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Reflections on a fight

Just over 3 week ago, I had my first amateur MMA fight. It’s something that I’ve been working towards for a long time. I signed up at BJJ 6 years ago wanting to eventually compete in MMA, and for whatever reason that journey has taken a little longer, with lots of little sidetracks along the way - I won’t go into all of them because they’re not all relevant.

Because I’ve been training for a long time, with the goal to fight, becoming and ‘MMA fighter’ has been a part of my identity for a while. I recall many interactions that have had me backtracking once people find out I train with things like “Yeah, I’ve fought in muay thai but i actually want to do mma” adn things like that. Me now knows its a bit silly because in reality, a lot of people don’t know the difference and a whole lot of people don’t care. Just the fact that it’s such a big thing in my life means that I feel the need to explain.

Anyway, my first fight was something that myself, and a lot of people around me have been excited for, for a long time. I’ve openly expressed my intention to fight to many people, and because of that, many friends, family and teammates (and of course myself) were excited for it. 

Leading up to the fight, there was a lot of questions that I had that would be answered when I step in the cage. I had high expectations of myself, knowing how long I’ve been training and how long I’ve wanted to fight. I had questions of if my cardio would hold up, would I remember what I did in training, do I have a chin, would I feel comfortable and be able to listen to my corner, will I make weight (I was 72kg when I agreed to fight, fight was at 61.7kg 8 weeks away), among other things. 

It led to a lot of thinking about the fight, visualisation, (and maybe a bit excessive) on top of having to diet, being tired from training etc. 

To be honest, I quite enjoyed the focused, hard training, the routine that I had built and a lot of things that went with preparing for a fight. There was also negative side of things though like me lacking in energy outside of the gym, being restrictive with my diet, and the anxiety when thinking about the fight. I think they seemed to affect my girlfriend more, who’s a very empathetic person and can notice changes like that. 

It did hit her quite a bit, and I know she had to balance her own excitement, (and excitement for my excitement), with also being anxious about the fight and me being hurt, and having to deal with all the negative side effects I mentioned. 

I think having fought already, I’ve answered a lot of those questions and doubts that were in my head. I do feel the next one will be much easier because I know I can make the weight, I really felt comfortable in the cage and I had so much fun. I lost a close split decision, but it was an amazing experience - a lot of the situations we drilled in training happened, and I just felt good.

I have a lot more to say about the aftermath of the fight, but I’ll save it for another post.

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Back Piece

I had a consult with Cole Dawson at Little Tokyo about a month ago. In the years that I’ve been contemplating getting a tattoo, one particular motif has always struck out to me - which was a dragon and a tiger. 

I remember actually posting in a thread about a type of tattoo that I wanted. I was set on 3/4 sleeves (which I still plan to get but not soon). I’ll just post what I wrote to make it easier

It’s a bit cringy, but I’m pretty sure I had the idea of a more traditional style than the actual pic (hence the whole “I won’t get it exactly like that”)

What I’m planning on getting is somewhat different, but it’s interesting that the motif still resonates with me, 10 years on. It’s funny how I assumed I would get it right when I turned 18, I guess I underestimated a) how much tattoos cost and b) my patience.

When I went in for my consult, I originally had the idea of the dragon being on my arm and the tiger being on my torso, on the opposite side. But the more I thought about it, the less it made sense. At the end of the day, I would like a bodysuit with 3/4 sleeves, munewari (the bit left empty along the bottom of the torso), back piece, and leg sleeves that go down to above my knee (I am tattooed below). 

While I know that it’s a big process and long term commitment, the artist mentioned that there might be some feeling of imbalance. I suggested to do without the background first, but if the dragon is coming in and out of clouds, it would seem off. It also meant that to create balance, I would want to fill out my other arm/chest at least.

Then I thought about having the dragon also on my torso, but above and more on my chest, but the tiger lower. Again, I’d probably have to do background which in my artists words look like I’m wearing an apron. It would look off - bare arms, bare back, filled torso. 

Over weeks of considering different factors - placement, background, other motifs to compliment, I realised it made more sense to put it on my back instead. It makes so much more sense, and solves all the problems I had. I originally didn’t want to do my back - I couldn’t see it, what’s the point? 

