meetmefireside - Tumblr blog

[meetmefireside]

escape. 4.

Kauai - Napali Coast

I have been hard pressed to find a place more beautiful than Kauai. After visiting for the first time in June 2016, I was on a plane back less than a year later. There are so many places that I want to see, but I still find myself fighting the urge not to just go back to Hawaii again. Hawaii was Plan B. I had every intention of going to the UK for a short trip that month, but if I’m honest, the planning got overwhelming so I decided to go with a trip a lot easier to plan.

For our first full day on the Island of Kauai, “The Garden Isle” and the oldest of the islands of Hawaii, I had booked a six hour zodiac tour of the Napali Coast. Our group was large compared to the group I’d go with a 9 months later. There was a family of four (very happy looking mom, chill zen dad, early twenties girl, and early twenties guy who wouldn’t follow the rules), a red headed girl about our age and her boyfriend/husband (who was not at all thrilled when Corey got seasick), two middle aged couples (who sat at the front of the boat, and the guy who trolled Corey in the bathroom), and a very nice newly wed couple who sat next to Corey and I. Our captain was a short in stature and very warm Hawaiian girl, about our age, and a thin, quieter male first mate.

Prior to boarding the boat, the captain voiced how pleased she was to see such a beautiful day. We were very lucky. It was very clear outside, and the water was very calm with three foot swells. 

Once we were aboard, we set sale for a tour of the “ugly part” of the coast. The south shore. The less rigid cliff sides. She told us all about the naval base there. We saw the missile launchers where they test missiles in the ocean. As we were in the area, we happened upon a beautiful pod of spinner dolphins.

As we sat still in that small piece of the vast ocean, the boat moved ever so steady and smooth at the grace of the gentle swells beneath us. A quiet reverence fell amongst the group, exaggerated by the sudden silence of the engine. We were completely surrounded. 

There were pairs of dolphins swimming in gradual motions around us. These dolphins were paired up as they were in their resting phase, the dolphin version of sleep. Other dolphins whizzed playfully about. They came right up to the boat. I could have leapt in the water with them. I saw two baby dolphins, which looked like elongated footballs. They were so precious. I felt so grateful to be in their presence. What are the chances that had brought us together, at that moment in time?

Spinner dolphins can only be seen in the wild because if separated from their pods they go into a depression and choose to die instead of continue living in captivity. Pods are typically about 100 dolphins, but every now and then you may come across a super pod of 500-1,000 dolphins. All of this according to our captain.

After our moment of reverence, it was time to play. The captain turned the engine on the zodiac again, and started making waves with the boat, much to the pleasure of the dolphins, They followed behind the boat jumping and playing in the waves it created. The captain told us to continue cheering for them. The more you cheer and whistle, the more they jump. It seems to work. Their bellies even turn pink to blush at your applause.

Above the dolphin in this picture, you can see a dense piece above the water. This little island is Ni’ihau, “The Forbidden Isle.”

Elizabeth Sinclair purchased Niʻihau from Kamehameha V in 1864 for $10,000 in gold. The island was home to a group of native Hawaiians who were allowed to stay and live on the island. You cannot visit the island, except through limited excursions offered by The Robinsons, the owners and descendants of Elizabeth Sinclair. According to the 2009 US Census, there are around 130 residents currently on Ni’ihau. These residents live as close to the native Hawaiian way as it gets, preserving the language. They make beautiful lei’s from the famous Ni’ihau pūpū shells. We were blessed to find a large selection of some authentic lei’s at a certified dealer in southern Kauai. The Ni’ihau spend hours scouring the beach for beautiful shells, and weave them together intricately. Their larger lei’s can sell for as much as $8000. They grow in value as the population of Ni’ihau continues to dwindle, with younger generations leaving for life on the mainland. 

After learning about Ni’ihau, I was so sad to leave the dolphins behind, to move further up the shoreline of Kauai. 

