melvinishtarhugz4life

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

Staff: *bans female presenting nipples*

Me: goddamnit this is exactly how Japanese tentacle porn was created

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“this baby came out of you but im not 100% sure its yours”

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Don’t forget to water your dogs

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Atsushi and Dazai’s first meeting.

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Dazai, speaking in French: We really appreciate you working with us; this is a start of a beautiful partnership. Chuuya, also speaking in French: Yeah, yeah, whatever. But why are we speaking in French? Dazai: I want Atsushi-kun to think we’re conspiring against him. Please look at him when you reply.  Chuuya, looking at Atsushi: You’re an ass, Dazai. He does seem fun to mess with, though. Dazai, also looking at Atsushi: I’m glad you agree~ Atsushi, sweating: W-what are they talking about? Akutagawa, who is completely fluent in French but wants to see this play out: Murder.

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

Iskandar is red,

Arturia is blue,

Diarmuid is Lancer,

like Karna and Cu.

Gilgamesh gold,

Ozymandias too,

if you spend Saint Quartz,

you’ll pull Mapo Tofu.

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

The power of a mother’s tears

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I have many questions

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

If Fate characters had authentic accents

by AkaiRiot

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

When the “innocent” members of BTS tell dirty jokes

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

DIRTY JOKE

Girl: Daddy, how are babies made?

Dad: Daddy plants a seed in mommy's tummy.

Girl: Does she swallow the seed?

Dad: Only if she wants new shoes.

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

JOKE OF THE DAY

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kidding me? You break me, then you all get 7 years of bad luck.

* Condom walks in laughing *

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

💖MY HEART😭💖

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

((I now know how I'm going to be transported to the graveyard when I die, this is soon COOL!!))

[melvinishtarhugz4life]

*The coffee machine broke*

Shiro: So. Who broke it? I’m not mad. I just want to know.

Atalanta: I did. I broke it…

Shiro: No. No, you didn’t. Shakespeare?

Shakespeare: Don’t look at me. Look at Semiramis.

Semiramis: What?! I didn’t break it.

Shakespeare: Huh. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Semiramis: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Shakespeare: Suspicious.

Semiramis: No, it’s not!

Achilles: If it matters, probably not… Karna was the last one to use it.

Karna: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Achilles: Oh really? Then what were you doing near it earlier?

Karna: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Achilles!

Atalanta: Alright let’s not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it, Master.

Shiro: No. Who broke it?

Semiramis: [whispering] Master, Saber of Red's been awfully quiet…

Mordred: Really?!

Semiramis: Yeah, really!

Mordred: OH MY GOD-

*meanwhile*

Shiro: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it.