mintgreenkitkat - Tumblr blog

[mintgreenkitkat]

i see people keep saying what will you think your close ones will feel when they know..

little do they know it probably is for the betterment of them and to prevent them from further harm the suicidal person is considering suicide.

a life of mine would definitely... ease their financial burden

[mintgreenkitkat]

i am a 24 year old dude cried and weeped when it came to the s word.

[mintgreenkitkat]

I am being robbed

I don’t know how he entered, But I know he exists in my house.

he is robbing me slowly and it is not my job to get to know this robber or how he came. But he is stealing from me.

he has been stealing from me and I want him gone.

I have  been noticing the symptoms and my suspicions are being proven.

I want him gone. I don’t wanna be robbed anymore.

There is no cops. there are private security consultants. It is also a shame to let neighbours  know i let the robber in the first place. How could I do this to the neighborhood? bring shame and unrest and not be a functioning societal team player.

I was robbed of my teens I was robbed of my young adult life now i am being robbed of my future for failing to establish a foundation in my mid-adult life.

I don’t want to point fingers -yet - it  is undiagonised ADHD, lead to depression, laziness, bi-polar mood swings, suicidal ideation.

I see no escape...But there is one that makes me cringe to even think about.

Scratching, shivering, rubbing my palms so hard together... just want to disappera.

please get this robber. I feel so robbed. I am robbed.

[mintgreenkitkat]

WHY i browse social media and sleep is because I am afraid to face the monster I have become and failing to be the good person I promised to be.

[mintgreenkitkat]

I hate myself

[mintgreenkitkat]

[mintgreenkitkat]

[mintgreenkitkat]

Old Steam Locomotive in the Woods

© Y. Borschev

[mintgreenkitkat]

No

california la

wis

colorado

newfoundland

toronto

finland

montreal

italy

sydney 3

malaysia 3

philipines

florida

czech

bulgaria

stockholm 

[mintgreenkitkat]

gym

masters

spouse

hangout with friends

bday party

car rides

friends valuing you 

job

respect

ability to buy gifts

ability to talk to a therapist

[mintgreenkitkat]

I ccan’t think straight for a minute without having a no0se appear in my visuals. 

that’s when i stopped thinking..

but man’s gotta think,, and no0se comes closer. It is a burning candle- candle isn’t burning, the fumes are toxic, 

[mintgreenkitkat]

you guys are doing everything i thought I’d do

it aint evil eye.

i am a loserrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[mintgreenkitkat]

I don’t like the things I am feeling right now

I don’t like this feeling.

i AM FEEling things I am sure I can’t comprehend

[mintgreenkitkat]

Cabin Offshore Vibes Finland

© Toni Töyräs

[mintgreenkitkat]

Mercedes 300SL Gullwing

© A. Penfold

[mintgreenkitkat]

Aw man how did you take these. So pretty aw

Dolomites italy

© A. Jayashankar

[mintgreenkitkat]

When people stop texting me back

I realize I am the problem. And I am actively trying to stop myself being melodramatic about making this statement.

But it has happened again and a week since I am dealing with loss of yet another friend. 

IT doesn’t help with my trust issue, when I give 120% to a friendship relationship with the hope of at least getting a 50, but then when i started getting 120 back if not at least 100 and then poof the person is gone. 

makes me go back over and over again in my head all i did and how could i have tweaked tiny details in my words to ‘seemingly make things better’ for communication and present myself more presentable way.

it doesn’t help my mental state. 

as a defense mechanism i have taken onto ‘heavy scrolling’ again. endless scroll scroll scroll onto twitter reddit and unspeakable sites. 

no not even movie or tv shows. just quick burst of mindless distraction to feel part of someone’s conversation.