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umbrella academy but grace sounds Canadian

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Aunt and Uncles Meet Claire

So, yeah. How everyone is when they meet Claire?

Five is polite for once. He’s actually trying to interact with her and be nice and he doesn’t curse surprisingly. Claire thinks he’s really funny but a lot of the stuff he says goes over her head. 

Five is just about the most responsible out of all the aunts and uncles? It’s really surprising how paternal he can be, considering he’s usually really brash and hates human interaction. 

He hardly knows what he’s doing though. He just manages to stumble through it the best. 

Everyone just kind of expected Five to eventually get overwhelmed with Claire because kids take a lot out of you, no matter the age, but he’s patient for once. 

No one ever expected to see Five like this. Not even him. 

I guess I should mention that Five accidentally taught Claire the word shit. 

Allison was a little hesitant for Claire to be around Klaus, but Claire would finally meet everyone after apocalypse business is taken care of. At this point I headcanon Klaus to be sober, so he’s free to meet Claire and interact with her. 

SHE LOVES HIM. 

He’s so funny and flamboyant and will happily play dress up with her. 

Uncle Klaus might be her favourite

He spoils this kid as much as he possibly can. He’s trying to get his life together (to some degree) so he’s kind of short on money, but he’d happily take her to the park and play with her on the playset. 

He’s the best at playing pretend. He always makes it more interesting and brings on the best characters. 

Also, Klaus literally lets her eat anything she wants. Want cheetos and ramen for dinner? Heck yeah. 

Diego was really scary to Claire when she first saw him. But then he smiled at her and he was generally really quiet and calming

Also, Diego almost cried the first time he heard Claire call him uncle. 

He had a little pink pony plush to give her the first time they met and it made her so happy. 

Even if Vanya is beyond happy to read to Claire, she always wants uncle Diego to do it. She just really likes his voice, and the steady tone when he reads. He enunciates every word and points to the harder ones and asks her if she knows what they mean, and if she doesn’t he’ll explain.

Diego always teases her and asks if there's a boy in her life. Yeah, he’s that uncle. And he’s always saying how he’ll beat a boy up for her if he treats her wrong. 

Diego gives the best piggyback rides. He’ll just pick her up and sit her on his shoulders and take off running. She laughs the entire way. 

Claire has a habit of wrapping herself around his legs, too. 

Vanya at first was really hesitant to get near Claire. After what she did to Allison, she just felt it wasn’t safe for Claire to be near her. But Allison actually encouraged Vanya and eased her into it. 

Vanya cried the first time she got to hug Claire. Claire didn’t question it, just hugged her aunt around the legs harder. 

Vanya is actually Allison’s go-to babysitter whenever she has Claire and needs someone to watch her for a hot sec. 

Vanya loves to take Claire to museums and galleries and things.

Alternatively, Claire loves going to Vanya’s concerts. 

Also, Vanya will randomly show up and ask if she can take Claire to breakfast. 

Que a huge stack of pancakes slathered in syrup and whipped cream and chocolate chips at Griddy’s. Vanya legit only has a cup of coffee. She eats whatever Claire doesn’t because let me tell you is this girls eyes bigger than her stomach.  

Again, this is after the whole apocalypse business is dealt with, and for the sake of wholesome lets say Ben is alive again. 

Ben ALWAYS has candy for Claire. Like, he especially buys candy for her and keeps it around for the next time he sees her. 

He’s the one uncle that lets her do just about anything, well within reason, because he knows damn well how short life can be and already wants her to make the most of it. 

He inforces no bedtime, let’s her watch all the cartoons she wants, and let’s her make her glitter paintings on the dinning room floor. Of course he cleans it up later.

He often talks to her about what she wants to grow up and be, and encourages her to dream and go far in life. 

He always encourages pranks on everyone else. Let’s face it, Ben was the quiet kid, and never participated in their discrete prank wars. So now that he’s alive again, he wants to make up for all of that the most he can

He’s the advice uncle, too. He always has some life lesson to impart on Claire, even if it’s “Never eat ice cream before bed, except for right now.” or “Do whatevr makes you happy, Claire.”

Ben is the uncle that gives the most gifts. He’ll be out and see something and it’ll remind him of Claire and he’ll get it for her. He always has something to give her every time he sees her, besdies the candy. 

Both Diego and Klaus try to up him. Vanya makes sure to give thoughtful gifts whenever the time rises. Five panics. That’s it. 