I knew traditionally, Japanese tattoos start with the back piece to set the tone and build from there, but I didn’t need to stick to that tradition. I wanted something cool, that I could appreciate myself and that I could look at every day. 

It hit me though, that really, this tattoo will set the tone of the rest of my tattoos. It is a motif that has been resonated with me for years, and is strong. It wouldn’t do it justice to rush it or put it somewhere where I can see it in the mirror. This is something powerful, so I need to do it justice and give in the biggest piece of empty canvas on my body - the back. 

There’s been a big change of heart in me, and even though I knew that Japanese tattooing and a bodysuit in particular is a long commitment, I wasn’t approaching it with enough care. I think I know now. I’m not doing this to show off, or to look tough or for anyone else. I’m doing this for myself, and hence I’m starting with my back. The rest of the bodysuit flows so much more organically when done that way. 

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Tattoo Journal

I’m going to start using this blog to document my tattoos now as I complete a Japanese style bodysuit. I barely use this blog, and I don’t think any of my followers are active but I guess I’m going to use this going forward more like a journal. Japanese tattooing in particular is a fairly personal thing, one that you don’t really parade around but it is something with rich meaning and history, which I do want to document. I guess it’s fitting for me to post it here, which is fairly dead. If people come across this somehow, I hope you enjoy

I’ve had an interest in Japanese tattooing since I was about 14-15. I started a blog @fuckyeahirezumi where I basically reblogged photos of Japanese tattooing. I didn’t really know anything back then, and just reblogged pictures. Someone came on to help me run the blog, and she was much better at providing information, and answering questions. I deleted my original tumblr and also stopped moderating the blog.

Since I was a teenager, I’ve wanted Japanese style tattoos. There’s something about the flow and totality of it which strikes me. I think Japanese, along with polynesian tattooing is one of the few traditions to “get it right”. I’m 24 now, but I’ve gotten quite a few tattoos (non japanese) and kept them all on my legs, because I wanted to reserve my upper body for Japanese style. Part of me wishes I was more patient, and waited so my whole body could tell a cohesive story, but I guess tattoos are still a snapshot regardless. 

I’m booked in to start my back piece in January 2021. 

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from “Tokyo Sex Underground” by Romain Slocombe

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@diaozuo

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On Self-Handicapping

I’m never on tumblr these days but there is nowhere else I can post this. I just need to write for myself and I haven’t really put my thoughts and feelings down in prose in a while.

Last night I lost my second consecutive fight, both were taken on short notice against bigger opponents. I know with almost full certainty that with proper preparation I would have convincingly won both fights, but that’s not the point. 

I don’t like to use those as excuses, but I know in the back of my head that I have taken short notice fights because I feel less mental pressure.

Self handicapping serves no purpose other than to actively externalise accountability which I see as a sign of weakness.

I take full accountability for my performances - at the end of the day I still lost and I could have worked to prevent it. If I stayed in shape despite not having a fight scheduled and if I looked after my diet in between fights I know I would have given myself a lot better chance to succeed. 

I always thought of myself as someone who ‘stays ready’, which has been true for my mental game. Now all I need to do is be ready physically also. There’s no other amateurs within 5kg up and down of me that I am not skilled enough to beat. 

This isn’t to say that I won’t take short notice fights in the future. What it means is I will dominate despite not having full preparation. I am thankful for what my losses have taught me and nothing serves as a more powerful reality check. 

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Kalinga & Bontoc women headdresses + tattoos Luzon, Philippines

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#彫忠一門 The Shining HORITADA Family.

私の胸の彫忠一門を輝かせることを。 내 가슴의 “호리타다일문"을 계속 빛낼수 있기를.. by horikaka https://www.instagram.com/p/BE8hb_-o_qn/

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A Korean artist beautifully illustrated what real love looks like.

http://pulptastic.com/korean-artist-beautifully-illustrates-real-love/

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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DARWISH VS. KANYE

What happens when one of hip hop’s greatest and some silly little Indian kid from Georgia go head to head in an email/IM battle?

