mill3rrrd

[mill3rrrd]

When Reiner calls bertholdt unreliable it makes me so mad bc Reiner constantly needs to be saved by him??

• Both times at the castle with the 3 meter titans

• after their reveal when Bertholdt had to fall off the wall

• when Reiner was decapitated and made bertholdt deviate from the plan to save him (fucking it up)

• the last episode where bertholdt is literally DEAD and still has to save him 😭

Reiner when I catch you Reiner.

[mill3rrrd]

Them

[mill3rrrd]

DEAR DIARY b hoover

“these bitch boys come too neeky, lying on a bitch that they can’t even have..” – ceechynaa

cw. reader has diagnosed anger issues (not really talked about too much but implied), slight violence and injury description, bertie has a big fat crush on reiner

wc. 4.1k

synopsis. you and bertholdt get off on the wrong foot, maybe you misinterpreted his gaze. to your friends’ dismay, you made yet another foe.

chapter two. forced proximity

dear diary,

ymir’s been pushing a friendship between me and bertholdt. i finally got introduced to him, but i don’t like him. he has this weird look in his eye. i know i said he likes me, but now i think its deeper than that. like obsession. it’s actually scary, the way he looks at me. i don’t mean to sound snobby, but it’s easy to tell when a guy likes you. they ogle you, they’re always making sure they’re within distance of you at all times.

i got a good look at him like i said i would. i can acknowledge good looks, he’s actually one of the better looking few. a tall glass of water, as one might say. he is, infact, VERY tall. bertholdt clearly works out. but he lacks confidence. that’s why nobody sees him.. or maybe just me, but anyone could tell he’s somewhat insecure. the sadness surrounding him says it all. and he’s a sloucher.

i think ymir wants us to ‘get together’ more than ‘be friends’ because of what she said to me two days ago. ‘i think bertholdt’s taken a liking to you.’ well i haven’t. he’s sort of weird. and again, he’s reiner’s one hand man.

you sighed, checking the time on your phone. 07:48.. historia and ymir would be here soon to pick you up, which explained the shorter-than-usual diary entry. you put your diary back in its usual spot and stood up to collect your bag. you weren’t really hungry for breakfast this particular morning, so you sat in your room until mr reiss pulled up in the front of your mom’s driveway.

you could hear the rain beating down on your window, you weren’t even sure your tights could stay somewhat dry from the time you left your house and got to the car. voices came from beyond your open door which meant your brother and mom were heading downstairs. you decided to follow them, smoothing down your jumper and ignoring the blazer hung up on your desk chair. you prayed that you didn’t run into principal kruger..

a car pulled up and the horn honked, you knew it was your friends, so you shouted to your family that you were leaving and swung your coat onto your arms. grabbing your bag by the small hook at the top, you opened the door and made a beeline for the car.

the interior was warm, seats heated and all. you shivered as you greeted your friends and started up conversation like the usual.

screaming, historia grabbed your’s and ymir’s hands. the three of you ran, people who were stupid enough to stay outside giving you all looks of disapproval. as usual, reiner’s group was on the steps—or under the canopy for cover from the rain—it seemed as though they were watching you three, waiting, even. unfortunately, there was no sign of annie or pieck which meant they were probably inside already or just hadn’t told you that they were staying home.

water splashed up at your ankles, soaking your tights and shoes. that would definitely be something you would all complain about later. you could feel and hear the rain hitting your coat, muffled paps! acting like a surround sound in your hood. ymir laughed, holding historia’s hand closer to her body while your hand left hers.

the three of you got to the steps, historia taking one quick step at a time whereas you and ymir skipped a few at a time. the slab of concrete you stepped on was, clearly, really wet. wet enough for you to slip backwards. a minimal shriek left your lips, eyes widening in shock. from the corner of your eye, you could see your friends lurch forward until they looked up–behind you.

a really, really big hand and pressed itself against the small of your back, preventing your fall. you could feel their hand curl around your waist as they prepped you upright. your hood slipped down, exposing your head to the onslaught of april showers and exposing your identity to the person who saved you.

“easy now..” he murmured, “you really shouldn’t run in such weather.” that sad and bored voice. bertholdt. you turned around, seeing him barely leaning over the railing that split the stairs and his arm extended to where his hand supported you.