Luther isn’t allowed to see Claire often. After what he did to Vanya, and after lying to Alssion at the theatre and fucking everything up, Allison just isn’t comfortable allowing Luther around alot. 

He savors any moment he gets with Claire, and Claire is more than happy to finally meet Spaceboy. 

He doesn’t know how to be paternal, let alone how to adult

So he wings just about every interaction and probably screws up a lot. 

He tries though. He tries.

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Hi I just realized something

so you know how Vanya and Five have/had this really close relationship but it wasn’t shown all that much? 

Well all the Five oriented songs (Istanbul Not Constantinople, Run Boy Run) are heavy with a violin. 

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The Hargreeves as actual children?

I bet hardly any of this will align with canon, but fuck it. please read

They all had their own nannies, right? So, I feel like Diego was an absolutely clumsy 2-3 year-old, and he’d constantly trip over things and generally get lightly injured. And I feel like his nanny kind of coddled him so I can imagine that whenever one of the other kids would get hurt and start crying, Diego would come on over and kiss their boo-boo, like his nanny does for him. He, of course, grew out of it, but Allison still likes to bring it up and he denies it with all of his being. 

Speaking of the nannies, I can imagine that every night whenever the kids have finally fallen asleep, they congregate in the kitchen and gossip over tea or liquor. They talk about what personalities they think the kids will adopt, how good/shit their getting paid (it’s all on who you ask), and generally how fucking weird everything is. Nanny number four constantly has to leave because they can hear Klaus crying all the way in the kitchen. 

And now speaking of baby Klaus crying because of his powers, let's move on to generally what happened when their powers started to arise, shall we? Every time baby Ben laughs a bunch of little tentacles just appear from his stomach and the first time it happened nanny number six screamed and almost fainted. Nanny number one has to keep Luther calm all the time because like, if he threw a fit then who knows how lethal the building blocks he chucked would be. Same for Diego, cause a stuffed cat could come out of nowhere, but with just curving what he threw it wouldn’t be that dangerous. Allison can’t talk yet so... Actually, it takes a long time to figure out what her power is purely because she can’t actually form words yet. Reginald is disappointed. But when she’s bordering on four, she just manages to babble the right words out and bingo. Nanny number five is constantly terrified. Anytime Five laughs, sneezes, cries, or does almost anything else, he’s gone in a flash. His nanny runs through the house and tries to find him as quick as possible, and usually only finds him because she heard crying from the closet on the third floor or from the unused bathroom in the basement. She swears she’s going to actually lose him one day. And then we already know what Vanya does to her poor nanny, 

When Grace was first introduced to everyone, they were all wary, of course. Sudden robot mom? Terrifying. After a little while they warm up to her, but Diego immediately attaches himself, of course. He used to just wrap himself around her leg and let her go about her business. She’d lug him around the house while doing laundry and dusting and shit like that.

He’d start to ask her to kiss his boo-boos and she happily did it. Everyone else still doesn’t know if he’s actually grown out of it or not. 

When Diego properly learned that Mother’s Day existed, he was ECSTATIC. Like, he was hyped for months and planned the perfect gift. He roped everyone else into doing things (with the help of Pogo) and he was so fucking excited. It just came down to them making a bunch of cards and a bead bracelet, but it was amazing. 

Speaking of the kids giving Grace things, she kept everything. She packed it away nice and neat in a box and kept it on a shelf in the kitchen. She still has it all to this day. 

Most of it is from Diego. But there's a few drawings from Vanya, a few coloring pages from Allison, a handwritten note with a little poem from Ben, a rock from Klaus (it was his favorite. He had named it Brad.), a couple of little “inventions” from Five that mostly consist of glued together screws and paperclips, and a single birthday card from Luther. It’s just a blue piece of paper that says “Happy Birthday, Mom.” on it in a sharpie that was clearly dying. 

Now that we’re getting into the realm of them being a little bit older, Ben, Five, and Vanya had a little book club. They did normal book club things, you know. Five was dragged in because Ben and Vanya needed someone else and Five doesn’t mind reading. Diego and Klaus tried to join at some point. They failed. 

Okay. These kids wanted a pet at some point. Every child wants a new puppy or a new kitten or some sort of young animal. They talked about it for weeks until they finally decided they wanted a puppy. Klaus was the one outlier, who wanted a cat, but he gave in. Now, none of them ACTUALLY want to approach their father and ask for a puppy, because Reginald is mean and scary. But, Five being the arrogant little fuck he is is the only one who will actually stand up to their dad and talk to him, so naturally, he’s their spokesperson for just about everything. He talks to Reginald about it for weeks, pestering him every chance he saw, but then Reginald exploded and even Five knew not to talk about it anymore. 