Our captain stopped at a small stretch of calm ocean and asked if we wanted to go out for a swim. I had looked at Corey fearful and voiced my fear of sharks to the captain as others in our group jumped into the water. She reassured me not to worry. The water around us was turquoise and crystal clear. A vast ocean all around us, there was a very low likelihood of a shark encounter. I lamented how Bethany Hamilton was from Kauai, the surfer who had her arm taken off by a shark there, and the captain explained that she typically surfs in the early parts of the morning when the sharks are feeding. I wasn’t sure if this was true, but she seemed reassured. I jumped in. I am so glad I did.

In one of my earlier posts on here, I talk about how much I love being on boats and how I jump at the opportunity to get in the water, as it makes me feel a part of the earth. This is the moment that started that. I had faced my fears and placed myself at the mercy of the earth. At the mercy of the wild. While I am an okay swimmer, I am certainly not a fast swimmer. Also, getting to safety would have required me to swim to the boat and climb a ladder, which had not been lowered at that point. Whichever way you spin it, if something were to happen, I would be delayed to safety. 

When I am in the water, my wellbeing is beyond my control. It belongs solely to the earth. The reality is, this is true all of the time. It can be so easy to forget the presence of God and that your safety and security is ordained by Him alone. It can be so easy to get caught up in self doubt and blame in frustrated attempts to control life. I am very hard on myself. I constantly stress and try to predict and premeditate the problems of my life. The problems of my world. When I am in that moment, I am okay with it all. I am okay with living. I am okay with dying. I remember that it’s not all about me. I remember that I am a small and insignificant part of a vast earth, and when I come out the other side of it, safe and sound, I am reminded of the mercies God affords me every day.

Thank you to the aforementioned newly wed husband for capturing this moment for us.

As we moved up the coast, we saw “King Kong,” a rock outcropping that marks the beginning of the “pretty side” of the coast. You can barely see it in this photo, but its at the base of the cliff. Appropriately named, as iconic scenes of King Kong were filmed on the Napali. Particularly the scene where Jessica Lange bathes in a waterfall from King Kong’s hand.

As we entered the area, we were blessed by the presence of sea turtles. The feed on the green and red algae that grows at the base of the rock along the shore. We didn’t get to see them eating, as they were a little preoccupied with, ahem, a more private moment. ;) #turtlestyle

As we moved up the shoreline, our captain moved the zodiac in and out of sea caves. As it was calm summer time, we had lots of company. There were large groups of kayakers finding refuge in the caves as we moved in and out. There was quite a congregate at the most iconic sea cave along the coast, an open top cave that the ocean carved so deep into the cliff side the ceiling fell it, creating a small island in the middle. I took some really beautiful pictures and videos of this cave when I came back the second time, but due to the amount of kayakers and people on our boat, I settled for this selfie.

As we moved up the shore, hugging it pretty close as the zodiac allowed, I was elated that Plan B had prevailed. Magestic is the only way to describe it. It was such a clear day, and after experiencing fog on my second trip, I have come to retrospectively appreciate the views even more. It was so clear we could see all the way to the top of “water flowing from God’s throne,” the second tallest sea waterfall in the world.

The magic I felt as we floated beneath waterfalls inside of the sea caves. The cold water against my warm skin elevated my spirit. My mind floated far, far above. The gifts of the earth meeting me in the quiet.

We continued up the coast line exploring caves, and because we had to turn the engine off to float in and out of some of them, the boat was being tossed and turned more sporadically. Having not eaten in sometime, Corey got really sea sick. The captain didn’t seem super concerned, advising he “go for distance” and “focus on the horizon.” This helped him. Although she was chill about it, one guy moved quickly away from Corey, afraid he would end up in the line of fire. I was dismayed for Corey. I could tell he was embarrassed, but he pushed through.