“what the hell..” you didn’t intend to have such malice and snob take over the tone of your voice, but it just happened. you didn’t even notice he was there! you didn’t see him at all, just where does he come from.. and his hand was lingering. you were stood up and safe, he could let you go.

you could tell bertholdt caught onto your tone because his hand quickly returned to his side and his eyes examined you. his body straightened, rain droplets littering his blazer far quicker than they hit your coat. where even was his coat? it looked like his head touched the sky.

a twitch began in bertholdt’s upper lip which barely made a scene on his face. but you saw it. you sort of felt bad for the audacity you had to think how rude..

was i really that entitled? worry was seeping into your throat.

but if it really bothered him, bertholdt wouldn’t let you hear it, “a good ‘thank you’ would work too..” a flat, tired tone. you hummed, eyes swirling with distaste, “yeah, some other time..” he was one of reiner’s friends.

ymir and historia watched the scene from their spots on the two steps ahead of you, silently giving each other a know-it-all look: eyebrows raised, eyelids low, and a smirk adorning their lips.

a scoff came the group of boys receiving cover from the rain. everyone’s eyes turned to reiner, who pushed himself to the front, clearly not impressed by the scene he just witnessed.

“i wish you’d let her fall,” reiner frowned, looking bertholdt in the eye. you rolled your own, returning to historia’s side. with a cough, you murmured, “i wish your mom didn’t hoe around..” referring to the fact reiner was an affair baby.

“speak louder, y/n, we all know you have a big mouth so use it!” reiner’s tone almost sent you rigid, almost. with a smile, you turned to his burly figure, “you heard me..”

bertholdt returned to reiner’s side, like a dog, eyes looking through you, “i don’t think you’re one to talk about being a hoe..” boystrous laughter erupted amongst reiner’s friends. one of them even had the nerve to say good one, bertholdt.

“i’m sorry? i don’t even know who you are and according to ymir, i’ve gone to school alongside you since the first grade so maybe you need to learn something from me and get. it. up.” your lips popped, expanding your word’s influence. their laughter ceased and bertholdt’s cheeks warmed.

“and maybe, if you quit dick riding big brother, you’ll feel better about yourself,” you snickered, bringing up reiner’s nickname. ymir and historia giggled as you walked with them to the entrance but as you passed, bertholdt had whispered something he’d wish he hadn’t said.

“shut up, bitch..” bitch? like a dog? reiner had called you that once, he ended up with a bust lip from just a slap. squatting down, you picked up a piece of stray slate and looked at it in your palm.

“did i hear that right?” you whispered, your question directed at your friends. ymir chuckled, though it was clear she was more unsettled and historia frowned, “y/n, don’t do it..”

like a switch, your shocked expression turned into an angry one and you turned around, launching the piece of slate towards bertholdt’s face. a chorus of ‘oo’s sounded amongst the boys aswell as the sound of rock meeting rock. the tallest boy pulled his hand back from his face, staring at the few dots of blood on his hand. a gash went from his left nostril to just under his left eye.

“next time, i’ll shove my house keys in your eye!” your friends guided you inside, ignoring the eyes of any witnesses. with a small chuckle, bertholdt stared at your retreating figure, “have you got issues or something?” at this point, he was trying to protect whatever masculinity he had left.

he was thankful that ymir and historia had convinced you to leave his second comment alone.

bertholdt noticed how you always found the nerve in someone to strike. he, himself, was too angry to even feel the pain of the gash on his face, stop dick riding reiner? did she know? replacing the pain in bertholdt’s face, a sickness swirled in his abdomen. what if he did feel better if he just gave up on pursuing reiner?

she deserved it, she has no manners, i helped her and she couldn’t even thank me..

reiner broke his friend out of his silence, patting him on the shoulder, “thanks, man, always at my defence!” the praise made happiness replace that sickness. reiner was proud and maybe bertholdt could pursue him for just a while longer.

“ah, it’s no worry..” bertholdt rubbed the back of his neck, ignoring how the rain was washing the blood down his face and creating a pool in his philtrum. the blonde removed his hand, gesturing to the cut, “you might wanna get that checked, though, the rock looked dirty..”

with a slow nod, bertholdt’s eyes flickered all over reiner’s face, “yeah, i will.”

after reiner stepped away, his friends crowded him to congratulate him on ‘taking it like a champ’ or to show genuine care about his injury. what was common, however, was that they all prided him in ‘resisting the temptation of the slut.’

you and your girls reunited at your usual table at break. your sour mood shifted when you had all sat down with your food, finally getting a chance to rant about it.

“i actually hate bertholdt,” you grumbled, resting your cheek on your fist, “he’s made it onto the same list as reiner.”

ymir sighed and took a bite of her sandwhich, “here we go..” pieck and annie shared looks of confusion before the black haired girl decided to ask, “what happened?”

“i am so glad you asked!” for the next five minutes, you explained how bertholdt caught you, reiner got pissy about it and suddenly he switched up and started belittling you. you spent an extra amount of time talking about how bertholdt called you a bitch.

with a gasp, pieck set down her drink, “bertholdt hoover? he called you a bitch? like ‘super quiet, minds his business, wouldn’t hurt a fly’ bertholdt hoover?” you nodded, confirming pieck’s questions. annie chuckled, “it’s always the quiet ones who really have a lot to say, even if they don’t say it, y’know?”

