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Weather, by Keegan-Michael Key.

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OH MY GOD

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happy new year! may it be a prosperous one (whatever that means to you) 

xo liz

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y’all need to know what happened in the spanish masterchef last night

okay so we’ve got sweet little laura here

laura is 8 years old. even though she’d been constantly ignored and undervalued by some of the other contestants because of her age, she was definitely one of the best. everyone thought she’d definitely get to the final.

last night was the semifinal.

she wasn’t doing too badly until the last test, which was so hard that it had only ever been done in the grown-up masterchef. the contestants had to follow the instructions of a professional chef who cooked at the same time they did. it was not a test in which you could afford to waste time or get distracted.

and laura, poor, sweet, tiny laurita, whose pots and pans were almost as big as she was, got burnt.

she tried so, so hard to carry on with the test. she knew that having the burn treated would take up too much valuable time, so she kept cooking. but she couldn’t. the burn was bad, she was fighting back tears, and even the judges were starting to get worried. she had to go.

at this point, spain began to cry.

everyone thought it was game over for her. she’d be too far behind when she came back. there was no way she’d be able to make up for lost time.

BUT THEN

SWEET CINNAMON ROLL LUKAS SWOOPED IN AND COOKED IN HER PLACE AND TOOK CARE OF HER DISH AND INGREDIENTS WHILE HE WAS COOKING HIS OWN THING

THIS WAS THE SEMIFINAL AND HE WAS PUTTING HIS PLACE IN THE FINAL AT RISK SO HE COULD HELP HIS FRIEND

HERE YOU CAN PRACTICALLY SEE THE JUDGES AND THE CHEF ASKING THEMSELVES IF THIS IS REAL LIFE

SPAIN WAS BAWLING

and then laurita came back with a heavily bandaged hand. she tried to continue, but it was too much for her since she was basically cooking with one hand.

AND LUKAS KEPT HELPING HER

in the end, laura had to leave for good. she just couldn’t cook. she tried, though, and she was asked if she wanted to leave twice before she said yes.

and so our princess left.

thankfully, at least something good happened. lukas made it to the final, and most of spain is rooting for him.

these kids are angels, guys, and i’m crying. i’m crying so much.

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“My heart… is broken,” he declares, slowly turning away.

“I can fix it,” she answers solemnly.  But she can’t.  She dropped out of medical school the day before they learned how to fix hearts.

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imagine a parks and recreation-style show but set in the ministry of magic

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Eventually they’ll need to reinvent Superman’s alter-ego because nobody reads newspapers anymore

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Happy New Year!