We arrived at an abandoned beach for lunch. As we approached the shore, we saws rare monk seal feeding on the reef. He was so cute. This particular monk seal had been feeding on the reef recently. There are only 40-45 monk seals in and around Kauai, so I was impressed at our luck. The cute water doggo and the chance to get off of the boat was a welcome sight to both Corey and I.

I jumped immediately in the water as soon as I was handed my snorkel gear to see the monk seal. In my quest, I swam out deeper into the ocean tun I would have liked, and noticing the murky water and finding myself surrounded by fish, I retreated back to the safety of the reef and the shoreline.

We had a delicious lunch. I faintly remember it now. I know there was fresh fruit, some sort of seasoned pork, and some sort of slaw. It doesn’t sound tropical, but it was tropically seasoned. Our captain had brought homemade poke (Hawaiian raw fish salad). We had tried poke the night before at our hotel, but knew it wasn’t a good representation as all of the food there was mediocre. I never eat hotel food, but we were tired and desperate the evening before, not wanting to drive. She shared generously with us and the newly wed couple. It was very good, but I was partial to what I was already eating. The newly wed husband ended up eating the rest of it.

After eating, the first mate took us on a tour of the beach, an abandoned ancient Hawaiian village area. I remember we joined with another zodiac group, and we’d overheard one of the people in that group say he worked for the company hat supplied the paper for NBC’s The Office. (Ugh, why wasn’t he on our boat? I had so many questions.) 

There were noni trees growing all about bearing their strange fruit. The outside of the fruit looks like diseased boil skin, but the inside looked like refreshing citrus but smelled like rotting cheese. Our guide invited us to taste it but warned we might regret it. A couple in our group tried it, but I wasn’t willing to have a bad taste in my mouth the rest of the ride back! Or worse, get sea sick.

There were goats all around the island. We were told some story about how Captain Vancouver had made a deal with the King, saying he would bring cows to Hawaii, describing how one animal could sustain a lot of people. I forget what he traded them for. Oh, me. Anyway. So, on the long voyage back to Hawaii, they got super hungry and ate the cows and all they had left were goats. They told the king the “cows” would grow into the large beasts he described. They never did. Kauai is overrun with feral goats now. They were all over the lava rock cliff side encasing the beach, which contributes to erosion and lava rock is very brittle. The day before a goat had come tumbling down the cliffside. The beach is an archeological area, still having rock platforms made by the Polynesians where hula dancers would perform for the king. They goats trample them which is a clear sustainability problem. DEY REAL CUTE THO. It was surreal to imagine in my minds eye what it must have been like to witness a hula there.

We saw a cut out in the rock with some authentic original coconut rope hanging from it. Another small village had been on the other side of the cliff, and the two villages would pass provisions through the small crevice.

One of the things that surprised me about Hawaii, is the amount of lore that is all around. I don’t know why I was surprised. The ancient polynesian culture was rich and robust. I was surprised that there are Hawaiians who still practice the religion. In the picture below, you can see an “X” on the cliff wall that was formed long ago by lava. The legend says that Pele (goddess of volcanoes) had such love for her sister (goddess of plants) that she “marked” the island of Kauai to symbolize that she would never touch it with her fire again. Thus, Kauai became the garden island. Legend says that she had such love for her sister, that she slowly did the same thing with all of the islands in Hawaii except the Big Island. Every island other than the Big Island in Hawaii has this “x” mark, and all face in the same direction. The Big Island is the only island in Hawaii that has an active volcano today.

After exploring the island, we made our way back to the dock. I am so grateful for this day. I am so grateful to be alive.

[meetmefireside]

escape. 3.

Washington - Skykomish River

After our day in Anacortes, I was royally freaking out about how cold I was going to be white water rafting. We woke up extra early, and after a futile attempt to locate wool socks at Walmart, went to Cabellas and had a field day. We bought water proof pull overs and wool jackets, and dropped $20 on some dang wool socks. I was FREAKED OUT, bro. I was having flashbacks to the time I did a 5k in the middle of January in Atlanta, and the water in the tissues of my butt literally FROZE. My behind was like a block of ice and it took hours to de-thaw. I know I’m dramatic, but DANG.

