mavemint29 - Tumblr blog

mavemint29 · 1 year ago

Text

Buddy Daddies Drama CD Vol 1 – When one door closes, another door opens

*Gun sounds*

*Large explosion*

Video Game: MISSION FAILED!

Rei: Gah...? I lost?

Rei: *Sighs* Right now I'm so... bored...

*Stomach rumbling*

*Presses button on phone*

Concierge: Good Morning, Suwa-sama!

Rei: I'm making an order. Mild beef curry, a steak, a cola...

Concierge: Thank you so much for doing business with our hotel. However we need to discuss your payment with you...

*********************

Rei: I can't use it?

Concierge: That's right. This card has been suspended. Do you have another form of payment

that you could use?

Rei: Ugh...

*********************

Concierge: Wait!

*Rei running*

*Car honks*

Driver: Hey you! Watch where you're going!!

Rei: This is bad... The family card has been cut off... so I don't have money!

*********************

Kazuki: I'm gonna score big! RED!

Crowd: Ohh!

Girl 1: Wow! You’re betting it all?

Girl 2: Kazu-kun, you're so brave!

*Chugs drink*

Kazuki: Ahhh! I’m on a roll today! I'm gonna win this one and be rich!

*Ball rolling to a stop*

Kazuki: AAAHHHHHHH!!!!

*********************

*Kazuki shivering*

Girl 1: Come again, okay?

*Kazuki sneezes and drinks more*

Kazuki: Ugh... Ah... My life is over...

Kyuutarou: Don't just decide that on your own.

Kazuki: Kyuu-chan!

Kyuutarou: Kazuki. Come to Yadorigi.

*********************

Kyuutarou: Can you even work a proper job after all this time? The only kind of work for you is dirty work. Isn't that right?

Kazuki: Yeah... that's right...

Kyuutarou: You keep failing your jobs and I haven't been able to contact you. Is this really the time to be drowning yourself in alcohol?

Kazuki: I'm sorry...

Kyuutarou: How many years do you think it's been since that accident? Can you face Karin-chan like this?

Kazuki: Ah...

Kyuutarou: This is your last chance.

Kazuki: Last?

Kyuutarou: If you mess up this job... I'll kill you.

Kazuki: Wait...! Anything but that!

Kyuutarou: Then make sure this job is a success.

*Paper crinkling*

Kazuki: Huh? Who's this...?

Kyuutarou: Suwa Rei. The son of our organization’s leader, also known as the "murder machine"

***************

*Convenience store bell ringing*

Cashier: Welco-...me...

Rei: *Grumbling*

Cashier: Eh? That guy's kinda creepy! His hair and beard are both unkempt and he’s stumbling around.... He seems like he'd be able to kill someone...

Rei: Umm...

Cashier: Y-yes? How can I help you?

Rei: How much is this?

Cashier: A teriyaki dog? It's 150 yen.

Rei. Mmm... *counts coins* 39 yen...

Cashier: Ah... Not enough, huh...?

Rei: *Sighs*

Cashier: Sir... Is something wrong?

Rei: Coat...

Cashier: Huh?!

Rei: Nevermind...

*Rei walks out while groaning*

Young Girl Cashier: Ah... Thank... you... What was with that guy?

***************

Rei: I’m an assassin. I can't bother civilians.

Thug: Aniki!

Aniki: Yeah? How'd it go?

Thug: I got the ransom! Here it is!

Aniki: Great job! Let's see it~

*Rei grabs bag*

Aniki: Huh?

Thug: Who are you!?

Rei: I'm borrowing this!

Thug: Huh!? Hey, give that back!

Aniki: Hey! Come on! Stop!

Thug: We’ve lost him!

Aniki: That thief! I'm gonna find him even if I have to turn this whole town upside down! Go find him!

Thug: Okay!

Rei: How annoying...

*Gun clicks*

Rei: Should I kill them...?

Kazuki: Hold on!

Rei: Who’re you?!

Kazuki: I found you, murder machine, Suwa Rei. My name is Kurusu Kazuk- Woah, woah, woah! Where are you going!?

*Running and panting*

Kazuki: Hey! Wait!

*More running and panting*

Kazuki: Fuck.

Kazuki: He’s so fast! I guess it's to be expected from an elite of the Suwa family? Fuck... I can't keep up...

Even though I'm confident in my running ability... all that drinking’s messed with me. Useless assassins will be gotten rid of... If he gets away now... then I'll...!

*Stops running and catches breath*

Kazuki: Maybe that's for the best. I’m a useless drunkard. There’s no one to mourn for me. That's just what I deserve. I'm finally... going to hell...

*can clinking*

Kazuki: Hm? Over there?

*Mechanical door opens*

Kazuki: Come out! Suwa Rei!

*Fist fight*

Kuzuki: Fuck.

*Gun clicks*

Rei: You know my name. You must be in the same line of work.

Kazuki: Wait! You don't understand!

Rei: You must protect yourself again-Hrk! (Idiom: 降り懸かる火の粉は払わねばならぬ Meaning: You must protect yourself against any possible dangers. Literally: you have to brush off any sparks that land on you)

Kazuki: Huh? What? He suddenly fainted?

*Stomach grumbling*

Rei: I’m... hungry...

Kazuki: Huh?!

*****************

*Rei groaning*

Kazuki: Oh! You’re up? Hold on, it's almost done.

Rei: Where...?

Kazuki: My place.

Rei: It’s dirty.

Kazuki: That's all you have to say to the guy who saved your life? I've had a lot going on so I haven't had time to clean.

Kazuki: Here~! Eat.

Rei: Food?

Kazuki: You're malnourished, aren't you?

Rei: Are you sure?

Kazuki: Don’t spill it.

*Slurping sounds*

Kazuki: How is it?

Rei: Udon.

Kazuki: You can tell just by looking at it! How does it taste?

Rei: Like soy sauce?

Kazuki: Because it’s udon! I'm asking if it tastes good?

Rei: It’s normal.

Kazuki: What the hell are you?! At times like this it's only polite to tell someone “It's so delicious!” as thanks even if it's just flattery!

Rei: Hmm!

Kazuki: Huh? Damn, man... Your file said you don't understand polite society and have zero life skills, but you're really like a robot! So... you ran away from home?

Rei: Yeah...

Kazuki: And you're already broke? The money in that bag... it's the ransom from the kidnapping case that’s all over the news, isn't it?

Rei: Probably.

Kazuki: Did you do a kidnapping?

Rei: I borrowed it.

Kazuki: Borrowed it?

Rei: From the kidnappers.

Kazuki: You liar! You stole it!

Rei: I didn’t have any money.

Kazuki: Ugh... Why in the world did you target such troublesome people?

Rei: I can't bother civilians.

Kazuki: You're strangely conscientious.

*Rei continues eating*

Rei: Done.

Kazuki: Osomatsusama (Set phrase to thank someone after they eat your cooking that means sorry for the crude food)

Rei: Kurusu... umm...?

Kazuki: It's Kazuki.

Rei: Kazuki.... Why didn’t you kill me?

Kazuki: Oh, don't get the wrong idea. My job was to protect you.

Rei: Protect?

Kazuki: There's a certain order to this town. Having a lone wolf like you running around wild is a problem. But you’re quite skilled, aren't you. There’s plenty of troubles you can deal with around here. If you work for Kyuu-chan, this town'’s boss, I'm sure you'll make good money.

Rei: Money...

Kazuki: Did you really think you could run away from home and become a normal person? The only kind of work for us is dirty work. Isn't that right? Do you want to slowly die from malnutrition or do you want to play with the cards you’ve been dealt?

Rei: Umm...

Kazuki: Hm? What is it?

Rei: Get me in contact with that boss.

Kazuki: Oh! Okay.

Rei: Thanks.

Kazuki: Huh? Nah I just did my job. You don't need to thank me for anything!

Rei: Mm.

Kazuki: Mmm... What?... It’s not like I’m happy that you thanked me or anythi-

Rei: Move!

*Rei shoves Kazuki to the ground*

Kazuki: Ah! Hey! What’re you do—?!

*Bullets and yelling from thugs*

Thug: We know you're in there!!

Kazuki: Gah! you idiot! Stop! Hey! My place will-!!

Rei: It’s fine. Leave it to me.

Kazuki: Rei?!

Rei: I’ll take responsibility for this.

*Thugs yelling and shooting*

Kazuki: Wah! Wah! Hey! Wah! Stop! Wah! Not- Not my place!!!!!!!!!

