messymind-clearheart

[messymind-clearheart]

7 Feb 2016

If she’s just a friend

Why did you lie about her being single?

[messymind-clearheart]

I pick at my skin

Each scab, scar, and poc mark a notch in my skin to remember all the times I’ve been anxious or worried

I cut my hair to stop myself from pulling it out

I clutch my arms to stop myself from picking

I’m disappointed to see red crescent marks indented on my arms every time I’m anxious

I need to be aware all the time of what I’m doing when I’m not mentally here

[messymind-clearheart]

I'd be okay with dying, but i haven't given my work two week's notice yet

[messymind-clearheart]

I get drunk when i tell you not to

And i get stoned when i tell you i hate weed

Its fun being a hypocrite

But who would was to listen to me?

[messymind-clearheart]

The best thing about social media

Is it's easy to make yourself sad with no other plans besides work in eight hours, free after that in fourteen

With nothing to do until dragging yourself out of bed on monday morning with

Just stay in bed

Ringing throughout your inner thoughts trying to push back all the progress you've made

But social media is where you can confirm that his ex is a lot prettier

Or convince your friends who are no longer your friends are having the time of their lives ignoring you

Its also where you can see people cracking under the burden of life, the constant push and struggle between

I might make it out of bed today and I actually did my makeup

It's a dangerous tool for your heart to use when youre not fit to operate heavy machinery

[messymind-clearheart]

I think I'm finally over it

I can think about september without a barage of "what if"s, and "if only i had"s, and "I wish I could take that back"s.

I am at peace, and i hope you're doing well.

[messymind-clearheart]

If you use! more!! exclamation marks!!!! youll seem!!! less! sad!!!!!

[messymind-clearheart]

Have you ever felt like there was static stuck underneath your skin?

[messymind-clearheart]

What idiot called it falling in love?

Falling is fast, terrifying, over before you know it. Its sinking in love. Equally as terrifying, but slow and creeping. Not realizing youre trapped until youre waste deep, cant grab a hold of an anchor, and slipping deeper and deeper towards the bottom, hoping it never runs out, never having to feel the pain of it ending

Sinking down, down, down, every passing moment more uncertain than the last

Id prefer to sink in love than fall into it. I never want this to end

[messymind-clearheart]

I had been listening to the wrong kind of Watsky

While overlooking where you've been and how many miles, i was too distracted with how it would all turn out. I left a first time to the end of summer; that first time became a last time, and i cant help but think

What could have happened if I had been brave earlier?

[messymind-clearheart]

Im sorry for the way things turned out

Summer was cut short

And our trio is a duo

And you cant stand the sight of us

Im sorry we've moved on and you're still stuck