and got in a uber which the older guy was driving. I knew who he was but he didn't know I knew and i was freakin out in the back of the car

[misnightsnailstory]

I get a new apartment and a murder happens in the background nextdoor involved with a cult

A cop who wants to do well but the whole town is controlled by mob lords and the town is slaves to their doing

You must manage juiced up and waffle house, the town has secrets, the manager was a old man who played Santa until he served years for kidnaping a seven yr old boy. He surprisingly becomes your best ally in this.

[misnightsnailstory]

At twenty two is this what you wanted to do?

You've accomplished so much, the fruit is yours to pick

[misnightsnailstory]

I think a biglesson in life is to accept and be happy with what you have, i may never see him again, stand in that hallway again, sleep in that room the same way again. But i will forever have that moment in my heart. And thats enough. Thats what matters. I appreciate everyone who was there, including who i was. And another lesson, ive changed, ive grown, i don't have to stick to the same dream just because i spent alot of time working towards it. I shouldn't let a decision i made at 14 years old dictate my life when everything else about that girl has changed. My perspective on love has changed, my family views have changed, my work has changed, my school, my city, my friends, my hair, my body, all i am and has viewed is changed. So why should i stick by this same view. If I'm happy, I'm okay.

[misnightsnailstory]

Highschool was a nightmare, but i felt solid in who i am. 21 years old and im lost and beaten and brain dead. Im weak. I dont wanna study that hard anymore. She studied and studied and becamw a wonderful psychiatrist. She helped those in need, spoke to those around her, she made her own time, she did nonprofit work, wrote books, acomplished her dreams

[misnightsnailstory]

I've never loved someone so much. I love him more than most people in my life. And I can't have him in it without destroying each other. Its tragic. That the greatest act of love is letting someone go. I will always love him so fucking much. More than myself. More than life he is my world in the brighest of ways. But he loves me too much to be just a friend and we love too little to be lovers. We've always lived in the middle of that line. Our love lives too close to the sun and we always find ourselves burned and crashing. But baby I gotta move on for me. I have to find the love my heart desires thats filled with laughs and flowers and passion with little kisses. Not ours where once you leave between my tighs we both feel a little hollow inside and I'm sneaking down the steps at 4 am. I love you but we deserve a love thats more than a love that kingsman hold to the highest of jealousy. I want to find a love that will allow my heart to rest. I wish that for you as well. But we can not find another when we keep wrapping up inside each other. But darling I want you to know, I will always love you.

[misnightsnailstory]

We sat in the coffee shop and her purple tinted glasses slid down her nose. She looked me in the eyes and said "you look like an innocent flower, but you're kinda freaky aren't ya?" And i didn't really know what to say so i shrugged. "Well you're wearing a choker with a moon, so you like being choked and prolly have daddy issues. Moon you're a bit of a hippi. Seen it before" 'thats alot to pick up from a necklace' i mean its true but damn. "Have you ever had your ass ate?" She sipped the coffee. I regret buying it now. "I did an art project with a dummer before, prettyy goood" she winked. I half smiled. Oh man my roomie needs me sorry to end yhis date early!' She tries to keep the apathetic facade. I know she thinks shes cool. I did a little. But i dont think my live resides in the cigarette ash at the bottom of a nivarna album. I walked out hurridly and into the main street of 5 points. I really love girls. I just wish i wasn't too gay function.

[misnightsnailstory]

And finally the caged bird began to sing the song of freedom

[misnightsnailstory]

She left it all behind. She used to dream it was her pacming a bag in the night and walking away through the window. Then it became her sneaking into the car at 4 am and driving away until she 6 states away in a tiny town working as a waitress and living small but living on her own. That was the plan. The escape route and all. She had a playlist. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. However here she is 20 years old amd see the fresh start that lays ahead. Leaving behind friends shes held onto even whrn it was just her claws that bled from being the only one holding on. She held on so tight and bled so much they saw their marks as merely roses on her hands. Shes letting them go. Her family fucked her 6 ways till sunday with manipulation, gas lighting, lies, and distrust. Shes leaving them behind. She isn't coming back. She doesn't have to. She's going to be free. Shes going to answer to no man or woman shes going blossom into a beautiful beast and she is happy. She can start fresh and new. Nobody has to know. Nobody has to know of her ugly past. Of her trama that seeps into her sleep. Shes safe now residing in her own arms. Shes going to be fine. The sun still shines

[misnightsnailstory]

“she don’t believe in God, but you believe in me”