**********************

Kyuutarou: Welcome.

Kazuki: Ah... Hey, Kyuu-chan... I took care of those two jobs.

Kyuutarou: I’m relieved to hear you're actually able to do your job now. Now you just need to improve your skills.

Kazuki: I'm only second rate anyway. I'm nothing like the elite Rei. But he’s amazing, isn’t he? It hasn’t even been a month yet and how many jobs has he done?

Kyuutarou: 30 jobs.

Kazuki: Seriously? We're going to go out of business! He’s probably earned a lot already. Ah, but when I saw him here the other day, his beard and hair were still as much of a mess as ever. Is he even living decently?

Kyuutarou: I found a place for him to stay.

Kazuki: Huh? Kyuu-chan, do you also work in real estate?

Kyuutarou: Well, I have connections. Should I refer you too, Kazuki? You haven’t found a new place yet, have you?

Kazuki: Ahh... well I’ve been busy with work... Even though my last place ended up riddled with holes I really liked it.... *Sighs* Why did it end up like that? Ahhh... This sucks...

Kyuutarou: Oh, right. I have a request for you. Rei is perfect at his job but he never leaves his house so I never see him. So I'm sorry but could you take the information for his next job to him?

Kazuki: Yeah, sure... I was just wanting to complain to him about my wrecking house anyway.

*Kazuki walking away*

Kazuki: Bye! Tell me if you get another job for me!

Kyuutarou: Yeah!

*Door opens and closes*

Kyuutarou: Well... I hope it goes well...

*********************

*Elevator dings*

Kazuki: Wooooow... How good of an apartment does he live in? Is this normal for a son of the Suwa Family? He must be raking it in. Damn it!

*Doorbell rings*

Rei: Yes?

Kazuki: Umm... Kyuu-chan has a job for you so he asked me to bring you the information.

Rei: Ah...

*Kazuki opens the door*

Kazuki: Pardon me... Gwah! Hnk! It reeks! So bad! Hnrk! Eh? This place is so dirty! Eh!? Dirty! Dirty!It’s bad... It's so bad!

Rei: Huh?

Kazuki: Don't just say "Huh?" What is this on the floor?!

Rei: Pizza.

Kazuki: The leftovers of one, right?! And that green stuff isn't basil, is it?! There's something awful growing out of it, isn't there? Aghh! And this delivery sushi is all dried out! Wah! And there’s a cup noodle with the soup left in it! Throw it out! Throw it out! Now what about the kitchen...? AHHHHHHHH! THE SINK! THE SINK IS FULL OF A STRANGE COLORED LIQUID!!! HEY, REI!! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PLACE!!!

Rei: Maybe I'll hire a maid?

Kazuki: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Have you forgotten what you do for work? Your place is full stuff like sensitive

documents and weapons! It would be bad if you let a normal person in here!

*Rei’s starts playing video game*

Rei: Oh well then.

Kazuki: Huh? Stop escaping from reality! *Sighs exasperatedly* Fuck, okay then! I’ll help you clean this place up!!

Rei: Thanks.

Kazuki: You're helping too, you shut in! And I'm going to tame that wild hair of yours too so be prepared for that!

Rei: *sighs in frustration*

**************************

*Boiling*

Kazuki: Hm... *slurp* Mmm! Perfect! Okay!

*Turns off stove*

Kakuzi: Hey, Rei! Food's ready!

Rei: There’s so many plates.

Kazuki: Complaining about strange things as always but oh well. Here you go. Go ahead and eat your fill! Since the money for this came out of your wallet anyway.

*Rei starts eating*

Kazuki: He can't even say Itadakimasu, huh?

Kazuki: So? How does it taste?

Rei: The curry... is a little spicy.

Kazuki: I thought you'd say that! But whatever.

Kazuki: If you're eating it so fast, then I guess it was worth making it. It felt nice to cook in such a large kitchen again anyway. Ahh... I want a kitchen as big as this in my new place. It would be impossible with my pay though...

Rei: You don’t have a place to live?

Kazuki: Because someone completely destroyed it!

Rei: Mmm...

Kazuki: Huh? Ohh! Are you feeling guilty?

Rei: Want to stay here?

Kazuki: Huh?

Rei: I have extra room.

Kazuki: You... wow...! You just want to use me as your housekeeper, don't you?

Rei: Yeah.

Kazuki: HE JUST ADMITTED IT!!! JUST HOW SHAMELESS ARE YOU?! Ah, but... hmm I guess that might not be so bad actually?

Kazuki: I'm good at housework and Rei is amazing at his job.... so we can cover for each other's weaknesses...

Rei: We're playing with the cards we've been dealt.

Kazuki: That’s not what I mean!

Rei: Oh?

Kazuki: Fine! Then I guess I’ll be staying with you for a little while.

Rei: Mm.

Kazuki: Thanks, shut in.

Rei: Thanks, freeloader.

177 notes · View notes

mavemint29 · 1 year ago

Text

Buddy Daddies CD Drama Vol 2 – Far from Jupiter, Far from thunder

*Phone buzzes*

Kazuki: Ah? Yes, Hello? Huh? Uhh... yeah we're free... Uh-huh. Mmm... I see. Bye.

*Hangs up*

Kazuki: Seriously...?

Rei: Kazuki. What is it?

Kazuki: Rei, can you believe this? Kyuu-chan... wants us to help him with something.

Rei: Huh? No way...!

Kazuki: I can’t believe it either! What in the world could have happened that, Kyuu-chan, the super owner of Cafe Yadorigi who does everything flawlessly, would need to call us for help?!

*******************

*Door opening*

Kyuutarou: W-welcome...

Rei: Eh...?

Kazuki: Kyuu-chan... are you okay?

Kyuutarou: I might not be.

Rei: He looks really worn out.

Kazuki: Hey, what's wrong? Seriously, what happened?

Kyuutarou: Well... It would take a while... to explain...

*Girl sighing longingly*

Rei: Wait.

Kazuki: Hm? What is it, Rei?

*Girl sighing longingly*

Rei: We’re being watched.

Kazuki: Watched...?

Rei: This sharp gaze...

*Rei moves*

Girl: Ah!

Rei: Is it you?

Girl: HUH?! Wait, what's going on?

Kazuki: Woah, Rei. Calm down. She's just a normal cute girl.

Rei: No. The way she was watching us wasn’t normal.

Rei: Could you be in our same line of work?

Girl: Same line of work?

Kazuki: Woah woah woah! Stop!

Kazuki: You can't bother civilians!

Rei: No, but...!

Kazuki: Enough!

Kazuki: Hey... Sorry... He's got a bit of an active imagination.

Girl: Oh...

Kazuki: Ah, by the way, I’m Kurusu Kazuki. I can’t believe someone so cute was staring at me so passionately! I'm such a heart-break-er! If you’re ever feeling lonely at night, go ahead and give me a call anytime, okay?

Girl: Oh, sorry for giving you the wrong impression.

Kazuki: Huh?

Girl: The one I was looking at was actually Kyuutarou-san!

Kazuki: Woah, shock!

Rei: Instantly rejected.

Kazuki: You shut up!

**************************

Kyuutarou: Her name is Shigasaki Mei. She’s an ordinary woman who recently became a regular at

Yadorigi.

Kazuki: Oh! I see. I see. I get it. I get it. So it's that old story?

Rei: That old story?

Kazuki: Ah, well Kyuu-chan is a smart and aloof but still a bit mysterious cafe owner, ya know?

Girls can't help but fall in love with a good looking guy in glasses!

Rei: A good looking guy in glasses...

Kazuki: Man, Kyuu-chan, you’re quite the heartbreaker too. You know this shop’s entrance is known as "the guillotine gate of heartbreak" since it slices the head off so many girls' dreams of love.

Rei: That sounds disturbing...

Kazuki: But Kyuu-chan, you must know how to deal with girls in love from experience, right?

Kyuutarou: Yeah, I thought I did...

*Flashback*

Mei: Ever since the day I met you, I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you! Kyoutarou-san, would you please go out with me?!

Kyuutarou: I'm sorry. You’re still young. You seem like a little sister I have an age gap with to me.

Mei: Isn't that taboo feeling of harboring love for a sibling great!?

Kyuutarou: No... that’s not what I mean...

Mei: And if we were siblings we could take baths together too!

Kyuutarou: That can't happen. I'm sorry for not having said anything until now but... I have a fiancée.

