Nichole; 20; Ayden Charlie, my sonshine. Aaron, my boofriend. Family. Winnie the Pooh. Roxanne. Sargent Major. Yorkies. Golden Retrievers. Huskies. German Shepherds. Zombies. Marijuana. Drinking. Bongs. Pipes. Blunts. Hard liqueur. Rob Zombie. Attila. Fronz. Emmure. A Day To Remember. Eminem. Tech N9ne. Vanna. Hollywood Undead. Xbox360. Bioshock1-3. Gears of War1-4. The Walking Dead. American Horror Story. Law and Order Special Victims Unit. Criminal Minds. Comedies. Horror and Thriller movies. Tigers. Elephants. Sea Turtles. Monkeys. Fishing. Singing. Car rides. Photography. Boots. High heels. Lingerie. Sex. Peacocks. Facial hair. Tattoos(2 Sparrows, Smiley face, Sad face, and a Zombie). Piercings(Gauges 7/16ths, Retired Industrial, Retired Spider bites). Flannels. Cuddling. Sleeping. Leggings. Dresses. Adventures. Traveling. Bermuda. New Hampshire. Florida. Kisses. Reading. Moshing. Concerts. Friends. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Years. Celebrating. Kittens. Puppies. Swimming. Rest Easy Grandma, I never got the chance to say goodbye, but your always by my side <3 7.27.12
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Everything's slowly getting better.
So next Tuesday I have my first ever interview! I am so proud of myself. I've never had someone actually call me after putting in an application, so this is such a huge step. Everything is finally turning around! Aaron's apartment is sold and finally off our hands, his Fall River house should be gone within a few weeks. We have been looking at houses every now and then. We've found one house so far that we will keep in our heads. Ayden is growing more and more everyday and I love watching him get smarter. I can't wait to be able to buy him and myself stuff! I really hope I get the job as much as I don't want to be in the food industry. At least it's a restaurant and not fast food.
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He's getting so big. 10 more days and you'll be 5 months. That means your just one month away from being half way to a year old. Where have the last 5 months gone? Tomorrow you get your helmet, it shouldn't be on for long. Your head isn't that bad, but I don't want you to be bald, sometime in your life, and have a funny shaped head. You just favored one side more and mumma and daddie didn't catch it in time to help you fix it. I promise you won't have it on for long baby boy. <3
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I'm seriously just so in love with this child. I may get frustrated but that's understandable. I'm a first time mom. Ayden Charlie is my whole entire world. Seriously. I thrive to make him so happy and when I can't fulfill that need I just get so frustrated at myself. He's so fucking beautiful. I seriously could stare at him for hours. Those eyes, he's such a heart breaker. I love his little strawberry mark. I love his hair. I love ALL his facial expressions. I'm so happy to have such a healthly baby after those first two weeks of life. Being in the NICU is a scary place watching someone so little being hooked up to so many things. Only thing that stayed was his hole in the heart. So far it's closing, so far so good. God I love to see his big cheesy smile. just hold him on my chest today, I looked at him and said, "what am I going to do, when I can't cuddle and hold you like this no more. what am I going to do when your all grown up." I love you ACG, forever and ever.
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Should I stay or should I go?
But I don't mean literally go. I wouldn't just disappear out of your life. I wouldn't not let you see our beautiful creation. Never in a second. I wouldn't see someone else. I wouldn't want to see you with someone else. I would still be yours and you would still be mine. But we both are having a rough time and for some reason we just can't help but take it out on each other. It's killing us. I do love you so much. We created something so wonderful but he shouldn't have to deal with this as young as he is. I want him to grow up with us all being happy. Together. But maybe we need that little bit of space. Maybe once you start school it'll help. Maybe once we have our own place, it'll help. I want us to work. I want us to be happy. I want to do everything with you. I want to be with each other forever. We didn't go through everything to end up like this. Never. We can make this work. "I said I'd never let you go, and I never did. I said I'd never let you fall, and I always meant it."
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