mirepoint-blog

[mirepoint-blog]

Mahmoud Darwish, from Almond Blossoms and Beyond; “I Sit At Home,”

[mirepoint-blog]

Mixed feelings

I have almost finished my first semester of uni and it feels really weird? On one hand I am proud of making it this far, it was a whole other mission getting to this point. On the other grappling with the responsibilities required of me has been a type of frustration I was never warned about. 

In university I joined clubs that made me feel connected to other people through shared interests.

Here, I cried in public for the first time because I felt overwhelmed.

Had to think about what I do with my money, juggling grades and learning about a whole new country. That is the weird thing for me. I am used to moving around and I even love it. I am happy I moved for uni because I wanted an adventure and I am getting one. But I have to be honest that even as a nineteen-turning-twenty-in-a-few-months year old, there are a lot of things that are just so new.

I don’t really know why I am writing about this. Other than that I have been thinking for a while. And then thinking some more. And I have written this post so many different times and not posted it. On different platforms too. Am I eloquent enough? Will other uni students relate? This and that trying to figure out what image I am trying to create. However I finally realised that I am so attached to writing this post despite my inability to make it riveting because I just want to say it out loud. With all my goals, dreams and work. With all my clubs/societies and adventurous traveling. University is really f@*&%#! hard. And as I think back to both the most rewarding and the most soul crushing moments of this semester I am unable to say I feel like ABC. 

All I can say is that this is not an easy time or a walk in the park because it is characterised by the sheer amount of change in my life and in what someone my age does. 

 Idk guys idk. Reflection is an odd thing isn’t it? And now I am looking at the hashtags I used and wondering if I sound just a touch pretentious talking about how I am thinking asdfgh I swear I really am just sitting and thinking things guys. I swear. Guys? You guys?