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undercover villain with suspicious hero.. literally, nobody else realizes villain is evil expect the hero LMAO
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Prompt (534)
The villain’s snapped their fingers in the hero’s face. “Hey! I’m kidnapping you right now. At least try to fight back.”
The hero yawned. “I haven’t slept in three days. This is the perfect excuse to take a long nap. Carry on.”
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“Again,” the villain said. Their voice was like honey. “Say it again, please.”
The hero sighed softly. They knew their nemesis was quite dramatic, but this seemed a little too excessive. The hero wouldn’t be surprised if the villain revealed they were recording them just to listen to the hero repeating it over and over again.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” the hero said.
“Hm.” The villain gave them a once-over and put one thigh on the other. They tilted their head.
Honestly, the hero wasn’t in the mood for games, but they were also aware of the villain’s personality. Angering them was a stupid mistake, mocking them wasn’t smart either.
If they wanted the villain’s help — and they needed, undeniably, inevitably their enemy’s help — they needed to play nice. But that didn’t mean the hero was going to submit entirely. It wasn’t in their nature to drop to their knees desperately and beg.
“One more time?” the hero asked. They smiled, as if it was a joke the two of them shared.
“No, that’s enough for now. Sit down.” The villain pointed at the chair on the other side of their desk and the hero followed their command. They couldn’t help but clench their fists, though. “How can I help you, dear?”
“I…” The hero stared at their own hands. Unfortunately, the villain was their only option. How utterly frustrating. “My friend has been missing for two months now. I thought maybe you could-”
“Two months?” The villain leaned back in their chair, raising their eyebrows. “They’re probably dead, then. Is there something else you want from me?”
“Hold on, they’re not dead.” The hero frowned. “They were working on this project and investigated an underground criminal network. I need you…”
They stopped. Just like the hero, the villain didn’t like to be ordered around. The hero understood that perfectly. Understood like no one else how trapped one felt while following commands.
They tried to soften their voice a little.
“I’d like you to find them. Please, you’re my last hope.”
They stared at each other.
“A journalist friend?” the villain asked curiously.
“Yes.”
“Then they’re definitely dead.” Their voice was definite.
“Hey, stop saying that. They’re not dead.” The hero stood up, ready to get into some kind of fight, but they reconsidered. Their heart was beating in their throat, chills ran down their spine. Fighting in the villain’s home wasn’t going to get them closer to the truth. “Please, I…I can pay you. I can work for you, I can…they have a family and I promised to protect them. I’d do anything to get them back, they’re like a sibling to me. Please.”
The villain stared at them, saying nothing.
“Please,” the hero repeated.
“Sit and calm down,” the villain instructed and the hero dropped back into the chair. It didn’t even occur to them that they were in fact, following the villain’s commands without questioning. Finally, the villain stood up and walked around the table. “You’d do anything, you say?”
They twirled a loose strand of the hero’s hair around their index finger. For some reason, the hero’s body couldn’t determine if it was calming down or if it was terrified of the villain.
The hero’s breath hitched when they realised how close the villain was.
“Anything,” the hero said quietly.
“Now that’s quite the stake, hm?” Their index finger touched the hero’s cheekbone and the hero’s heartbeat skyrocketed. The hero didn’t say anything. “What if I want to keep you forever?”
The hero’s eyes widened. They hadn’t thought of that.
Their eyes met the villain’s and their enemy started smirking.
“Ah, I love it when you speak without thinking. It’s adorable to watch you come to terms with the consequences,” the villain purred. Their thumb found the hero’s chin. “You have no idea how adorable you are when that sense of justice takes over you.”
“Please,” the hero said. They closed their eyes, gathered themselves. “I mean it. Keep me if that is what you want. I just need them to be safe in their home.”
The villain’s features hardened a little.
“You really mean that?” Apparently, the villain had joked about keeping the hero. The hero could have bitten off their own tongue, but if that was the only way, the hero was ready.
“I do.”
The villain waited, stared at the hero, reconsidered.
“Fine. I will find them, but in return I want you to stay with me.”
“Deal.” The hero supposed they were a little reckless, but other people had always been their priority.
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I got them all at Christmas and just recently got around to restyling them all
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The Wayne family decide to do a 24 hour charity livestream. It quickly descends into chaos and so many new memes are born.
The highlights include:
- Everyone painting along to a Bob Ross video - Steph's painting somehow catches fire (it was Damian).
- Damian challenges his brothers to a lightsaber duel
- All the kids vs Tim at Call of Duty. Tim wins.
- Dick kicking everyone's asses at Twister
- Dick and Jason try the milk gallon challenge. It does not end well.