We arrived early in Gold Bar after a scenic drive from Everett. As soon as we parked, a long haired guy approached our car to sign us in for the trip. We asked about the jackets and the socks, noticing people were walking around in shorts and tank tops, and the air was noticeably warmer than Everett. He told us it likely wasn’t necessary, and the only person on their morning raft trip to get cold “was this super skinny girl, man, I mean like super skinny.”

After being outfitted in neoprene wet suits, we decided to forgo the jacket and socks. Wondering how we would be able to take water with us for the trip, I went up to the guy who had greeted us.

Me: Can we bring a water bottle? Guy: Well, since you asked so nicely with that southern accent, I guess I’ll make an exception for you guys. Me: I’ve noticed since we’ve been here that Washington people are super direct? Guy: Yeah, we’re passive aggressive. It’s a problem. It’s nice to hear someone be nice for a change. (We ended up leaving the water bottle on the bus. Whoops.)

When I say bus, I mean a classic yellow school bus. I was sitting on the hump thing, and I was so claustrophobic. How did I used to ride these in band? We unintentionally got some selfie pics of the Asian lady behind us who was looking at our camera suspiciously, but here is one of the pics before she sat down. There were some European guys in front of us attempting to flirt with the girls who were with them, and they kept getting shut down. I know this is random and stream of consciousness, but it’s helping me recreate a mental picture for myself.

When we arrived at Skykomish River, we walked down to the bank, and listened to one of the guides go through safety procedures. We learned that if you fall off of a raft, you should not wave your hands around, as this means you are in serious danger, and they will be super upset. Patting your helmet means that you are okay with no serious injuries. They split us into groups, and two large groups lamented about how they had to be split up. We ended up with one of the split groups. 

I was kind of annoyed when the group ignored my desire to have Corey (who was wearing the GoPro) sit at the front of the raft. Things happen for a reason, though. Corey sat at the back with our sarcastic guide, who was noticeably less laid back than the other guides on the other rafts. I actually preferred this as I was quietly entertained as he got increasingly annoyed with the people in our group who were not paying attention to his instruction.

He was quiet serious when we came up on Boulder Drop, the most difficult part of the course. We were the second or third raft to make it through, so we watched several other rafts, and some intermittent kayakers, make their way down. We watched one raft (with a different company) get stuck. I enjoyed listening to his elitist commentary. He admitted he was proud of us after one of the girls in our group basically coerced him into saying so. This same girl also got her finger stuck in her helmet at one point, and I found this out after she asked I'm for a Band-Aid. 

For the entire course, we could see locals who live on the Skykomish playing in the river. We saw multiple dogs, which was great for me. At Boulder Drop in particular, a drone was flying over us. The people who were controlling it came down to the river for a chat with our guide. The woman who came down was asking about the rafting company and was pretty elitist about her white water rafting skills. I found this, now understandably classical, passive aggressive conversation pretty entertaining. I could talk to Washingtonians all day.

One guy fell out of a raft while coming down boulder drop, and we were the raft to rescue him. He was a middle aged man, and he was happy as a clam. He kept yelling “I feel like the lucky one!” as he floated through the water while Hal was like “OK, OK GUYS THIS IS PRETTY SERIOUS.” We were pretty exciting to be the rescuers, to be honest. When we pulled him into the raft, he was sprawled out at the front yelling about how great of a time he had just had. We eventually returned him to his raft and continued on down the river.

We asked Hal to tell us his worse rafting story. He said he had taken a group of boy scouts once (not with the same company or course), and they did okay at first, but eventually started trying to throw each other out of the raft. It got so bad at one point that they wiped out on a piece of the course because they weren’t listening, and half of them were bleeding from falling out and throwing each other out. I would definitely say dealing with the talkative group we were with who ignored him at points much to his consternation, and the guy at the front of the raft who took Corey’s spot and kept rowing OPPOSITE to his commands, was less stressful than that experience.

