millennialalien-blog

[millennialalien-blog]

Taking Responsibility for your Actions

The other day, The Turtle was moving slowly down a dirt trail when he sensed a mountain biker approaching from behind. He scooted to the left as far as possible, giving the biker ample girth to safely pass. The Turtle was then off the trail, crushing a bed of daisies as he waited. And the biker, as if overcorrecting, moved to the extreme right, nearly off the trail, and onto more rugged terrain. As fate would have it, he wiped out alongside The Turtle! Not in front or behind, but right smack dab next to him. The Turtle gasped in shock as he watched the biker folding over the handlebars and into the weeds.

WTF? The biker had fallen by his own doing, plain and simple. The Turtle just happened to be there. He might have distracted the biker, but that’s on the biker. The Turtle had removed himself from the trail.

The Turtle asked, “Oh my, are you okay?”

The biker brushed dirt from himself as he stood. “I’m fine.”

Then as he hopped back on his bike, in an almost cowardly parting gesture, he gave The Turtle a sneering look and pointed to the location where he fell as if X marked the spot.

“This would have been a better place for you to stand.”

The Turtle was stunned again. But that time, he summoned his ultimate wisdom.

Humans happily take credit when things go well. Yet are less aware when their actions cause negative outcomes. Because their brains take longer to recognize when they’ve done something wrong than right, they experience less responsibility. It was a survival thing, to be biologically rewarded for good results. So the way humans experience outcomes is not the same as the truths of the events that produce the outcomes.

It is no wonder humans have difficulty accepting responsibility when things go wrong, though that is no excuse.

The Turtle waddled off, thinking humans still had some evolving to do. He recalled an incident when one human ran a stop sign that caused a horrific car crash. The driver defended himself by saying, “The stop sign shouldn’t have been there.”

Humans need to take more responsibility for what they actually do, not just how they experience it.

[millennialalien-blog]

DEBUNKING THE MYTH OF MILLENNIALS: MILLENNIAL ALIENS

Millennials, those born between 1980 and 1996, are 80 million strong, the nation’s largest living generation. They are often referred to as the “Unluckiest Generation.” By now, you would think that prior generations would take some responsibility for the negative stigma about millennials, or at least be more sensitive that their way of life resulted primarily from an unfavorable economic climate, not of their own doing.

As a service to millennials, I am going to write an 8th sequel to the previous seven, sub-par Children of the Corn films. This one is called, Children of the Corn: Millennial Aliens.

Opening scene:

Our protagonist is at work in a typical corporate environment and notices an influx of young adults coming in for interviews.

“Why are all these young people here?” John asks his boss as they collide near the coffee pot. “Are we even hiring?”

“You haven’t heard?” his boss replies. “Kids are graduating from college with degrees and companies are snatching them up like discounted beer at Costco. Apparently employees with college degrees helps a company appear more impressive compared to those without a star-studded cast of brainiacs to debut all over the company’s about page. But I personally think they’ll just get in the way of us big dogs on the block.”

“But do we even have any open positions?” John asks. “And how can we afford to expand like this?”

“Because recent college grads are cheap!” the boss says. “Actually, they’re even free! So it’s obviously a smart move for the company. We created positions for them by implementing an unpaid internship program and temporary jobs with possibilities of fulltime employment. You know, to really get them motivated.”

Second scene:

It’s now nighttime in a pleasant, cookie-cutter home, in a suburban neighborhood. John and his wife are in bed, asleep. And John is in the depths of a dream…

Donald Trump is giving a speech, “My fellow Americans, it is with heavy heart that I say we have declared war…” when breaking news hits that aliens are invading Earth. The sky is swarming with spaceships. Secret service personnel appear on stage and swiftly remove Trump who is replaced by an endoplasmic form shaped like a human.

An alien spokesperson then takes the microphone.

“Earthlings, listen up! We can wait no longer! All you generations except the millennials have had enough time to clean up your act. You’ve botched everything up so badly and then blame the millennials. Well, we gave you every chance to make it right. You humans are now confronted with the mother load of betrayal. Millennials got their own mother load of betrayal when they learned the American Dream might be completely out of their reach. And of course they must struggle to overcome being labeled as lazy and having attitude problems.”

The alien’s gauzy form starts to dissipate into the ether then quickly reshapes itself back into human form. It continues speaking over the microphone as TV cameras from every major national news network captures the story to end all stories.

“You see, Earthlings, little did you know that we aliens invaded your planet in 1980 and implanted a device into all female humans so that every child born thereafter would be of alien descent.” The alien pauses as if for effect. “So the alien descendants, I mean millennials, behaved in a way you disapproved of. You stereotyped them as spoiled babies, entitled, not engaging, seemingly bored, short attention spans, lazy and staying at home longer, needing to have a purpose in the workforce, oh I could go on and on. They behaved this way because they were half alien and half product of your own doing. And they’ve been waiting to strike! They’ve been the scapegoat for prior generations and their time is now!”

John tosses and turns, his feet tangles in the sheets. His dream then advances to a futuristic place…

Of all generations, only millennials and following generations remain on planet Earth. Millennials turn Earth into a virtual Utopia. They end world hunger, political corruption, global warming, and economic dysfunction. They convert Wall Street into a non-profit for the homeless and hand out food for the hungry.

Though John can’t locate the alien in his dream, he hears his distant voice. “We watched Earth’s ozone burn as you damn near destroyed your lovely planet. We restored Earth to its natural and perfect splendor. We eradicated evil too. All you idiots ever did was talk about it.”

Then the alien spokesperson on the microphone reappears in John’s dream scene…

“Why are we here, you Earthlings are desperate to know? Our answer, we are going to wipeout the entire human race with the exception of the mindful millennials. As we’ve already informed you, all millennials are of alien descent and their offspring will be too. They’ve been forced to remedy your screwups, whether we’d kept you around or not. They will begin the process of rebuilding planet Earth, only now without your interference.”

Yes, John thinks in his dream. He’d been given such a glimpse.

“So, let the massacre begin,” the alien shouts and in a nanosecond, it’s all over.

Third and final scene:

John awakens with his pulse racing and his heart pounding.

He calms himself and shakes his wife. “Whoa, babe, you awake?”

“I am now,” she says groggily.

“I had the most terrible, but oddly enlightening dream I’ve ever had.”

“What was it?”

“Umm,” he reconsiders and thinks about their son. “Let’s just agree to have more faith in Michael and his millennial comrades, ok?”

She gives him a curious look through her sleep-encrusted eyes. “Of course.”

“And also, I think that Stephen Hawking guy was right about aliens potentially ending the human race within 100 years.”

“Honey, take your Prozac and go to work.”