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masters degree in moving my legs around under the sheets like a big gay horseshoe crab

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everyone in fantasy novels is horny on main for elves and it’s honestly a travesty like why the hell would you want to marry an elf you’ll just spend the rest of your days growing old in the woods with a bunch of immortal bastards whose heads are so far up their asses they think singing week-long ballads is prime entertainment and say shit like “thou” and “beseech” unironically y'all should be hooking up with dwarves who 1. actually know how to throw the fuck down and let loose at a party 2. will literally shower you in diamond dust and gold they mined and crafted with their bare hands and 3. can sling you over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes with their huge muscular arms developed from hours of said mining and crafting. there’s literally no contest.

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Me: I wish Finger on Monkey’s paw curls

Finger on Monkey’s Paw: *Curls*

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me and my epic baby

this is my daughter Winnifred everyone say hii Winnie

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A Christmas Carol V: The Phantom Pain of Christmas Past

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this is my daughter Winnifred everyone say hii Winnie

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Just finished my placements in overwatch competitive. I hit silver 2 I am going to kill myself.

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why did mazda make miatas look like fuckable cum guzzling sluts that moan a lil when u put the keys in the ignition

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*sends this to all my extended family*

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American naturalization test

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LEONARD NIMOY WAS GOING TO HIPPY ORGIES IN THE 60s

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LOWER DECKS! ❤️💙💛💚💜

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CNN suggested that Luigi Mangione stage a boycott instead of what he did. a boycott of the health care industry. exercising my right to protest by fucking dying.

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It’s that time of the year again :)

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explain your gender in 10 words or less without using boring words like “male”, “female”, “nonbinary”, “masculine”, “feminine” or “androgynous”.

go!