max-imum-stress

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Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

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also my toenail is now officially ingrown on BOTH sides now. help

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i took a shower and did laundry today :)

but i didn't get any studying done :/

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my brain got used to the sun being out for longer and now even though the seasonal depression is gone the regular depression is back from its vacation :/

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Hey. Hey you. The person aimlessly scrolling, stuck in an immobilized standoff with your brain

It's not your fault. You won't be stuck forever. I know you're trying. I know you hate it. It's ok.

And tell the Mean Voice in your head that it's not helping. It knows as well as you do that you would get up and Just Start the task if you could. You're not doing this on purpose.

Take a deep breath. Relax your jaw. I see you trying so hard to break out of it, but you can't force it. You'll get Unstuck eventually. All you can do in the interim is be kind to yourself.

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hope feels like a coin glued to the ground right now for me. it's within reach, but i can't get it, and it's small anyway.

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"everybody hates me" factoid actually just a statistical error. The average person doesn't hate you, especially not your friends. You, a person who sits in your room experiencing self loathing every day, are an outlier adn should not have been counted.

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me: i want more friends! me, actually talking to a new person: this is so stressful i’m going to fucking Die, i have to flee the country and fake my own death

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every night i get severely jumpscared by my evening meds alarm

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I paid to tell you to drink water.

Do it.

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People have written a lot of touchy-feely pieces on this subject but I thought I’d get right to the heart of the matter

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i can't fucking take them telling me that it's unacceptable to not be a fucking 24/7 go-getter. that's the last thing i can bear to hear from them.

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feeling kinda crappy, but things have been going good lately and will probably continue to go alright.

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