mark4manjoume

[mark4manjoume]

I wish it was easy to mask these feelings away. She broke my wall easily, and I think I got carried away because of what happened. But after all, it is just lust and I think it doesn’t have any meaning to her at all.

[mark4manjoume]

Status Update

Y’know what? I don’t feel like opening up a new love chapter in my life. My past already gave me enough scars to make me think not to fall again. It’s so tiring, all of the efforts, love, and trust given and only a small portion was given back to me. I blocked her b/c I was bitter and at the same time I want to forget about her; and now, after 5 years in constant pain of my past, another one emerged in, w/ the same wavelength as I do. I’m scared to even give this a try, doing the same process all over again, building up trust, love, and respect, and in the end, I will end up heartbroken again, will not trust people even more, and be more sad about my life, thinking on how can I even start another chapter in my life where I can be happy without needing anyone in my life, just pure bliss and not caring if I won’t get any affection from anyone ever again.

[mark4manjoume]

Niabot nko sa point na ok lng ko maging single for life, like dira mn jud ko padulong ba hahaha. Ok lng na mutan.aw nlng ko sa imung mga pics, kanang cute ka, gwapa ka, and all, bahala’g flat ka like mn ghapon ka hahaha. *sigh* kanus.a paman tawon ta magmeet or sturya uy, same pa naman ta’g school sauna.

[mark4manjoume]

My seven dying friends

Hello, it’s me again. But tonight, instead of talking inside of our head, thinking rather, let’s chat here in the digital world.

Hello friend, we meet again. Everybody these are my friends, depression, anxiety, sadness, internally dying, crying, empathy and its twin apathy.

Let’s talk about my first friend, depression. We all have this kind of friend, he just feels sad all the time without any reason why, why he can’t enjoy the better things in life, can’t move on from the past and dreading it every night. We usually hang out every sleep over, especially when the hour is dark and we have nobody to talk to. But then, I help my friend depression on his problem by just walking it out, experiencing new things life has to offer, and I’m saying it to it every single time we hang out with each other “It’s okay that I’m feeling you, it’s just that I have to cope up with you, admitting that you’re here, that you exist. Nothing in life is perfect, not even me or you, I need you just like how I need every emotion out there, just hang in there, we’ll make it no matter what.” and after I talked this to depression, he calmly sleeps at night, thinking nothing but just taking his time sleeping peacefully without any harm.

Here’s my other friend, anxiety, unlike any other, I’m always afraid when he’s with me, having fear of anything when he’s with me, always afraid to take the risk, not going out of its comfort zone when I’m saying that he should. He may be weak, for sure, but he’s the strongest out there, I tell you. He saved us a lot of times saying things like “what would it be like if we leave this place? How would our family members feel? That’s not how we play life, we should play life right under our hands, not the other way around” and he has a point out there. We need every reason to cling to life, no matter how little it may be. Although he’s a very scaredy-cat to do what I want to do, but in the end, we conquered it the same. I like him a lot, whenever we hang out, I think of every possibility there is to a situation, and that’s why he’s one of my best of friends (everyone I’m mentioning here is my best friend, and we hang out everyday and everynight, like a lot). Anxiety is a good friend but he doesn’t like to be criticized like anybody else, and that’s why I’m saying this to him every single time “Sink those motherfucking feels every time you’re criticized, at least you’re being told. Analyze the criticism you’ve been told and improve that shit, that way there’ll be one less criticism taken away from you.” and after I’m saying that every single time, he tries to improve himself and he’s doing his best.

Sadness is more like depression, in a way, but he can be easily swayed like watching dog videos, satisfying his cravings, and hanging out with his friends (not us, but those who we don’t hang out everyday). He always feel blue the same time I’m feeling it too. But he doesn’t think of suicidal thoughts like depression and internally dying. He’s just too blue because he got out of a relationship a long time ago and still not get it over with. But he’s trying to date other girls, it’s just that he has high standards and he wants to get the same wavelength with the girl immediately. Trust me, he has dated some girl that kinda parred with his ex. But you know, poor life choices. He also feels blue when his family feels it too, especially to his mom, he may not show it, but he hides it very effectively that no one can see it, just a poker face outside and he just hangs out with crying when he does that although no one can really see how they hang out, not even me.

I always see internally dying as somewhat of a masochist, but really hates pain. One time he saw this spindle when we were doing our internship, he immediately thought of banging his eyes on those two spindles, one spindle each eye, fuck man hahaha. But the saddest part is, it’s just his manifestation or way of putting off what he really feels. He literally feels like killing himself every single night when we sleep. But of course any situation can be solved by another situation, it’s just that we have different methods. Mine is I keep him busy enough not to kill himself, like going out, reading a book (I let him study so he doesn’t feel like himself), doing things he normally wouldn’t do, and of course the most effective, putting him to sleep. But there’s one more way to really calm him and live this life the opposite way on how he’s living, getting him a girlfriend, really. Once he has a lover, he starts to think of his partner more than himself, giving him a reason to live every day. Someone to cuddle with, someone to tell his secrets and story of the day besides from us and I think that can help him calm for sure. I just don’t want to see him doing his own stuff again and again, I mean it’s not healthy to think of killing yourself everyday. But he does this every single day saying to me “you know what’s more difficult than taking your own life? It’s living life everyday and finding a reason on how to live your life, I’m running out of options everyday, that’s why I’m feeling myself, dying every single day.”