- Tim tasers Jason. They get a paramedic to supervise. It takes both Bruce and Dick to hold Jason steady. Tim is grinning evilly the entire time.
- They try to play Werewolf but for some reason they let Stephanie be the "overseer" - goes about as well as you'd think.
- Bruce killing is at karaoke
- They read fanfiction of themselves. Jason gives constructive criticism.
- The most chaotic game of Cards Against Humanity to ever happen
- Superman makes a guest appearance to read some bedtime stories
- Damian has school the next day so he can't stay the whole time but he does introduce all his animals before he heads off to bed. There are about four new ones Bruce didn't know about.
- Bruce shows off all his kids' baby photos. No one knows where he got them from.
- There is a "Wheel of Destiny". They spin it every hour and whatever it lands on, everyone has to complete that task.
- Barbara is there mostly to monitor the livestream and donations and also tell embarrassing stories about the Wayne kids
- Just Dance Rasputin
- Cass tries to teach her dad and brothers ballet. Dick and Tim do pretty well, but Jason tries a pirouette and lands on his ass.
- Tim does drag to Like A Prayer by Madonna. This is how his siblings find out about Caroline Hill.
- Duke reads some of his poetry. It makes Dick cry.
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Sorry I haven’t posted much, I got very caught up at work. But fun story, Red Hood apparently is at a bunch of the drag shows downtown, like a few months ago when I was there I saw him, and then someone got a video of him at the one last weekend and put it on TikTok

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can someone please explain what exactly happened during dashcon to me? i can summarize it but it sounds fun and i think it could work if it was better organized
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The Blobjob (Detonium Interactive - PC - 1998)
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foreshadowing done well makes me go feral like there’s NOTHING better than getting to the end a book or an important storyline moment and realising that the author laced information so intricately into their writing that weren’t noticeable upon first read but when you read back sections they’re light giant red flags like wow writing is amazing
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foreshadowing done well makes me go feral like there’s NOTHING better than getting to the end a book or an important storyline moment and realising that the author laced information so intricately into their writing that weren’t noticeable upon first read but when you read back sections they’re light giant red flags like wow writing is amazing
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There is a word I’m not allowed to use. I love it. I love it so much. But my darling beloved wife hates it with a fiery passion.
I came across it from Anne Lister’s diary, where she says that she would “grubble under women’s skirts” and honestly. The word perfectly encapsulates the fumbling feeling of fighting your way through layers of fabric to reach the promised pussy land.
However the word has been forbidden, reviled from the first moment my beloved heard it. They shuddered and it’s truly one of the only restrictions they’ve ever placed on my vocabulary so I don’t say it. But I do think it, on occasion.
Sometimes the word will pop into my head and I will think it too hard and my wife will turn and glare at me and accuse, “I know you’re thinking it!”
“But I didn’t say it!” I protest. But they’re always right. Even with no context they always know when I’m thinking it.
Today I told my wife, “I shared the unmentionable word with Astrid today and she quite enjoyed it. She repeated it several times.”
They bellowed liked a dying wildebeest and said, “I can go months without remembering that word exists and then it comes up again. It’s so disgusting, it’s what Sméagol would do on the ground digging for worms!”
I was laughing and protested, “It sounds like fighting through skirts, the groping around.”
“No! That is something that happens in the muck and the filth. It’s negative sexy.
“Bet you're gonna take to Tumblr and share it and some people are gonna be like, ‘Oh what a great word! We should definitely use that in our lexicon. Top tier word!’ And you know what? THEYRE WRONG. GARBAGE WORD. GROSS.”
I listened to their impassioned hatred while cuddled in their arms and radiated love at them and remorse for having reminded them about the existence of grubbling. But now you get to hear about it. As a treat.
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for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits
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“You know,” the hero said, as they touched down on the villain’s rooftop. “People keep telling me I’m yours.”
“Do they.”
The villain seemed entirely unperturbed by both the statement and the intrusion; eyes possibly closed behind their shades, all artful laziness as they sprawled upon a deckchair by the pool. Their long limbs seemed to stretch for miles of unmarred skin. It was obscene. A brazen promise that the villain needed no armour, no defences, whatsoever.
“With varied looks of awe, jealousy and absolute terror,” the hero said.
A smirk curled the villain’s lips, then, just briefly.
“You wouldn’t happen,” the hero crossed the space between them, “to know anything about that, would you?”
The villain slid the shades up when the hero blocked the sun; looming over them, hands on hips. Their head tilted as they considered the hero. Their gaze simmered.
