maude-lebowski

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I’m goin back to 2010 y’all want anything

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being around straight people is so wild because they don’t take “because i’m gay” as a valid, sensible answer to a question

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if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it. 

[maude-lebowski]

"I think it's like, kinda cute sometimes how white girls don't have ass. Just some of them though, and how they have no ass, I don't know what it is man, but it can look kinda cute how there's nothing there– how there's only just the tiniest, smallest amount of ass needed scientifically to survive. Just enough so they can still manage to sit on a toilet. Kinda cute in an exotic way." —Black

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Mugshot of John Wojtowicz who was sentenced to 20 years in prison for robbing a bank in order to fund his partners sex change. August 23rd 1972, New York

via reddit

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Source

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I’m upset because I want to change the world but the world is too big and people are too mean

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Why are kayaks Incredibly Rude to swans? I'm asking because we have a lot of wild turkeys on my college campus and they HATE cars. They will block you from opening car doors, circle you in your car like a shark, jump on top of cars and snap at tires.

           2/2 so I was wondering if large birds just hate human transportation or something haha. Thanks for your post, very interesting.            

(In reference to a comment I made about kayaks being incredibly rude in Swan Culture)

I’ve been looking at my inbox like “I am not some kind of ECCENTRIC BIRD WHISPERER,” but I actually know the answer to this one, and it’s hilarious.

Large birds don’t have a particular hateboner for human transportation, but wild turkeys have two unique properties that make them behave ridiculously when they collide with human populations. For those who aren’t familiar with them, wild turkeys are large, boisterous birds that tend to interact with humans most frequently around the autumn which is convenient for Thanksgiving and mating season in early spring. Most of the time, they live peaceable lives in the woods, but around November they run around in flocks bothering innocent citizens and picking fights with vending machines, and then they usually go away again.

The toms, or dominant males, can stand up to 4 feet tall and weigh up to 24 pounds. They’re the ones that do the fancy displays:

The First Unique Turkey Property: Now, wild turkeys are a little bit like betta fish, in that they perceive any shiny/reflective surface that shows them a reflection as actually containing Another Turkey, and they react accordingly. When they react to the Other Turkey - usually by posturing aggressively and flaring their fins feathers majestically - the Other Turkey ESCALATES THE SITUATION by posturing as well. At some point the real turkey loses its temper and attacks, pecking and scratching and trying to take the fucker apart, only to find that the Other Turkey has protected itself with some kind of force field.

So to a wild turkey that has encountered enough autumnal car-related psychic battles, the completely logical conclusion to take away from them is that cars contain demonic spirits that must be subdued. Other examples of things that wild turkeys are compelled to vanquish include… well, other reflective things.

To address this, cover reflective things (you can rub soap on your car to make it less reflective) and frighten off the turkey if it’s keeping you from leaving your car.

The Second Unique Turkey Property: This is a little bit embarrassing for all concerned, but you have to think about it like a turkey would. You see, humans are oddly compelling creatures to a hormonal turkey. We have bare faces with interestingly positioned lumps of flesh, we gobble our speech in a way that almost sounds like Turkey, we strut about on two feet showing off our long sexy legs, we strut about in family groups, we often have access to really good food, our clothing is big and bright and colorful. Turkey faces change color with their mood; human faces are all kinds of fascinating colors, plus additional fantastic decorations. To wild turkeys, humans are a type of turkey, and further: many humans are either Intimidating Sexual Threats, or Exciting Sexual Beings. 

Now, I am very sorry about this, but not only can wild turkeys be kind of reverse furries, they also have unexpected ideas about gender and sexuality. So to some female turkeys, “male” humans are excitingly sexy and they will follow one around for embarrassingly long periods of time, cooing attractively - meanwhile, the tom turkey and the subordinate males will be OUTRAGED by the COMPETITION presented by the interloper, and will attempt to subdue “him.” And “female” humans are likewise at risk of being passionately seduced by the dominant toms, or quietly propositioned by subordinate males - or the females may attempt to recruit you into their existing social system - as a junior member, of course. They have a strict pecking order.

Unfortunately for humans, your preferred gender may not necessarily actually translate to the gender that turkeys decide you are. And some turkeys may decide you’re “male” while others will decide that you’re “female,” so that will be confusing, and some dominant female turkeys have “male” sexual traits - like beards and tail fans - anyway. They recognize and remember humans, so if you had a particularly exciting encounter with a specific turkey, it will probably remember you.

Also unfortunately for humans, the fine distinctions between Turkey Seduction, Turkey Competition, and Turkey Networking are usually a little bit lost, and all of this behavior seems to be the same thing - it mostly consists of a large dinosaur-like bird trotting at you, possibly screaming and pecking and flapping, and can be worrying. If you are in the car and the turkey can see you, and it wishes to continue a previous encounter, it may well insist upon this in a frightening way.

Turkeys don’t give a shit about human “gender” and “authority,” as the many available videos on the internet of turkeys attacking police officers, reporters and mailmen will assure you. They just make logical decisions that are perfectly natural and reasonable to turkeys, and humans react by running away.

So what do you do about this? Well, DO NOT RUN AWAY, this means you that you are a Submissive Turkey and their behavior will escalate. Turkeys can learn the meaning of “no,” and you don’t have to be bullied by them.

