melting-pansexual-popsicle - Tumblr blog

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Comedy gold, I don’t know why I made this kill me

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Since y’all wanna act like makeup makes someone less trans, I’m here, I’m a man, and I’m wearing mascara.

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First Contact ❤️🐶

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i hate when customers at work hand me a 100 dollar bill and then scoff when i check the watermark. like, lady, i will break out the counterfeit pen. i’ll draw your god damn portrait over benjamin franklin’s before i make a ruling. i’ll get a second opinion from a coworker on the opposite side of the store. i’ll call the mint like, “heyy…it’s daniel…you guys print any hundreds lately? i got a lady here with a hundred, just making sure it’s one of yours…haha cool just checking. so how are the wife and kids?” the people that make a fuss are always like, obviously rich too and you know that’s why they have a problem. like the nerve of me to doubt a rich person’s money. how dare i lump them in with a normal person with a hundred dollar bill. eventually one of them is going to let it slip. i’ll take the bill from them and go to hold it up to the light or feel it between my fingers or something and they’ll laugh and go, “oh, no, no no no i’m wealthy.”

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a conversation i had with a 96-year-old woman

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🛸| satisfykwai

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Japan: has brown/dark skinned/black people also gay people, trans/non binary people

Stupid Weebs:

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Shes just like that

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i don’t care about zodiac signs or alignment charts!!!!!!!

what freakin eeveelution are you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Finally posting some art for the Youtuber AU.

A model boy. Very fashion. Much bitch.

Made a fake magazine cover to fit the mood.

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I rate “Man Fairy” emojis

A cute woodland sprite! A mischievous boy, currently casting a spell on some mortal to tie their shoelaces together. 9/10 why is he wearing board shorts?

Oh man. Oh bro. This one is rough, from the color palette reminiscent of a Claire’s final clearance sale, to his oddly positioned hidden foot, to his vacant death stare. 1/10 give him a pair of pants.

This one is more representative of a fairy, it doesn’t convince me a tiny fey creature is living in my phone like the others. His head is not connected to his body, which is somewhat disturbing. 3/10.

This looks like Samsung saw the Apple’s Man Fairy on TV as a child before google existed and drew it in his school notebook from memory. 7/10 he did a pretty good job.

This looks like the love child of Tinker Bell and Winnie the Pooh. I don’t like to call things “childhood ruining” but if I ever do this’ll be the first. 2/10 at least give him ears.

A drastically different approach from Facebook, this is not your run of the mill sweet fairy boy. He came from a distant frozen wasteland. He has never done a good deed in his life, not once. And he wants to fucking RAGE. 10/10 I’m genuinely scared.

This is just the tooth fairy. 2/10 I have a personal grudge (my teeth were worth FAR more).

Damn. I’d let him raw me on a toadstool and the chipmunks could watch. 11/10.

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“Venus, wildly lovely,”

— Arthur Rimbaud, from Poems and Prose; “O’ Splendor in the Flesh,”

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This was in the middle of a situation I don’t remember, but there was this huge, really cool spider that was all elongated, not really that chunky at all. The thing is, it had the stance and wings similar to those that dragons in Skyrim have, but the wings were like butterfly wings and were a gorgeous blue, along with a black pattern and black eyespots on the upper portion (something I can’t find real life reference to). I remember it prodded whoever my POV was sort of angrily with one of its wings. It also, for some reason, could transform into a human which took the form of a naked, brown-skinned female with blue hair - the same blue from its wings - along with more dragonfly-like wings (still the same butterfly pattern and blue colour).

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everybody on this site is missing a) compassion b) critical thinking skills and c) reading comprehension

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An alignment chart for White Guys with Chaotic Enegy

This is 100% scientifically accurate I wpuld know I’m a scientist

(Feel free to add any on)

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on the scale from griffin mcelroy to john mulaney, brian david gilbert is smack dab in the middle. shane madej is also in the middle but from the other direction