We learned all about our guides who are self-proclaimed river men and all about “beer currency.” Hal lives out of a tent full time, until winter comes, and he picks up seasonal work at a ski resort. He showed us a rock that he keeps with him for each time he rafts this course. It is from the peak of one of the North Cascade mountains. He pointed the mountain out to us, and said that from that point, you can see the entire course, and he keeps it on him as a good luck charm. It was interesting to listen to him talk, and it made me consider camping. For a minute.

The Go Pro is wonderful, but the wide view really doesn’t do the scenery justice. The North Cascades majestically towered above us. The warmth of the sun with coldness of the water splashing us was refreshing. I wasn’t freezing like I had feared. The wet suit definitely helped. I was cracking up to myself at the women in bikinis who were dipping in the cold water like it was nothing while my wimpy self was having an existential crisis over wool socks just hours before.

I really love being on water. It’s an extra step to efficiently see an untouched area. This is going to sound lame and quixotic, but I could have floated down that river forever. I have trouble remembering times where I am happier than when I am on water. My favorite thing is to get into the water. It’s like you finally become a part of the earth. It makes me feel so connected and at peace.

When Hal told us we could get out of the raft, I asked him three times if he was serious, because I was more than ready to jump in. 

Clarity. Peace. Brilliance. Words to describe how I felt flee me. To lay back in the cold water, protected by the warm wet suit and the baking sun. Beneath the North Cascades. One with the Earth. At the mercy of the river. 

Elation. Corey joined me.

We floated for several minutes. There was a moment where I laid back and closed my eyes. I flee to this moment in the recesses of my mind. I want to relive it over and over and over and over.

After my moments of peace, I decided to goof off to troll Corey and make him laugh because I can never resist the opportunity.

I started panicking a little as rocks began to poke and prod me. Fearing I’d get stuck on a rock and ran over by a raft, I asked for a quick rescue. I love the photo below. I think it perfectly captures how I felt while I was in the water. I felt so at peace. Surrendered to the mercy of the world, yet preserved by it.

As we moved down the river, we saw some deer feeding near the bank. We saw a bald eagle’s nest in the trees. Their nests can weigh a ton and be as large as a compact car. Below is a GoPro pick. It’s hard to see, but it’s there.

I enjoyed listening to other guides troll the more serious Hal as we made it down the river. He was not at all entertained. I was all of the entertained for him. He was a super nice guy, though. He gave us great suggestions on what to do for the rest of our time in Washington.

As we neared the end of our time on the river, I felt sadness that it was over. I am thankful for the experience. I would love to do it over again on a kayak. This was my first time white water rafting, and I know I will be trying to find more opportunities to do it again as we travel other places.

[meetmefireside]

escape. 2.

Washington State - Anacortes

I had originally planned a trip to Washington as a surprise for my husband. We both love wildlife and nature, so every time we travel alone, our goal is complete natural world immersion. After watching Blackfish by myself one morning, I realized how complex and interesting orcas are, so I googled places to see them in the wild which led me to plan a trip to the San Juan Islands. 

Around Christmas time last year, we discovered we had a mouse infestation in our attic and crawl space. In an effort to preserve our health and our electrical wiring, I had to spend a significant amount of money to have them removed, which led me to reveal the destination of the “surprise trip” I was planning. I figured it wouldn’t be a possibility with the amount of money I had to spend. 

Fast forward to spring, and we were on our feet again. I realized a Washington trip would not be very much money, but also knew a trip to Puerto Rico would be even cheaper and a fun place to go. I left the decision up to my husband as my best friend and I had planned our entire California trip without his input. He voiced that he really had his heart set on Washington, and I’m so thankful that he made that decision. If Washington State is not on your bucket list, it really should be.