I never said I don’t beleive in God, I’m sure there is something like him up there, but I will not swear my enteral soul to a man who asks for all of my love and forever and only brings heartache to my life. Either God is not as powerful as we all beleive, or he just doesn’t care that much about us. I feel wrong giving my entire being to someone. To pledge my undying soul. And you feel comfortable being on his team. And I respect that. You gave yourself fully to the faith of someone loving you and you feel safe and protected in his arms and love and you would pledge your enternal soul to his word and see heaven in the after life. I told you I don’t beleive in heaven, that this is as good as it gets, and you said how funny you thought it was that the optimist beleived this is all there is, and the pestimist beleived in a paradise in the here after. But darling I may not beleive in God persay relgiously, but I beleived in you. I felt wrong swearing my love and life to a man in the sky who has given me nothing but ache, but I pledged my entire being to you. You asked me to stay forever and I’ve stayed as long as I can. I gave you my whole heart, trust, and being. I would do anything an everything for you without a second thought. I never had to ask twice that when you brought me pain it was only done with the purest on intentions. I gave you my sanity, my time, my morals. I’ve gotten on my knees for you in every sense of the way. I felt the gospel in your voice when you called me baby, I felt the closest to heaven when your head was between my thighs and oh my god was the only phrase I could gasp out of my breath, I swore my body to you with your hands around my neck and I heard an angle in your words as you whispeared in my ear that I’m all yours. I don’t need to see paradise when I die because as we held eachother at night speaking words we would say in daylight, was the closest my soul has felt to divine confession. My wicked soul prayed for you to find peace and happiness when neither you or i could find it for you. And when you said you only kept me around because you beleived I was good fro you, that you couldn’t love me, and only brought me pain. I still stayed for I was hooked in faith and love and thought I could only feel home in your arms. So i repsect your beleife in god, because I found reglion in our sin and I understand that blind undying love you can hold in something wheter or not it loves or beleives in you back. And darling although our love rumbled like thunder before the pouring of a messing storm, in my stained white dress I bare my sins to the light of the morning dew. And once our sunday mass was over and I walked barefoot across your lawn with my messy hair and make up smeared. I strolled between pews looking for any trace of you, I read words from heart broken poets trying to put together our own version of the bible. Because hell barely holds a match to the fire you ignited in me, and with the juices still stained from your forbidden fruit on my blouse, I understand the temptation Eve felt from the serpent. Our story is the closet to biblical you can become. I felt wrong giving my soul to an invsible man in the sky, but I gave it to you with no questions asked. A hypocrite in Love I may be, so I respect the love for god you hold, and understand it will never be for me.

[misnightsnailstory]

The room felt lighter as she was packing up. The darkness a little brighter. It was early morning by the time she was done. An apartment was awaiting her in a new town and things were falling in place. She made tea and scones for a living and studied in the afternoons. Went on walks in the early morning and grew herbs and flowers on the weekends. She was content. Happy. Life was good. Her troubles were in the past and all seemed well.

[misnightsnailstory]

She walked in the door and immediately reminded me of every love song ive ever sang in the car with sunshine pouring through the windows. She said hello and i forgot about all my troubles for that second. Listening to her made me melt and i forgot how just the day before i was shaking in the car with a cigarette in my hand thinking of him. Thinking of missing him, worrying about him, our fucked up rollercoaster of a relationship for the last two years. All of it vanished when i sae her smile. I could only think of how precious she looked when she smiled. I left and called my friend gushing. Glowing like the moon cause the suns rays touched me for a moment. I glowed all night wanting to see her again. I felt like this only 2 times in my life. It reminded me of mine and his fist date actually. How i left target spinning cancelling all plans to see him again. I saw my future in his smile. I was so wrong but i loved him so much. So very much. I want to tell him so bad about her but i won't cause i don't want to see him broken. Im still so worried about him and it breaks my heart i cant do anything to make him better. Breaking his heart is simply destroying my own. But i want a life of sunshine instead of thunderstorms. Im drowning in his rain and shes sunflowers. It rained all night and im awake among the stars. Hes so important and precious. Please lord take care of his heart and protect him more than i ever could. And thank you. For blessing me with the people you have put in my path. Dont let me fuck this up

[misnightsnailstory]

Im driving down the road. 2 am. I left your apartment about an hour ago but i couldnt go home and i refuse to buy cigarettes but im dying. Or living. I cant tell which change is happening in my bones but i know my belly is full of fire and heart is scorched with scorn. I spent years loving a boy who couldn't love me more than himself. Over a year with the boy of my dreams for us to realise he will never love me. Not for lack of trying. Both were nice boys with good hearts. I know others who've done alot worse. And tonight i felt as if the universe gave me a boy who finally saw gold where others saw glitter. But if that were the case i wouldnt be driving 90 to nothing screaming every lyric to every alternative rock song about broken hearts and dying. I'm not sure where Im headed but i think ill know when i find it. Its tough trying to be an angel while idolizing the demons. I wear my scars like jewlry. I don't know why it bothers me like it does. How a boy wont see my worth as if my worth is dependant on others views. Its not. But its frusting they can't see in me what i see in them. How they put the stars in my sky. They know it's they but he cant help how he feels and i cant be angry about that but i am. This boy just met me and im already picking little indoscensrices of his like im searching for waldo in a fault book. My guard has never been higher. I wanted to be hurt before. I wanted to be free from his love. Now im just wishing for a good fuck or someone to give one. Im tired. And im driving. Until i cant even recongize this girl in the mirror any longer.