merlins-kat

[merlins-kat]

pro-abortion. pro-divorce. i believe we have the god-given right to give up

[merlins-kat]

They found her less than 5 miles from her house. Her hair was tangled with weeds and her fingernails were bent back with dirt; she'd been digging.

Digging even long after her body was drained of blood. Digging in frantic, sloppy movements. Digging to reach █████████ █████ ███████?

[merlins-kat]

[merlins-kat]

I'm proud of you for making it this far.

[merlins-kat]

So there is a lot of bad stuff going on right now, and I'm sure there are lots of people feeling hopeless and thinking of suicide. Well, I've been suicidal for 21 years and I have a few practical pieces of advice for surviving that I rarely see in other places but I think have done more to keep me off the ledge than almost anything.

1. Don't feel guilty for wanting to kill yourself. Life can be extremely painful, and you are not weak, a coward, or irrational for considering the obvious way to alleviate that pain. Guilt on top of the rest of your pain will not help, and you are not a bad person. You are going to have to tell yourself this a lot.

2. If you think you might do it, find an excuse to live. This is different from a reason to live in that it is short term and shallow. For years my excuse was that I still had enough money to buy a pizza and I'd be damned if I didn't get my last pizza before I died, and if i still wanted to kill myself after the pizza then I had lost nothing. I swear this kept me alive through some of the hardest years of my life.

3. If you have an online friend you can trust, ask if they would be willing to do check in duty occasionally on your worst nights. It's very simple, on bad days where hurting yourself is a real possibility, ask your friend if they can send you a message at regular intervals, say 15 or 20 minutes, confirming that you are safe. It can be as simple as "check?", with you responding "I'm ok". Being immediately held accountable makes not doing it so much easier. I asked a friend to help me like this about two weeks ago to deal with a really bad self harm day and the difference between trying to do it on your own and simple check ins is astounding. It hurts so much less.

4. You die with nothing left on the table. This is for when it's over and you are going to kill yourself. You have a plan, you are ready, and you want to. At this point you are effectively dead. Which means there are no consequences. You can finally do the thing that you were always too scared to do. Maybe it's quitting your job, or confessing to your crush. For me it was coming out as trans. This is your last ditch effort, so if it blows up in your face and ruins everything it is no loss because your plan will still work tomorrow. You were already dead anyway, who cares if you left behind a bit more chaos.

[merlins-kat]

[merlins-kat]

Feeling like you're too much is honestly one of the worst feelings to possibly exist. It just feels like you need to stop being yourself and existing all together. It's like you crawl out of your own skin and laugh in disgust at what remains, it's pathetic. And so saddening.

[merlins-kat]

life imitates art

[merlins-kat]

this parallel drives me crazy

[merlins-kat]

i wanna say fuck you to anyone who shame disabled, chronically ill & neurodivergent people, especially homebound folks, for "spending too much time on their phone/on the internet/etc." when it's the only (Somewhat) accessible way for them to experience the world. many people don't get to get out much even if they want to because of their disabilities. shaming someone for trying to connect with the world, make friends and engage with hobbies in ways that are accessible to them is beyond cruel and unnecessary

[merlins-kat]

What do you do exactly? Charge the playing cards and make 'em go boom! Remy LeBeau/Gambit + Powers in Deadpool & Wolverine (2024) dir. Shawn Levy

[merlins-kat]

[merlins-kat]

fuuuuuck i have needs and wants and desires :( sadly they needto put me at the bottom of a deep as fuck hole and pour cement over me because of this

[merlins-kat]

SEAN FINNERTY MENTION IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2024?!

[merlins-kat]

born to be the artist, yearning to be the muse

[merlins-kat]

goddd zerxus’ success rate for backing a winning side is so shit. you’re 2 for 2, buddy. vecna isn’t a better bet than the literal lord of the hells

[merlins-kat]

“You are responsible for the minors in your fandom!!!”

No, I’m fucking not. I’m not your parent. My past-times do not automatically sign me up to act in loco parentis. If you need someone else to monitor your own content consumption online, go get mommy and/or daddy to set up a content blocker on your computer.