“don’t leave out how you said to him ‘what the hell?’ and gave him the most grossed out look ever when he caught you..” historia chided, though humour was evident in her voice. with a sigh, you nodded, “i guess i did do that, but i felt bad about it, i still would if he didn’t call me a bitch..”

“how about we act out the whole scene, hisu?” ymir suggested, cheek evident in her voice. historia agreed. the two stood up, ymir acting as bertholdt and historia acting as you. historia fell backwards and ymir put her hand on her back, “oh y/n, take it easy, what if you fell?” she made a goo-goo voice, pouting at historia who acted faint, a hand over her forehead.

“bertholdt, please let go, if you hold on any longer, i’ll fall in love!” the two broke out of character, laughing, though ymir was significantly louder than historia which caught a few people’s ears.

“har, har,” you dropped sarcastically, “that’s definitely how it went..” the girls sat back down. ymir leaned forward, her right forearm resting on the table, “oh, it is how it went.”

“i think if you had actually acknowledged him instead of not acknowledging him, you two would be cute,” historia shrugged, picking at her chicken salad, “it’s ashame you two got off on the wrong foot, he usually is quite nice.”

“wait.. have you all spoken to him?” everyone on your table said yes.

“i grew up with reiner, of course i’ve spoken to bertholdt,” ymir said matter-of-factly. historia told you that he’d tag along to ymir’s with reiner when he goes to ymir’s for meals and gatherings.

annie’s lip twitched in reminiscence, “we did cubscouts together.” nodding with her mouth full, pieck put her thumbs up. it had been brought up in a past conversation that pieck and annie attended cubscouts together. ymir patted your back, “it’s okay, it’s only because of reiner that people notice him but you and reiner aren’t close so nobody blames you for not being aware of his friends.”

your head sank into your hands, “i just feel so bad, guys.. i threw a slab at him because he called me a bitch and nobody would’ve done that, that’s low even for me..” you pushed your food away, avoiding eye contact with your friends.

“what if you apologised?” historia and pieck suggested, “he was just trying to be nice in the first place, he didn’t have to catch you, y’know.”

with a raised brow and a scowl, you shook your head, “i’d rather not.. we both got back at each other so we’re even. it doesn’t mean i can’t feel bad about how i went about it, but bertholdt had it coming anyway.” annie hummed in agreement, tilting her head slightly, “even if he did help her, he still called her a hoe and a bitch. he’s really defensive over reiner but that’s no excuse.”

with a pat on the table, ymir chimed in, “yeah, in grade school, porco used to pick on reiner until he got bigger than him and bertholdt was always there for him. they’ve got this loyal brotherly bond, so you can’t blame him that much.”

“i guess not..” you agreed, “i’m not apologising though, i was justified.”

bertholdt examined his gash in the boy’s bathroom mirror. it was beginning to scab up but it was surprisingly deep. not that deep, but for a thin piece of rock? it slid into his face like a disk at such a scary force. reiner leaned on the cubicle behind him, “she’s so cute when she’s aggressive, she gets riled up so easily.”

“cute when you aren’t the victim maybe,” bertholdt frowned and turned around to face reiner, “miss magnolia said it’ll probably scar.”

a careless and loud laugh came from reiner, his head tilted back and arms crossed, “hey, atleast you can tell your kids about that battle scar, ‘yeah i survived the school’s witch and got a cool scar to remind me of my victory’.”

with an eyeroll, bertholdt unrolled his blazer’s sleeves, “y’know it feels like you aren’t my friend right now, you’re just some guy obsessed with a girl he calls a slut.” he was really done.

“c’mon, you know i like her, it’s expected by now, surely,” reiner scoffed but bertholdt scowled at him. scowled. his eyes blazed with unsaid sadness, anger, and betrayal. bertholdt had been nothing but loyal to reiner all his life. but it was clear that reiner wouldn’t do the same, he’s already throwing him to the wolves over a girl. the girl that reiner influenced the slut title to. the girl that reiner had picked on since grade school even though he knew what it was like to be picked on.

