milen-kiy - Tumblr blog

[milen-kiy]

the black corset makes lily’s tiny figure stick out from the other gurls, even tho they’re literal supermodels; skinnier is prettier ♡

[milen-kiy]

haha havent posted in a while but ! i am 112.2 lbs rn down like . 35 lbs. omfg

[milen-kiy]

11/18/2020

so i had my first really big binge last night (im writing this on the 19th) ... like a lot... i went on a walk but that doesnt really cancel out everything that i ate bc i ate like.. a lot.. anyways heres the list so i can feel gross abt myself

concha // 300 kcal

hot pocket // 280 kcal

another concha // 300 kcal

fritos // 240 kcal

buffalo chicken dip // 150 kcal

3 strawberries // 15 kcals

thats a total of 1285 kcals.... mostly carbs.... HhhhHHHHHH I HATE MYSELFFF RIGHT WHEN I WAS GETTING GOOD AT FASTiNG I HAD TO GO AND MESS IT UP HHHHHH.... LITERALLY THE MOST KCALS IVE EATEN IN. A REALLY LONG TIME..... i cant fast today bc i already ate but its okay ill just stay under 300 kcals :) i can overcome this

[milen-kiy]

rambling post

I WEIGHED MYSELF AND IM 6 LBS LIGHTER... EVEN AFTER THE WHOLE WEEK OF BINGING... OH MY GOD IM LITERALLY SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW LIKE IT DOES WORK IM SO HAPPY....... I FEEL LIKE EXTRA MOTIVATED NOW IM GNNA WORK REALLY HARD TO GET TO MY FIRST GW HEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just set my timer to fast tomorrow so B) hopefully i can keep up this good streak !

[milen-kiy]

11/17/2020

so i did somethin crazy today... for my meal i ate POT ROAST which is CRAZY bc IDK how many calories in that.... IM LITERALLY GUESSTAMATING SO HARD.... like i only ate two smallish chunks of beef bc im not a fan of cooked carrots or onions and the potatoes grossed me out for some reason buuutt its not that much plus ! good protein hehe... anywyasyyyss i didnt really do much today i’m trying to stay more on top of my schoolwork than i have been bc i realized i have a 72 IN AL... WHICH IS MY MAJOR... UMMM... ANYWAYSSS jsut gotta do really good on this project that i <3 havent started sooo... uum... anyways calories

pot roast // 252 kcal (???)

grande strawberry acai refresher // 90 kcal 

total of 342 kcal which is okay ! i’m doing better at keeping my portions small so :) gnna get some fruits n veggies at the store later today w my mom and maybe the 5 kcal jellos ////.//// mmmmm/.... anywayss !!!!!!!!!!! gnna try to eat under 400 kcals tmrw too haha im doing so good so far since the Binge Week i’ll weigh myself later !!!!! EDIT: OH!! i forgot !!!!! i got a reaally big pair of jeans a kohls today and they fit a little funny bc my thighs r so big rn but im hoping once i lose the weight theyll be really cute !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[milen-kiy]

11/16/2020

hehe so ive been playing around w recipes and i found one that made the ahi tuna i have reeeally yummy but unfortunately NO ONE TOLD ME THE SESAME SEEDS U BUY FROM THE STORE ARENT ALREADY ROASTED!!!!!!!! but i made my tuna today w srirachaaa and soy saaauce and garlic powderrrr bc the honey one was like goooood but not greeeeat  but this one was really good aside from the SESAME SEEDS!!! so next time im gonna make it and cook the sesame seeds WITH the tuna like as a crust hehe but i had thaat and then i had like ... a little bit of greek yogurt im still working on it but im not super hungryy but i also got a diet coke from mcdonalds yummmm !!!! today is going to be a good day and im gonna get a lot of school done and im not gonna eat any more than this!!!!!!! heheh!!!! 

ahi tuna // 120 kcal (seasonings didnt add anything pog)

non fat greek yogurt with honey // umm idk 90 kcal but im still eating it and might not finish haha

diet coke // 0 kcal haha

but i have some korean to dooo and im gonna focus on that instead of feeling hungry even though im like. full rn just off of tuna and diet coke and a little bit of greek yogurt (i keep trying to tell myself i like honey....... but i just dont ............ like i need to invest in splenda or something bc it just made the yogurt taste really weird and plus its 30 KCAL FOR A TABLESPOON LOL... i barely put any on tho so i think im good) also !! i’m goin into work again today even tho its my day off bc i never eat while im at work and i’ve stopped taking breaks so i can Not Tempt Myself haehhee... but !! thats my day !!!