10,000 Weight in Gold - The Head and the Heart

We arose bright and early at Comfort Inn Kent, to pick up our rental from Avis. Rested from our day of travel before. We’d left for the airport as soon as I’d gotten off of my shift, flying from Atlanta to Seattle. We’d sat next to a lady from Alaska. We took the hotel shuttle to Kent with a very nice Chinese man in his mid-sixties. We caught our first glimpse of Mt. Rainier en route, which was mind blowing even amidst a twilight fog. After enjoying shrimp tacos, a veggie burger, and clam chowder from Duke’s Chowder House (receiving a free Lyft ride from a very sweet young girl who didn’t care that the app had glitched out and refused to accept cash payment), we’d enjoyed a very tranquil night’s sleep. The first night sleep of vacation, knowing we’d made it to the destination. 

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

Magic is the only way to describe the coniferous forest that surrounds the highways throughout Washington, as we first observed on our trek from Kent to Anacortes. Anacortes nears the Canadian border, and is the gateway to the San Juan Islands. This drive birthed our game “Mountain or Cloud”? I have been to the Rockies as a teenager. We drove across the entire state of Colorado, and I have spent significant time in the Sierras. However, there is nothing to compare to the glacier topped Mount Rainier, Mount Adam, and Mount Baker jutting from the landscape.

Paint - The Paper Kites 

We arrived early for our boat tour in Anacortes. Washington was a lot colder in July than I had anticipated.

I cannot begin to describe how cold I was. Underneath my rain coat was a thin cotton shirt coupled with waterproof leggings and Chacos. 

The catamaran was two stories, and the guides asked that we share the upper level. However, it was so cold that most stayed downstairs, retreating into the warm indoor cabin. I didn’t feel much motivation to move out of their way, I felt that we had earned our spot on the upper deck by braving the cold as we traipsed through the waters between Washington and Vancouver Island. 

Our guides were a group of three naturalists, and one in particular enjoyed entertaining our questions. We learned all about the birds in the area, and I pined to see a puffin, which didn’t happen. The sea lions were out of the area at the time, but we saw multiple harbor seals. I asked our guide if she had ever seen an orca eat a harbor seal, and her answer was “Yes, we saw that last night.” They look so precious with their puppy faces. There was a moment on the tour when a group of transient orca surrounded a small island infested with harbor seals. I was not sure who to root for, but the harbor seals successfully escaped that meal attempt.

We saw plenty of orcas on our tour, but they were pretty far away. After my experiences with humpbacks in Hawaii, I was really expecting us to get a lot closer. However, Naturalist Haley told us a cautionary tale about Luna the Orca, who socialized with the boats and was killed one day by a propellor. They keep a healthy distance out of respect for the Orca. 

Each Orca in the area is photo-identified and named by the characteristics of their dorsal fins. A dorsal fin on a large male can be as tall as 6 feet. We saw an enormous whale while we were out, but since all of the transient orca we saw were engaged in hunting behavior, we didn’t get to see them jump as they would if they were engaging in social behavior. It was still an honor to be in their presence. However, we did see them jump to build momentum while hunting porpoises.

We learned how the resident orca (only eat certain types of fish in the area) are dying out. The transient orca (which eat porpoises and harbor seals) were thriving in the area. They also have hump back and minke whales in the area, and I told Haley how I really wanted to see hump backs bubble feed in the wild, as they do not feed in Hawaii where I saw a mom with her calf. She explained we would have to go to Alaska to see that, because the hump backs in the Anacortes area do not bubble feed.

It’s amazing to me how different whales of the same species can be.

We were talking with Haley about how different pods of orcas can speak totally different languages and not understand each other. She said the orcas in the Anacortes area are peaceful between the pods, and some of the pods can even socialize with one another. From my understanding, transient and resident orca are unable to communicate, but they live peacefully in the area. 