“i dont care wether you like her or not, you should leave her alone, drop it. you make her life miserable, can’t you see that? she hates you. you can’t even appreciate your friends anymore with her in the way. have you suddenly misplaced your loyalty? pick, reiner, the slut or me, your best friend?”

bertholdt was taken aback by the stammer in his friend’s voice. it wasn’t a hard choice. reiner should’ve been able to say you, bertholdt. because they were friends. best friends. bertholdt was selfish. he wanted more. he wanted to have reiner to himself, he needed reiner to just accept your unattainability. gosh, he’d even happily go back to when porco hated him and marcel had to apologise on his behalf. when he’d step in when reiner got kicked down and he’d sometimes get kicked down twice as hard. but they had each other.

bertholdt’s father once told him that companionship didn’t require an intimate relationship. companionship was brotherhood. someone to carry along with you so there was familiarity thoughout the tough and newest stages of life.

but it seemed he left a part out. maybe, just maybe, companionship was also seeing a friend off at the station when they couldn’t venture on that same train anymore to seek out the adventure and difference they craved. however, another person replaced his friend. an unfamiliar person who happened to be getting on the train bertholdt still lingered on because he was the one who couldn’t get off and experience unfamiliarity. so the unfamiliarity came to him instead. that person had gotten off a different train and was curious enough to venture into the unknown. the unknown that bertholdt knew so well.

“i see..” bertholdt’s tongue clicked, “when you can make up your mind, come find me.” as if on queue, the bell rang to signal the end of break. the door to the bathroom swung shut and bertholdt found himself in a crowded hallway.

it was a struggle to get to the stairwell leading to the third floor of the english block, but bertholdt got there in the end. mr berner didn’t appreciate tardiness and expected everyone in their seats by the time the bell rang the second time.

thankfully enough, he made it just before and settled in his seat by the window in the 3rd row back. however, as the second bell rang you and ymir walked through the door. bertholdt knew that you and him were in the same english class, but now he was very aware of it. you sat in the back corner with ymir infront of you. on diagonal sides of the room. but he was suddenly aware of his every move, as if you were watching him.

mr berner rose in his chair, “alright class, settle down.” he took the register before explaining the lesson. it was relatively boring, just him explaining p-e-e paragraphs and how to use each aspect of it into the paragraph. then, he gave everyone ten minutes to write one on why lady macbeth was significant to the plot. which wasn’t necessarily a hard task. if it was macduff, for instance, anyone would’ve struggled.

for the last quarter of the lesson, mr berner announced there would be a partner project set for homework, “you have about a month to complete it. i will hand out a card to half of the students in here and you will partner up.”

ymir turned around in her seat, grinning at you and raising her hand for you to return a high five. you smiled too until your teacher interrupted your happiness, “however, due to complications last time we did something like this, i will be choosing your partners.”

a collective groan sounded out throughout the classroom as mr berner walked down the centre aisle. the classroom was layed out as a four by six meaning there was twenty-four students and twelve would recieve a card. as he returned to the front, mr berner called out, “as some of you can see, the cards are not based on shakespear but greek mythology..”

“that is because we are nearing the end of the semester and at the start of the next one, we will focus on classical languages,” your teacher explained, standing infront of the projector screen, “you have all been given twelve different mythologies to study and create some sort of fact file. it can be physical, like a drama performance or something more factual like a display board. as long as it isn’t basic or boring! you will lose marks if there is too few information.”

a smirk fell onto his face as he examined his students, noticing how the lazier few of his students seemed to deflate, “now, i have already picked your partners based on what side of the room you’re on..” he murmured, bending down to his computer and clicking on the document that contained the partner list. one by one, he called out names.

“marlowe and hannah, mina and ymir, bertholdt and y/n..” it almost flew over your head, almost. ymir turned back around to snicker at you and laugh at your luck, “milieus and thomas..” you didn’t listen to the rest of the names. you were stuck with bertholdt.

“you have five minutes to make arrangements with your partner before i dismiss you!” with a heavy groan, you said goodbye to ymir and headed towards bertholdt’s seat since he had the card. mouth flatlined, bertholdt held his hand up like a dry wave, quickly putting it down. you pulled a chair over from the empty desk infront of him and turned it around, sitting opposite of bertholdt.

“what’s on the card?” you asked, biting your cheek and looking at the healing line on his face. turning the card, it read apollo and daphne. you nodded, smacking you lips and producing an ah.. sound, “i know this one..”

“that’s useful, then,” bertholdt hummed, fingers drumming on the table, “we have a month so should we work on it every saturday until the due date?”

that was a good idea.. so you nodded, “yeah, that works, umm.. does your house work?” it felt really awkward. nonetheless, bertholdt agreed and exchanged numbers with you since you didn’t already have it. without another word, you returned to your seat just in time for ymir to come back too.

“he’s healing fine,” you shrugged, “we decided we’d do the project at his house on saturdays.” ymir whistled, “his house? nothing is getting done,” hinting to something more suggestive.

with a laugh, she picked up her bag just as the bell rang. you rolled your eyes, “everything is getting done, ymir, honestly mr berner is not my favourite right now!”

back into the hall you went, heading towards history. you had parted ways with ymir when you left the building to cut across campus for a shortcut. and she didn’t have history but religious studies instead. you hoped you would meet armin along the way.

he was a nice boy, though he got picked on by reiner like you. you were sort of happy to have someone to rant to about it other than your friends and mr smith. however, armin was starting to come out of his shell and the last time you saw him, he had gotten a haircut. you thought it suited him. he was nowhere near ugly, even with the bob cut he donned since he could grow hair.

