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[mica-abesamis]

Life After Graduation

When I graduated last year, I was uncertain of what I wanted to do with my degree. For most of my adult life (which I guess is not a lot of years considering I am only twenty-two years old) I pictured myself working as a successful photographer, attending parties in rooftops, exchanging numbers with celebrities, and taking photos for magazines. But after immersing myself in the industry, I learned that magazines are actually horrible and they never pay their contributors.

Option B was to become a tv personality. I thought I could make it as a housemate in PBB (or Pinoy Big Brother if you’re unfamiliar with local tv). But after exerting zero effort, I realized, life does not grant you wishes you do not work hard for.

A lot of my post-graduate aspirations were born out of vanity and my excessive use of social media. I spent a huge chunk of my time watching videos on youtube and religiously following youtubers, wishing I was part of their cliques. I envied their lifestyles, their perfectly curated instagram profiles, but I’ve digressed a little from what I really wanted to say.

Life after graduation was, and is, a lot of things – exciting, terrifying, and a lot of times, challenging. It's exciting to daydream about goals and opportunities, but the thought of applying for a job and the uncertainty of the future can be quite terrifying.

When I first got calls for interviews I was incredibly anxious, I came into every interview thinking I wouldn't be able to last, that I was not meant for a desk job. By March I got offered a creative designer position at Ray-Ban. Accomplishing requirements was on another level in terms of stress and anxiety. I had to get my social security number, health insurance ID, quite literally take a shit in a cup, get my police clearance, the list goes on. I did a lot of things for the first time, but as much as those things scared me I'm going to miss being that clueless fresh grad ready to take on the world. Now I'm just a jaded adult ready to take on anything that involves money.

A lot has changed over the past year since I’ve graduated. I got to experience a lot of firsts, too. First magazine feature (photos of my face, quotes from the interview, the whole thing!), first corporate job, first campaign, first paycheck, first bleached hair experience (which unfortunately was shortlived), and last but not the least, my first real break-up. 

I’ve grown so much as a person, still a bit lost, but I’m in a really good place right now and for that I can only be grateful.  I wish I can properly articulate the feelings that I have towards my first year as a graduate, the struggle, the joy, all of it. But for now this will have to do.

[mica-abesamis]

February

February was all kinds of chaotic, I challenged myself to shoot every weekend and I'm happy I was able to have done that. It was a really busy month, but nonetheless it had a lot of great moments. This post is going to be a list of all my favorite things from last month ranging from shoots to tv shows to loveteams (I had to include it). I had seven shoots last month! I shot in a studio, I shot for a local brand, I even shot for Young Star! It's overwhelming to think I was given all that in a month, I never realized how insane February was until now.

To start off, I guess I should begin with a bit of a background. I used to hate the idea of shooting inside a studio - paying large amounts of money, setting up lights on your own, staying inside small spaces for hours, none of it appealed to me, but last month I was able to or more accurately I was forced to withdraw all my inhibitions about studio set ups because I was hired by two students to take photos of their thesis designs. I was clueless, half the time I was just pretending to know what I was doing, but it went well and I learned a lot in the process. I enjoyed that commissioned shoot, but not enough to consider it as my favorite. My favorite studio shoot from last month happened a week after that. I shot with Jeline Catt and Bea Marin! Those girls are so easy to work with.

I also listed down my shoot with Angela Martinez as one of my favorites from February. I adore her, she's the sweetest girl I've ever met and it's amazing how different she is when faced with a camera. She's very professional and also very generous with handing out freshly baked cookies!

Favorite TV Shows

Last month I got back to watching Korean Dramas (and as my boyfriend would say, kinain na ako ng sistema). Late to the party, but I love Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo! If I were to decribe it in two words I'd say cute and heartwarming. There are so many reasons why I love the show, but I think what contributes most to its charm is its simplicity. Often in Korean Dramas you will find a poor girl, an extremely wealthy protagonist, an obnoxious antagonist, a doctor probably, and a ridiculous conflict to motivate the whole plot, but in Weightlifting Fairy everyone was ordinary.

Okay, let's talk about the characters. How do I even begin to explain my love for Bok Joo and Joon Hyung? I love the fact that were flawed, Bok Joo and Joon Hyung (and the rest of the ensemble) were relatable and the struggles they went through were very honest and believable. As per their relationship together I love how convincing the development was, everything felt genuine and mature. They were independent, they had their own lives and personalities and they respected each other enough not to meddle in each other's decisions (see: when Bok Joo was holding a protest with her team and Joon Hyung came to support and keep her warm instead of asking her to stop) (okay see also: when Bok Joo got in the national team Joon Hyung cheered her on and even took it as motivation to do better so he could follow her to Taerung). They're so cute I just I can't.

Now I know this is turning into a ten-page essay, but before I end this I just want to say that I love the minor characters just as much as I love Bok Joo and Joon Hyung. From Bok Joo's dad and uncle to Sean Ok and Nan Hee, even Si Ho was quite admirable. The whole ensemble just works, really. My love for the show is unfathomable so forgive me for the ugly composition and the terrible grammar!

