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Can you imagine Armand just in your run of the mill abuse survivor therapy group… comes home like hello Daniel; oh, I am well— yes it was a quite productive session… Jennifer shared the most interesting anecdote during Roses And Thorns today… Yes, she did share later that her ex boyfriend is still stalking her, although Dr. Carrie appeared somewhat perturbed when I recommended that Jennifer could simply begin stalking him in return. I know, I thought it was a useful piece of perspective myself, but she didn’t seem to think so. Oh, but she did introduce us to the most wonderful thing, Daniel! It is called a visionboard! Here is mine— Yes, that is glitter. Hm? Oh, the eyes, yes. The magazines she gave us had so many to cut out! I do think the arrangement came out well, don’t you? I had to be quite delicate with the glue stick… I’m glad you think so. You know, I’ve been thinking, Daniel, that perhaps I should kill Denice’s mother… But I am being helpful, Denice would be much happier if she were dead… Yes… Yes, I see what you mean… She would likely prefer to kill the woman herself. You’ve made an astute point, beloved. No, I think it was quite wise of you— Of course I understood what you meant. Anyway, next week we are going to be talking about something called “Trauma Bonds”

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fledgling !

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haunted.

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lestat would love tumblr because he talks about armand the same way we all do

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together in death

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if life is as short as our ancestors insist it is, why isn’t everything i want already at my feet by Hanif Abdurraqib

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Method Man’s Fangs

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rin

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I was born hungry

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Headdress is handmade.

From Sampling, 1998

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think its interesting how milsiril quit the canaries out of disgust, shuros mom seemed to become a recluse (conjecture) bc of her moral character leading to her inability to stomach the going ons of the household, shuro reacting to all this by trying to interact w his retainers as little as possible and like the system keeps running without them like a meatgrinder. Like the only ppl who benefit from their choice to not participate in these systems is themselves, their own comfort, rather than their objections leading to any meaningful change for the ppl most harmed by these systems. Also interesting that these three are also high high up on the hierarchy. I think it relates to how laios left home early out of disgust on how ppl treated falin-this action did not actually seem to help her situation much and just left her alone to deal w the ostracization. And it's not until the end Laios aknowledges that falin's not the only person who gets targeted bc of her magic and resolves to become a leader to create a world where ppl like her can live safely. The systems these characters live in are unpalatable, but to not engage in it at all is irresponsible, bc they are characters born into power. It's going to be ugly, difficult work, but that is what it means to be in the cycle of life. Also ties into marcille wanting to create a safe dungeon when it is impossible . And ties into arbitrariness of when disgust is triggered and how it leads to ppl not engaging in the very important parts of life whether it is w eating, shitting, or the bad parts of society.

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“SOMETHING HAUNTS MANY ACTIVISTS, ANARCHISTS, ENVIRONMENTALISTS, MANY OF MY FRIENDS. IT HAUNTED ME.

Much of our subcultures tell us it’s not there, that we can’t see it, hear it. Our best wishes for the world tell us not to see it. But for many, despite their best efforts — carrying on with the normal activism, the movement building, living both according to and as an expression of their ethics — despite all this, the spectre gains form. The faint image grows more solid, more unavoidable, until the ghost is staring one in the face. And like many monsters of past tales, when its gaze is met — people freeze. Become unable to move. Give up hope; become disillusioned and inactive. This malaise, freezing, not only slows ‘activist workload’, but I have seen it affect every facet of many of my friends’ lives.

The spectre that many try not to see is a simple realisation — the world will not be ‘saved’. Global anarchist revolution is not going to happen. Global climate change is now unstoppable. We are not going to see the worldwide end to civilisation/capitalism/patriarchy/authority. It’s not going to happen any time soon. It’s unlikely to happen ever. The world will not be ‘saved’. Not by activists, not by mass movements, not by charities and not by an insurgent global proletariat. The world will not be ‘saved’. This realisation hurts people. They don’t want it to be true! But it probably is.

These realisations, this abandonment of illusions should not become disabling. Yet if one believes that it’s all or nothing, then there is a problem. Many friends have ‘dropped out’ of the ‘movement’ whilst others have remained in old patterns but with a sadness and cynicism which signals a feeling of futility. Some hover around scenes critiquing all, but living and fighting little.

‘It’s not the despair — I can handle the despair. It’s the hope I can’t handle.’

The hope of a Big Happy Ending, hurts people; sets the stage for the pain felt when they become disillusioned. Because, truly, who amongst us now really believes? How many have been burnt up by the effort needed to reconcile a fundamentally religious faith in the positive transformation of the world with the reality of life all around us? Yet to be disillusioned — with global revolution/with our capacity to stop climate change — should not alter our anarchist nature, or the love of nature we feel as anarchists. There are many possibilities for liberty and wildness still.

What are some of these possibilities and how can we live them? What could it mean to be an anarchist, an environmentalist, when global revolution and world-wide social/eco sustainability are not the aim? What objectives, what plans, what lives, what adventures are there when the illusions are set aside and we walk into the world not disabled by disillusionment but unburdened by it?”

—“Desert” (2011)

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James Baldwin in conversation with Nikki Giovanni

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no need to be afraid, it's just dark science

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That vampire 69 from the comic but make it show!devil's minion

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Against Fate, Frik (from “Anthology of Armenian poetry")  

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where you end and i begin