“y/n, hey!” just who you were hoping to see, “hi armin, ready for history?” he nodded and walked with you to mr smith’s classroom.

bertholdt dragged a palm down his face as he entered his photography class. he had been mentally cursing himself for the awkward interaction in english, he didn’t even want you at his house bertholdt was just incapable of saying no. he didn’t want you to see the state of his sick father, a feeling deep down telling him you were judgy like that. he could’ve suggested the local library or even your house, but honestly, he wasn’t risking bringing out the bratty attitude that was getting too comfortable with him.

bertholdt didn’t know where all these negative beliefs about you came from. he knew he was jealous of you, he didn’t know you enough to hate you but everything he felt for you was close to it. did he actually hate you? or was it jealousy talking..

sure, you dashed something in his face and scarred it, but he did name call you, but you were clearly ungrateful about him saving you from a potentially broken neck. sitting down in his seat, that familiar sickness pooled. you were really fucking up things for him and reiner. you determined their current friendship and you didn’t like either of them. it had him thinking about the delirious possibility that you could be a witch.

bertholdt had mixed feelings about you, just not in a positive light.

[mill3rrrd]

DEAR DIARY b hoover

“i need to get her out the picture, she’s really fucking up my frame, she’s not developed like we are..” – tyler, the creator

cw. slutshaming, rumours, hints at bertholdt’s bisexuality, sexism NOT PROOFREAD

wc. 3.5k

synopsis. bertholdt was jealous. of you. why did you get so much of reiner’s attention? honestly, he nearly hated you as much as reiner said he did.

chapter one. first impressions

dear diary,

i HATE my life.

you wasted no time bringing out your diary, filled with previous entries. a lot of them were vents about one person in particular, reiner braun. he made your life so miserable to the point you actually cared that he made it miserable. he’s always had it out for you, like picking on you for the thickness of your false lash clusters and mind you, they weren’t even that thick. honestly, it’s reiner’s problem for getting so bothered about them but then it came as a surprise to you when he was flirting.

exactly, flirting! it was a shitty technique though and that’s when he started spreading rumours about you. they were probably the most believably unbelievable rumours ever because boys thrive on making girls out to be sluts.

obviously, people believed that you sent him nudes and fucked him in the woods behind the school. why? because reiner’s the big bad popular boy that everyone loves and adores as a big brother. however, you would never be caught dead in that shady spot. and you’d put your comfort before your desperation any day. you’d need to wait until your mom got home to go through your day and debrief every part of it. you let out a sigh, scribbling your feelings down into your paged heart.

if i didn’t already have ONE boy plotting on my DOWNFALL, i have another plotting on ME. if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s reiner’s best friend, i’d feel flattered but considering that fact, it’s probably a plan to embarrass me. it’s weird how you never really acknowledged him though. if i remember hearing reiner correctly, he called him bertl.

i’ve never heard that name in my life. however, as i walked away i heard someone else call him bertholdt. probably porco, but again, never heard of him. which is SUPER weird because he’s soo tall, surely i would’ve atleast recognised him because i’m in my junior year. i can say for sure, though, i don’t like him. i don’t even know the guy and he’s giving me fake googleys and stammering. i can tell for sure he’s a really bad liar. ugh, i HATE reiner braun. honestly, that boy has no home training and the smallest dick ever and i don’t even need to see it to know. how embarrassing for him, i AM embarrassed for him and that’s probably the best feeling i’ll ever harbour for him.

i’ll probably ask historia to ask ymir about him since she’s somewhat friends with reiner, even if he’s weird. to be fair, they did grow up together so i can’t just ask her to tell him to piss off. and ymir usually fucks off with him to pull pranks on the janitor anyway so it’s not THAT much of a bother.

you closed your diary shut and sighed, slipping it into your bedside cabinet. your bed frame creaked as you got up and padded toward your desk, staring at yourself in the mirror. with a cringe, you leaned forward and examined your lip liner. it was smudged from the rain you walked home in and your lashes looked like they were one blink away from falling off. it was a wednesday, but you had a stressful day so your peeled the clusters off, bit by bit.

with nothing better to do, you began your skincare routine. the feeling of a cold, almost gel-ish like substance rubbing into your skin sent a shiver of satisfaction down your spine.

halfway through, your mom came home, your younger brother in tow. she had shouted up to announce she was home and your brother bounded up the stairs and burst into your room.