Favorite Music

Last month I kept listening to the song From Now On from Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo's soundtrack just because it's such a feel good song and it brings back a lot of the joy I felt from watching the show. Aside from that I repeatedly sang along to I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Trying To Get You Off (Me and You) and old songs by Chris Brown like Superhuman, Next To You, and Crawl.

Favorite Youtubers

When I'm not shooting or working I'm almost always watching a youtube video on my phone. Last month I got really into youtubers and a couple of my favorites are Cat Creature (I love her), The Line Up, Conan Gray, and Negative Feedback! I'm obsessed with the quality of their work and the content they put out. I appreciate their individual styles and I think their videos are impressive. If you're into calm videos and chatty vlogs I would definitely recommend Cat Creature and Conan Gray, if you're more into fashion I'd recommend The Line Up, and if you're into photography like me you should really check out Negative Feedback.

Favorite Loveteams

Okay eto na. It's no secret, but I am obsessed with Joshlia. If you're not familiar with the loveteam it's a team up between Joshua Garcia and Julia Barretto. Before their film together, I had no opinion of Joshua while I kind of disliked Julia, but after watching their movie I was totally converted into a fan! I'm such a big fan that I even dedicated a whole thread on twitter explaining why I love them. If you woud like to see the thread (and see me talk about their loveteam on a daily basis) you can follow me on twitter!

Anyway I feel like I've talked a whole bunch in this post so I should probably stop. If you're still reading up to this point, thank you. I can't believe you had the attention span to actually finish all that, but nonetheless I'm grateful. If you like anything about this post or if we share the same interests please leave a comment down below, I'd be happy to discuss them with you! I really appreciate comments, it means a lot to me when people take the time and effort to let me know that my posts are worth reading.

Til the next post!

Love always, Mica

[mica-abesamis]

New Routine

I've been neglecting my blog these past few weeks because life has been busy and exhausting and incredible all at the same time. To get you up to speed, I turned 21 about an eternity ago and around the same time I also started working as an intern. I work in a corporate office which is not as glamorous or as inspiring as I imagined my internship to be, but the view from our floor is spectacular so I'm not complaining.

I go to the office five days a week then I squeeze in shoots on weekends. It's extremely tiring to go out everyday and work, to run on five or six hours of sleep, but I always feel accomplished and in all honesty I'm grateful for the routine that I've fallen into. I start my day early, finish my tasks, check up on my e-mails, etc. At the end of the day it feels great to have done something productive instead of having my body glued to my bed.

Before I end this post, just want to congratulate Hope San Pedro on winning my birthday giveaway! Also, just announcing this here to let everyone know that somebody actually won (in case you were being suspicious). I'll share my recent shoots in a different post, but for now allow me to leave photos of myself, my boyfriend, and our puppy, from when life was a lot less chaotic.

Love always,

Mica

[mica-abesamis]

Happy Birthday, Young Star!

Whenever I'm at an event, 90% of the time it's because I was hired to cover it. Walk around, observe people, take photos, that's my job. I don't get invited to events that often so imagine my surprise when I got invited to #YSProm as a guest.

For lack of a better word, I was #shookt when I got invited to #YSProm, but at the same time I was excited because parties are fun and parties are almost synonymous with free food. I didn't care so much for the celebrities that were going to be there, but I was really thrilled at the thought that maybe, just maybe, Shaira Luna would be there, too. And as expected she was there! I even got to talk to her! And touch her! No, wait, that sounded wrong. What I meant was, I was able to shake her hand and caress her arms like the awkward human being that I am. It was definitely the highlight of the night. My biggest regret on the other hand, was not asking for a photo with her.

I came with my boyfriend at the party and we basically spent the whole night talking about the people that were there and laughing at how weird it was that we were there with them. My online friends were also there which was really nice, because I haven't seen them in a long time. I was also able to meet a few poeple I only followed on social media. I ate a lot, my boyfriend peed A LOT (annoyed me how frequently he went to the bathroom) overall, it was a really fun night. I made a short video if you'd like to see what went down at Young Star's 20th birthday!

Thanks for reading!

Love Always,

Mica

[mica-abesamis]

Finding Comfort in Strangers

Earlier today (technically yesterday) I found myself crying in front of a woman I had never spoken to before. I was about to enroll myself in school, hopeful that everything would be fine despite my huge balance, when the woman at the accounting office asked me about paying off everything. I was silent for a few moments and then I said, "I can't give you an exact date," to which she answered, "Well I can't give you an exact answer". The woman refused to enroll me and as if on cue, my tears started to fall.

As embarrassed as I was, I couldn’t control the outpour of my tears. It wasn’t because I wanted to go to school so badly -- trust me, I would rather work and help my parents out, nor did it have anything to do with the situation specifically, but it was just months and months of accumulated tears that simply had to leave my system already.

Since the beginning of this year, our family had to go through changes -- my mother deciding to settle here in the Philippines after years of working overseas, my parents getting separated, and my siblings transferring miles away from me. When my parents got separated my mother left with my brother and sister. I didn’t dwell on their leaving too much and tried to go on with my life as normal as I could. I didn’t have anyone to talk to so I kept everything close to my chest, held within tight fists and locked inside a cage of rib bones.