Mei: Ah! So then I'd be stealing you? I'm into it!

Kyuutarou: No. That wouldn't be fair to my future wife.

Mei: I understand. In that case, I’m ok with being your mistress!

Kyuutarou: Huh? Stop this already!

Mei: Huh? Kyuutarou-san?

Kyuutarou: I'm sorry to tell you this, but I can't accept that about you.

Mei: Huh? Ah... Aaa(sounding like she's starting to cry)aaaawww thank you!

Kyuutarou: Huh?

Mei: You're going to teach me about my bad points, right? I'll fix them for you! Is there anything else you hate about me?

*End flashback*

Rei: She's unstoppable...

Kazuki: Mei-chan is so optimistic...

Kyuutarou: This is the first time I’ve met someone so pushy so I'm not sure how to deal with it. Ever since she confessed to me she's been watching everything I d-... or rather... it's more like she's surveilling me.

Kazuki: H-huh? Isn't that bad? Since you also have your other work to do.

Kyuutarou: Yeah, and I can feel her watching me in front of the store after I close.

Rei: Stalker...

Kyuutarou: Recently the danger has increased due to rivals of our agency showing up. For both of our safety I can't let her know where I live.

Kazuki: That's true...

Rei: So that's why you're so worn out?

Kyuutarou: No matter if I'm asleep or awake, I feel her watching me from somewhere and I can't get it out of my head. I'm begging you, please help me figure out a way to keep her away from this store.

Kazuki: Hmm? Hehehe! When it comes to matters of love, leave it to me, Kurusu Kazuki, the professional at masterfully manipulating women's hearts!

Rei: Now I'm worried.

Kazuki: Now, you're thinking about this all wrong, Kyuu-chan. If you can’t turn her down, then you have to make her turn you down!

Kyuutarou: So you mean I need to make her hate me?

Kazuki: That’s right! To a woman who is blind with love, your words are all positive. So the quickest way to deal with it is to put a damper on her love.

Kyuutarou: Could you give me an example?

Kazuki: Let’s think about that together!

Rei: No plan.

Kazuki: You shut up!

********************

Kyuutarou: But here's the problem. What makes people hate someone depends on the person.

Kazuki: Hmm, this might be cliche but... what about a dirty joke? Like, we could plant a whoopee cushion near Mei-chan or something.

Kyuutarou: No... I think if I did that...

*Fantasizing*

Kyuutarou: Okay, it's time for a break. Let's see... down I go! *fart* Oh no! *fart* I-I can't stop! (continues farting) Maybe I ate too many potatoes yesterday? Ah!

(farting continues in background)

Mei: Kyuutarou-san! You're farting in front of me! For you to show me such an unbecoming part of you it must mean that you have opened up to me, right?

*end fantasy*

Kyuutarou: I can just see it failing.

Rei: You used that sound too much...

Kazuki: Hmm. So being sloppy around her won't work either, huh? Then we'll have to think of another way to get her to hate you. Something that will make her viscerally think, "I can't stand being around this guy!" Rei, do you have any ideas?

Rei: Being an alcoholic womanizing gambler?

Kazuki: Yes, yes. That type of despicable guy. They're really a problem, aren't they? I understand. Hey! Are you trying to pick a fight with me!?

Kyuutarou: No... I think if I did that...

*Fantasizing*

*Kyuutarou gulping*

Kyuutarou: Ah! Here I go! ALL IN!

Girl 1: Woah! What a high roller!

Girl 2: Kyuu-chan~! You're so manly!

Kyuutarou: Hehehehe! I'm going to beat this guy and take you both to my bed!!

Mei: Kyuutarou-san! Let me go to bed with you too!

*end fantasy*

Kyuutarou: I can just see it failing.

Rei: That type of guy is the worst.

Kazuki: No! I’m not that bad!

Kyuutarou: No, but we might be on the right track.

Kazuki: Huh, Kyuu-chan?!

Kyuutarou: Differences in sexual preferences can cause problems between men and women.

Kazuki: Ah! Oh, I see! That actually might work! Like if you're both masochists you wouldn't work well together or making her grossed out that you're such a lolicon... or... I know, how about being really into her playing your mother in ageplay?

Rei: What's... ageplay?

Kyuutarou: No... I think if I did that...

*Fantasizing*

Kyuutarou: Gagoo! Gagoo! Gagoo! Mama! I’m hungwy!

Mei: Yes, Yes~! I’m going to feed you now~!

*Sound of a zipper*

*end fantasy*

Kyuutarou: I can just see it failing.

Rei: Huh? What was that?

Kazuki: You're right. Mei-chan does seem like she'd be pretty open minded to that... Ah, so if dirty

jokes, sexual differences, and normal life differences won't work... then all that’s left is... taste!

Rei: Taste?

Kazuki: Like with clothes and stuff. Some weird clothing that would make you feel like "I don't even want to be seen near this person!!"

Rei: Like a comedian?

Kazuki: That’s right! Since they wear flashy suits with gold thread and constantly make dad jokes.

Kyuutarou: No... I think if I did that...

*Fantasizing*

Kyuutarou: Defendant, Mei.

Mei: Y-yes? What is it?

Kyuutarou: I sentence you to thirty minutes of rest. Kyu! (TN: both rest and sentence are pronounced the same Kyuukei)

Mei: *laughing* Kyuutarou-san! You're so funny!!

*end fantasy*

Kyuutarou: I can just see it failing.

Rei: Why was she a defendant?

Kazuki: Rei, please stop asking him to explain the joke.

Rei: Huh?

Kazuki: Welp, I don't know. I'm completely stumped. I mean this is impossible. Since she's just going to accept anything no matter what we do. Because she's in love with you Kyuu-chan! So she's going to love everything you do! Ah! It's impossible! I'm throwing in the towel!

Rei: Kazuki

Kazuki: Huh? What is it, Rei?

Rei: Is love uncoditional?

Kazuki: Huh? What do you mean? Is that a philosophical question?

Kyuutarou: Maybe he means... What would happen if I had a rival?

Kazuki: Oh, I see! So you mean that if there were someone else who was more attractive than Kyuu-chan, then it would make him less attractive in comparison?

Rei: Yeah.

Kazuki: So a comparison! So... we need someone who’s way more beautiful than Kyuu-chan...

Rei: Yeah...

Kazuki: when it comes to someone... way more beautiful...

Rei: Hmmm...

Kazuki: It's impossible!

Rei: It's impossible.

Kazuki: No, looks aren't the only thing that makes someone attractive! Wealth! I don’t know how much money Kyuu-chan has saved up but if they were a lot more wealthy than him!

Rei: Like an oil baron?

Kazuki: That's right, Kyuu-chan! Call an oil baron. I'm sure if you got an oil baron then...!

Kyuutarou: I don’t have those kinds of connections!

Kazuki: Of course not! And can't come up with any good looking guys I know that would be able to overshadow Kyuu-chan! Ahh!

Kyuutarou: So you're both out of ideas too?

Kazuki: Mei-chan is too tough. But isn't giving up an option too?

Kyuutarou: Giving up?

Kazuki: Yeah... Yadorigi Is doing pretty well as a normal cafe, isn't it? And recently you've had to do a lot of dangerous work as a leader... so why don't you use this as an excuse to wash your hands of it?

Kyuutarou: Wash my hands of it?

Kazuki: It actually seems quite feasible doesn't it? Maybe Mei-chan showing up here was fate!

Kyuutarou: Hehe...

Kazuki: Huh, why are you laughing?

Kyuutarou: It's ridiculous to think that we can have a happy ending.

***************

Kazuki: A comedian and an oil baron... I thought we were on the right track but I guess not... Mei-chan must seriously be in love with Kyuu-chan.

Rei: Hey, Kazuki...

Kazuki: Hmm?

Rei: Is she really an ordinary person?

Kazuki: Woah, what are you saying? There's no way that Kyuu-chan wouldn't be able to see through an assassin, is there?

Rei: Even when he's that tired?

Kazuki: No, even then... Well... he did seem different than usual...

Rei: Yadorigi’s competitors have been making moves lately. What if that girl was one of their spies?

Kazuki: Ah! Kyuu-chan is the type to get rid of witnesses... That's why he won't pull a gun in front of normal people... and if our rivals know that about him!

Rei: He's in danger.

Kazuki: Let’s go, Rei!

Rei: Yeah.

