marlainawrites - Tumblr blog

[marlainawrites]

I wish I could love you

Hard enough

To take away the pain

That sits

Behind your eyes

[marlainawrites]

There's been a rock in my chest

For three days straight

And as I spoke the words to lift the weight

Hopefully, off my heart

I felt like it did more damage

Than if I'd kept it to myself

I bit all my nails off

Trying to gnaw away at my thoughts

I'm sitting at the wrong beach

Looking for your car nonetheless

I'm wearing the shorts

You know, those ones

And as I'm trying

And failing

Not to cry in public

I'm so scared of what I've done to us

I've loved you for so long

And now that I can scream it to high heaven

My worries try to sabotage me

I'm tired of hurting the people I love

I can only hope you'll forgive me

[marlainawrites]

And I hope that one day

One day

You will see me

As a safe place

To be true to your emotions

Unabashedly

[marlainawrites]

I came home

Smelling like you

Barely paying attention

To the cars in front of me

Feeling like

A bundle of nerves

Like I was 14

And touched a boy

For the first time

The gentle strokes

Of your fingers

Reverberating on my skin

I came home

Smelling like you

With fire on my cheeks

Barely able

To hold your gaze

Teenage-nervous

And a stupid smile on my face

[marlainawrites]

This is a puzzle

With a missing piece

And I'm stuck wondering

Why I can't finish it

[marlainawrites]

I've been waiting all week to tell you I love you

"there is such a thing as bad timing"

The only problem is

There's no guarantee the timing

Will ever be right

[marlainawrites]

The Vanishing

There is a sadness that permeates my bones

Leaking out of me through a hole in my heart

I wish the lake would swallow me whole

Tears and all

My heart breaks for thwarted hopes

And the inability to untangle the mess

Like a bundle of strings

Tug at one end and the whole thing unravels

Collapsed in the midst of repeated betrayal

With only myself to blame

I feel

I feel

I feel too much

Too much at one time

A heart so swollen it can’t bear another thought

The glue that held me together is fraying

And I can see myself coming apart

Incomplete no matter the decision

Selfishness a brand new word for me

I can feel myself disappearing like a sunset

Slowly sinking

Both hollow and heavy from the weight of my tired heartbeat

Trembling fingers and frantic thoughts

I need 

I need

I don’t know what I need

But this sorrow is threatening to take me alive

The only person able to save me

Is the one person I should stay away from

Every time is like a brand new grief

And the pain

Has yet to dull

[marlainawrites]

I only hope you know How important you are to me A brave face for others' sake Please allow yourself The same kindness You always drown me in 2 am with worry in my throat I only hope you know To allow yourself time Time to heal from hidden wounds To ride out the wave as loudly as you dare Without ever guilting yourself Love is not a weakness And what is grief but love That has nowhere else to go

[marlainawrites]

We talk about our favourite candies The next day He brings me starburst to work My heart My heart My heart is gonna explode He goes to bed But not before He makes a point to tell me Why he enjoys our time together He gives me a nickname And I clutch it to my chest Not wanting anyone else to refer to me that way We stand so close together I think he can't resist touching me If only to joke Be it habit or familiarity Remnants of high school tenderness I still can't look at him And yet my heart is set to bursting

[marlainawrites]

Plus j'ai envie que tu sortes de ma tête Plus tu t'y enfonces Accrochant tes griffes pour t'assurer une prise solide Et moi qui me jette dans le gouffre tête première

[marlainawrites]

I wish I could be fucked up In the broken, beautiful way But unfortunately I'm just fucked up In the "shattered into a million ugly pieces" way

[marlainawrites]

Jealousy like liquid fire in my veins A poison quickening my beating heart A sour taste on my tongue Yet with only myself to blame Grin and bear it is all I can manage

[marlainawrites]

De tous les souvenirs cuisants que tu m'as laissés Celui-là plus que tout autre continue de brûler Hantée par cette flamme éternelle J'y repense encore, les mains moites et la nausée tiraillant mon estomac Le coeur au bord des lèvres J'ose croire que peut-être tu as réalisé La portée de tes gestes Tes mains comme une empreinte sanglante sur mon corps Souillée de par ton simple toucher Un sacrifice au nom de l'amour aveugle 10 ans plus tard 10 ans 10 années à traîner ton lourd souvenir Les dommages encore trop présents J'ai besoin de te vomir comme un se débarrasse d'un poison Éradiquer toute trace de ton passage Pour enfin arrêter de me regarder avec les yeux d'une victime

[marlainawrites]

2 am Can't get you out of my head With heavy eyelids and hungry breath 22 hours straight And still your face won't leave my thoughts

[marlainawrites]

I've already written about you too much So why, why, why Does the worry grab me by the throat I want to lay these thoughts to rest They are relentless when all I have left Is the blue light in my hand Scrolling endlessly A pounding in my head I can't seem to shake I want to stop Thinking This way When I can barely put the words together in front of you Still unable to fully look you in the eye I stumble, yet again Every time I think you have gone Something brings you back Every single time Enough Enough Enough.

[marlainawrites]

Que la terre m'absorbe Que je ne fasse qu'un avec le sol Et disparaître avec les ombres au soleil Que la terre m'absorbe, et qu'on en finisse

[marlainawrites]

Anyone but me