Two weeks later Diego came running into the house after bedtime and tried to sneak into his bedroom, but of course ended up waking all of his siblings instead. They just saw him waddling as fast as he could down the hallway and whispering very loudly, “Don’t tell dad, don’t tell dad, don’t tell dad--” anyway, he was holding his jacket shut while it wriggled and yelped softly, and when he finally got to his room he dumped a scraggly puppy on his bed. 

You bet your ass these kids hid that thing for a full three weeks before anyone found out. Between the seven of them, they’re cunning fucks. Anyway, Pogo found it and told them they had to let it go or else. 

It took Grace stepping in and explaining that they just couldn’t take care of it for Diego to agree and take it back to the alley he found it in. 

Uhhh, that’s all folks. Hope you enjoyed!

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Sleep Headcanons?

basically this is just how I think the siblings would sleep

Luther

Luther almost always sleeps on his back like a log. Full on straight legs, hands clasped over his stomach. 

He hardly ever lays on his side, he just feels too bulky and awkward.

He’s weird about pillows. It’s either all or nothing-- big fluffy bastards or nothing at all. 

He snores. Big time. And it doesn’t help that with how he lays, his jaw hangs open and it’s like 10x louder. 

Diego

Diego ALWAYS lays on either his stomach or side, with his face full on smooshed into the pillow. Like only half of it is visible, the other half is deep in the pillow. 

because of this he has a habit of drooling 

it’s gross and he never admits it

I’d like to think that this is actually how Diego sleeps all the time, but if someone he doesn’t fully trust is in the room with him he lays on his back. he has a hard time sleeping on his back, and actually, he’s more likely to wake up in a moments notice if he’s laying on his back.

Diego has a habit of taking cat naps, too. With his midnight missions, he’s used to not getting a full nights rest, but his body is a temple and he knows that he needs to get at least some sleep. 

So he can literally take a 20 minute nap anywhere and be ready to go for the next 7 hours. 

Allison

She sleeps on her side a lot. Or like, on her stomach with her leg brought up slightly. She usually has her arm under the pillow, making sure to tuck it under her chin. 

Kind of a deep sleeper? Like it takes a little bit to get her up. 

She’s always half delirious after first waking up. 

She gets herself together quick though 

Hardly ever drinks coffee. She’s more of a tea type of gal. With like half a pound of sugar. 

She used to sleep with this one particular stuffed animal all the time, but once she was like thirteen she thought she was too old for it. She stopped sleeping with it, but still kept it. She’s 29 now and still has it. Every now and then she’ll pull it out and just smell it and feel the now rough fabric purely for nostalgia and to reminisce

Klaus

He sleeps full on fetal position. Or, you know, however he fell into bed and passed out. 

Completely knees up to his chest and all curled in

He has a thing for sleeping naked. Or at least half naked

It’s kind of comforting to feel the soft blanket all along his body

But you know he doesn’t get that all the time. 

Because of his drug habit, he has grown accustomed to sleeping literally everywhere. 

He’s picky, though. 

One time a park bench was covered in bird shit and other questionable substances, so he slept under it instead of on it. 

His sleep schedule is all out of whack. His body is constantly experiencing ups and downs because of the drugs, from going through withdrawal to being back on drugs, it takes a lot out of him. So sometimes he literally won’t sleep, and others he’ll be out for like a full 19 hours. 

Five 

Side or stomach. That’s it. 

Or you know, slumped over somewhere. 

Desk, corner, where ever he passed out mid work session. 

Anyway, yeah, side or stomach. Either way, his hands are always up near his face. 

Klaus, whenever he gets the rare experience of seeing Five sleep naturally, has a habit of almost immediately squealing and saying how cute he looks. 

I’d like to say Five looks peaceful while he sleeps, but we all know that’s not the case. His brows are still furrowed and he still looks like a grumpy, murderous little shit. 

It’s the nightmares. 

If he does look peaceful, it’s because he’s in a deep, deep sleep that’s been much needed after four days. He isn’t dreaming. 

Five is a caffeine addict, so he literally doesn’t sleep. And he doesn’t know recognize his limits, either. He just keeps pushing until he either vomits or passes out. 