********************

Kyuutarou: Well then, I’m done with work for the day.

*Mei-chan sighs*

Kyuutarou: I knew she'd be here. I can’t take my usual route home.

Kyuutarou: I'll go through the back parking lot.

Kyuutarou: Damn, I guess that didn't work. I can sense someone following me. No.... that's not all I sense.

Thug: You’re the owner of Yadorigi, Kyuutarou, right?

Kyuutarou: I've been ambushed?

Thug: Not going to say anything?

Kyuutarou: What do you want?

Thug: We're here to claim your territory!

*gun shots*

Kyuutarou: I must be completely surrounded.... I hear someone ahead of me too...

Mei: Kyuutarou-san!

Kyuutarou: There's a witness!

Kyuutarou: Mei-chan! Don’t come over here!

Mei-chan: But at this rate you're going to...!

Kyuutarou: I told you not to come over here!

Mei-chan: No! But I want to go with you, Kyuutarou-san!

Kyuutarou: So you won't listen to me?

Mei: Huh?

Kyuutarou: If you don't listen to me... I'll kill you.

Mei: .....NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Kyuutarou: *sighs* I should have just done that from the start.

Thug: Hey, Kyuutarou, are you done saying goodbye to your woman?

Kyuutarou: Yeah. I'll probably never see her again.

***********************

Kyuutarou: Welcome!

Kazuki: Hey! Oh! Kyuu-chan. You seem well.

Rei: She’s not here, huh?

Kyuutarou: Yeah, it seems she finally got tired of me.

Kazuki: Huh? Even though she was so madly in love?

Rei: So she really wasn’t a spy?

Kazuki: So it seems.

Rei: What happened yesterday?

Kyuutarou: Nothing really.

Kazuki: No... it wasn't nothing. We came to Yadorigi last night because we were worried... and we passed Mei-chan running away screaming.

Rei: It was like she saw a ghost.

Kazuki: Kyuu-chan, you didn't torture her did you?

Kyuutarou: Of course not. I just politely asked her to leave.

Kazuki: Politely... asked her to leave?

Rei: I'm... kinda scared.

Kyuutarou: What’s so scary about me?

Kazuki: Huh?! Nothing!

Rei: Nothing.

Kyuutarou: Well then, I have a new job for you guys, will you take it?

Kazuki and Rei: Y-Yes!

186 notes · View notes

mavemint29 · 1 year ago

Text

Buddy Daddies Drama 3

Miri: Trikyua torounto!

Kazuki: Huh?

Rei: Huh?

Miri: Ugh! Kazuki-papa! Rei-papa! Trikyua torounto!

Kazuki: Toriki? Toronto? Oh! So that izakaya is opening up a store overseas now, huh?

Rei: Which Izakaya?

Kazuki: Oh, you don't know about it, shut in? It's so cheap and good! Ah... now I want to eat yakitori.

Rei: Nice... I want tare flavor.

Kazuki: Huh? No, salt flavor. If you're drinking alcohol it has to be salt!

Rei: Well, I don't drink...

Miri: It's not yakitori! It's if you don't give me a treat I'll trick you!

Rei: Trick? ...Why?

Miri: I'm a monster! I'm scary!

Kazuki: OH! You mean trick or treat!

Miri: That's right! Trick or treat!

Rei: Is that a secret phrase for a discount?

Kazuki: Mmm, just forget about the izakaya for now.

Kazuki: I see! So it's almost halloween? Oh right, I feel like we got a flier from Anna-sensei saying something about halloween... Umm... I think it was around here...

*searches for flier and pulls it out*

Kazuki: Oh here it is! Umm, let's see... "Once again our preschool is holding a parent and child halloween event with the chamber of commerce."

Rei: A parent and child event?

Miri: I want to be the best monster!

********************

Kyuutarou: I believe that Miri's preschool and the chamber of commerce hold this halloween event every year.

Kazuki: Hmm. I had no idea!

Rei: Kyuu-chan, what do the parents and children that participate do?

Kyuutarou: The parents take the kids dressed in costumes around to the different shops on main street. Then they normally say-

Miri: Trick or Treat!! If you don't give me a treat I'll trick you!

Kyuutarou: Oh, so scary! Here you go, a treat.

Miri: Yay! Thank you! *Eats candy and squeals in delight*

Kyuutarou: That's how they get treats. Though that's a bit too simple of an example. The children have to trick the adults in safe ways and then the adults give them treats. The parents escort them as they do that.

Rei: I see.

Kazuki: So... Miri wants to be the best monster at that event...?

Miri: Yeah! I was talking with Taiga-kun at preschool and...

Kazuki: Taiga-kun!? The kid who was with you at the zoo? Huh? What is this? Are you talking with Taiga-kun all the time now? I haven't heard about that...!

Rei: Kazuki... your eyes are scary.

Kyuutarou: And what you're saying and doing is cringy.

Kazuki: Guh, it's fine, isn't it? I'm a first year father so I'm sensitive!

Kyuutarou: Enough, just listen to what Miri is saying.

Miri: Listen to me!

Kazuki: Oh, sorry, Miri. So...? What were you talking about with Taiga-kun?

Miri: Taiga-kun and the other boys, they said if someone scares a lot of adults they'll get a lot of candy so they're having a competition to see who can be the best monster and get a whole bunch of candy! I'm gonna compete too!

Rei: Kazuki, translate.

Kazuki: Uh... well... all I got was she wants to compete...

Kyuutarou: In this event they get more candy depending on the quality of their costumes and tricks. So in other words, it's a competition to see who can get the most candy from scaring the adults, isn't it?

Kazuki: I see... it does seem like the type of competition that brat would come up with.

Rei: She can get a lot of candy, huh? Miri...

Miri: What?

Rei: If you get a lot of candy would you share it with me?

Miri: Ehh...?

Kazuki: Hey! Don't mooch off a child!

Rei: Ever since Miri got here all the candy has disappeared from our place.

Kazuki: Yeah, for Miri's health. Because if I left them around, you and Miri would just eat them all and not eat dinner.

Rei: Sometimes I just want to stuff myself with them like I used to.

Kazuki: Are you a kid?

Kyuutarou: They're already graduated, but the best monster from last year got enough candy to last 3 months.

Rei: 3 months!?

Kazuki: You can get that much?!

Miri: How much is 3 months?

Kazuki: Uh? ...It means you wouldn't run out even if you ate them every day.

Miri: That much?! Then I can give you a few, Rei-papa.

Rei: Huh? Really?

Miri: Yeah!

***********************

Kyuutarou: You're free to participate however you want, but what are you going to do?

Kazuki: Hmm... Well, we can't laugh in the face of that much candy... but most importantly...

Kyuutarou: Most importantly?

Kazuki: I need to put some FEAR into Taiga-kun so much he won't talk to Miri so freely anymore...

Kyuutarou: Huh?

Kazuki: Okay, Miri! If we're doing this we need to give it our all! We just need to scare people, right? We'll make you the most terrifying preschooler in the shipping district!

Rei: Yeah.

Miri: Huh? I want to be the best monster though!

Kazuki: Yeah, that. So it's decided! Let's go home and have a planning meeting!

Rei: As much candy as I can eat!

Kazuki: Let's go!

Rei: As much as I can eat...

Miri: Ah! Wait, papa!

Kyuutarou: Miri-chan, if you run into any problems you can talk to me about it anytime, okay?

Miri: Yeah! Thank you, Kyuu-chan! Bye! Kazuki-papa! Rei-papa!

*Door closes*

Kyuutarou: *Sigh* Will they be okay?

*********************

Miri: I'm home!

Kazuki: Miri! Remember you have to wash your hands and gargle when you get home!

Miri: Okay! Turtle, mountain, wolf, bike vroom vroom vroom! (names for hand positions to remember how to wash your hands well https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzsqynHMwlg)

Kazuki: Now then...

Rei: What should we do for the trick?

Kazuki: Well, it seems like a trick that scares people would be good, but... Miri!

Miri: Yes?

Kazuki: What kind of trick are you thinking about doing? Try and show us!

Miri: Okay! Towel... a white bath towel... Ah! Here's one!

Rei: A towel? What's she going to use it for?

Miri: Put it over my head and.... Wah... I can't see...!

Kazuki: Eh? Hey, Miri... Are you okay?

Miri: I'm a monster!

Kazuki: Huh?

Miri: If you make me angry I'm scary! If you don't go to sleep I'll take you to the monster world!