The hero leaned down slowly, bracing their arms on the back of their chair on either side of the villain’s shoulders. They raised their eyebrows to repeat the question.
“You know,” the villain said, “normally when you get in a mood to interrogate me it’s at least about less obvious things. Don’t tell me you’re getting slow on me now. You’re much too young and pretty to be taken round back and shot because you’re past working age.”
“I’m not yours.”
“Babe.”
It seemed impossible that one word, so fond and so mocking all at once, could contain quite so much chiding. The hero’s face burned.
“I didn’t agree to this.”
“And I’m sure the earth didn’t sit down and have a formal chat about orbiting with the sun either,” the villain said, “and the moon didn’t negotiate tide times with the ocean. C’est la vie. The facts of the universe remain.”
“I’m pretty sure we are not a fact of the universe.”
“And yet…” The villain hooked their fingers into the front of the hero’s shirt, tugging them closer, until their lips were inches apart. “Like a gravitational pull, here you are.”
The hero kissed them, then, savagely.
It was their first kiss, but the villain didn’t miss a beat. They slid their legs apart so that the hero could settle with one knee on the lounger braced between them. They tugged the hero’s shirt again like perfect choreography, the elegant execution of another mastermind plan, drawing the hero closer still. They claimed the hero’s mouth, in turn, despite the fact that it was so clearly not a claim that needed making.
“You are such a piece of work,” the hero muttered, breathless. The moved to bite the villain’s neck, obnoxiously higher than the line of their collar. “You can’t just go around telling people I belong to you. Screw you.”
The villain laughed. Their other hand slid around the hero’s back, sun-soaked palm smoothing down before their fingers squeezed the hero’s arse. Their bodies rocked together, pooling heat treacherous and molten in the pit of the hero’s stomach, making them gasp. The villain’s other hand stayed locked around the hero’s shirt, keeping them close.
“Babe,” the villain said again, all teeth and delighted, terribly delightful malice. “Do you really still think I had to? Do you actually think that’s a conversation I bothered to have?”
“…Ugh.”
The villain caught the hero’s chin, turning their head up again. They captured the hero’s mouth in another fierce kiss, and it did feel as inevitable as gravity, as inescapable as a riptide.
The hero was mortified to hear a small moan leave them.
“People are going to think I have terrible taste,” the hero said. “Oh my god.”
“You do have terrible taste,” the villain said. “We could have been doing this ages ago if you weren’t so stubborn.”
“I’m not yours.”
“Say that again when you manage to stop kissing me.”
The hero huffed. They forced themselves to stop, panting, and immediately missed the feel of the villain’s lips against them.
The villain laughed again, shaking their head. They slid their hand from the hero’s collar, up to their throat, fingers splaying over the hero’s racing pulse.
“I don’t mind you fighting it,” the villain said. They bit their lip, eyes dark. Their thumb caressed the hero’s jugular. “You know I like watching you fight. But you hate liars, babe, so at least do us both the courtesy of not being such an unconvincing hypocrite. You wouldn’t stand up anywhere near so well under my interrogation.”
The hero glared at them. They didn’t protest again, though. The villain wasn’t wrong after all. They tried not to think what that brand of interrogation might entail. They failed.
“I hate you,” the hero said, instead, and it didn’t feel like enough.
“Mm.” The villain was once more unperturbed by such a declaration. “You’re still blocking my sun. Your options are to either move, or I’m putting you beneath me. I need to get my back anyway.”
The obvious option was to move. To fly away the way they’d come and keep flying. The hero's heart pounded in their ears. Want drummed through their veins, like poison.
“Maybe I’m not yours,” the hero said. “Maybe you’re mine.”
"Oh, love.” In an instant, the villain had flipped them.
The hero’s breath hitched.
The villain, oh so leisurely, straddled the hero’s hips.
The hero imagined the villain’s hands on their wrists, pinning them down, taking what was wanted without the hero needing to ask or give up anything. Their mouth felt dry.
The villain looked at the hero like they knew, too well, all the ways in which defiance could be surrender. Mere bravado. A lie that the villain was only thinly indulging, and only because they were getting their way anyway.
The hero swallowed.
The villain smiled. They leaned down and pressed the gentlest of kisses to the hero’s lips – just enough to stoke the fire – and then settled. Cuddled. It would have been sweet on someone else, if it wasn’t so infuriating. If the hero didn’t feel like they were about to explode. Itching for a fight or – or –
“Of course I’m yours, babe,” the villain said, against their ear. “Do you really think that’s going to save you?”
No.
No, as the hero stared up at the gloriously clear blue skies, they really rather thought they were screwed.
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The GREEN Dragon
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