maybellecc

[maybellecc]

Before this month ends, I just want to say I remember it all and how i wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all.

I can still remember.....

The moment we were counting the semesters during our college days. How we will experience all the getaways every weekend and holidays. How we will start on our own together forever.

Our promises to each other na laging isang malaking yakap sa tuwing feeling natin di na natin kaya yung hamon ng mundo. We will be each other's safe haven.

When they asked me bakit tumagal.... I love you with all my heart. You were my home and my bestfriend in everything. I love you because you love me. Hindi napapagod sumundo every Friday. Patiently waiting for me. Loving and caring.

We built a lot of dreams in the future and I was truly hurt when you said you don't see me in your future. Why it happened? Eh magkasama nating binuo ung pangarap natin sa future.

I was hurt when you shut me off, how you pushed and treat me like I was nothing.

A lot of memories and dreams were turned into nothing.

I hope you find true happiness. And I will try to find mine kahit di ko alam kung san mo tinapon.

It's been a while and every day I am trying to find the pieces of myself.

[maybellecc]

It's been a while since I started my life without you. It's lonely and painful. But I will not dwell about what happened. I will focus more on what about to happen.

Im starting to be physically active. I am currently listening to podcasts that will help me to move on and heal my broken heart.

[maybellecc]

In my running era

hahahahahaha, I never thought I will be like this.

Trying new things to know more about myself.

[maybellecc]

When It Will End?

"Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace"

It's a gloomy Monday and my tears is flowing non-stop. I am writing this at work as early as 7:00 in the morning. I have accepted the fact that we were not meant to be. And things will never go as planned.

I am crying for what and how it happened. I am crying for all the dreams we have built together. I am crying because of the pain it caused me. I am crying because it felt like I was betrayed by the person I trusted the most. I am crying for the harsh words you said. I am crying because I never liked your decision. I am crying because I have no other choice. I am crying because we are done. I am crying because I lost my best friend, my companion, my home, my buddy in every way and it's the same person who hurt me the most.

I cannot stop crying. When will the agony ends?

[maybellecc]

Mom.

I saw my mom unsent a message to you. When I asked her about that, she said that she's about to ask you what happened. She unsent the message because she was thinking that maybe you are going through a lot and doesn't want to bother you.

I told her not to message you because I'm accepting everything. I asked her just to pray for me.

Today, she cooked my favorite tortang talong HAHAHA.

She told me "para sumaya ka naman"

I love you Mom.

[maybellecc]

Choose to be happy.

Last night was tough, mood swings and I felt like I'm in my lowest point of my life again. Iniyak ko lang lahat.

Today is Vianna's birthday. I'm happy coz she's now 4 y.o. Very smart kiddo like her Auntie Bei bei.

I'm browsing some photos on my Instagram Account. OMG, I regretted doing that. The best memories were there kumbaga my core memories.

Nasa point nanaman akong asking myself, what happened to us?. We're fine and okay, until one day hindi na. So seeing photos from years 2022 and 2023 made me feel the saddest person alive.

Maybe not smooth sailing yung 8 years but we did a lot of memorable things. Bakit hindi sapat talaga kung ano man yung nalagpasan and what we had as a couple.

Love is a choice and decision talaga. It's a commitment and unending process. No matter how big or small things you have experienced within the relationship, when the other person decided just ended what you have built together, he/she is done loving and committing.

No matter how painful, you just have to accept it.

I will not blame anyone. I will just accept things. Kasi pag hindi I will never have my own peace of mind. I'm still in the process of moving on and healing. I hope one day I will wake up in my bed and say I'm fine now.

I am hopeful that as time goes by, the Lord will reveal the answers why it happened. I will be focusing on myself and not on some negativity. I will love myself with the genuine and pure love I gave on my previous relationship. I will promise myself I will never ever be the negative and bitter person. I will always be the most loving person one could ever have.

Happy Birthday Vianna, Aunt bei got your back always. Kahit malaki ka na. I love you always.

[maybellecc]

The caption says, "Go ahead, put anything" so I'll write down everything.

Sorry if I'm not always grammatically correct. lol. These writings gonna be for my healing era not for anyone else.

I cannot access my old tumblr account, so I made a new one. Every time my heart got broken, I always do journals. Why? because it helps me to process my thoughts and my emotions.

I'm so immature back then... haha cringe. If you can read all the writings in my old account I would say I am so blinded by love.

I edited this pic and chose the text "Choose joy".

After 8 years, it happened again. My heart was shattered into million pieces because of the same person. I don't know what happened, maybe that's the true meaning of life, it is full of choices.

For the past 8 years, I graduated from college and got a government job. I even learned how to drive in 2020. I pay my own bills now and I realized how hard to survive in this life.

The most recent life happening is that I am heartbroken again haha funny but tragic.

It's the same feeling from the first one. The difference is that Taylor Swift songs became my therapist, literally. Every song she wrote for became the story of my life... from Lover era to TTPD.

I cannot explain how things turned into something I did not expect to happen. But it just happened and I have no control over it. I just watched him left.

The turning point for me or the stage where I really accepted that everything is over.... it is when he told me that he does not love me anymore and I'm not even part of his future anymore.

It happened in May, and the last 3 months were very hard. I cried every night... no not every night it's all day. Even at work during office hours I cried a lot.

I don't want to focus on my grieving phase, it is what it is. It's over now and I know it's the result of my decision from the past. I can say is that nagmahal lang ako ng sagad, all in ika nga. I don't want to think or guess the real reason behind this breakup. 3rd party, fall out love.basta ang alam ko di nako mahal at di na ko kailangan. Hindi sapat ung foundation based sa mga pinagdaanan na namin.

Choose joy. Life is full of surprises. Minsan maganda minsan hindi. When we are in the happiest days of our lives let's enjoy it. But when we are in the saddest days just let it pass and choose joy even in trials. Lagi nating isiping God has a better purpose and plans.

I will not say that I already forgive I know it will takes a long time. I will forgive that's for sure. But I will never ever forget. Once or twice it's a mistake but thrice or more it's a choice.

I am still picking up the broken pieces of myself day by day. I choose joy even when it hurts. I have to live by myself and find peace being alone. I'm just trusting the process.