Feelings, Thoughts, Hopes and Dreams and The Occasional Poem
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I’m a Mom…
I had my first child 16 days ago. I spent my whole life trying to avoid having a baby, and lol and behold , my IUD fell out, and I got careless and wound up having a baby. I didn’t have ANY of the normal pregnancy symptoms, so I didn’t know I was pregnant. I had preeclampsia, and I almost died. My baby saved my life and I am sorry she got stuck with me as a mom.
I have no idea what I am doing. My mom abandoned me and my siblings when I was about 12 years old and she never looked back. I was always and still afraid that one day I will turn my back on my baby. My baby doesn’t deserve that and I don’t deserve to be my baby’s mom. I have an amazing husband and he is such an amazing father to our baby. He found his purpose in our baby’s eyes and I am still trying to find mine. I love our baby, and I love him. But I am still so scared for her.
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Why Did I Get Married?
Why do we get married? It’s just the same person driving us crazy and making us do things that we are not normally comfortable doing if we were single. Idk, i guess i am just ranting.
Sometimes I would really like to be single again.
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Idk what this is but I think it’s cute
Strawberry Shortcake
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Oh my god...I’m the creep😢😢
All I’ve ever wanted since I was a teenager was a bf/gf or both 😉
Now, I will never have my chance, cuz I’m the creep. I hate my life. I hate myself. I don’t want to be a person with feelings😢😢😢
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https://guynewyork.tumblr.com/post/629885269548662784/music-asks-these-are-actually-pretty-fucking-hard
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An Ode to my Lover
I feel your hands on my body, whenever I’m in the shower washing the suds from my skin.
When I think I’m alone, I can feel you undressing me with your eyes as a seductive grin crosses my lips.
When I lose myself in my thoughts of you, I can hear myself screaming and moaning your name like it’s fucking gospel.
Please, I need you now. Please fuck me again and again until I can’t remember my own name. I just want you to take me over and remind me, who’s your favorite girl
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You know what sucks the most about being bisexual? Being attracted to girls who never return your feelings, but somehow, whenever you turn around there is a line of dudes just waiting to throw their phone number at you. Just once, I would like to not get rejected by a girl...just once. Being bi, has not helped my self esteem
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What do I do?
I suffer from very low self esteem, and I keep telling myself that if I have an “hourglass” body I will feel better about myself. But I’ve also been told no matter what I do or give to myself to make myself feel better, I never will feel better about myself. So what do I do? I don’t want to stop exercising because it is good for me. But I can’t keep working for something that will never make me happy. So, what do I do?
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Michael B. Jordan is so adorable. He has a great smile, he’s funny and kinda dorky. And if I ever get to meet him, we can talk about Naruto and Dragonball. So cool.
So I he’s my new crush, but it won’t last. He’ll meet some beautiful girl, they will date for a while, and then he will marry her. I always make sure to keep that thought in the back of my head so I keep myself grounded in the reality that I am just a fan girl and my existence means nothing to him.
Anyway, that’s my random thought for the night. I’m glad I still have this active, even if no one sees this anymore. 🤓🤓
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Something has to change
Working in fast food, is bad for you. It fucks with your self esteem, your self worth. Your entire outlook on people and life is completely fucked. Every day and every hour I spend at my fast food job, reminds me that no one cares about me. The “customer” only cares about feeding their entire family with all this garbage food, and the higher ups only care about how much money they make.
So, I have decided that when the time comes, I am getting out of my shitty fast food job, and I am getting back to school to go for a technical career. Something that may be beneficial to me and my husband in the long run. I will apply in August. Wish me luck.
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Update on, me I guess
So my husband and I have been at odds with each other about our health issues and doing better for ourselves. It’s been a real struggle for me, mainly just because my low self esteem gets in the way and sometimes I can’t get past it. So that led to me, dropping my exercise routine and going back to eating fast food for almost every meal, and then the binge snacking. Basically I was filling my body with trash and treating my body like trash, and my husband wasn’t having it anymore.
So I have started to try, and I mean REALLY try to get back into exercising and toning my body and just making sure I stay on track. So I got an Amazon cart set up with exercise tools I can use to target the areas I am trying to work on. And a knock off fitness tracker. And also, I have taken up belly dancing in between that to give my body as sexy relaxing way to get in shape. So wish me luck world. I’m gonna need all the support I can get
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https://blue—rain.tumblr.com/
via weheartit
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Rant
I can post this cuz no one reads this. But Chris Evans had my heart until I found out he was a NPC. Now, I don’t have a celebrity to crush on. Damn.
Well enough about that, now on to the real reason I am here. I’m here to trash talk myself cuz this is the only place where I can do it and no one will give a flying f***!!
I’m not very good at taking care of myself, I admit it. But I do bathe, and keep my hair maintained, so I don’t look trashy, but I am very unmotivated to look good cuz I suffer from low self esteem and I have for most of my life. I grew up with a mom who was more concerned with who her next piece of d*** was gonna be, more than building up her kids self esteem. Now I am 30 years old just trying to “accept my ugly” . It’s hard, because when I see myself in the mirror, sometimes I like what I see. But most days, when I look in the mirror, I don’t know what my husband sees in me that’s so attractive other than I have size 38DD boobs. Even he will tell you that, I go to extremes with my personality. I either like it, or I’m a fat piece of shit and that’s just how I have always been. Trying to change myself is hard. I started to get things I needed to try and do something about my appearance and I couldn’t because I have adult responsibilities. I wish I could just grow up and accept myself the way I am.
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