My little cousin Darwish, brother of Harris (whom someone of you may know from my standup) is quickly catching up to Harris in terms of ridiculousness. Last week, he finally discovered Kanye West’s music and went nuts. He started a firing off a ton of IMs: Dar: Aziz Dar: Kanye West is ridiculous Dar: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD AMAZING??? Dar: IT REALLY IS AMAZING Aziz: Yeah, he’s great right? Dar: when he goes around bragging Dar: now I know why Dar: wow Dar: JUST WOW 10 minutes later… Dar: aziz I think this is like the 10th time ive listened to amazing in a row Dar: i was just like browsing and I found it it Dar: and boom! my head was just auto bobbing Aziz: go download Flashing Lights, that’s probably my favorite Kanye song Dar: who’s someone else good? Aziz: You ever listened to any Wu Tang? Dar: no but i’ve heard of him Dar: he raps a lot about karate right? Kanye knows of Harris and Darwish through my standup so I emailed him Darwish’s IMs. Kanye responded: woooow!  new fans  yeeeessss!!!!  more people that don’t hate me BUT 10 minutes late I received this from Darwish: Dar: AZIZ Dar: FLASHING LIGHTS Dar; is straight rip off from a NeYo song Aziz: what? Aziz: kanye stole it?? Dar: uh… yeah Dar: omg Dar: Listen to “Miss Independent” by NeYo Dar: wats kanyes email? Aziz: what you want to email him? Dar: idk its pretty messed up Aziz: i’ll email him for you I email Kanye : Uh oh. You may have spoken to soon. I told him to get “Flashing Lights” and now he’s upset, he’s ACCUSING YOU OF JACKING BEATS!!! Do you care to respond???“ Kanye responded: nooooooooooooooo! that song came out afterwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I forwarded the response to Darwish: Aziz: I think you owe Mr. West an apology! Dar: oh tell him his song was better anyways and ask if he likes Akon Official Goal for 2009  - Get Darwish, Harris, and Kanye in the same room together. That would be the photo to top all photos.

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The worst thing that’s ever happened to me was matmice being deleted.

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“But for H&M to position itself as an environmentally friendly company is simply wrong—which is what makes its new advertisement for World Recycling Week so aggravating. It begins with some doomsday imagery with news broadcasts saying we can be part of the solution of climate change. Then, it continues with three solid minutes of M.I.A. (who has an interesting way of looking at her support of H&M’s campaign) dancing and singing. It ends with text promoting H&M’s new campaign: ‘95 percent of all textiles thrown away worldwide could get a second life. Leave your unwanted garments in any of our +3600 stores. They can be reused or recycled into new textile fibres.’

Again, this is a nice gesture, but if the goal is to get you into their store to recycle and then buy more new clothes, then what’s the point? Who or what is H&M helping besides itself? Isn’t this just greenwashing to sell more pants? It certainly seems that way. If you’re seriously concerned with your footprint—especially when it comes to the clothes you wear—don’t shop at H&M. Go to a thrift store. Buy things that are meant to last for years, not weeks.”

- Matt Miller on H&M’s recycling program, where you can turn in old clothes for a voucher to buy more stuff from H&M

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How versatile is your suit?

Hackett London teams up with Williams Martini Racing and Liam Morgan for an outstanding 70 mph long-boarding run down the track. 

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Toque.

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Passing the salt…. The struggle is real.

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Making certain sartorial choices—hair dyed green or shaved on the side, a JFA or Diamanda Galás sticker on a three-ring binder, a book by Genet tucked under an arm, dressing up for school like a character from Twin Peaks—these were all signifiers so that we could locate other outsiders quickly. It didn’t mean we shared an entirely similar worldview or that we had grown up with the same set of experiences, but it was something, it was a wink and a nod. Nowadays, leather jackets don’t predict a love of Marlon Brando or the Ramones any more than skinny jeans indicate an affinity with Johnny Thunders or a striped boatneck shirt and pixie cut affirm that one’s a fan of Godard and Breathless. With access to everything, we can dabble without really knowing. I am not bemoaning a diminishing awareness of references, but it’s easier than ever to be divorced from both provenance and predecessors, to essentially be a cultural tease.

Carrie Brownstein, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl (via putthison)