Klaus tries to catch him before this happens, and plots with Diego to just grab Five and lock him in a room with a bed and no coffee. 

Ben

Ghosts don’t sleep...

So he spends the time that Klaus is asleep either reading or wandering. 

He does what he can, okay? 

Sometimes he just retires back to the void, and I guess you could equate that to sleeping. 

We’ve seen him interact with small objects before, and I firmly believe that on multiple occasions he sees how many things he can stack on Klaus while he sleeps before either Klaus wakes up or Ben runs out of things to put on him.

I can’t tell if Ben would hate the night or love it. 

On one hand, severe boredom exists

On the other, it’s time he gets to himself and doesn’t have to deal with Klaus.   

Vanya

She’s a restless sleeper. She shifts positions at least three times a night. 

No matter how she’s laying, she always has the blankets tucked up to her chin.

Sometimes if she really can’t sleep, she’ll play soft music in the background. 

She honestly doesn’t get enough sleep as she should. 

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headcanon.

fuckin

ruby dyes her hair with kool-aid. 

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So uh... just random rwby headcanons I guess?

just take my shit and leave, I don’t know what I’m doing 

-Fuck is Bartholomew Oobleck’s favorite word. Just let him say fuck. Seriously, imagine him just buzzing around and rambling to himself as he so often does, and he’s just spewing the word fuck left and right. That shit is goddamn hilarious to me and I absolutely love it. Let Oobleck say fuck, 2018. 

-Like pretty much every person on this planet, Nora has stretch marks. And she thinks they’re fucking awesome. She loves the way they look like little lightning bolts and she just thinks they look so fucking cool. She loves her stretch marks. She’ll even compliment other people on theirs and tell them how rad they look. 

-I don’t usually like to drag sexuality into my headcanons but like... Ren is ace. All the way in my mind. He’s cool with a relationship and the kissy kissy and cuddles, he just doesn’t want sex. No, he’s never tried, but that’s because he doesn’t want to. He just doesn’t feel the urge to fuck. 

-On the topic of sexuality, Qrow doesn’t give a fuck. He doesn’t care if you’re straight, gay, or whatever the hell. He’s a firm believer in ‘do whatever the fuck you want as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others’. 

-With Ruby’s semblance, how many fucking pairs of boots has she ruined? Like, with her sudden halts and shit, and constantly literally running into the ground. Yeah, she does her super speed rose petal bullshit in midair a lot, but she is also running on things at times. Like she’s probably worn down the bottoms of her boots so much that there’s no traction, just a smooth rubber. Do you think she has her boots custom made so they’re more durable? Like, what the hell do you do in this situation, assuming I’m right. Just keep buying new boots? 

-I don’t know if this is really a headcanon but Port’s afraid of mice, right? So what if for a prank one year or something some students let a whole bunch of fuckin mice lose in his classroom. He screamed like a little bitch when he found the first one and by the end of it he was standing on his desk, absolutely screeching for Oobleck whose classroom was down the hall. It was the talk of the school for at least a month after, and I’d like to think that no one actually figured out who did it, but Glynda, in one of her good moods, helped with the collection of mice. In her mind Port kind of deserved it, after all. 

-OKAY. Hear me out on this one. Oscar is buff as fuck. I don’t care what you say, yes he looks like a twink, but this little mother fucker has some fucking muscle. He was a goddamn farm hand on his aunt's farm for who knows how long of his life, and by the looks of it he was the only one doing any fucking work around there. So seriously, this kid is kind of jacked. He just doesn’t know how to fight so he can’t utilize his strength there. BUT. Drunk Qrow? He could probably throw his ass over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I mean, he’d probably fall over because balance, but give this kid a few more inches and there you go. 

-Assuming Haven has dorms like Beacon, team SSSN all bed down in the same room. Now Neptune being the nerdy little shit he is and actually paying attention to his academics, I bet he’s all about getting the nightly recommended hours of sleep. BUT. I can totally see him staying up to tinker. He’s like, got all his bits and shit spread out on the floor in the corner and he’s just inventing away, tweaking his weapon or working on some entirely new upgrade. He’s as happy as can be and totally doesn’t notice that he’s keeping his teammates up. He especially keeps them up when something sparks or creates a mini explosion. 

-I get that it’s like a family heirloom, but Jaune regularly loses Crocea Mors. LIke, he’ll just wake up in the morning and it’ll be gone. He later finds it shoved under his bed. Whenever shit like this happens, he blames it on Nora, but really he just can’t keep track of his stuff. It’s not the only thing he’s lost. His chest plate has also fucking vanished on numerous occasions and Ren has found it packed in with his shit, and once he even lost his signature hoodie and Pyrrah found it in her dirty laundry. 