Rei: I see... So she's that white thing from the picture books?

Miri: Was I scary?

Kazuki: Oh... yeah! You were very scary! But to be the best you might need to make a bit more of an impact...

Miri: Oh... I'll go put the towel back...

Kazuki: She needs a little more of an impact... Rei, do you have any ideas? Something to make them scared stiff and then start doling out the candy?

Rei: Make them scared stiff... and then dole it out...?

*Pulls out gun*

Rei: If you don't want there to be gunshots then give me all your red hots!

Kazuki: No! Nope! That's completely out! That's even scarier than a monster! You're going to get the authorities called.

Rei: Oh... what about you?

Kazuki: Well, unlike a shut in like you, I've experienced Halloween before, but...

Rei: But?

Kazuki: Adult halloweens costs money... Last year Carol and the others were dressed up and they wrung me out until I was completely broke! But despite that... there were no tricks! Such tough times!

Rei: Don't tell Miri about that...

Kazuki: It's not like I would!

Miri: Tell me too!

Kazuki: Ah! It's nothing! It's nothing! But don't just start shouting out of nowhere!

Miri: Did I scare you? Was that a good trick?

Kazuki: Huh? Hmm... that's right... I guess we gotta start with the best way to scare someone...?

Rei: Did you think of something?

Kazuki: Well... we still have time until Halloween... So how about this? We each try to trick each other?

Rei: So you mean I trick you and you trick me?

Kazuki: That's right. And then whoever tricks the person the best, or makes the person say "Wah!" the loudest is what Miri will do at the event! What do you think?

Rei: It sounds kinda annoying.

Kazuki: Don't be like that! You want candy don't you?

Rei: I do.

Miri: Me too! I want to try too!

Kazuki: Yeah sure. But it's not like you'd be able to scare us, Miri.

Rei: What's the time frame?

Kazuki: Well we'll need a few days to prepare before halloween... So how about for a week starting tomorrow?

Rei: Okay. Miri... try your best too.

Miri: Yeah!

Kazuki: Then we start tomorrow!

Rei/Miri: Yeah!

************************

Kazuki: Okay, it's done! Miri, Rei, come over here.

Rei: What?

Miri: Wah! Cupcakes? Why?

Kazuki: We had too much of some of the ingredients so I thought I should use them up. This one's for you, Miri. And Rei gets the adult version.

Rei: Adult version?

Kazuki: Come on, just eat it.

Miri: Okay! Itadakimasu!

Rei: Itadakimasu.

Kazuki: I got you! Miri's is a custard cream cupcake but Rei's is filled with super spicy sauce! I looked up tricks that were sure to work on the internet!

Miri: Mmm! It's so sweet and yummy!

Kazuki: Right? What about your's, Rei? How is it?

Rei: *Eating* Hm? Ah... It tastes different than I expected, but...

Kazuki: Huh? What's with that normal reaction? Don't you prefer sweet things? Hold on, let me try it.

Kazuki: *Eats some and spits it out*

Kazuki: Miri! Water! Give me water!

Miri: Water? Are you thirsty?

Kazuki: Just give it to me! Hurry!

Miri: Okay!

*Kazuki gulps water*

Kazuki: AHH! So spicy! I got carried away and put in too much!

Rei: What? Was this supposed to be a trick?

Kazuki: Man, why are you fine?

Rei: I guess because I had training to prepare me for being tortured where they gave me poisons and other irritants?

Kazuki: Oh, I see. No wait! How could you have had special training!? That's not helpful to us! Next!

*************************

Kazuki: I'm home! When buying ingredients for 3 people, shopping is nothing to laugh at. Rei! Come help me! Rei! Is he playing games again? Damn it!

Rei: Ah Ahhh...

Kazuki: Hm?

Rei: Ah ah ah ahh...

Kazuki: What are you just saying "Ah ah ah ahh?" and you're moving slowly... are you hungry?

Rei: Ahh...

Kazuki: If you just keep saying "ahh" I can't understand!

Rei: Zombie.

Kazuki: Huh?

Rei: I was trying to be a zombie...

Kazuki: Ohh... as a trick? I see. Yeah. You normally have dead eyes anyway so I didn't notice at all. Sorry.

Rei: Next.

**************************

Miri: I'm home!

Rei: I'm home... I picked up Miri-

*popping sound*

Rei: An attack!

*Rei pulls out gun and shoots*

Kazuki: Wah! Stop, stop!

Rei: Oh, it's just you, Kazuki?

Kazuki: Don't give me that! It was just crackers!

Rei: It's a rule that if you hear gunshots you have to counter attack!

Kazuki: Of course you've had special training for that!

Miri: *Giggles* It's just like Christmas! Aren't the popping sounds fun?!

Kazuki: Next!

********************

Kazuki: Hey, Rei? Why are you lighting candles in the dark...? What are you planning?

Rei: A trick.

Kazuki: Huh?

Rei: It was late one night.

Kazuki: Well, something's starting...?

Rei: My best friend and I were riding our motorcycles along a coastal road when I happened to stop at a bus stop for a break. There I saw 3 jizo statues in a row... When I glanced at them... I noticed one of them didn't have a head. When I looked around, I saw the head had fallen to the ground. I picked up the head, put it on top of the jizo, and got back on my bike.

Kazuki: Rei... Rei-san? What are you muttering about?

Rei: I then started having these weird feelings. I was thinking "my back feels weirdly heavy...", "I didn't like this..." "it's cold...", "This is weird...", "I'm scared! I'm scared..." when I heard a ding dong from an unexpected visitor. When I looked at the intercom's monitor... the man there claimed to be the head priest from the temple located right next to the bus stop where the jizo was located. With a pale face, he opened his mouth and said "Are you the one who put the head on top of the jizo?!" Then he kept muttering the same thing over and over, "You can't leave the head on the jizo. You can't leave the head on the jizo. " I thought it was suspicious so I opened the door but the priest wasn't there. I started to feel creeped out so I tried to call my best friend but I wasn't able to get in contact with him... Right when the head priest showed up... he was riding along the coastal road and got in an accident. He died instantly... When I asked about the person he got in the accident with, it was the priest who came to my door. Hey... Kazuki.

Kazuki: Huh?

Rei: When are you going to scream?

Kazuki: Well the part that made me want to shout the most was the introductory part where you were cruising around with this nonexistent best friend! It's fine to tell a scary story but at least make a believable setting.

Rei: Ahh...

Kazuki: And this is halloween! Don't just mix in random Japanese things like jizo and head priests! They don't really go together!

Rei: I see... so that's the problem?

Kazuki: Damn, and going to all that trouble to set the scene. Where exactly do you expect to find a somber looking preschooler telling ghost stories on halloween like this?!

*****************************

Miri: *Quietly singing*

Kazuki: How's Miri?

Rei: She's singing in her sleep.

Kazuki: I see... *Sigh* We've tried to do so many different tricks...

Rei: Halloween is hard...

Kazuki: Well, now that I think about it we are assassins... I don't really know where the line for scary is for normal people...

Rei: Is there anything that makes you scared, Kazuki?

Kazuki: Hmm... The face Kyuu-chan makes when we mess up a job...?

Rei: That... yeah... it's scary.

Kazuki: Since this is a request from Miri I assumed it would be easy but... this mission is much harder than our normal ones.

Rei: We won't be able to make Miri the best at this rate...

Kazuki: Ugh!! Why can't we come up with any good ideas!? We just need a halloween trick that Miri would be able to do that would still be slightly scary even to us!

*Phone buzzing*

Rei: Kazuki, phone.

Kazuki: Huh? Huh?? Sheep? Ugh... Hello?

Mary: Hello. Right now... I'm in front of your dumpster.

Kazuki: Huh?

*Phone hangs up*

Rei: Who was it?

Kazuki: Well... I don't really know...? Maybe it was a wrong number?

*Phone buzzing*

Kazuki: No... they're calling again...

Kazuki: Hello?

Mary: Hello. I'm Mary-san. Right now I'm in front of your elevator.

*Phone hangs up*

Kazuki: Eh? What was that?

*Phone buzzing*

Kazuki: Hm?? Ugh! Hello! Who is this? Don't you have the wrong number?!

Mary: Hello. Right now... I'm in front of your door.

Kazuki: No, I asked who you ar-...

*Doorbell rings*

Kazuki: Eh?

Rei: Who would be here so late?