It was my first time to open up to someone about what happened. Every time I tried to speak up I cried. I told the woman how different our lives are now and how difficult things are financially, but the main reason why I cried was because I remembered my parents. I remembered my mother who’s training from 10pm to 6am on a daily basis so she could hopefully land a job and I remembered my father who always has to drown in debt to get us by. We were never rich, but I admire my parents tremendously because they work so hard and even in their separation they both find ways to make ends meet.

After our conversation, the woman asked me to write a letter. I wrote down everything albeit rather personal. Afterwards she allowed me to enroll.

It was weird having to narrate my story to a stranger, but it felt nice to have someone listen to you without prejudice and without feeling like you’re wasting their time. I now realize how it’s important to talk or in this case write, about the things that cause you pain so you can move on from it. I may not be the best writer, and I may not have articulated the story that I wanted to tell as well as I aspired to, but I feel a lot better now. I find comfort in knowing that there are strangers out there who will listen and understand.

It’s 3:09 am, I think it’s time to say good night.

[mica-abesamis]

Life Lately

I keep forgetting to document my life and as a result everything just seems to be a blur to me. It's impossible to recall every single detail of the days that have passed, but here's an attempt to remembering at least the important ones.

About a week ago, I left Manila to visit my mom and my siblings (necessary backstory: our parents got separated earlier this year). I haven’t seen them in two months and although I would never admit it to their faces, I really did miss them. Ask sixteen year old me about the idea of living alone and she’d be ecstatic, but now that it’s actually a reality (and now that I live without photoshop installed in my laptop) it gets pretty lonely, too. Mondays are usually more exciting though and less lonely because my dad and I talk about Game of Thrones.

Anyway, we celebrated all of their birthdays last week; my mom on the third, my dad on the fourth, and my brother on the seventh of June. My brother’s birthday was definitely the highlight of my stay there because we ate at an A+ buffet, but even though I had a lot of fun it was still pretty bittersweet, I kept thinking about how different our lives are now, how different they're going to be, and how difficult things will be financially.

When I flew back to Manila, life also went back to being mundane. I wake up, pretend to be productive, watch tv, eat, and then sleep. That's kind of my daily routine now. On rare occasions I get to watch gigs and annoy my boyfriend, but on most days I just stay at home.

Speaking of gigs, my boyfriend's band played at Saguijo bar a few weeks ago! I always find myself in awe when he performs because he's a whole different person on stage (a lot more awkward but a lot cuter as well).

I wish I could expound on how proud I am of him, but it's already 3:43 am and I'm afraid my brain can't function anymore.

[mica-abesamis]

Indie Fest Photo Diary

Jack Daniel's Future Legends Indie Fest got me weak at the knees -- both literally (as in di na ko makalakad) and figuratively. By the time the event was over I felt like a ninety year old with arthritis, but the bliss in my heart definitely subdued the pain in my joints.

Aldrin and I went to Globe Circuit in Makati at around five, we had trouble getting inside at first, but things worked out eventually and we got in for free! Although we were relieved when we finally got in, I still felt a little heartbroken because we missed Tom's Story. But then while we were watching Oh, Flamingo perform, destiny decided to be kind and placed a dancing Gabba Santiago right in front of me!

When Jensen and the Flips graced the stage Jensen Gomez said something that I think really struck everyone, "Kaya natin punuin tong circuit nang walang international bands". The number of people who came to support local talent was overwhelming, ang daming tao kahit walang Aldub o Jadine. The local music scene is alive and thriving. I hope that a lot more people support the bands that try to make it in the industry instead of saying OPM is dead, because they're all so incredibly talented!

After a long day of singing, dancing, walking around, and internal crying, listening to Up Dharma Down really was the perfect way to end the night. Armi Millare is amazing beyond words!

Jack Daniel's Indie Fest was one for the books and will certainly hold a special place in my heart, I left the event with nothing but hope and love for the local indie scene.

[mica-abesamis]

Red Light District

[mica-abesamis]

I haven't written anything for the longest time because I'm never sure of what I'm supposed to talk about, and even now that I’m writing this I’m still searching in the deepest corners of my brain for things to say. I guess I'll begin by saying that I'm trying to commit to film. I've always loved grain and I love how film makes a photo feel like a genuine memory instead of just another item in my instagram gallery. A lot of the photos I see now look manufactured to get likes, and as much as I appreciate the art and effort sometimes it just feels like a competition. Shooting in film stops me from obsessing over a shot because I can never know for sure if I took a good one, what matters is that I did take one in that moment.

Appropriately shot in film, these are faces that came from different phases (although admittedly I just said that because it rhymed). I wish I could narrate how they made my life feel like a movie with all their cheesy lines and complexity, but doing so would reveal each individual's story. And I don't think that their stories are mine to tell. The gist of it all is that they made me realize how people are temporary -- friends, crushes, you can never assure if tomorrow they'll feel differently.