[milen-kiy]

11/15/2020

i actually forgot to write my little diary thing for this day so i’m writing this on the 16th haha lets just pretend im writing it on the 15th... so today i fasted most of the day (pretty sure i did for like 18 hrs???) but then i got home and i had two quesadillas and a little bit of ice cream and it was like okaay... i wish i had eaten less tho i was jiust like.. really hungry. i keep forgetting all last week i basically binged but SOMEHOW??????? i am EXACTLY THE SAME WEIGHT IF NOT LIGHTER??? like when i turn to the side and lift my arms up i can see my ribs adn even tho my stomach goes out a lot its like.. nice i feel goodish.. still hate my stretch marks.. might invest in cocoa butter or summn..

two quesadillas // 720 kcals

ice cream // 238 kcal (cuz i only ate like half a cup barely)

thats 958 kcals which is like ... bad. after doing the math i realized how much and now i feel bad ahahahahha... its okay... im gonna not eat much tomorrow!!!!!! (haha its funny bc i just ate my one meal for the 16th rn hahahah)

[milen-kiy]

11/14/2020

so todays been really shitty and i really like. have reached an all time low i think lol so my mom and grandma got diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer and my grandma (WHO HAS BREAST CANCER) also has FUCKENG COVID LOL so thats how my days going anyways um back to my eating disorder im gonna try and fast today im gonna order my mom sushi tho and maybe ill ahve some maybe i wont cuz i know i need to eat at least a little... idk ill update later if i eat anything... but thats how my days going so far smiley face emoji....

2 avocado rolls // 340 kcal

spicy tuna roll w/ no mayo // 190 kcal

pepperoni pizza lunchable 😂 // 310 kcal

so i got off work suuuper laye like CRAAAZY late like i got home at almost midnight and by that time i was lime hungry and angry and was like fuck it and i ate 810 kcals lol but its like .. i want to fast i just have lost all my self control ig... ill try harder tomorrow

[milen-kiy]

11/13/2020

so ive been gone for a week with my gf and i ate like a total fucking pig every day and i didnt even try to count my calories so i feel pretty shit and so today im starting small so i got a venti (i asked for a grande but they upsized it to a venti for free so.. thanks.. i guess.... i appreciate the thought!!) caramel brulee latte and a bacon gouda breakfast sandwich so!! thats all im gnna eat today but its a pretty good amt of kcals bc i didnt sub milks (i just forgot to) but im gonna work reallt hard to be near my tw by january!!! im at work rn so i know ill work out a little hehe

venti iced caramel brulee latte // 390 kcal

bacon gouda breakfast sandwich // 350 kcal

thats a total of 740 kcal which isnt bad but a lott more than i should be eating.. gonna try to fast tomorrow since this is my like Get Back Into It day :) really hopeful cuz i wanna look pretty :(

[milen-kiy]

w o w o w o w

[milen-kiy]

11/04/2020

im gonna make a list of the foods that i like that are also low cal

5 gum!! // 5 kcal

ahi tuna // 120 kcal

black beans (1/2 cup) // 114

blueberries // 84 kcal

broccoli // 50 kcal

cauliflower rice // 25 kcal

chicken breast (1/2 cup) // 115 kcal

chicken broth // 10 kcal

coffee // 5 kcal

cucumber // 16 kcal

iceberg lettuce // 8 kcal

jello ! // 5 kcal

oat milk // 120 kcal

raspberries // 64 kcal

seaweed snacks // 45 kcal

spinach // 23 kcal

strawberries // 50 kcal

tea !! (ur fav) // 0 kcal

warheads!!! // 25 kcal

like see riley!!!!!!!!! u can still eat so many things!!!!!! u can make a healthy filling salad or a nice fruit smoothie or chicken soup or even fakey poke bowls with ahi tuna!!!!! you dont need fast food or carbs or any of that junk!!!!!!!! you’ll reach ur goals in no time!!!