“n/n! hi!” he squealed, light shining in his eyes as he climbed into your lap and hugged you. you laughed, returning his hug, “hi jude, how was your day?” you asked softly, readjusting him in your lap so that he was curled into your left arm.

“it was so good, the teacher let us have indoor playtime because it was raining and we played twister and i won! i can backbend now, like you can,” jude giggled, smiling so brightly at you. you giggled, “we have a gymnast in our house, i bet you’ll be in the olympics one day and make us so, so proud.”

jude nodded, “some of the girls make fun of me though, they say gymnastics is a girl’s thing and i should play football..” you shook your head, “you just do what you’re good at, those girls are just jealous they can’t do what you can.”

again, your brother nodded enthusiastically, his smile returning to his face. lifting him up, you set him upright and brushed through his hair briefly, “go see if mom needs help, okay?” jude scurried off, his socked feet creating small thuds as he went back downstairs.

you finished your routine, leaving your lashes to then be applied. on your desk, your phone buzzed but you payed no mind to it, only putting dnd on and busying yourself with your task at hand. only when you were done, did you pick it up, seeing the ymir blow up your phone with your name.

ymir y/n u are still single right

you yea y?

ymir just wondering, bertholdt seemed pretty interested in you 🫢

you who even is that😭 i swr ive never seen that boy in my life

ymir doesnt surprise me, hes been reiners shadow since first grade, surely u would’ve atleast heard his name in class tho.

you no?? im telling you i never knew he existed

ymir y/n hes in gym, english and chemistry with us🤦‍♀️

you oh ..

read 05:32

that’s embarrassing, you thought as you did your blink test. your lashes weren’t too far or too close to your lash line so you smiled in triumph as you applied lip balm. it didn’t bother you too much, though, any best friend of reiner is not a best friend of yours.

not until later into the night did you give ‘bertholdt’ another thought. you layed awake, waiting for sleep to take your body and soul for another night. you figured you could atleast look out for him tomorrow, just to really look at him this time. last time, all you saw of bertholdt was his head peaking behind reiner. he seemed like the type to speak when spoken to, which wasn't necessarily a a bad thing. until you fell asleep, the conversation replayed in tour head.

“look at her, bertl, why would you go for her?” reiner tutted, an obnoxious tone edging his voice as he forced his hand onto your shoulder to keep you in place. ‘bertl’ went red in the face and began stammering excuses, “what gave you that impression, what are you getting at?!” you didn’t really pay attention to him, focusing on the hand bruising your shoulder.

“go away, reiner, i’m not interested in your bullshit today,” you shoved his hand away and strut off in search of pieck or historia. as you walked away, a boystrous laugh sounded over all the chatter, followed by a ‘i was only joking!’ and another ‘the one time you actually show interest in a girl, it’s the slut?’ and then a firm ‘i don’t, stop playing around.’

morning rolled around quickly, light streaking into your room. a thin ribbon of sunrise created a bridge across your nose, causing your face to crinkle into consciousness. you rubbed your eye carefully, grateful that your lashes on during the night. however, that gratefulness dissipated when you saw your uniform hanging individually on your wardrobe door. lifting your phone, the time read 06: 27 which meant you slept through your alarm.

with a groan, you slipped out of your bed, trudging into the bathroom but not forgetting the extra blanket from your bedding. it was nearing the end of winter, which meant morning chill and rain. amongst the sound of bristles mingling with your teeth, you could hear low chatter coming from your brother’s room. probably your mom waking him up. after spitting into the sink, you came back up with a yawn and slipped your toothbrush into the holster.

by the time you got changed and applied your usual makeup, you had enough time to eat breakfast. you settled for porridge oats with honey. the gooey warmth felt nice, striking up your body heat like an ember somewhere in your core had been blown on until it caught fire again. your brother came down with your mom, who gave you a look of adoration, “good morning, baby, how did you sleep?”

she caught you at a bad time, you had scarfed downh half your porridge all at once. with a big gulp, you smiled, “i slept well, maybe too well.. i slept through my alarm.”

your mom bent forward, wiping away stray porridge that had made its way to the side of your mouth, “what have i told you about stuffing your mouth, n/n?” she smiled as she teased you and you responded, “not to.. historia’s dad is supposed to be here soon.”

“is that so?” she murmured, tending to your brother’s meal. as if on queue, a horn beeped. you hopped out of your chair and grabbed your bag, “that’s her! bye mom, bye jude, love you lots!”

you kissed their cheeks before slipping your shoes on and heading out of the door. your friend’s car sat infront of your house, historia and her dad in the front, leaving you to get into the back with ymir.

