mimiandmeadow - Tumblr blog

[mimiandmeadow]

i wouldn’t have minded sucking dick yesterday if i got fucked afterwards but just getting my ass fingered a little bit and then getting dropped back at my house was some ass. it felt sexy gagging and crying on his dick though i can’t lie

[mimiandmeadow]

i need dick in me

[mimiandmeadow]

my feelings on the entirety of our friendship are very complicated. i brought these up at the time everything happened between she and i, it was not in anyway the right time to bring these things up and i deeply regret it. but my thoughts still stand. i think early on i hated her because of the constant shifting between like adoration and friendliness and just straight up like physical abuse. but i do not stand blameless in anyway as i know that i bullied her emotionally in ways i would never care to admit to another person. it was at times in retaliation and at times solely because i was a cruel person. but anyways. after i moved away she and her home became a safe space for me away from the instability and decay of my life in baltimore, especially after the day she spent comforting me after my acid trip which made the symptoms of what i now know to be OCD almost life ending. she was the single strongest most compassionate and FUNNIEST person i knew. and i wanted to spend every moment i could with her. at this time i had mild feelings about her being attractive to me but i had no idea that she had developed real feelings for me and that it was tearing her up inside and it makes me want to kill myself everytime i think about this girl opening her heart to me and pining for years only for me to carelessly ignore everything she was feeling because i only saw her as an outlet for sex. i dont like who i was then at all and im sickened to think i could treat someone i loved so poorly. back to the timeline. idk over the years after my acid trip i found myself growing apart from her, building animosity for things she did to me when we were kids, building animosity for her cattiness about my transition and because of aspects of transness i was scared to see reflected in myself. i cant do anything now but i wish i was more supportive of her. i was really cruel i was so incredibly cruel and i cant understand what the fuck was wrong with me. well i do im just very dissatisfied with it. i was bitter towards everyone and my transition instead of being a lens thru which i better myself as a person became a tool of pure ego meant to like "prove the haters wrong" but all of the haters were just people who loved me deeply and cared for me and i was bitter with them because i was bitter with myself. i fucking hated myself so much. "england is mine and it owes me a living. but ask me why and ill spit in your eye!"

[mimiandmeadow]

id like to verbalize my feelings about her. im filled with intense remorse and guilt and shame and disgust towards myself about everything that happened with her. i pray for a day forever from now where both of us have healed and can talk again and i can tell her im sorry and i really mean it. i really really mean it. i meant it before. but i didnt have the faculties to let everything set in and i lived in denial and self destruction for months afterwards because of that and i ended up channeling every emotion i didnt let myself feel into one big explosion at her in some misguided attempt to do right, still violating her privacy and making her deeply uncomfortable. im okay now. i still cant reach out to him i dont think. its not the right time. i shouldnt have looked at his account because seeing her made my heart sink so low for a second. but 5 months ago that wouldve made me go into a spiral and start trying to look at her pages again. im past those compulsions and i want her to be okay and the only way for her to be okay is if i stay away from her. i dont like the intrusive thoughts coming into my mind telling me to reach out to her but all they are are intrusive thoughts. its not what i want. i want her to be okay. i want her to be okay and someday maybe she'll feel okay enough that she and i could talk again.

[mimiandmeadow]

i think im ruminating too much

[mimiandmeadow]

CUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mimiandmeadow]

cumming is so embarrassing

[mimiandmeadow]

why am i so fucking horny im so rarted

[mimiandmeadow]

my tits r feeling bigger lately its cool. can someone suck on em ???????????????????????????????????

[mimiandmeadow]

im thinking about penis for reasons i cant reveal to you

[mimiandmeadow]

COCK

[mimiandmeadow]

creampie plss

[mimiandmeadow]

i love girls idgaf

[mimiandmeadow]

oh my god im so annoyed

[mimiandmeadow]

someone needs to come over and kill me as soon as possible

[mimiandmeadow]

Cody & a friend

[mimiandmeadow]