Mary: Hello... I'm... Mary-san. I'm a doll that a girl called Miri threw away once. At that time... I lost an arm and a leg then... so I came to get them.

*Doorbell rings*

Mary: Open up. Give me back my arm and leg!

Kazuki: *Gulps* Your arm and leg? I've never heard about this from Mir-...

Mary: If you wont give them back... I'm fine with your arms and legs too.

*Doorbell rings*

Rei: Kazuki... is this an attack?

Kazuki: Well... they said they're a doll named Mary... who wants her arm and leg back from Miri... and If she doesn't get them back... she's fine with ours...

Rei: A doll? What? So outside is the person who was making that weird phone call...? I'll go look.

Rei: Huh?

Kazuki: What is it, Rei?

Rei: Well... no one is showing up on the monitor.

Kazuki: No one? But it's definitely ringing...

*Phone buzzes*

Kazuki: Ah!

Rei: Another phone call?

Kazuki: I'm gonna answer... Hel-... *door creaks* Eek! Who's there!?

Mary: I'm Marry. Right now... I'm right behind you. So...

Miri: Give me your arms and legs Kazuki-papa and Rei-papa!!

*Kazuki and Rei scream*

Kazuki: Wait... Miri?!

Miri: *Giggles*

Kazuki: Weren't you... sleeping?

Kyuutarou: You're too scared. You're bothering the neighbors.

Kazuki: Kyuu...

Rei: chan...?

*Door opens*

Kazuki: Why?

Kyuutarou/Mary: I'm... Mary-san. When I saw Miri at her preschool, she told me what was happening.

Kyuutarou: And so we decided to try to trick you together.

Miri: Kazuki-papa! Rei-papa! Did we surprise you? Did I do good? Were you scared?!

Kyuutarou: It seems like it went well. As proof of that they both made cute screams, didn't they?

Kazuki: Kyuuuu-chaaaaaan!

Rei: Kyuu-chan really is the most scary!

**************************

People: Trick or treat!

Kyuutarou: Kazuki, how long are you going to pout?

Kazuki: Of course I'm pouting... since Miri secretly did a trick with you!

Kyuutarou: It seems that Miri was lonely since you guys were just messing around and ignoring her. Since it's your daughter's event you need to make sure to think about it with her as the focus.

Kazuki: Ugh... Sorry...

Kyuutarou: Here.

Kazuki: I didn't order a coffee though?

Kyuutarou: It's to say I'm sorry. I've been reflecting on it too. Since I never thought assassins like you would be so scared.

*Kazuki sighs and drinks*

Kazuki: It seems even more bitter than normal... But why did you help Miri, anyway? Was it to pick on us for messing up so many jobs recently?

Kyuutarou: That was part of it.

Kazuki: Wah! It was?!

Kyuutarou: Since I've known about your situation with Miri, you've been coming to my shop with her a lot, haven't you?

Kazuki: Huh? Ah... like on our way home from preschool or to pick up information about our jobs from you...?

Kyuutarou: Miri tells me that the omurice I make is good...

Kazuki: Huh?

Kyuutarou: Isn't that reason enough to help her?

Kazuki: Oh... I see...

Kazuki: Thanks for the coffee. Miri and Rei should be getting here soon.

Kyuutarou: What did you end up deciding on for Miri's costume and trick?

Kazuki: Well, we brushed up your idea for a trick and made Miri a look like a real french dol-...

Lady: *Screams*

Kazuki: Oh... something exciting seems to be happening!

Man: A gangster zombie?!

Kyuutarou: No... rather than exciting...

Kid: Mom! It's a zombie!! I'm scared!!

Kyuutarou: They seem to be screaming...

*Phone rings*

Kyuutarou: Hello?

Mary: I'm Mary-san. Right now I'm in front of your store.

Kyuutarou: Okay, okay. I'll open the door now.

*Opens door*

Miri/Mary: Ahh! Ahh! I'm Mary-san!

Rei: Give your arms and legs... and candy to this girl.

Kyuutarou: Why are you walking around holding Miri, Rei?

Rei: Because Mary-san is missing an arm and a leg.

Kyuutarou: Why is your head covered in blood?

Rei: Because Miri dropped a cake with red sauce she got on the way here on my head.

Miri: Tehe!

Kyuutarou: Why are all of the people in the shopping district running away from you?

Rei: I don't know... I was just walking around normally.

Kazuki: Uhh... have you looked in a mirror? You look much more like a zombie than you realize. I mean, it looks like your head is covered in blood. Your eyes... well they're always dead looking...

Rei: Ahh... but you weren't scared, Kazuki.

Kazuki: Well, I'm used to this. Ah... I see. So you're a bit too scary for the people in this neighborhood...

Miri: Kyuu-chan, did I become the best monster? Am I scary?

Kyuutarou: Huh? Y-yeah... hehe... you're scary. You're scary.

Miri: Yes!

Rei: Kazuki... why is Kyuu-chan all frozen?

Kazuki: Huh? Well, this is just a guess but... I think it's because he didn't expect that the silly thing he did would cause people at this peaceful halloween event to scream... You know because this isn't for realistic costumes or an Osaka theme park... and you look that realistic right now.

Rei: But... we're not getting that much candy for it...

Kazuki: Hmm.... that's probably because it's TOO realistic...

Miri: Trick or treat! Give me a lot of candy, Kyuu-chan!

312 notes · View notes

mavemint29 · 1 year ago

Text

Buddy Daddies Drama 4

*Puts down box*

Kazuki: Okay! Now all of our stuff has been moved into our place. Ah, thank Kyuu-chan. On top of finding us a place, we even asked you to help us move.

Kyuutarou: Well, I'm too involved to stop now. So? How do you feel about the place?

Miri: It's smaller than our old place, isn't it, Rei-papa?

Rei: Yeah... and the TV has gotten smaller too...

Miri: So our mori kart cars have gotten smaller too!

Kazuki: Hey, don't be playing games when you should be unpacking. Besides, I think this is the perfect size for 3 people to live cozily.

Kyuutarou: You're living quite a bit further away than you were at your old place, but the further you are the more difficult it will be for the eyes of the organization to spot you.

Kazuki: Yeah... Well, from what Rei says it doesn't seem like his father is straining his eyes looking for us either.

Kyuutarou: Even if that's the case, there's no mistaking that you sullied the name of the Suwa family. Try to lay low until the heat dies down.

Kazuki: Got it.

Kyuutarou: So? What are you planning on doing from now on?

Kakuzi: Hmm... for now we're going to live off our savings and get Miri into a new preschool... and then after that we'll look for jobs I guess.

Kyuutarou: I see. Do your best for Miri-chan too.

Kazuki: Yeah. Thanks for everything.

Kyuutarou: If you ever need anything, feel free to contact me.

Miri: Kyuu-chan, bye bye!

Kyuutarou: *Laughs and leaves*

Kazuki: Okay! Miri, Rei! Time to get excited for our new life! Let's hurry and put things away and have some move in soba!

Miri/Rei: Yeah!

****************

Kazuki: This one.... mmm.... the pay is too low... This one isn't bad but the hours aren't great... Hm? Drug trials? Hmmm! So in just two weeks I can make that much by just taking medicine and sleeping? It's not bad but...

Rei: Kazuki, have you found a job?

Kazuki: Rei, if I said I was going away for work for two weeks... what would you do?

Rei: Huh? Meaning you wouldn't be here at all for two weeks?

Kazuki: Yeah. You'd need to wake Miri up, feed her breakfast, change her, take her to preschool, come back home, clean, do laundry, make food, go pick her up, give her a bath, feed her dinner, play with her, read her a book, get her ready for tomorrow, wake her up the next day, for 14 days. All by yourself.

Rei: N-Nope. Not yet.

Kazuki: I figured. So nothing away from home for now. But our savings is going to run out soon so we seriously have to start working soon or we'll be in trouble. And you can't even move one of your arms...

Rei: I thought there would be many jobs I could do with only one arm... but it's surprisingly hard.

Kazuki: In your case it's not just your arm, you're also unsociable. Your interview the other day was awful, wasn't it?

****************

Interviewer: Do you have any special skills, Suwa-san?

Rei: Special skills...? I'm familiar with handling guns. Including disassembly. I won't let anything I target get away.

Interviewer: Y-You mean... airguns, right?

****************

Rei: I didn't have anything else to say.

Kazuki: Well, since you've been a NEET for so long I figured having you suddenly return to society would be a high hurdle. We're about to run out of our savings. We seriously have to work or it will be bad. But there's something that would be even worse than that.

