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me: *overthinks, tortures myself with responsibility, etc*
them: *makes a decision every day about interacting w/ me*
me: ... but it's my fault right
#a relationship needs more than one person.#more than one person vague-ing bc they have so many feelings.
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am i being unfair? and to whom? bc i could also argue that not doing something is unfair to myself. or that my standards are too high? that i'm demanding? idk i have to look out for me i guess. it's really the only option? i cant be objective about myself and yeah i still feel immense love BUT i think i have. done enough. and dont have to feel guilty about it.
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"just talk to your friends about it"
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okay now i guess!
gotta deep cry at some point but no time is opportune…
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gotta deep cry at some point but no time is opportune...
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...
#it's ok to cry#it's ok#someday it won't hurt anymore#someday it will be over and i won't remember#jk things are gonna get harder and harder#the family thing is gonna fly off the handle and i will have to deal with it alone#gr8 news!#completely ignorant and common sense-lacking fucking adult can't even hold down an irl friendship#doesn't know shit#is completely helpless#and so pathetic as to not be worth the effort of thinking about#i'm so scared#i'm scared for my family#and i'm scared for me
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no response is a response
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yeah i’m hella bitter about it
#but !#i guess!#this is as clear a signal as i could hope for#although it would be nice to have someone tell me to fuck off
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it’s really awkward i guess but honestly i need to do this anyway. move on. accept it.
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i will never learn i think until i can finally internalize that i don't matter enough can't rely on things i thought i could
maybe it is time to cut my losses and move on
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maybe it is time to cut my losses and move on
#been thinking abt it for years...#hard to not assign blame to anyone but it just isn't working#i don't think it's anyone's fault really.....#it's also not mine#i guess#i have to trust what others say and do i suppose...
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i feel pathetic
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