[milen-kiy]

11/04/2020

this is kind of a ummmm ... rambling post ...

i keep looking at loser town and if i just eat 200 kcal a day and work out every now and then i can reach my target weight by literally january.. thats only two months... even if i have bad days in between i can look really good for gf and shell wonder how im so pretty and small... i think a lot about how shes taller than me and how nice it feels.... i just want her to be able to date someone whos beautiful and i want to be beautiful for her.. so i’ll keep working really hard to not eat more than 200 kcal a day and ill work really hard to look pretty for her and and and idk... 

but by 01/13/2021 i can be 110 lbs which is really really where i want to be .... and i want to be pretty and small and i want my clothes to hang off of me.. and i want people to look at me and think i’m beautiful... and i want to feel good myself... and then after that if i can eat less than 2000 kcal a day ill still maintain that weight and ill be so happy and ill look good and ill be able to eat my favorite foods again its only two months its only two months im so happy and instead of eatin all my feelings i can work on school and be a good student and a good gf and and and :DDD

[milen-kiy]

11/04/2020

im posting on mobile so idk how to make a title but todaaay im jjst gonna eat this meal !! and im gonna get coffee before work !! and then umm !!! fast for till tomorrow at around rhis time (ill set the timer after i finish eating !!! also i made this really yummy super low cal meal and its like reallt filling and yummy especially if you love and crave sushi like me so !!!!! i dont think anyone sees these but i might post the recipe !!

1. ahi tuna filet // 120 kcal

2. cauliflower rice // 25 kcal (maybe less bc it wasnt even a full serving lol

3. strawberries // 50 kcal (again maybe less bc it was only like 5 and i cldnt even measure if it was a cup)

i ofc seasoned my tuna and seared it and seasoned the cauliflower rice w soy sauce and adobo and garlic and yummy stuff that doesnt add anything and then i had a little bit of sriracha on the side bc i looooove spicy food heheheh but it was sooo yummy and the cauliflower tasted exactly like fried rice and the tuna was SCRUMPTIOUS and im like.. ALL FOR LESS THAN 200 KCAL ?????? WHAAAAAA ??? anyways im going to do good today!!! i will i will !!! 🥰🥰🥰

[milen-kiy]

11/03/2020

so today was a really bad binge day .. like with the election and everything i jjst felt so stressed out and upset so i ate my stress and doubts :// im really not proud of myself and i wish i had more willpower

annies mac n cheese (made w water) // 650 kcal

3 halloween cookies // 255 kcal

2 mini quesadillas // 370

taco bell chicken quesadilla // 510 kcal

taco bell soft taco // 160 kcal

small dunkin donuts iced oatmilk latte w caramel // 180 kcal

thatsss a total of 2125 calories :/ granted the first part up to the taco bell was late at night (like 12 am literally because i felt so nervous and then the taco bell was last night.. and i fasted between those two but i still feel bad .. i made food rn though and its really good and really low cal :) so ill make that days diary rn

[milen-kiy]

[milen-kiy]

rosé ; gf material

like/reblog | @nctawgi

[milen-kiy]

There’s this girl...

She’s so skinny, you can see her bones and ab muscles. Her hair is long and thick. Her skin is covered in light freckles. Her jawline is sharp enough to cut my supple flesh. Her teeth are straight and pearly white. Her eyes change color under long long lashes. Piercings run up her ears and in her nose. She’s a power lifter, and a champion. She has so many friends, so many pining for her. Drenched in grunge, chains, jewelry. Her left eye blackened, right fist bloodied, fuck you attitude, and straight A’s. She stands up for what she believes in, and protects those who need help.

She is everything I want to be.

I have a near-erotic desire to be her, to drown in her collar bones, run my hands over her ribs, breathe her air, feel her lips as mine.