The Humane Society has some tips to establish Dominance over wild turkeys, which will lead them to see you as a Strong Independent Turkey Who Don’t Need No Man. This will reduce their attacking and nuisance behaviors, but it may make you look like a fool.

And the Massachusetts Fish and Game website has a huge resource explaining all the subtleties of wild turkey behavior and how to combat the nuisances. Essentially, you must not attempt to make friends with them or attract them; once they arrive, you must “be bold” and establish Dominance, and encourage everyone to do the same.

If the turkeys are aggressive around children and the elderly, all sources agree that if they become a danger, you can contact the relevant authorities and have the turkeys removed or destroyed.

Anyway, that’s why turkeys attack cars. The take-home message is: the cars are too shiny and you are possibly a sexy turkey.

I don’t know what you want to make of that

[maude-lebowski]

the year is 2070, tombstones have been abandoned in favour of 4ft tall marble funkopop figures of the deceased

[maude-lebowski]

Chemistry: What nonliving shits made of

Biology: How living shit works

Physics: How shit moves

Geology: Shit is a rock

Archeology: Old shit

[maude-lebowski]

At CrossBones Graveyard, the unconsecrated mass burial ground for sex workers, the poor, and those who took their own lives is now marked by a beautiful garden and lovingly tended to by caretakers who see it as a sacred space. There are also clergy who do regular services of remembrance, regret, and reconciliation to apologize for the wrongs of the church and to honor the dead. There are no headstones here but there are flowers and bees and healing herbs and pilgrims who come from all over to pay their respects to the outcast dead of London.

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My birthday is in 4 days & it's so weiiiiiird & doesn't feel like it at all. & my birthday used to be a HUGE deal to me but I suddenly find myself not really caring & forgetting which is weird AF for me. & the #1 reason I even remember it's happening is b/c one of my best friends Chad shares a birthday w/ me & I remember his, lmao. I'm weirdly good at remembering other's birthdays anyway. But at least I'm not alone, as my parents seem to have an equally difficult time remembering. Neither has asked me what I want to do, like activity wise or dinner wise? Or if I want a gift or anything? But I haven't really thought about gifs & we just went on a huge trip so that'd be ok if it weren't for my dad - & in fact my dad keeps talking about all the things HE wants to buy. Like besides all this other shit, he told me the other day that he now wants a tablet, which he doesn't need btw & would do nothing w/, as he already has a smart phone & uses it for nothing other than calling & texting me, my mom, my aunt Annare, & his social worker. He doesn't even google. He doesn't even have an email. He doesn't like games. Like wtf he need a tablet for?! But he told me "it's your job over the next week to pick out a tablet for me so we can buy it at the beginning of next week." I just said ok to avoid a fight (story of my life lmao) but inside I was like "YOU DONT NEED A SEVERAL HUNDRED DOLLAR ELECTRONIC YOU'LL DO NOTHING WITH & IT'S MY BIRTHDAY BITCH & YOU OWE ME YOU NEVER EVEN GOT ME A CHRISTMAS CARD LAST YEAR" but whatever.

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I got the border in my bag of goldfish and it’s creeping me out that I’ve never seen one before

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Outdoor portrait of a Tohono O'odham family; Amy, Crystal and Fital Ortega posing in front of their home - Quitovac, Sonora, Mexico circa 1920

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Our Lady of Nagasaki

On August 9, 1945, the Immaculate Conception Cathedral in Urakami was obliterated by nuclear bomb Fat Man, killing all the parishioners inside.  The cathedral had been the largest Christian structure in the Asia-Pacific Region prior to its destruction.

Amid the ruins of the church, the head from a previously two meter tall statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary was uncovered.  The statue was scorched, with blank sockets where its eyes had melted.  Our Lady of Nagasaki, as the head came to be known, remains on display as a testament to the horrors of nuclear weapons and the resilience of faith and mankind.

Archbishop of New York Timothy Dolan said this of Our Lady of Nagasaki: “And it is this head that is haunting: she is scarred, singed badly, and her crystal eyes were melted by the hellish blast. So, all that remains are two empty, blackened sockets. I’ve knelt before many images of the Mother of Jesus before: our Mother of Perpetual Help, the Pieta, the Virgin of Guadalupe, Our Lady of Lourdes, just to name a few. But I’ve never experienced the dread and revulsion I did when the archbishop showed us the head of Our Lady of Nagasaki. She absorbs our sorrows, our worries, our sickness, our fears, like any good mother would. She brings them — and us — to the only one who can do anything about them: Jesus. At Nagasaki, she absorbed the radiation, incinerating heat, the suffering of her children.”

In 2010, at the United Nations review conference for the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons, the Archbishops of Nagasaki and Hiroshima were in attendance, saying, “We as the bishops of the Catholic Church of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in Japan, the only country to have suffered nuclear attacks, demand that the president of the United States, the Japanese government and the leaders of other countries make utmost efforts to abolish nuclear weapons.”  The archbishops brought Our Lady of Nagasaki with them to the conference.

Archbishop Joseph Mitsuaki Takami of Nagasaki, who was in utero on the day of the bombing, surviving due to his mother’s distance from the blast radius, also said, “How sad and foolish it is to abuse the progress that humanity has made in the fields of science and technology in order to destroy lives as massively and swiftly as possible.”

[maude-lebowski]

[maude-lebowski]

[takes a single step out of bed after 8 hours of sleep]