I waited in vane for the orcas to approach the boat closer, but this never happened. However, our time on the water was amazing, despite the fact that I was freezing. There was a point where we could see Mount Rainier, Mount Baker, and the Cascades all at once. We saw a bald eagle in flight.

Once the tour was over, I felt like I could do nothing to thaw out. We warmed ourselves in the car, but because we were super hungry, we decided to stop and eat at a little place in Anacortes recommended by our guide. 

I ordered red wine in a futile attempt to warm myself more, but I was shivering most of the time that we were there. We ordered a whole steamed artichoke with curry aioli dipping sauce as an appetizer, and only noticed we were eating it wrong after the third piece. (Whoops. Shout out to the people next to us who were eating it correctly in the middle of their argument who saved me from an artichoke ileus. Mom was upset about something, and dad and kid were trying to calm her down. It was pretty nice dinner entertainment for me.) 

Below is a picture of my entree. (”Gilled Polenta - Our delicious Parmesan cornmeal cakes topped with mozzarella and provolone, Mama Lil's sweet hot peppers and a zesty marinara—served with sautéed kale, leeks and garlic”.)

We braved the threat of further cold and more shivering by ordering local Lopez Island Creamery ice cream for desert. I had a scoop of blueberry (which was life changing) and a scoop of chocolate, while my husband ordered the ice cream cake. I spent the remainder of the trip trying to locate the ice cream in whatever town we were in. 

I passed out in the rental car on the way to Everett, Washington. I forgot to mention that they must have been out of economy cars because we ended up with a Kia Sorrento. We got a kick out of that, but figured it was probably better than a Chevy Spark and the like for making our way through mountain roads.

Now, that I’m home, whenever I’m trying to go to sleep, one of the peaceful moments of my life I try to recollect comes from this day. I actually have a moment like this from every day of all of my trips, normally.

The moment was when we had finally had enough of the cold on the upper deck of the catamaran, and we found ourselves a seat inside of the heated lower deck room. We were sitting on one of the seats flipping through the binder that had names and photos of all of the orca identified in the area. I’m not sure why I felt so relaxed in that moment. Maybe it was the refuge of the heater that brought contentment to my spirit. Every time I look at the photo below, it makes me really, really happy. I am thankful for the orcas that brought us there. I am thankful for the decisions that brought us to that moment.

[meetmefireside]

escape. 1.

I am so afraid that I will forget details of the trips I’ve been taking, so I’m going to start in no particular order. I’m not going to put pressure on myself to write these posts well. Some may be stream of consciousness in an effort to not forget anything and remember things as they come to my brain.

The List (Chronological Order): 

Los Angeles in December 2014 x 4 days (The Grove/Farmer’s Market, Rodeo Drive, Runyon Canyon; TPIR; LOTR: ROTK; Mailbu, Paradise Cove) #LAchill

Kauai in June 2016 x 5 days (first trip; Black Sand Beach, Volcano National Park; Napali Coast on zodiac, Princeville, Kapaa, Hanalei Bay sunset, Waimea Canyon) #kauaimahalo

Kauai in March 2017 x 3 days (second trip: Napali Coast/whale watching on zodiac, Napali Coast/whale watching on catamaran, island exploring) #kauaihou

 LV/California x 10 days in June 2017 (Planet Hollywood, Fremont Street, Wee Kirk O’ The Heather, BSB; Airbnb, Yosemite, Mist Trail, John Muir Trail; Napa Valley, Caesar’s Karaoke Van, Regusci, Bistro Don Giovanni, Platypus; San Fran (the loft, brunch, GGB, Alcatraz, sea lions, pizza, underground stand up) #iskhavingfun

 Washington x 4 days in July 2017 (Anacortes, Deception Pass/whale watching on catamaran; WWR Skykomish River; Crystal Mountain, Mount Rainier, Paradise; Seattle, Pike Place Market, Bainbridge Island) #cloudormountain

Raleigh x 2 days in August 2017 (Punch Brothers) #familiarity

Where to? x 10 days in October-November 2017 #TBD

[meetmefireside]

lostandfound. 1.