Rei: Something worse than that?

Kazuki: If I'm the only one working then you'd have to do all the housework yourself. You've recently learned how to hang close up to dry but for everything else you suck. You're completely useless! At this rate this room is sure to become a pigsty. And it'll be bad for raising Miri! So now we're going to hold "Rei's special training week focusing on housework!"

Rei: Special training?

Kazuki: I've been going easy on you because I thought you couldn't move your right arm but now I'm going to become a monster! A cooking, laundry, and housework monster!

Rei: I really can't move my right arm though...

Kazuki: Shut up! Despite that you've gotten even better at mori kart than before, haven't you!? Miri told me! She said you set a new record the other day!

Rei: I was so happy I did a victory pose without even thinking about it.

Kazuki: And so! We're going to use that effort on housework! Who are the ones taking care of Miri?

Rei: You and... me.

Kazuki: And what else is there to taking care of her besides playing with her...?

Rei: Taking her to school and back, housework, laundry...

Kazuki: That's right! So now we're going to do special training and drill you until you're able to do all of those things on your own!

Rei: Geh...

Miri: Papas! What are you doing?

Rei: Miri...

Kazuki: Mm! I'm going to be giving Rei special training now!

Miri: Special training?

Kazuki: Umm... it means he's going to try hard to become able to do things he can't do right now.

Miri: I understand! He's doing a training journey! I saw it on TV!

Kazuki: Oh, you're amazing Miri! That's right! A training journey!

Rei: I didn't say I was going to-

Miri: So, Rei-papa is doing a training journey?! That's so cool!

Rei: I'll do it.

Kazuki: Okay, then starting today until you become a functioning adult I'll be your boss. What do you say?

Rei: Yes. Boss.

Miri: Yes, boss!

Kazuki: Mmm! You both gave good responses. Let's start!

**************

Kazuki: This is how Rei's training began.

Kazuki: Okay, everything about cleaning is important. Let's start with vacuuming.

Kazuki: Don't skip the corners! Your target likes to lurk in the corners!

Rei: The corners!

Kazuki: In places with running water you're in a constant battle with water droplets! You must have an iron determination to never allow limescale!

Rei: O-Okay!

Kazuki: Miri's room is the most important location! You have to make sure to diligently vacuum and use the lint roller to protect against dust allergies!

Rei: I'm... tired...

Kazuki: We're not done yet! Next is laundry!

Kazuki: You need to memorize the differences between pods and regular detergent and learn how to use laundry nets! There's things to wash every single day!

Rei: There's too many things to remember!

Kazuki: Learn how to separate the garbage and when the garbage truck comes! And on top of that check which stores have the cheapest bags that won't break!

Rei: *Panting*

Kazuki: It's important to learn how to write in the preschool correspondence notebook, but your most important mission is learning to exchange messages with the mom friends! The smooth exchange of information is essential to surviving in the world of child raising!

Rei: I-... *falls down on ground* I can't do it anymore... This is way more physically and mentally exhausting than fighting... I've never experienced training like this before...

Kazuki: Stand up, Rei! You've still got to wash the rice.

Rei: I'm at my limit. I want to eat chips, hide in my room, and play games.

Kazuki: Ah... oh no... he has dead eyes. Hey, Rei! Keep going! Miri's watching

Miri: Rei-papa's training journey is so cool!

Rei: I'm going... to wash... the rice!

Kazuki: Oh! There's a light in his eyes! Miri, keep on cheering him on like that.

Miri: Okay! Rei-papa! Do your best! Do your best!

Rei: What is this power rising within me? I can do it! I can do it!

Miri: Rei-papa stood up!

Kazuki: Yes! That's it Miri! That was even more effective than I expected! Okay!

*******************

Kazuki: Rei's special training continued even while I was at work.

Rei: Hmm... cleaning takes a while with only one arm... I'll put the last glass here...

*Glass shatters*

Miri: Rei-papa!

Rei: Miri! Don't come over here!

Miri: *Whines*

Rei: I dropped a glass so it's dangerous.

*Rei attempts to pick up glass*

Rei: I can get the big pieces... but the smaller ones... I guess a broom and dustpan?

*Gets out broom and dustpan and starts sweeping*

Rei: I can't hold both of them with one arm... I guess I'll just have to wait till Kazuki comes home?

Miri: Rei-papa!

Rei: Miri, it's dangerous so don't get-...

*Miri holds the dustpan*

Rei: You...

Miri: I'll hold the dustpan, okay?

Rei: Oh... thank you, Miri.

Miri: *giggles*

*Sweeping*

Rei: Okay. Perfect.

Miri: Perfect! Papa! High five!

Rei: Yeah!

Miri: YAY!

*High fives*

Rei: *Laughs*

*******************

Kazuki: We're now going to hold your final test! The challenge is to make my special french toast all by yourself!

*Rei cooking*

Rei: Now!

*Flips toast*

Kazuki: His flipping timing is perfect!

Miri: Perfect!

Rei: Done.

Kazuki: Itadakimasu

Miri: Itadakimasu!

*Everyone eating*

Rei: How is it?

Kazuki: It's good. It's seriously good! This is so good you could serve it in a restaurant!

Rei: *Laughs excitedly*

Miri: Rei-papa's french toast is good!

Rei: Miri!

Kazuki: And it's not just his french toast! He's able to clean and do laundry perfectly too! I think it will be fine leaving the house to him now.

Rei: No, not yet.

Kazuki: Huh? No, you don't need to be that worri-

Rei: I feel like I haven't selected the best bread for french toast yet.

Kazuki: Huh?

Rei: I realized when I was practicing, different breads have different textures. Rather than the one from the grocery store, the one from the bakery in town is more suited for absorbing moisture.

Kazuki: No... you don't have to be that picky...

Rei: And the eggs. Today I just used 10 that were on sale, but I wonder what would happen if I used more expensive eggs? Also depending on the way you mix it the texture changes. But that's obvious isn't it? If there's different amounts of air.

Kazuki: Hey... Rei...?

Rei: I also want to test the coffee that goes with it. I want to use a coffee grinder with a proper pour over and make the best cup of coffee!

Kazuki: Wait, wait, wait!

Rei: Actually I already ordered a coffee making set online.

Kazuki: Hey!

Rei: It seems like it's here.

Kazuki: Huh.....? What's going on?

Miri: Rei-papa looks like he's having fun!

Kazuki: Hey, Miri. Go tell Rei-papa to cool it.

Miri: Huh? But...

Rei: Okay.

Miri: I'll help!

Kazuki: Hey, hey. Don't bother Rei-papa...

Rei: Thanks.

Kazuki: Huh?

Rei: I'll open the big boxes and you can open the small ones. We'll split the work between us.

Miri: Okay!

Rei: Yay!

Miri: I opened it! Yay!

*Rei and Miri high five*

Kazuki: You're doing high fives? You've gotten so close...

Rei: Miri, you can open that one too.

Miri: Okay!

Kazuki: *Laughs* I can leave the house in peace like this.

Miri: I opened it!

Rei: I opened this one too. You did well, Miri.

Miri: *Giggles*

Kazuki: I can do it in peace.... but... it feels weird... like I'm going to lose my place.

Miri: Hey, papa! I want to play Mori Kart!

Rei: After we finished putting away these boxes, okay?

Miri: Okay!

Kazuki: Miri, would you like to play with me? Mori kart?

Rei: Kazuki?

Kazuki: I'll play with Miri!

Miri: With Kazuki-papa?

Kazuki: That's right!

Miri: Hmm... I don't want to!

Kazuki: Huh? But you said you wanted to play...

Miri: You're bad at games so it'd be boring!

Kazuki: EH!?

Miri: I prefer Rei-papa!

Rei: Hmm! So she says!

Kazuki: *Screams* At this rate I'll lose my parental respect...

Kazuki: Rei!

Rei: Hm?

Kazuki: Please! Give me special training! I want to be good at games!

Rei: But aren't you going to work?

Kazuki: I'll work too! So let me game! I'll keep my respect as a parent through games!

Rei: Okay. But games aren't that easy. Sometimes they're even harder than being an assassin.

Kazuki: Huh? Really?

Rei: You look down on games. If you're serious I won't go easy on you.

Kazuki: Eh? Okay! I'll beat your record!

Rei: Okay. Then I'll train you. You should say "Okay, boss" to me.

