mary--jo--holmes

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It’d be a missed opportunity if I ignored the date

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Ah yes, reminds me of my grandma who refused to get remarried so my cheating grandfather would have to pay her alimony the rest of her life...

So my grandmother passed recently, and I got her will

My birth father was always a piece of shit, always stealing from his mother and ditching his kids whenever he could, I got to his part of the will and

Grammy had the last laugh

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Legit dialogue, actually in the movie

The King’s Speech (2010) dir. Tom Hooper

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Happy (future) birthday, Jim Kirk!

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Uhhhh my 30th birthday!

March 22 2019 is gonna be CRAZY

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Because it’s either 5 or they fail to the company, especially Comcast

you ain’t grading a college paper

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Upon purchasing this candle, which my mother has since tossed 😡 I signed up for the catalog, now this is several years ago I first saw this, anyway, in the catalog I got shortly after, mountain lodge had its own page, and it said, popular on social media. 😳 we did a thing

Ladies, I am holding out my hand. Do you trust me?

I need you to open Google Maps. Locate your nearest mall. Get in your car. Drive to Yankee Candle.

Past the seasonal pumpkin display, near the back of the store, you will find a trash pile Man Candle section. You will see candles called MMM, Bacon!. Riding Mower. Man Town. (I’m not kidding. Man Town.) Stay strong. Not in this section, but likely very near this section, you will find a candle called Mountain Lodge.

Hold this jar in your hands like a talisman. Close your eyes and picture a man.

I want to be clear: I’m not talking about a Hugh Dancy. Or an Andrew Garfield, a Ben Whishaw, even a Tom Hiddleston. This exercise requires someone in the Chris Evans weight class. The Richard Armitage department. Someone with smile lines around his eyes who could chop the cedar for your bower with his own hands, strangle an alpha wolf, carry you home when you sprain your ankle in the woods, bench press your entire body. Picture this man in your mountain home with a full beard, a slightly grimy white henley, a fond half smile he reserves only for you. Now open the lid and smell Mountain Lodge.

Steady yourself on the man candle display. Give yourself a second. No, you’re not wrong. Yes, the Yankee Candle Company has just eliminated the need for men. This medium tumbler Mountain Lodge candle jar is now your boyfriend. The Yankee Candle Company has effectively replaced the need for contact with the male half of our species with a compact and clean-burning candle in a jar.

“Do you like this one?” the cashier asked, ringing me up. “Every man should be required by law to smell like what this candle smells like,” I replied intensely. “That’ll be $12.01,” she said.

MOUNTAIN LODGE

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Anyone else having issues with gifs on mobile?

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Reblog if you need a Mike Stamford to point you in the direction of your soul mate.

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My local spca has so many kittens in need of homes, but I have to keep telling myself that I can not get one just to let it get adjusted to my current living situation then uproot it a couple months down the road, I mean, they named a yellow cat, dandy lion, I mean...

I gotta say that is a ton better than them naming my Lucky, O’lantern.

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Aceijss...

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When my aunt flow decides to make landfall as Hurricane Flo does...😱😴😪

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hozier, shaking off his moss and pebbles: new music september 6th :)

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Oh they’re killing me, the kitty looks like my late lucky...

oh my goddd. I thought it was great from the beginning but it only gets better

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This is the money frog reblog for good luck and many crickets