meltygirl

[meltygirl]

you needed this, didn’t you? don’t lie to me.

just get it over with.

[meltygirl]

does anyone else hate being human?

it feels unnatural. i don’t feel real as a person.

sometimes i go into this headspace, like i’m a catgirl. like you know, the ones in anime with the ears and the tail and everything? yeah. that feels way more real and natural than being human. being a catgirl makes me feel safe and untouched, like i never had trauma at all.

is that weird?

[meltygirl]

Unicorns

[meltygirl]

When I get a new memory back

[meltygirl]

the trauma moods

i wonder why my life is in shambles that's weird

i'm going to redesign my room and paint a portrait and binge watch six shows and dye my hair and start a makeup brand and write a novel and read poetry and clean my whole house and

i Can't Get Out Of Bed

uh oh sisters! *showers with the lights off*

cries in the car and almost crashes accidentally

tv static noises

*wakes up* [redacted] *goes to sleep*

i haven't slept in 72 hours and i'm talking a lot about ophelia and reciting hamlet's soliloquies and everyone around me is worried

trying to sleep but there's Something In My Room

*texts abuser(s)* oh this is a fantastic idea

i'm horny and angry about it

i'm horny and sad about it

masturbates and then cries

If You Touch Me I Will Kill You

*thinks about trauma* oh that sucks for whoever that was

oh, wait, that actually happened?????

Shame

i'm going to starve myself until i'm so small no one will want me

i'm going to overeat until i'm so big no one will want me

*throws up for unknown reason*

talk about trauma, but make it funny

I CAN'T DO SOMETHING REALLY SIMPLE AND INSTEAD OF WORKING THROUGH IT I'M GONNA YELL AND HURT MYSELF UNTIL I GET TIRED

i have forgotten every single coping skill i've ever learned

hnnnnnnng

*listens to music from That Time and gets weirdly nostalgic*

i Want To Be Abused

i will never love again! ever!

confuses platonic and romantic emotions because anything that feels Good is confusing

[meltygirl]

anyone else thought they were so cool as a kid cause they were into sexual adult things and weren’t like their other, “immature” peers, but really they were just hypersexual as a reaction to sexual trauma

[meltygirl]

“what happened to you made you stronger” 

i was a child. i didn’t need to be strong i needed to be safe

[meltygirl]

me: feels an emotion and expresses it

abused brain: apologize 

[meltygirl]

[meltygirl]

how does this happen?????

[meltygirl]

[meltygirl]

little bunny, why are you so sad?

[meltygirl]

disassociate

[meltygirl]

melt me

[meltygirl]

[meltygirl]

sanrio sneakers

[meltygirl]

/**/