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hey everyone,  I’m too lazy to go pull my announcements banner,  but this is just a heads up that I am moving ellie   ( at least for the forseeable future )  to my new multi @gaerlhoss.  anyone interested in interacting with her can find us there!! 

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so I am having a hard time of things,  and am feeling stretched thin across too many blogs that very few people have any interest in.  so,  I’m going to be putting ellie’s blog on hiatus for the foreseeable future.  once my mental health is stable,  I will try to make a return,  but while ellie’s enthusiasm is very much what I need these days,  I don’t have the heart to navigate getting interactions on this blog.  until I return,  you can find me at @gaerlhoss​. 

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darling...

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birdie’s asleep so I need everyone else to appreciate how adorable this girl is...

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more random dialogue prompts ,

“why do you have that look on your face?”

“finish what you’re doing, we have to talk.”

“what have you done to yourself?”

“did you do something different with your hair?”

“it doesn’t do any good to get worked up.”

“when was the last time we had a real conversation.”

“are you in the witness protection program, or what?”

“there’s something wrong with me.”

“no, i don’t hate you.”

“hey stupid.”

“we’re aren’t them.”

“looks like i’ll live long enough to make you pay.”

“you know you’re wrong.”

“i don’t understand, why are you doing this?”

“now, before i say anything, promise me you’ll stay calm.”

“what makes me so special?”

“you have no idea what i’ve been through.”

“you really don’t have to do that, not for me.”

“did you really think you’d get a second chance?”

“how about we don’t do that.”

“i have a lot going for me, but humility is not one of them.”

“you’re the worst.”

“i don’t need you right now.”

“don’t just stand there, looking at me.”

“i thought you were supposed to call me.”

“take my hand.”

“i need you.”

“you’re allowed to need help sometimes.”

“for someone who doesn’t like to feel things, you sure feel a lot of it out loud.”

“when this is all over, i want it to be you and me.”

“why won’t you tell me what happened?”

“you don’t know what this means to me.

“i know it doesn’t make sense.”

“i’m trying really hard to keep it together.”

“i know you’re new, but we do things a little differently here.”

“your voice is putting me to sleep.”

“did you find what you were looking for?”

"you knew and you didn’t even warn me?”

“well, i guess that’s broken.”

“i thought it was part of the act.”

“you think u don’t know you’re only here because they sent you?”

“you promised to call me if you didn’t know what to wear.”

“you can keep a secret, can’t you?”

“how could you do this to me?”

“put the gun down, dearest. i have news!”

“i know you don’t have any reason to trust me, but you need to know something.”

“if you’re here to tell me what happened last night, someone beat you to it.”

“people think i’m weird.”

“i think i’m losing myself again.”

“you can’t be here.”

“i wish you’d come to the funeral.”

“do you know what today is?”

“so, you broke my favourite mug… and you’re breaking up with me?”

“i need to get out.”

“it’s like i’m cursed or something.”

“you are remarkably well-behaved tonight, what have you been up to?”

“you gonna eat that?”

“sir, the pony rides are for children only.”

“i don’t want you to worry about that anymore.”

“we’ll never make it in time.”

“you’d be late for your own funeral.”

“you should have seen it coming.”

“oh, good, you’re here! hold this.”

“why can’t you just be happy for me?”

“on a scale of one to ten, how do you feel about nachos right now?”

“is this how you flirt with everyone?”

“how much longer till we’re there?”

“what have you done?”

“it’s time for you to repay that debt you owe me.”

“where did you get that? who gave it to you?”

“what kind of mother has thoughts like that?”

“i know I haven’t been what you needed, but i’m here, and i wanna help.”

“i never want to hear you say that again.”

“you’re all i have.”

“i know it’s not perfect, but i did follow the recipe this time.”

“i was doing so well until you showed up.”

“don’t eat that! i made it ‘specially for our guest.”

“it’s not that i don’t like my life, it’s that i don’t have the energy to enjoy it.”

“how can you stand this place?”

“don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t exactly blend in.”

“you need to stop.”

“i don’t like that look, what happened?”

“is that seriously your password?”

“what’s your problem?”

“you had no right to use it without asking.”

“oh, wow, you weren’t kidding.”

“i couldn’t trust my own parents to protect me.”

“i’m surprised you haven’t been arrested yet. wait, no, i’m not.”

“why do you want to help me?”

“ten bucks for that piece of crap?”

“we have to hurry, they’re coming!”

“hey, look what came in the mail!”

“do you want to get a drink or something?”

“please tell me you didn’t eat that.”

“the worst part is you didn’t even notice.”

“if i wanted help, i would have asked.”

“wanna tell me what’s going on with your grades?”

“you need to leave.”

“talk to me, okay? i need to know what’s going on.”

“i do blame you.”

“sometimes life deals you a bad hand, but you can still play your cards right and win.”

