milkissblog

[milkissblog]

pls choose the best option & elaborate in tags if you'd like.

some endings are cut off to meet poll limits...

Context below the cut, but please answer first :)

this is the opening sentence of a letter written by fryderyk chopin to his friend and/or boyfriend tytus woyciechowski in 1829. he's 19/20 years old (we're not sure about his DOB), and he's been spending some time with prince antoni radziwiłł and his family at their palace in antonin (near Poznań). radziwiłł is a huge music nerd, and chopin is having a great time over there. the mood of the letter is mostly positive and upbeat, and you can probably expect him to be at his cheekiest.

there are 3 published english translations of this letter. none of the 3 translators are native polish speakers. here are their takes on this sentence:

full original sentence from chopin's november 14 1829 letter:

Ostatni twój list, w którym mi każesz się ucałować, odebrałem w Antoninie u Radziwiłła.

EL Voynich, Chopin's Letters (1931), pg 73:

I received your last letter, in which you send me a kiss, at Antonin, at the Radziwiłłs'.

Arthur Hedley, Selected Correspondence of Fryderyk Chopin (1962), pg 36:

Your last letter, in which you send me your warmest greetings, reached me at Radziwill's place at Antonin.

David Frick, Chopin's Polish Letters (2016), pg. 143:

I received your last letter, in which you tell me to give myself a kiss, in Antonin at Radziwiłł's.

why is this important?

1) it's an interesting grammar problem where the combination of a referred statement (FC is summarizing what TW said), a command, and a reflexive (się) makes it unclear who is to kiss who.

2) we don't have any letters from TW to FC, so it's useful to piece together the way he may have written to him.

3) FC has a habit of teasing TW for not liking to be kissed, which historians have taken a bit too seriously, if you ask me.

4) we'll talk about arthur hedley some other time, but yeah... i know.

i read this letter in polish first, and i didn't realize this sentence might be ambiguous. when i started reading the translations, i was surprised to see the different takes. my reactions ranged from "?" to "????" i like remind myself that my perspective is also biased, though -- by the fact i speak modern polish, and this is a 200 year old letter. i think this is a good example of how subjective translations can be. you ask 4 different people to translate something, you might very well get 4 different translations.

[milkissblog]

I think I'm gonna spend the afternoon reading Chopin's letters to Tytus Woyciechowski. Like, I knew they were gay af but I never actually read those letters.

Now I've read just a few and my heart is melting. My man really was in love.

[milkissblog]

you will look at this picture of moomin holding two ice cream cones now

[milkissblog]

[milkissblog]

hey everybody!!

thats a weird ass way to start a diary entry. i can't have a diary because my mom is a little invasive and will for sure read it. theres also this weird little clown pop up on my screen? anyway.

id love love loveee love lvoe more than anything to have a diary. i could paste my little doodles in it like flower petals. and put all of my stickers and pretty slices of papers inside. theres a dog squeaking outside. i don't think dogs should be making that noise. i hope the little guy is ok.

anyway, that was so very off topic. what i was trying to say is that this little blag of mine is sposed to be my surrogate diary. i have this issue online (and even in writing) where i over-perceive myself ("perceive" is a pretty-sounding word. so is sieve.) and my online presence bc its so customizable and because im so disconnected from my sense of self. im a people pleaser even when im writing in a private little diary cause im always thinking, my mom is going to read it, how will this sound to my mom when she reads it, oh god my mom, my mom, my mom (and, to a lesser extent, other people). i hate it. i feel prickled and trapped and smothered sometimes, but dear god i love my mom more than anything. but still, sometimes i feel like im in 1984 and shes reading my thoughts as well as my texts before i can delete them. but also, she pays for me to exist -its a mixed bag with high highs and low lows.

im really hoping that the self-perception thing doesn't happen this time. i hope i can have a better self-concept and be a better person. ive wasted maybe 2 years (i don't want to say that ☹︎) on being rock bottom unhappy, on being filled with hatred for myself, on dreading my own body and face, on corroding and ruminating for too long, until i found myself incapable of loving and v isolated feeling. its an awful way to exist because you deny yourself and other people so much beauty, and because it hampers your ability to really love and be there for other people. i wanna talk about that more (and i spose i can here)

-partially my sadness was/is cause im lesbian and m being raised catholic. ive got a lot of issues to work thorugh hahahaha. or, should i say, teeheeheehee. (LEGALIZE SAYING TEEHEEHEE!!! PEOPLE R SO MEAN AND THEY SPIT ON ME WHEN I WRITE "TEEHEEHEE" INSTEAD OF HAHAHA)

dear god this is very stream of consciousness. well, anyway. i'm not writing it to be read (or at least trying NOT to write it to be read). im writing it to communicate with myself. thats not working very well, i just read through the whole thing again.

i hope this gives me a sense of purity (not like weird sex/virginity stuff, but mental purity, like pure love or pure salt or pure vinegar, with no issues, just clear and soft and good) and of self, like prayer. id probably believe in god without the church and them being mean to lesbians and girls and non catholics and so many other ppl and whatnot bc i love to think that love inhabits everything and i sincerely deeply in my little heart of hearts think it does. i think i might believe in god??? i don't know. i am trying my best pookies.

im a girlblogger cause im a girl!! also im sincerely really trying to be okay and happy. and maybe be buddhist? i got this lovely slim little book by a buddhist monk thich nhat hanh called "true love" and i want that. i want to be a good kind person to myself and everybody else. as karissa love (she is my comfort youtuber and i adore her v much) puts it, i want to radiate love. that sounds a little crazy but perchance i am a little crazy.

perchance.

also, darn it, i cursed. ive decided im sposed to not curse, so that when i do people are very shocked like "wow omg she said f*ck??? she never says f*ck!!!" and think its a big deal and everything. i could also swear tons so ppl think im tough, but i don't want to scare anynody and i curse like a toddler bc im so out of practice. oh well.

anyway thats the first entry! hello world!! i hope im ok and that this helps me.

mwah