-Ruby isn’t the only one with a sweet tooth. And neither is Ozpin. Fucking Weiss will just straight up scarf down whatever confections she finds. She’s secretive about it, and if you’re at a restaurant with her she will have the self-control to turn down cake. But if you leave brownies or cookies out, she will fucking eat them. And if she’s in some sort of social situation where everyone is eating the sweets, she’ll eat them and then complain that they were too sweet and needed this or that to make it better later on. 

This got kind of long, but here. Hope you guys enjoy! 

[massive-head-ache]

Random Ozpin Headcanons

Well, back again with the random headcanons! My heart truly belongs to Ozpin, I love this man so much. 

Alright so, 

-This man lives off of chocolate and stress. Whether it’s in a cookie, in the form of a hot liquid in his mug, or a bar in the pocket of his coat, Ozpin ALWAYS has goddamn chocolate. Glynda has yelled at him about his addiction before but he just waves her off and continues on with his sugar happiness. 

-Okay, Oz is all about other people eating healthy (especially his students) and you know, getting your nutrients and vitamins and all that. But as we’ve covered briefly, Ozzy loves his chocolate. So naturally, this guy has a big ass sweet tooth. He loves any type of sweet and will fucking devour it. But never in front of anyone. He sneaks the sweets, and lowkey feels guilty about it. 

-Yeah so sweet-tooth aside, Oz does eat healthy foods. He loves his fruits (he’ll eat the shit out of strawberries) and most vegetables he’s okay with. But he will absolutely not touch a fucking brussel sprout. Or asparagus. He would rather have to burn in the fiery depths of Salem’s torture pit for a few lifetimes than eat that shit. He will be like an immature child and scrape it off his plate and into the trash if you try and give it to him. He’ll look you in the eye while he does it.

-So Oz’s thing is mostly hot chocolate, but he sometimes drinks coffee. And when he does, just like Ruby, it has to be the sweetest shit. But please take a moment to think about Oz bonding with Bart over coffee? Like they just talk about how fucking good it is and how they like it. Bart either takes it straight black or dumps an entire jar of sugar into it for the extra energy boost! And Oz is like, Bartholemew, please, no. Because he is a kind man who is concerned for anyone and everyone. 

-Though speaking of coffee, does?? This man?? Ever?? Sleep?? I think the fuck not. No one has ever seen Oz sleep, or even really leave Beacon. Like, they’ll see him walking around school grounds but they never actually see him leave or return to his quarters or whatever. Whenever someone goes to look for Ozpin, no matter how early or late, he’s just... fuckin there. It’s weird.  

-He is a sarcastic snarky son of a bitch. He is just a man full of useless facts, infinite wisdom, and absolute sarcasm. Ozpin always has something to say in every situation, and though he may believe that that current iteration may be a boring man, I can assure you he definitely is not. He’s fucking great and will comment on just about anything. But his objective is to literally never hurt anyone's feelings. 

-Even though he’s the headmaster of the greatest combat school and the leader of a secret group whose main objective is to take down evil and protect humanity, he always has time for his students. Always. He hears someone complaining in the hallway? He does his best to help and/or just listen to them because sometimes that’s all someone needs. He loves his students and really just wants the best for them.

-He can make friends with just about anything. Any animal, any person. He’s just so comforting and has a knack for calming people down. When he goes for his walks, if he comes across a deer he will literally stop and talk to/pet it for a good twenty minutes. Random little kid in a shop? He’ll entertain them while their mom is busy arguing with the cashier. He’s just so sweet and considerate I love him. 

-Ozpin is like the physical manifestation of self-loathing. He hangs onto the mistakes he’s made in his thousands of lifetimes, and constantly reminds himself of all the damage he’s caused throughout the decades. He doesn’t really trust himself in his plans to defeat Salem but does what he can even if he has the sneaking doubt of a man who has fucked up too many times. But he tries to be an optimist and keeps his head up and reassure himself that he can win, but sometimes he just needs a little reminder. 

-Don’t want to leave it off on a depressing note so, how about me rambling about how much I love Ozpin?? He’s just... so fucking pure. I know that’s not something anyone else would think when they look at Ozpin, but really just!! Think about it!! He’s so kind-hearted and just a fucking great-ass character who doesn’t give a shit most of the time! I mean look at his hair!! it’s a fucking mess and I love it!!! I just... love Ozpin so much as you can tell. 