Thankful for:

1. My husband. I forget how lucky I am to live the life I do. I work all the time, which takes a lot out of my soul. I see myself turn into this person I don’t recognize when I’m working, and  I find myself contemplating escape constantly. Then, I come home, and I am whole again. I have been with him for 9 years and married for 4 of those. The comfort I feel around him warms my iced, seemingly callous heart. I come home to peace and love every single day. Complete contentment with a person. I cherish that.

2. My home. I spend a lot of my mental energy complaining and hating where I live. True, the people around me aren’t necessarily likeminded. I make friends and connect with others, because I like people and having a good time. I have no shortage of people who make me laugh. However, I have had extreme difficulty finding people that I can relate to on a spiritual level. Finding people who I can see raising my children with me, and supporting the values that I believe in. While I am accepted, because I meet the picture on the outside, people often struggle grapple with my difference from them. While I don’t mind being eclectic and challenging people’s perceptions, I find myself fleeing so whole-heartedly from labels that I lose myself. This makes me want to escape. Be a nomad. Shun deep connection. I am so afraid of deep connection with people here, because I feel that I will be hurt by them. I fear that once the novelty of who I am and what I think wears off, I will be discarded. Thus, I feel this need to keep surprising. Keep revealing parts of myself that are different. Why is that important to me? I don’t know, but I don’t like the person it makes me become. What does this have to do with my home? My home is my sanctuary. It is a beautiful expression of my personality. The dollar goes so much farther in a place like this, and I have been blessed with the means to create this haven for myself, my husband, my pets, my family members. It’s a very functional place for my 3 dogs and cat to roam and enjoy life, and by virtue of this, transfer their joy to me. I love it here. If I could pick up this house and move it with me wherever I went, I would. In a sense, I feel trapped, but secure. I can’t put my finger on it. I want to move away so badly. I want to feel free so badly. But where is my place in the world? I don’t know that, yet.

3. My jobs. They take a lot out of me. They bring me a lot of pain because I allow them to bring my pain. However, the actual job is better than I ever thought I would have.

4. The ability to travel. I wouldn’t say growing up this was my primary goal. We did travel frequently when I was younger, but I didn’t understand the value of what my parents were giving me. This became a dream for me in college. I would scroll through Tumblr and day dream about escaping. I am the most at peace when I have boarded a plane. I have made it to my seat. My carry on is in the overhead bin. A long day of travel lays ahead, but I am on the vessel of my escape. Sometimes I wonder why I post things on Instagram when I travel. It connects me to people back home. It connects me to the world that I don’t want to think about. I think it’s this desire to remember. I am so afraid of forgetting my life experiences. I am only 26, and I have issues remembering people from my past, already. I don’t want to be in my 50s, and I can’t remember the trips I took. The experiences I had.

5. My parents and family. I’ve received unconditional love my entire life. I am so blessed to be from a stable home. I am thankful that my parents are still together and have a good time together. They are very different, and sometimes their differences are highlighted, but they have both made me into the person that I am. I see myself wholeheartedly in both of them. I witnessed them experience a lot of hurt over the past year. I’ve learned that I am very protective of them. I just know who they are and they have given so much to me. I have complete faith in them. I know that my dad, in particular, strives to do what’s right and lives with a high level of moral compass. Growing up where I have, you are constantly being pulled into the illusion that a church-going person is a moral person. My father never went to church with us growing up, but he is a pillar of moral character for me. In my eyes, he can do no wrong, because I know what his intentions are. He wants to leave a good legacy behind, and it’s in every move he makes. I am naturally like him in a lot of ways. I feel like he took a lot of steps for me, to create a life for me, where I can skip those steps and reach further. When speaking to him, I can tell he senses time is running out. I identify with this strongly. I want to leave a legacy for him, and I want hiim to fulfill his goals.