matpat

[matpat]

Happy Ides of March, everyone! Today's History Theory™ is that uhhhh I'm. Idk, Brutus didn't stab Caesar???? Caesar stabbed himself????? I don't fuckin know man I'm retired don't bother me.

[matpat]

hey totally real matpat, what do you have to say about yourself about making everyone cry

I'm just a guuyyyyy cmonnnmmmmmnnnnnnnn I'm just a guuuuyyyyyyyyyyygg

[matpat]

thanks for the memories, totally real matpat

welc

[matpat]

IM SORRY WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN AND WHY AND I ONLY JUST FINDING OUT???????????

(when did matpat get a tumblr 🤧🤧🤧)

Hot tip: read my bio please

[matpat]

Hey guys can I tell you a secret..... I don't know anything about fnaf I just kinda guessed what it was about and made videos I'm so sorrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[matpat]

Name: Whatever These Things Are

Debut: Mario

Look, we’re no strangers to the Mario universe. We’ve spent hours of our lives stomping…………. Koopas! But Nintendo, well… Nintendo just came out with this new enemy, and I don’t know guys. I think this honestly might just be the weirdest Mario enemy we’ve looked at.

I mean, let’s start with the obvious here. It’s trying to be some sort of turtle, right? But talk about uncanny valley! I mean, need I remind you what a real turtle looks like?

And this is what Nintendo is trying to pass off as a “turtle”:

Um… yeah. You don’t need to be Sherlock freaking Holmes to realise something WEIRD is going on here. That thing is bright yellow, and its shell is covered in SPIKES! Imagine having your morning coffee and going to step on a turtle, only for it to stab you through your feet! Talk about nightmare fuel! I didn’t want to sleep tonight anyway. 

And have you noticed something about its face? That’s right: it doesn’t even have a mouth. Now THAT’S nightmare fuel. Thanks Nintendo. I didn’t wanna sleep tonight anyway! 

But it gets even weirder. I was looking at a picture of Lakitu, right? Obviously Lakitu is extremely normal. I saw three Lakitus today on the way to work. But you’ll never believe what he was holding in his hand: 

That’s right, like these things weren’t bad enough, they can also be BALLS. So…… that’s a thing! You’ve got to be a total weirdo, I mean just a complete freak of nature, to become totally spherical like that. According to some games, these things might even be their EGGS. I mean, did no one at Nintendo do their freaking research about turtles? It’s insane!

Guys, I gotta be real with you for a sec. I’m actually really scared. What kind of twisted mind would come up with something like this? And if they can put these sorts of ideas out into the world, what else could they be capable of? It’s chilling to think of what the human mind can do. It might be seriously dangerous of me to even post this, but I had to spread awareness in any way I could.

Please. Stay safe out there. You never know what kinds of freaks are out there in the world.

[matpat]

Ough.......

I got a flood of notifications this morning! It's interrupted my Theory Writing Time... I wonder what-

YOU.

[matpat]

ur not the real matpat and still he left us behind.....u can't be him.....

Well well well... as my fellow You Tuber Dream said in one Face Reveal... it could've been anyone behind the mask....... so anyone can be a theorist if they Theorize......... Anyone Can Be The Real MatPat ! !

[matpat]

I got a flood of notifications this morning! It's interrupted my Theory Writing Time... I wonder what-

YOU.

[matpat]

has anyone told you about the dedicated HateBlog yet

they blocked me :(

[matpat]

Sobbing fr fr (ik your not real matpat but that hurt)

I Am Real Mat Pat And I Am Not Sure Where You Are Getting This False Information The Spreader Of This False Information Shall Be Prosecuted To The Fullest Extent Of The Law

[matpat]

Damn you killed him 😔

I Do Not Know What You Are Talking About I Am The Real Matthew Patrick Still Alive And Breathing And Well. I Am Simply Retiring From YouTube And Making Hit Hot Tumblr Content And Theories Instead.

[matpat]

Damn my tumblr is popping off

If I had known this would happen I would've quit YouTube years ago!

[matpat]

has anyone told you about the dedicated HateBlog yet

they blocked me :(

[matpat]

UPDATE

Even though I may be leaving YouTube forever, I will still be posting my theories on tumblr! So stay following for that game theory content you know and love! I will be throwing spaghetti at a wall and seeing what sticks same as always!!!

[matpat]

Could make a theory about this.....

Name: Whatever These Things Are

Debut: Mario

Look, we’re no strangers to the Mario universe. We’ve spent hours of our lives stomping…………. Koopas! But Nintendo, well… Nintendo just came out with this new enemy, and I don’t know guys. I think this honestly might just be the weirdest Mario enemy we’ve looked at.

I mean, let’s start with the obvious here. It’s trying to be some sort of turtle, right? But talk about uncanny valley! I mean, need I remind you what a real turtle looks like?

And this is what Nintendo is trying to pass off as a “turtle”:

Um… yeah. You don’t need to be Sherlock freaking Holmes to realise something WEIRD is going on here. That thing is bright yellow, and its shell is covered in SPIKES! Imagine having your morning coffee and going to step on a turtle, only for it to stab you through your feet! Talk about nightmare fuel! I didn’t want to sleep tonight anyway. 

And have you noticed something about its face? That’s right: it doesn’t even have a mouth. Now THAT’S nightmare fuel. Thanks Nintendo. I didn’t wanna sleep tonight anyway! 

But it gets even weirder. I was looking at a picture of Lakitu, right? Obviously Lakitu is extremely normal. I saw three Lakitus today on the way to work. But you’ll never believe what he was holding in his hand: 

That’s right, like these things weren’t bad enough, they can also be BALLS. So…… that’s a thing! You’ve got to be a total weirdo, I mean just a complete freak of nature, to become totally spherical like that. According to some games, these things might even be their EGGS. I mean, did no one at Nintendo do their freaking research about turtles? It’s insane!

Guys, I gotta be real with you for a sec. I’m actually really scared. What kind of twisted mind would come up with something like this? And if they can put these sorts of ideas out into the world, what else could they be capable of? It’s chilling to think of what the human mind can do. It might be seriously dangerous of me to even post this, but I had to spread awareness in any way I could.

Please. Stay safe out there. You never know what kinds of freaks are out there in the world.

[matpat]

what would happen if I broke all of your bones, hm. you can’t stop me from breaking your bones. you are now in constant danger of having your bones broken. be warned

You would finally be free of the hit series "Game Theory™", "Film Theory™", "Food Theory™", and "Style Theory™". This is your choice to make. You could do it. But at what cost? What would be the mental toll of breaking every single one of Mathew Patrick™'s bones? There's only one way to find out. You'd better do it in one shot, punk. I'll be waiting.