midnightwire

[midnightwire]

Blood begets Blood

Took a preliminary walk around the arena. It’s as achingly beautiful as the rest of the palace. Gold and silver, jade and bronze. Twisting columns with that ever-present foliage. Nature is always trying to reclaim what is His, even in the grandest halls of our people. 

I saw the seats where my family will sit and watch. Saw the pedestal that will house the crown. Saw the faded ruddy stains of past combatants. Wonder if my grandmother is among them. Wonder if I will be.

Dad’s been telling me more about the crown. It’s always been a mystery to our kind - other than the ruler, that is. I don’t like what I heard. You take it and you can’t let it go without bloodshed. Literally. It is attached to the soul of the monarch and they swear a fealty to it just as they do to the people. The voices of the past rulers can be heard. I don’t want to win that. Don’t want to hear my dad after... After that.

But I guess it doesn’t matter. I don’t have much say. It is what I was born for. Trained for. Live for. Will die for. I will be efficient and I will be brutal or I will fall.

Tomorrow we will see who is the chosen bloodbearer.

Gods im so scared.

[midnightwire]

What I’ll die for

I should be honored, shouldn’t I? ‘Touched by the Gods’, they say. ‘Lines of greatness’.  I have natural aptitude, I’m told. Quick, smart, and stubborn. My lessons are almost too easy and they know it. They think it’s what makes me the perfect candidate for the Trials.

Y’know what’s funny? It didn’t even have to be me. This isn’t a throne of succession. It’s of ability. If I just played dumb, I wouldn’t have to worry about fighting my dad. But, that’s not in my nature. Not in our nature. And I guess i owe it to them for putting so much work into me. For believing in me. Doesn’t make me any more eager for my future.

...Think I can trick my brother into taking my place? I mean, there can’t be that much of a difference between us. We’re twins after all.

Ugh I couldn’t do that to him. I’ve been trained since the Tests for this fight. Just the thought of seeing him stand against our dad makes me want to puke just a little. Hey, on the bright side he could totally throw the coolest Death Day party for me.

[midnightwire]

What I’m born for

There were lessons again today. I’ve been loaded with double the work and studies. Makes sense. The Trials are getting close. I’m not ready. I’m not. I don’t think I ever will be.

How did my dad ever do this? How was he able to stand against his mother for the crown? How did he succeed? I’ve seen him fight. I’ve trained with him. I can’t beat him. Only one of us is walking away and I can’t beat him.

I don’t want this. I never wanted this. ‘It is what you were born for. It is what you will die for.’ Great words of encouragement.

[midnightwire]

What makes a Jaurian

‘Duty. Honor. Efficiency. Brutality. That is what makes a Jaurian.’

I have exactly zero of those traits and im supposed to lead our people? Yeah, this is gonna go well. When my dad talks like that, it fills me with dread. But, can’t let him know that, can I? I’d be disgracing our entire damn bloodline. I’m supposed to be some ruthless killing machine like he is. Emotions aren’t welcome in Jaurians but I can’t help but feel terrified. How in the name of the Gentle One am I supposed to take up the crown when I can’t embody a single thing that our people look up to? Feels like I’m destined for failure.