Let’s go to my next friend, crying. I don’t see him every day, but we hang out inside, it’s just that I don’t see him anymore, it’s like he’s already dead. I see faint signs of him when we’re sleeping, but I think the last time I saw him when I was in 6th grade. I don’t really know what happened to him, it’s just that I feel him everyday yet I don’t see him. It’s like I’m looking at a rock everytime I see him, like it’s his mask. I dunno, I just want to see him even though it’s hard for me to accept him, but you know, we need to see our friend once in a while. Come back bud, I miss feeling you.

Let’s talk about the twins, empathy and apathy. They’re twins in a way that empathy is like the skeleton while apathy is the skin. Empathy is lowkey, he lives life like he’s the most egotistical guy in the world, yet he doesn’t keep anyone hanging. Like for example, whenever we hang out with our other friends, typically there’s a lot of topics that’s spoken and you know, someone will overlap the other when talking, but he entertains the other one first, the one who overpowered on talking, letting him finish, and then talks immediately to the other one who was hunged up asking “hey what was that you’re talking about?” And you know he’s good at that, and that’s the part that I like about him. But then again he’s just the skeleton and apathy is the skin. Apathy doesn’t care about anything in this world, like he just doesn’t feel anything whenever there’s something to really feel about something like someone has died, he doesn’t show any emotions, but then again whenever he’s alone, he hangs out with depression, sadness and crying, feeling little by little the pain that he should have felt before. It’s like internally dying, but he doesn’t feel the whole emotion at all, it’s like he’s semi-apathetic if you could consider it. But they do complement each other as a twin, and I think that’s part of being human. We don’t talk much, but I connect with the twins whenever we feel the same way.

I know my friends aren’t that deep compared to yours, we have different friends and different coping up with our friends and different experiences. But we all have one thing in common, they live inside of everyone of us. Those people that saying that their friends living inside has a much deeper trauma than yours. They only have a shallow amount of experience how it really feels to feel them all and I think for me, the one who has lived long enough to experience them all is someone you can see everyday, smiling as if he/she has no problem about anything, seeing the little hints that you may feel all of this and knows the exact counter mechanism just to make you feel sane again. They’re alive on the outside, but they’re already dead on the inside, just waiting for death to come to them and living life to the fullest as much as they can and helping others not to feel the same way they did unlike the previous dicks that said that they have experienced more than you, blah blah blah. These dead people inside have one thing in common too, they don’t talk about it to anyone and they help those who are almost following their footsteps and saving them before they end up like him/her and I think that’s the bravest thing I’ve seen a person do.

[mark4manjoume]

🚴🏻🤷🏻‍♂️ (at E-Park, Apokon, Tagum City)

[mark4manjoume]

Restaurant / Bistro: Papa Juhn’s Pizza Shack Location: Tagum City, somewhere along night market Review: The pizza’s pan was just your ordinary pizza bread that you see in 100+ pizza shops, although the pan is not burned so you won’t taste that “burnt pan” taste. The toppings were above average (according to my friends, but average for me, I think it was because of the pan), but it hasn’t disappointed me since it is just like those typical pizza that you can eat in that price range. The flavors that we ordered were All meat (Rate: 7) and Salisburry steak (Rate: 6)

The steak was cooked medium, so I shouldn’t expect that it is fully tender (I’ve had a hard time cutting the meat since the steak was thick compared to those like steak ni Juan), oh and they also have A1 steak sauce to fill in that void of flavor that is not present in the steak and in the gravy. The steak was juicy but lacks flavor, I was expecting a mild flavor from the steak since it was a porterhouse cut, but then again I didn’t find that mild flavor that I was looking for. The serving size of the steak was good for 1-2 persons since it was 350-400 g according to their waitress.

