martins-canned-peaches

[martins-canned-peaches]

things jon missed while stalking his colleagues:

the fact that sasha had been half lined up for gertrude's job and how that would be a pretty good murder motive

the discrepancy between elias's hiring in 1991 and how he said he was working as a filing clerk in 1972

tim's brother's mysterious disappearance/death directly preceding his change in careers

martin's real age and literally any of his academic or employment history

conclusion: he's bad at this <3

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Thanks guys

here's a random word generator--whatever word it gives you is now the thing you are the deity of

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its okay dude im not becoming evil muhaha. sorry i mean haha. dont know what happened there muhaha. sorry i mean

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this is making me lose it

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humans are incredible. we invented all kinds of new things that never existed just to jack off to them

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is this anything

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presented without comment

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​​Humans these days don't know true Christian values. All they know is sodomy sodomy sodomy weed sodomy fabric of mixed materials hold hand arson cannibalize eat hot chip and LIE

does anyone hve any sin recommendations i just fell from the garden of eden five seconds ago

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Someone just fucking told me that the WHO in Doctor WHO doesn't stand for World Health Organization well what the fuck does it stand for then??'??!??

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...clearly, he's not jealous.

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Dust to dust? Like ashes ashes, dust to dust? The devil’s after both of us? Lay my curses all to rest? And make a mercy out of me?

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i had to

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hot take apparently but i think it's good for white people to relate to poc's art. i think it's good for straight people to relate to queer art. stop acting like we're different species who could never possibly understand each other what the fuck is wrong with you

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dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called-

me: i dont wanna hear it man. last week it was slutweed, the week before that it was the jpeg weed that kept clipping through the paper, just give me the normal shit

dealer: aw come on man i got the cocomelon weed👶 i got the analog horror weed👁 i even got the pizza tower weed🍕 dont worry its not just oregano😉🌿

me: do you even sell normal weed. are you some kind of fucking trickster spirit.

high pitched gnomish voice from somewhere in dealer’s giant trenchcoat: i thinjk shes onto us boss

[martins-canned-peaches]

this is their foreplay