“you’re no longer useful to me.”

“i’m not good with sarcasm: if you don’t like me, just say it.”

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I hope tumblr is proud of itself...

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vulcnlogic​:

❝It is impossible for one to know everything. Vulcans are not omniscient.❞   Spock corrects, reaffirming that though Vulcans may act as such, they are not all knowing. Logical as they are, Spock knows about as much as she does when it comes to their present conversation. Though, when it comes to science, that he is sure, he knows more than she does. She is correct about one thing, it is his job to figure out what is going on.   ❝At present, I have a working theory, but I do not know what is going on. I merely have my best educated guess.❞   But then, she reaffirmed that she also does not know what is going on.

Spock is convinced no one on this ship knows what is the status of their present situation.   ❝However, I do not believe either of us is working towards the goal of getting us out of this void of space we’re in. How we ended up in this void is within itself a discussion.❞

          that he fails to rise to her humor in no way surprises ellie,  yet still her shoulders sag,  nearly imperceptibly.    ❛ you’re supposed to go along with it, ❜    she chides.  it’s far from her place to instruct anyone on the nuances of humor — or of any social interaction.  especially when he is perfectly correct:  neither of them is working towards the relevant goal,  but her realm of expertise renders her so far underqualified for their current problem that,  really,  the only true way for her to assist is to remove herself from the situation.

          that assessment might be slightly unfair — she’s more clever than she’ll give herself credit for.    ❛ well,  if discussing your educated guess will help,  then be my guest. I’m all ears.  but unless knowing the musical scale of the gorvi on ectresi xi will help explain why there’s no stars... ❜    she shrugs,  letting the thought trail off.  the implications,  she thinks,  are clear enough:  she will not be much use as a source of ideas.

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thirtnth​:

“that’s a smart way of thinkin’“ she points towards the other, raising an eyebrow. “as long as you’re not thinkin’ like a neutron. neutral thinkin’ gets ya’ nowhere.” she grins. “’m the Doctor, by the way.”

          her eyes narrow in brief moment of consideration,  and she doesn’t want to argue,  she truly doesn’t.  and it would be rude,  and she can almost feel father’s disapproving gaze boring into her.  briefly,  she overcomes other thoughts to offer a smile and an introduction.    ❛ ellie. ❜    still,  having opened her mouth she she finds herself asking  ( though she swear’s it’s more musing and less quarreling ),    ❛ doesn’t a doctor need a sort of neutral thinking,  though?  unbiased,  practical,  all that jazz? ❜    no need to fret over the semantics,  and she might just as easily ask what kind of doctor other is,  or why the definite article before the title,  as if there is but one doctor in the whole universe. 

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sevntnth​:

    the doctor was somewhere between intrigued and concerned. the symbols certainly didn’t look to be of earth, and whereas ellie might be right, it might just be misfiled? coincidences weren’t something that happened often. was it a message for her? something she was supposed to know, something she was supposed to see? it was exciting in a way, worrying in another — she could hardly leave ellie out of this now, but it was likely going to be dangerous. but then, wasn’t it always dangerous with the doctor? “i don’t think those are medieval symbols,” she admitted, eyes scanning the paper again and again, trying to look for anything that might seem familiar, that might stand out to her. nothing. why wasn’t the tardis translating them? “i’m not even sure that they’re symbols from earth. i know that might sound a bit mad, but trust me on this — they look alien to me. the question is…why are they here? i doubt an alien had much interest in 17th century music. well — i quite like it, actually, but i’m not like most.”

           ❛             alien? ❜    elllie repeats the word with dose of laughter.  it’s not true incredulity that laces her tone,  not an exasperated skepticism,  for all eyebrows lift and corners of lips purse into poorly muffled smile.  other is far from wrong:  it does sound a bit mad,  and ellie’s certainly not sure she believes.    ❛ don’t you think there are some more terrestrial explanations we should come to first?  like that some bored child scribbled on a valuable manuscript,  or that it’s just flagrant vandalism?  or a composer who wanted to undermine a competitor’s work? add symbols before a great performance such that the musicians no longer understood what to play? ❜

          the latter,  perhaps,  veers too far into the realm of fantasy,  and she hasn’t even gotten to aliens yet.    ❛ not,  that is,  that I don’t like the aliens explanation better,  but... ❜

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nothing brings me more joy than repeatedly doing a bit that my mother dislikes

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sohelish​:

She starts laughing but almost immediately falters. Her eyes, however, shine with a light rarely seen.

‘We can put cups of ice on the outside with a take me note or something. And when they walk in, you say they are under a rest while I point to the cup and add for just-ice!’ Then. Oh, then. She’d finally have a reason to celebrate Christmas if arranged in such a manner.

          sometimes ellie’s impulses verge far from reasonable,  and sometimes it’s all the young woman can do to restrain herself.  because she truly might well be tempted to follow through on such a plan.  still, she merely jokes when she suggests,    ❛ I’ll start cutting a rest out of cardboard and paint it all nice and pretty if you work on the ice cups. ❜

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𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐃𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒𝐒?