My rating: Pizza: 6.5; Steak: 5

Taste: 5/10 Price: 7/10 Presentation: 4/10 Overall: 5.5/10

Price Range: Pizza - Php 340-399 Steak - Php 350-550

[mark4manjoume]

So first of all, we all know that steak is one of the most popular food among most gourmet eaters. It's common knowledge that steak can be eaten from blue to well done (the doneness of the steak, the longer it is cooked, the more the steak will be difficult to cut or bite), and for me, the steak should be cooked in medium rare (the socialist), medium (the err, curious ones), and medium well (the "I still have a pinoy bloodline" person). Cooking it in well done is defeating the purpose of eating a steak. Might as well buy a beef steak worth Php 20. Enough bullshit. So for the main review, I've eaten a steak before (Grand Regal Hotel, trust me, their steak is legit 👌🏼) and this is just, well, let's say, an average kind of steak for steak lovers and who wants to try eating fancy. Without a doubt, Steak ni Juan is one of the cheapest steak houses here in Davao. But based on the taste, I might as well consider it based on the price. The quality of the beef is not that good, but it's your average steak. You'll get a good taste of the beef if you eat it with a potato and dipped them together in the steak gravy, only eat the rice after knowing the taste. A tip on eating a steak is that you should leave it first after serving it for at least 5 minutes since the steak is still cooking inside. To round it all off: Taste: 4/10 Price: 8/10 Presentation: 5/10 Overall: 6/10 Recommendations: Only eat here if you want to try eating a steak in a fancy way; You crave steak; If you're short on money, after all this is Steak ni Juan, a steak house for the Filipinos

[mark4manjoume]

The squad who is always hungry even after retreat. MIA: @nicoromarate (at Street Grub)

[mark4manjoume]

Ngashers' Late X'mas Party 🎉🤙🏻 (at Fuente de Villa Abrille, Club House)

[mark4manjoume]

at Jack's Ridge Resort and Restaurant Davao

[mark4manjoume]

Kaizen (A Japanese Resto) is on its soft opening, so I had high expectations because this is one of those events that will determine if the food in the place satisfies the customers' palate. I ordered Gyudon and Kaizen roll. The taste was good but not enough to satisfy me. The flavor of the Gyudon's sauce was too mild. I'd still prefer to eat at Yurushi if the dish was based on don's or rice bowls. The taste of the Kaizen roll was weird yet unique, the sweetness of the sauce was good, but the ebi or shrimp toppings doesn't mix well with it. Gyudon's rating is 6/10, Kaizen roll's rating is 7.5/10, Overall rating 7/10. Resto: Kaizen Japanese Street Dining

[mark4manjoume]

OTW home earlier 🌥

[mark4manjoume]

Celebrated my birthday with my fam 👊🏻 MIA: @iheartmara 😂 (at Vikings Luxury Buffet - SM LANANG Premier)

[mark4manjoume]

Happy birthday to the one posting this 🤣😁 First of all, I'd like to thank my parents for taking care of me for the past 20 years, and of course, the vikings meal. Second, thank you to my only two best friends (they don't and won't know it since they don't read my blog) Stella & Jessa for such an effort to greet me at midnight even though it was only in messenger. Third, to my friends who remembered my birthday because someone greeted me in my timeline, or because Facebook reminded you. I've opened another book called 2017, and I'm about to finish Page 1 of 365. I don't expect anything in this book, but I hope it'll make me happy.

[mark4manjoume]

Words can describe how horrible this Burger is. Synthetic, no flavor (srsly it’s just garbage), and it’s definitely unappetizing. I will never recommend this to anyone nor my friends. I’d rather recommend eating at Red Corner or at Backyard Burgers for a legit beef patty. I’d rate this 2/10. Fastfood: Burger King

[mark4manjoume]

I ordered pork cutlets w/ mozzarella, and the base of the broth doesn't really match w/ the pork cutlets (imagine spicy + mellow sweet flavor) the contents at the bottom are soup, noodles, and kimchi. Overall, I'd rate it 8/10. It ain't a bestseller for nothing. Restaurant: Sa Gae Café

[mark4manjoume]

Addiction

Hi there, sorry for a late update, I was busy fixing my school life last semester (3rd year, 2nd sem) and thank god I'm still a regular student 🙌. Some of my friends are asking me, "how does it feel like to be hooked on something?", "Is it really that good?", "Why are you on it?". To all of these questions, I have only one answer, "It's all because I'm curious and I want to know why people are so addicted on it." I tried drinking booze and all of those alcohol mixes, I tried smoking and vaping, I even tried on smoking pot. I've been doing all of these countless times and yet I'm still not satisfied with my findings why people are so addicted on these. I know drinking alcohol will help you forget being shy and you can go all out if the drink did really hit you hard. I also know that smoking cigarette can make you feel your head lighter and some of your stress are gone and you can focus back again. I also know that smoking pot after 10-15 minutes will give you euphoria without any valid reason, you just laugh at everything. But why would they all do these? Is it to escape reality? Peer pressure? Or is it because aliens already invaded the planet earth? I don't know. I just want to inform those who are still on these things that you should stop this, not immediately, but try it slowly. You still have your family caring for you even if you don't feel their love, think of the costs that would burden them for your funeral. Be practical, don't buy alcohol, cigarette or drugs, don't be a pussy and face reality in it's face and just snort raw chocolate, it's a good and healthy way to get high and it's cheap.