michaelthedistortion - Tumblr blog

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billsona anyone? I probably shook hands over the dumbest shit

oh yes we both oh yes we both reached for the gun

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michael awareness poster

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They made divorce so expensive because they knew ppl would do it for kink reasons

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Between threatening Lena to give her a promotion, the “Can he read?” to Mr Bonzo, and now insulting Ink5oul, I’m starting to realise that Gwen has truly godly magnitudes of self confidence, and absolutely no ability to deal with the consequences of said confidence. She’s so pathetic I love her so much

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I have finally caught up on the magnus protocol

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Teeth weak as fuck why can't you be like bones

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oh hey I figured it out

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Can you fucking IMAGINE being Jurgen Leitner

Can you fucking imagine getting pipe murdered by Elias Motherfucking Bouchard? Can you imagine just looking up at this petty man in his 3-piece suit, 3000-dollar hair gel, and professionally fluffed Cravat and knowing that THIS is the way you are going to go down???

You have been lurking in the walls of this man’s basement like a toothless basilisk with a library science masters for literal YEARS and he’s done NOTHING but squint. But Today? TODAY?? The first time you’ve had contact with ANYONE who didn’t curbstomp you on SIGHT and Elias Fucking Bouchard and his babysoft, perfectly moisturized hands are going to find your neck faster than your student loan creditor. THIS manicured monster man. THIS smug knifecat incarnate. THIS Victorian trust fund baby is about to test out $10,000,000 worth of golf lessons on your fucking cranium and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. 

I know we like to come for Jurgen with Gerry shaped pitchforks sometimes, but can you fucking imagine admitting that THIS 10 shot, dairy free, 7 pump caramel, 5 pump vanilla, free range coffee bean, Frappuccino fucker taking you out faster than you can say harder daddy?? And you can’t even hide from god because that’s his whole shtick.

And you fucking KNOW hes going to feed your brutal pipe execution to his precious archivist on a silver spoon like lovingly regurgitated murder mush. He might even include airplane side effects.

It’s a good thing Elias worships the horrible giant googly eye in the clouds because the only way Jurgen can ever admit this happened would be if almighty Mike Wazowski himself struts down from the sky and compulses the whole humiliating affair out of him like Jurgen is a roughly human shaped tube of go-GERT.

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normalize being divorced without ever being married or having a romantic relationship or even necessarily mutually liking each other at all in the first place

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(and i’m climbing out right now)

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okay I've been seeing these around and I wanted to do one for the TMA cast. here's a random wheel (link) featuring every character I can remember with a speaking role + a couple extras who don't speak but are still important to the plot or that I thought would be funny

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((will post cleaned up version on my artblog sometime later))

WHY havent you mentioned will wears glasses till EPISODE FIVE i drew him and dorian while listening to ep1 and added ruth for ep2 but episode FIVE???

i just binged entire pit below paradise and now. now i am bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bi (extremely complimentary)

thank GOD it is no longer JUST ME doing the biting over this show

i wear these bite marks as a badge of honor 🫡🧡

welcome to the cult club

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i just binged entire pit below paradise and now. now i am bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bi (extremely complimentary)

thank GOD it is no longer JUST ME doing the biting over this show

i wear these bite marks as a badge of honor 🫡🧡

welcome to the cult club

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top five most important things you can give a character. 1. bisexuality. 2. autism. 3. so much negative rizz it loops around into irresistibility. 4. so many bad events. 5. a coping mechanism that’s cute and silly provided you don’t think about it too hard

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you want to listen to my angsty gay cult sacrifice romcom podcast sooooo bad

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so i MIGHT be listening to the magnus protocol

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