Kazuki: Eh? ...Okay... boss...

**************

Kazuki: And so then my days of special training, so tough I could vomit blood, along with working began...

Kazuki: At night I'm working at a construction site, a bartender, and a cleaner and during the day it's mori kart! I'll fly through both of these tasks with ease!

Rei: You pressed the brake too late!

Kazuki: Damn it! One more time! Ugh...

Rei: Don't just drive around randomly. Remember the course and the shortcuts.

Kazuki: Guh!

*crash*

Kazuki: Ehh?!

Rei: You used your item too late.

Man: Hey, newbie! That's some messy-...!

Kazuki: *Shouting*

Man: He's fired up...

*Crash*

Kazuki: Ah...

Rei: That was a close race. It's proof you don't have the specs of each kart memorized. I told you that the day before yesterday too.

Kazuki: *Growls*

Woman: Kahlua milk please

Kazuki: Okay, Okay, Okay! Here you go!

Woman: Wah...? ...Thanks...

*crash*

Rei: You needed to take the shortcut there and use your item.

Kazuki: Oh.

Rei: By the way, I told you that last week. Remember it!

Kazuki: *Sobs*

*Scrubbing*

Kazuki: *Panting and shouting*

Woman: Hold the mop right! You're not cleaning at all!

Kazuki *Sobbing and shouting*

Rei: Why are you breaking like that at the last cur-...

Kazuki: *Snoring*

Rei: Hey!

Kazuki: Ah! I'm not sleeping. I'm not sleeping.

Rei: That's enough for today.

Kazuki: Don't be ridiculous! We've barely done anything today!

Rei: This isn't a game you can win while sleep-driving. Don't underestimate it.

**************

Miri: I'm home!

Rei: I'm home.

Miri: Hmm... Kazuki-papa isn't home today, either...

Rei: Well, he has work

Miri: Oh... work... it can't be helped!

Rei: Miri...

**********

Rei: Welcome home

Kazuki: *groans*

Rei: Hey!

Kazuki: Huh? Oh sorry... training right? Training...

Rei: We're not doing that today.

Kazuki: Why?

Rei: Go look in a mirror. Your face looks awful.

Kazuki: *Laughs* This isn't anything...

Rei: During the day you're training for mori kart, and at night you're doing night shifts. When are you sleeping?

Kazuki: This... isn't-....

*Passes out*

Rei: Kazuki!

*Rei runs*

*Ambulance sirens*

Rei: The hospital.

***********

Kazuki: Where am I?

Kazuki: Ah! Rei!

Rei: You overworked yourself. They said after that IV is finished you can go home.

Kazuki: Oh I see... passed out. I'm sorry.

Rei: I'm not the one you should apologize to. Say it to Miri.

Miri: *Snoring*

Rei: Even though I said you'd be fine she wouldn't leave your bedside and fell asleep while holding your arm.

Kazuki: *Laughs* So that's why my right arm feels heavy...

Miri: *groans* Papa...

Kazuki: I'm so pathetic... now that I think about it I was so focused on the game I didn't talk to Miri much... I'm really doing everything backwards.

Rei: It's okay even if you can't game.

Kazuki: Hm?

Rei: I'm gonna go home now. I need to clean. I'll leave Miri to you.

Miri: *wakes up* Hm?

Kazuki: Miri, are you awake?

Miri: Kazuki-papa? Eh? Ah! Are you better now?!

Kazuki: *Laughs* Yeah! Completely! Seeing your face gives me 100 times more energy! Thank you.

Miri: *Giggles* Yeah!

Kazuki: I'll make you anything you want today as a thank you! What would you like?

Miri: Hmm... French toast!

Kazuki: Okay got it! ...is what I want to say but... Rei's is better than mine so you should get him to make it.

Miri: No. Today I want yours, Kazuki-papa!

Kazuki: Huh?

Miri: Rei-papa's french toast and your french toast are both the best in the world!

Kazuki: Ah... I see

***************

Everyone: Itadakimasu!

*Everyone eats*

Rei: Your french toast and mine really do taste a little different.

Kazuki: Hm? Well, the recipe was the same... but differences in cooking styles might make some difference in taste.

Rei: You learn a lot when you make it yourself. How hard it is...

Miri: Both of them are good!

Rei: and the happiness it gives.

Kazuki: I realized something too.

Rei: What?

Kazuki: When I'm doing night shifts, I can't spend time eating with you and Miri like this.

Ri: Ahh...

Kazuki: I'm going to stop taking night shifts. Nothing is more important than time with family! ...but we still have to think of what to do for a job. How do you even choose a job?

Rei: We don't even really have the option of being choosy.

Kazuki: Right...?

Rei: What about a house cleaning service?

Kazuki: Well it's not like we couldn't but.... Hmm... What about doing background checks?

Rei: I don't really want to leave the house. It would decrease my time with Miri.

Kazuki: Man, you... *sighs* What should we do?

Miri: *Happily eating*

Kazuki: Seeing her smiling face makes our troubles seem like nothing.

Rei: Miri, is it good?

Miri: Yeah!

Kazuki: We have enough for seconds! Do you want some?

Miri: I want it! But...

Rei: But?

Miri: I want to eat with everyone!

Kazuki: Everyone?

Miri: Yeah! Like Anna-chan, Kotori-chan, Hinata-chan, Taiga-kun and my friends at my new preschool! Everyone! I'm sure they'd all think it was good and be happy!

Rei: I see... then how about we make a whole bunch next time and invite everyone?

Miri: YAY!

Rei: If we invite the mom friends then it should make exchanging information smooth, right, Kazuki?

Kazuki: Everyone? Everyone! That's it!

Rei: What?

Kazuki: We should open a restaurant! Like Kyuu-chan! I can cook! And if it's french toast then you can make it perfectly. Besides, we've already got all the best equipment for coffee!

Rei: Hmmm... if the restaurant and our house are in the same place then we can always be with Miri.

Kazuki: What do you think, Rei?

Rei: It's not bad.

Kazuki: Okay! Then it's decided! Miri, we're opening a restaurant!

Miri: We're playing restaurant?

Kazuki: Not playing! A real one!

Rei: Wha! Miri... where did you learn that?

Miri: Rei-papa is unsociable so we can't!

Miri: Kazuki-papa says it! Unsociable!

Kazuki: W-well... we can do something about it with special training!

Rei: Ehh? Special training again?

Kazuki: Yeah, on days when you don't have housework.

Miri: It's okay, Rei-papa! I'll cheer you on lots!

Rei: Yeah... then I can probably do it.

Kazuki: Okay! So then where should we start? Should we start with a name?

Rei: No, shouldn't we find a location for it first?

Miri: I think there should be pictures on the wall at the restaurant! Should I draw some?

Kazuki: Yeah, please, Master Artist Miri! Ahh... Do we need to go to some government office to get permits?

Rei: Government offices again? I hate them.

Miri: It's okay! You just tell them to do as you say!

Kazuki: That's right! It will work out!

***************

Kazuki: Th-Thank you for waiting.

Rei: Here's your french toast and coffee... sir.

Kazuki: Eat up, Kyuu-chan!

Kyuutarou: Ita-

Kazuki: How is it?

Rei: Is it good?

Kyuutarou: I haven't eaten yet.

Kazuki: Ahh, right! Sorry.

Kyuutarou: Itadakimasu

Rei: It makes me nervous to have someone other than Kazuki and Miri eat it.

Kazuki: Well, he is a pro... and I don't think we'll be open long if we can't get approval from our peers... So how is it Kyuu-chan!?

Kyuutarou: Well... first of all, Kazuki.

Kazuki: Yes!?

Kyuutarou: Your face is stiff and creepy. Stop fake smiling at the customers to try to flatter them.

Kazuki: Eh!?

Kyuutarou: Rei!

Rei: Yes?

Kyuutarou: You're too blank faced. And you need to look the customers in the eye.

Rei: Okay...

Kazuki: So... how does it taste?

Kyuutarou: I think it's alright.

Kazuki/Rei: Oh!

Kyuutarou: So this is your answer?

Kazuki: Yeah! I don't know how long we can keep doing it... but this is a place for our family.

Rei: I'll do my best at work and spending time with Miri.

Kyuutarou: Yeah! Do your best at making your own family.

Kazuki: Oh! There's a customer! Rei!

Rei: Yeah.

Kazuki: Hello!

Rei: Welcome to Diner Nest!

333 notes · View notes