mightygraceblog - Tumblr blog

[mightygraceblog]

I Said YES!

As we draw close to the finale of 2019, we probably would read a lot of reflections on how the year has been to them. Forgive me for spamming your feed with my own piece, too. 

This year taught me the hardest, yet the most meaningful lessons I have learned in my life by far. I had been crushed more than I ever imagined. I needed to deal with a bunch of frustrations, rejections one after the other, failed plans, and unmet expectations. But I cannot deny the fact that all these hurt had brought the best in me and just made me a stronger person. 2019 showed me the beauty of spontaneity. This year helped me realign my understanding of who I am. It was an anchor’s away-like ride (because roller coaster is too mainstream). Let me share how this year has changed me from a “why-is-this-happening-to-me” into a “what-is-this-trying-to-teach-me” kind of person.

What did I learn in 2019? A lot.

I made a gutsy move of leaving my pilot and stable job for career advancement and higher pay. All was well until I got sick. I realized that I was not invincible. But more than that, it taught me that even a career advancement and huge paycheck is not worth it if what is compromised is indispensable- my health.

It was an eye-opener. It felt it was GOD telling me to pause and appreciate life’s beauty because I had been too busy making a living that I have forgotten how it is to truly live. It gave me a chance to feel how it is to be vulnerable again. I saw that GOD sometimes allows us to get what we want so that we would see what we truly need. 

I learned to appreciate that I have a very supportive family who stands by me no matter what the circumstances are. A family to whom I can run to however ugly things can sometimes get between us. I have the best parents who always protect me from any harm and cover me with their blanket of love. Who never showed a flicker of disappointment even if I am no longer able to help as much as I did. I have adorable siblings who continue to give me strength in these times that I feel weak. I appreciated how imperfect we are but they are the best for me.

It revealed who my true friends are- those who will truly be there for me when I become penniless and when I come to my lowest. Those who see me beyond my “I am ok”.

I learned the value of acceptance. That when I have given all that I can, whatever the outcome may be, it is already enough. I am guilty of setting sky-rocketing standards and expectations for myself that disappoint me in the end. 

Regrets? I have none. Because for me, regrets are only for the things I never did.

In short, this year made me say YES to a lot of things. I said YES to knowing myself more, making bold and brave decisions and candidly admitting that I messed up. I said YES to honoring my emotions. It’s a YES to forgiving myself for the many times I let people see me cry and for shedding buckets of tears alone so they won’t perceive me as weak. It’s a YES to honoring my emotions because they are real. I have said YES to respecting my own timeline and accepting that “ganito lang ako”. It’s a YES to appreciating all that I have now. I said YES to accepting GOD’s plans but still keeping the fire in my heart.

It was a rough year. But GOD has shown time and again that HIS grace is always sufficient. The scholarship grant in my dream university abroad, my professional education, master’s and Juris Doctor degree, my own house- all that I did not accomplish this year, will come when I can handle them. For now, I just need to keep moving. 

2019 has not been the best, but I am confident that I will be a much better person come 2020. And I commit to continue saying YES. YES to greater heights and bigger dreams, to growing even if it feels like breaking at first, to holding on to GOD’s promises. It’s a YES to finding myself, losing people who are not meant to be part of my journey, and finding those who I am going to share all my successes with. I am still saying YES to starting all over again, to beautiful beginnings, to answered prayers, to dreams come true. It’s a YES to taking rest and valuing life every single day that I am alive. And finally, I say YES to surrendering my life to GOD, to living a life in line with HIS will, to living not just for myself but for others, as well.

I believe we all have our stories to tell. Not all stories have happy endings. Maybe this is the kind of story I am meant to share to the world. Not a success story, but a story of transformation. Maybe I was called to inspire people not with the amount of riches I accumulated but with all the battles I fought and won. 

If I ever will leave this world, I don’t want to be remembered for what I have accomplished in my life. I want people to remember how I laughed at my own mishaps, how I continued striving despite this difficult life, how I rose with every fall. I want to be remembered for my heart. 

Oh, and the ring? I bought it for myself. But I say YES, too in praying that love would soon find me and introduce itself to me. I pray that someone would see me as his prayers come to life.

[mightygraceblog]

A Letter to my Future Self

Hey there! How are you doing? I hope you’re good, and I believe you are.

Do you remember the struggles you’ve been through? The times you thought you are hopeless, weak and unworthy? Do you realize how strong you have been all along?

Now, I want to tell you this- I am proud of you. I am proud that you made it this far. I am proud of who you have become.

I am glad that you didn’t give up. Thank you for holding on to your dreams. Yes, you have cried a lot and you just wiped it off. You’ve faced a lot of rejections but you kept going, anyway. You fell hard and you picked yourself up. You grew from the things that were meant to break you.

You were never afraid to ask any question because you know for yourself that you are never afraid of any answer. You’ve always demanded the truth and you spoke of truth, as well. Because you believe that it’s better to be hurt with it rather than be comforted with a lie. 

You walked away from things and people that aren’t meant for you. It’s going to be painful, you told yourself. But you know, you’ll recover, and you did. You gave without expecting anything in return. You loved unconditionally without the hope of reciprocation. You were there for anyone who needs you, even if you are struggling.

You forgave those who hurt you so easily. You accepted apologies even before you heard them, even when you never heard of them, at all. You remained gentle in this world that wasn’t so nice to you.

You really are a strong and brave woman, but not invincible. You accepted moments of defeat and shed tears for them. You acknowledged every sort of emotion because you know that they keep you human. You embraced them and learned to detach from them, as well. 

You’ve bravely faced every situation despite uncertainty. You made the hardest decisions that shaped your future. You took a new and different path. You got out of your comfort zone. You chose growth. You pursued your happiness even if others regard it as a career suicide. You stood firm with every choice you made, notwithstanding opposition from the people around you.

You took control of your life. You conquered the days that made you both a storm and a wild fire.  In moments of fear, you got out of your shell. Your lion heart came out as a victor, as always.

You have long considered yourself a failure. And it is unfair for you. Because, darling with all of these, you made yourself your own definition of success.