midnightsruby

[midnightsruby]

Spiraling into the endless.

Lost within dreams of desire and despair. Tangled with Vines tightly wrapped around my heart..When will I wake? Or have I already met death and this is just my infinite punishment for being selfish.

The HEARTBREAK JOURNALS #18 -Oh God am I in hell? -10.25.22

[midnightsruby]

Like clockwork you have disappeared. Intertwined with her Inside the room with mirrors to remind me all the ways you are fucking me over.

Heartbreak Journal #17 - Please quiet the seconds. - 10.26.22

[midnightsruby]

You never seem to dissapoint when it comes to disappointing me.

Heartbreak Journals 16 - I never thought you would dig that low - 06.02.22

[midnightsruby]

My Ego.

Responsible for the turmoil im in and the battleground I stand on.

Standing in the middle of a war I didnt ask for. Cut, bruised, bloody and defeated.

Looking back at the version of myself that never truly existed.

How foolish to believe there was a version of me that was important to you.

The Heartbreak Journals #15 - Ego, you were supposed to be on my side. - 04.12.22

[midnightsruby]

Please Remember the Bad Things

Sitting in my fortitude of despair, I force myself to second guess every single memory me and you shared to justify why I choose me. I must remember the bad things.

The Heart Break Journals #13 - 03.02.22

[midnightsruby]

My Ego.

Responsible for the turmoil im in and the battleground I stand on.

Standing in the middle of a war I didnt ask for. Cut, bruised, bloody and defeated.

Looking back at the version of myself that never truly existed.

How foolish to believe there was a version of me that was important to you.

The Heartbreak Journals #15 - Ego, you were supposed to be on my side. - 04.12.22

[midnightsruby]

Rock Bottom Deep

Hands bleeding and bruised

Determined to dig deeper

If it means I get to stay with you.

Have you ever hit rock bottom and realized there's still space underneath to squeeze into? The Heartbreak Journals #14 - 04.07.22

[midnightsruby]

Rock Bottom Deep

Hands bleeding and bruised

Determined to dig deeper

If it means I get to stay with you.

Have you ever hit rock bottom and realized there's still space underneath to squeeze into? The Heartbreak Journals #14 - 04.07.22

[midnightsruby]

I don't think there's a name for what we were. We weren't friends. We weren't lovers. But we made each other smile in a way that didn't make sense to our rational brains. I guess we made each other happy, until one day, we didn't.

- augusta, until one day [part i]

[midnightsruby]

Please Remember the Bad Things

Sitting in my fortitude of despair, I force myself to second guess every single memory me and you shared to justify why I choose me. I must remember the bad things.

The Heart Break Journals #13 - 03.02.22

[midnightsruby]

Your Prized Possession

How can you not belong to me yet my bleeding heart fits perfectly in your hand like your very own spoils of war.

02.27.22 - The Heartbreak Journal Entry 12

[midnightsruby]

Toxic

I gulp down poison daily, like double shots of whisky and then wonder why I never feel normal.

The Heartbreak Journals - Entry 11 - 07.02.21

[midnightsruby]

Homeless

My home was in your arms and in the reassurance of your words when you would say lets go to bed, everynight. Now it's the cold darkness that I drift off into as ashes that rain from the sky slowly comfort me.

The Heartbreak Journals - Entry 10 07.01.21

[midnightsruby]

Tolerance

It's weird to think I would be ok with infidelity if it was just about satisfying the flesh. But what drives me crazy at night are the thoughts of your heart set ablaze of yearning and desire for her, wishing she was there instead of me.

The Heartbreak Journals - Entry #9 - 06.27.21

[midnightsruby]

Waves

Missing you is like being lost at Sea. Surrounded by the sounds of the water moving side to side. An occasional splash of water but then being knocked unexpectedly by a big wave that takes you under and as you get that one grasp for air, you are tumbling again trying not to suffocate.

The Heartbreak Journals Entry #8 - 06.26 21

[midnightsruby]

Enough

I know I'm enough. Theres value in what I have to offer but knowing that I will never be enough for the person I love is heartbreaking.

The Heartbreak Journals - Entry #7 06.21.21

[midnightsruby]

Field of Feels

Walking through this field. I am lost. Breathe in, Breathe out. I must remind myself. The emotions I am feeling will not devour me. They cannot destroy me. I will not be swallowed whole. I will not drown. I must accept them, embrace them even though it hurts. I must walk through this field of feels until I find my out. It won't be today but I have to keep moving

The Heartbreak Journals - Entry 6 - 06.02.21