“hey guys,” you beamed. they exchanged greetings with you and began conversation with you. the drive to school was much shorter than it would be if you walked, which you were grateful for, especially in this weather.

when historia’s dad dropped the three of you off, ymir immediately poked you. it was hard enough for you to feel it through your coat. “ymir, what the hell?” said girl laughed, looping her spare arm around your shoulders, her right already around historia. she brought you in close, “how about i properly introduce you to bertholdt, hm? that way you won’t be unfamiliar with him.”

“will reiner be there?” you asked, fiddling with the hood over your head. the cold was really getting to you. ymir shrugged, “probably.”

you hummed, feigning interest, “no.”

historia giggled, covering her mouth and peering up at ymir, “you know what reiner’s like.. i’m surprised you haven’t lashed out yet, y/n.” you shrugged, “he’s not worth that sort of energy.”

“ah,” historia let out, “fair enough.. oh, speak of the devil!”

in the distance, reiner stood in the centre of his group, irritatingly standing out. he was cracking a joke with marcel from the looks of it. his big group hogged the steps and the entrance, which was in perfect alliance with the fountain, your groups usual spot. you could see pieck and annie waiting for the three of you to arrive, the black haired girl waving at you all just ten steps away.

“oh yeah, guys,” you perked up as you spotted mr smith, your history teacher, walking through the car park of the school building, “i need to talk to mr smith about my history grade, he said he could give me tips to get it up since i’m falling behind..”

you groaned at your admitted failure on your midterm, “i’ll see you at first period, though.” the two girls bid you a brief farewell before you strolled towards the other side of the courtyard to meet with your teacher.

“ah, miss y/n,” mr smith smiled as a greeting, taking his hands out of his usual tie behind his back, “come for advice, i see?” you nodded, “yeah, i don’t think i’ve ever done so bad on a test.” he asked you to walk with him, so you followed him up the steps. it was a comfortable silence, he was always your favourite, not one to yell but that was what happened when respect was an automatic for you.

spotting a small rock, – small enough it couldn’t even be considered a pebble – you kicked it up, narrowly hitting the shell of reiner’s ear. you snickered, hiding your nasty grin behind your hand, as reiner glared at you. he then redirected his gaze to mr smith, a smirk appearing on his face. you turned away, facing ahead.

“i hope that wasn’t you that kicked that, miss y/n,” he wished, though the humour behind his voice told you he was using a facade of proffesionalism to hide his amusement. you gasped, “i could never, sir.”

mr smith was aware of the ongoing feud between you and reiner and, against your protests, reported it to his higher ups. however, all it got was an assembly on anti-bullying.

“i have to say, you have incredible aim,” mr smith praised as the door closed, giving you a curt nod which you returned and thanked him for as the two of you strolled into his classroom.

break rolled around after second period. annie met up with you in the halls, her class opposite yours. she said hello first and you happily greeted her back. all was peaceful until reiner blocked your path, marcel and jean in tow.

“where’d you run off to with mr smith earlier?” he interrogated, tease at the ready, “fucking him for a better grade, hm?” laughter erupted from him and his friends.

you peered up at him through your lashes, “do i look like your girlfriend?” that made reiner’s laughter stop, “what do you mean by that?”

“i mean to stop questioning me like a jealous boy,” you sneered, “the only reason you hate me is because i rejected you and maybe if you brought yourself out of your big ego for once, you would realise i might’ve said yes had you been a little nicer!”

annie whistled beside you, a proud smile on her face. that boy looked hurt. momentarily. then, his smirk reappeared, “you have a zit on your nose.” laughter again. what the hell was wrong with him and his friends. you rolled your eyes, a retort on the tip of your tongue.

“reiner, maybe you should stop..” that shy, almost lazy voice from yesterday.. had he always been there? your eyes drifted to the bertholdt character you’d only now just been aware of.

“aw, bertl it’s just a bit of fun,” reiner slapped his shoulder, crinkling the boy’s blazer near the arm. bertholdt looked at it and frowned, an almost sad and far off look remaining in his eye. the buffer boy of the two leaned in, barely any space between their noses, “don’t tell me you like her..”

the taller one sighed, “stop it, i’m just telling you not to waste your breath, she wasn’t wrong when she said you look like a jealous boyfriend..” and bertholdt was jealous of you. honestly, he wanted you out of the picture.

with a sigh, reiner backed off. his bicep bumped your shoulder, emphasising the height difference. marcel and jean scoffed at you and annie, following him. this time, you noticed bertholdt too.

“you struck a nerve,” annie giggled, letting you join arms with her. nodding, you prided yourself, “i know!”

later on in the day, reiner sat in the boy’s changing room, venting to bertholdt about earlier’s interaction. bertholdt, however, was more concerned with the lingering thought, does he still like her? exchanging his formal shirt for his gym shirt.