CREATIVE TOUCH  ::  you are a gem.  you pride yourself on creating and sometimes you feel it defining your personality.  sometimes you can be a bit scattered and messy,  but it just helps your brain think that way.  you have your own aesthetic and you know its incredibly cool.  you are most in your element when you are doing what you love.  sometimes the process is SO frustrating but the proudness of a finished product is what keeps you going.  you often compare yourself to others and are the harshest critic of your own work.  you are immensely talented and you are inspire others.  keep doing what you are doing,  love.

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          // @vulcnlogic​​​​​​ sent,  ❝ i feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on. ❞

          the smile that brightens her features is perhaps a little too delighted,  a little too sly.    ❛ are you tellin’ me you don’t know everything? ❜    she’s out of line to joke so,  and yet she cannot help it.  there’s no malice to the words,  merely amiability and high spirits.    ❛ besides,  isn’t it your job just about to know what’s going on — or to figure it out?  what,  you’re just gonna give up,  easy as that? ❜

          the discussion across the room is no less baffling to her — she has long since lost track of ins and outs of a conversation that has swung wildly from successful to disastrous and,  somehow,  back again in now cyclical fashion.  ❛ I could explain it to you,  if you’d like... ❜    — she pauses long enough for a grin to break across her features —    ❛ but I’d honestly be making it up myself. ❜

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I refuse to apologize for being soft—let me fall in love with life. let me sing and speak to my house-plants, let me dance in my bedroom with headphones, let me read by my windowsill when it’s pouring outside. let me stroke my friend’s face and say something sappy. let me be unapologetically happy for the little things that make my day better. life’s too short anyway, at least let me love it every step of the way

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doctordonovan​:

 waiting doesn’t come easily:   not to cam,   not to maeve,   and most certainly not to girl they’ve raised to reach out and grip own hopes and dreams.    it’s in none of their natures to leave things up to chance or fate    –     hard work,   dedication,    a mother tongue in vibrant household.    (   not so little anymore,    full of life even when cam must be gone for longer than they’d like.   )     ❝   at least you’re not pacing like your father would,  he’d have surely left a trail in these carpets already.   ❞    hardly an exaggeration,    especially in matters such as ellie’s hopes or future.

 she has heard    –    perhaps a hundred times too many    –    ellie’s practicing vital piece:    reworking all that she needs to,    ensuring it is all that girl wishes to prove herself with.    a weapon not sharp like sword or intended to hurt,    made purely for battle ahead of latest big step.

 (   if she gets it,     when she gets it,     maeve will work out how to process two daughters being so out of reach.    there is no doubt in her mind that raelle will wish to be near treasured younger sister.    italy.    what historian wouldn’t wish for that?    and what mother wouldn’t wish for the knowledge that at least the two girls will be able to watch out for each other?   )    ❝   you know what we always say.    one step at a time.    if you’re ready,     you’re ready.    you’ll show them.    ❞    hand moves so thumb may brush little line on daughter’s hand,     offering it squeeze before it moves away again.

 ❝    if you won’t trust in yourself,    trust in dad and me.    have we ever set you up for failure?   ❞    for all their efforts to encourage her,     to let her learn in her own way…     they have still done very best to protect her from the things that they both know   -   the grief that raelle and nissa carry for lost loved ones and fallen worlds alike.  

          thought of her father’s pacing,  of damage done to carpets in wake of an impatience she knows all too well,  draws forth a smile and  ( tremulous,  brief )  laugh.  for the first moment in the time that they have sat here,  she misses him and wishes he were there.  still,  there’s no bitterness or even regret when she remarks,    ❛ it’s a good thing he’s not here,  then. ❜    and perhaps it is good,  too,  that he is not there to feed unintentionally her restlessness with his own.  he is not the only one she wishes suddenly were there — she misses too a sister away for her studies,  and a feline companion from whom she can usually scarcely be separated.

          she leans against her mother’s side,  head tipping to rest upon her shoulder.  no,  they have never set her up for failure,  have never set her up for anything save success despite many hurdles she knows she has thrown their way.  yet this relies so much upon her own shoulders,  her own success,  a proving ground for which no preparation from her parents can truly have prepared her.  

          one step at a time,  she repeats silently to herself.  the first step:  survive the waiting.  and ellie does know, truly,  that everything will fall into its place if only she can accomplish that.  this is the hardest part.    ❛ I should have brought mag, ❜     she remarks,  joking  ( mostly ).    ❛  he’d’ve kept things interesting.  and,  maybe,  he could’ve won them all over for me. ❜  

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❀   ||   please don’t let me go down, down   ||   feat.  @mcgnificat​

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