Hope ya enjoyed and didn’t hate these too much. Though I will admit there was nothing particularly special on here. 

[massive-head-ache]

Random Roman Torchwick headcanons

Okay so, I actually really like Roman so I came up with a bunch of random headcanons for him. Please don’t shoot me. 

Alright! Here we go 

-First order of buisness, this guy has some really feminine hips. Like they’re kinda bony but they really dip in and give him that great hourglass figure. The coat mostly hides it. That isn’t to say he isn’t proud of them, because gosh darn he is, he just likes the jacket for his look. 

-WAAAAY too much cologne. The guy smells like he bathed in the entire bottle of the shit. 

-That is not his natural hair color. That bitch is a brunette and regularly bleaches and dyes his hair. He does it because appearance is everything sweetheart and he needs it for his extravagant look. 

-Again about The Look, the head isn’t there just as an accessory to finish it all off. Don’t get me wrong, it totally is, but it serves more than just that purpose. It covers his roots because let’s face it this jackhole doesn’t have the time to CONSTANTLY maintain his hair, he’s too busy being a thief extrordinaire. But when he has the time he takes pleasure in redying it and making sure his hair is perfect. Neo helps. 

-The hat also helps in keeping his hair in place. Now why does he need to keep his hair in place? One because it looks fanfuckingtastic and nothing can ruin it with the hat and amount of fucking hairspray he uses. But also because his right eye is permanently fucked from past injury. Let’s face it, Roman was obviously a street rat before all of this and to be as good and as cocky as he is now he must likely had a pretty intense learning period. So It’s likely that someone beat the shit out of him at some point because he fucked up, and they damaged his cheekbone so bad it fucked with his eye. Now he covers it up with his hair and has those dumbass eyelash markings on his left cheek to make that eye more noticeable than the one he’s not showing off. Or, you know, he’s just covering it up to look like a more mysterous and suave son of a bitch. 

-He actually has the capability to be a good man??? With a good heart?? Like that side of him doesn’t come around often but like... If he sees some kid begging on the street he might throw some lien their way. He tries to convince himself that he know that kid is likely to grow up as a criminal and he just doesn’t want any more competition in the future so he decides to show some kindness (that no one ever showed him) and help the poor kid out a bit, hoping to change their future for the better even by a little bit. But no, really, he’s a bad guy, stop being nice dammit. Hahaha damn bitch Roman won’t accept that he has a heart. 

-Roman has never actually dated a woman. He’s married to his work and doesn’t actually have any game, despite what the dumb asshole thinks. This isn’t to say he hasn’t dated a man however--

-Neo is actually his best friend. She sits and listens to his bullshit while she like files her nails or draws or does work related stuff. He bitches and moans and she just listens, sometimes he’ll legit follow her around their ‘base of operations’ or whatever shithole they’re working in now, all the while complaining. He thanks her for listening afterwards and they both go on their way. Bonus points if Neo holds up like a notepad with responses/advice on it. 

-Roman actually really likes makeup. If anyone ever asks or brings it up, he pretends that he doesn’t know shit but if you get close enough, you can totally have a bonding sesh with him over take-out chinese food and his makeup bag emptied all across the floor. He’s done Neo’s makeup more than once with no complaint, and when he first met Emerald he couldn’t take how shit her eyeliner was and literally dragged her off into a different room while going “honey, no”. But when Roman first encountered makeup, he was like “ew what the fuck is this shit??? Get it away from me!! It fucking feels weird!!” but Neo held him down and made him take it. Yeah, that’s right, you bet Neo taught him to do makeup. Now he might not be an expert at it yet, but he’s getting there. 

-I don’t mean to over femininze Roman but have you seen this man? He is a gross balance of self-worship and absolute loathing for himself. He drips fake confidence that he somehow turns into real confidence when he needs it, and damn is he good at it. He’s taught himself how to do basically everything and he’s real fucking proud of how far he’s come. He eats nothing but garbage, having never touched a vegetable in his life, and is married to his work in illegal activities. He practices big speeches in the mirror and is an actual fucking loser but gosh darn do I love him anyway. 

This got kinda long, sorry, but I hope any of you who read it like it. 

[massive-head-ache]

Gabe: I guess you could say Javi swings both ways.

Clem: like… with his bat? Or what?