“hey reiner, do you still like her?” the boy asked, irises quaking with uncertainty. reiner’s face exploded into pink.

“i hate that bitch..” he grumbled, slipping into a pair of sweatpants, “i just love giving her a hard time.”

there was silence between the two, being the last ones out of the locker room. then, a sigh followed by a “is it that obvious?” ensued. bertholdt looked down, a non verbal i knew it going through his head, “yeah, it is..”

“honestly, i think you should drop it,” his jaw tensed, “your bully tactic isn’t working, it hasn’t worked.” reiner was quick to be at bertholdt’s side, “if i didn’t know any better, you are jealous.. what kind of friend are you?”

clearly not the loyal type, bertholdt thought, biting his cheek, “the friend that’s tired of seeing and hearing you pursue a girl that hates you.. calling her a slut isn’t getting you anywhere! no, i’m not jealous, i’m bored..”

“ah..” reiner let the noise slip and retreated to his claimed section if the locker room, “i.. i get your point, sorry bertl.” he was surprised. bertholdt had never been one to raise his voice.

with a sad glance in his direction, bertholdt said nothing and left to join the others on the track field. reiner knew he was jealous, just not aware of who he was jealous of. entering the field, everyone had already lined up and was ready to complete whatever task had been explained.

“hoover, you’re late!” mr shadis yelled, “where is braun?” all eyes were on him. he could recognise everyone’s faces, but he payed attention to yours. bertholdt could acknowledge a pretty girl, you were definitely in the higher ranks of his mental list. you were the bane of his life, the thing reiner focused on.

“i’m sorry, sir, we were in the nurses office,” bertholdt excused himself, “reiner is still changing.” shadis gave him a weary eye before tutting, “don’t let it happen again.”

“yes, sir.”

shadis asked your team, consisting of you, ymir, eren, and connie to demonstrate a relay race once reiner came out. the full track was 400 metres, meaning you would all run 100 each. the four of you got into your agreed order in the middle row: eren, ymir, connie, you. eren received a bright yellow baton and got into position before the siren went off. when it did, he sprinted towards your friend. as he gave her the baton, he tripped over himself and landed ass-up on the floor, receiving laughter from everyone.

before you knew it, you had your hand holding out for connie as you began to jog when he got within ten steps of you. you were on the school’s national team for relay. you prided yourself for that. that’s how you learned a particular technique to preserve energy.

you’d jog as you waited for the third person to pass on the baton and when you finally received it, you would begin longer, slower strides–almost like you were hopping–on your tiptoes before takung shorter, faster steps. not to forget to lean your body lower towards the ground to propel yourself forward. that always earned you top two in annual nationals.

so, you did just that. you crossed the finish line, chest barely heaving as ymir walked up to you. shadis had set up four individual stop watches and got three other students to control them everytime the baton had been passed.

“jaeger, 13.57 seconds,” shadis glowered at him, “shave off seven next time.”

putting down that stop watch, he examined the next two, “fritz and springer, you both landed on 11.8,” his lip twitched into a smirk that quickly left his face. shadis moved onto your one, “l/n, 9.7, keep that up and you’ll hold a world record.”

a smile erupted onto your face as ymir pat your back. historia, annie, and pieck surrounded you to congratulate you, which you brushed off as practice.

bertholdt observed you, he really wanted to know what was so special about you that made reiner so obsessed. he noticed how, unlike most people, you had dimples under your mouth instead of on your cheeks. they showed up when you smiled. your eyebrows were naturally full and you had great facial harmony. as you ran, bertholdt noticed that you had a body lots of girls wanted but that didn’t make you stand out to him.

ymir guided you over some point during his analysis, his face heating up when he realised ymir was talking to him amd not you.

“sorry, what were you saying?” bertholdt apologised, slouching to ease tension in his shoulders. ymir gestured to you, who had a bored, almost uninterested look on your face as you glanced up at him from your fingers, up to his face, and back to your fingers.

“i said, since you two don’t know each other well, i thought i’d introduce you two,” ymir repeated herself, irk edging her tone, “y/n, this is bertholdt. the boy you had never seen before until now.” you didn’t know who he was? his lips thinned in minor embarrassment. he probably looked like an idiot. reiner and ymir already accused him of liking you, and now he happened to be distracted and went all red while he was looking in your direction.

“hi,” you murmured, finally taking away your attention from your fingers. considering his low presence, he was big. he had wide shoulders and his arms strained against the fabric of his long-sleeved shirt. he had to be 6’5 minimum! it impressed you, sure, but he was just another follower of reiner’s.

“oh, ymir, annie and pieck are running,” you pulled on her arm, dragging her away from the boy. that’s when bertholdt realised it. it wasn’t your beauty that had reiner hooked, nor was it your body shape and curves.

no, it was your unattainability.