marilynnbuitron

[marilynnbuitron]

i wonder how fast i would die if i tried to talk to my mom the way the kardashians talk to kris

[marilynnbuitron]

[marilynnbuitron]

nipples poking through a shirt are an accessory we should all learn to appreciate 

[marilynnbuitron]

There’s about to be a battle up in here.

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[marilynnbuitron]

level 0: Pupper level 1: Doggo level 2: Dogger level 3: Boof

[marilynnbuitron]

once i got very drunk in a bar and my mum had to pick me up so i was trying to act normal by keeping the conversation so i asked her if shes a virgin and she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said “i wish i was”

[marilynnbuitron]

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[marilynnbuitron]

Deleting their number is nothing..

But when you finally delete the text thread…. It’s a wrap.

[marilynnbuitron]

so the thing about my family is that we have two ancestors on my dad’s side who were buried in france, where I currently live. one died in the spanish civil war, and one died prior doing…we don’t know what. but he somehow managed to get buried in père lachaise. 

so anyhow, my gran sends me a message like “pls put flowers on ur uncle samuel’s grave because he’s gone over a century with none and it will make the ghost mad if he hasn’t already” because my family spends time in europe but never long enough to go all the way to père lachaise and give ya boy samuel jr. his death rites. so im like “ok gran I can do that” bc im a good grandson and you do not fuck with gran she doesn’t DESERVE THAT 

i figure out which plot he’s on and ask someone specifically where you can find uncle samuel jr. and they tell me where and so I arrive at the junction and. 

HE GONE. 

WHERE DID YOU GO UNCLE SAMUEL. 

*celine dion’s smash hit “my heart will go on” playing in the distance* 

in other words either someone stole my entire great great uncle samuel or he has risen again, ready to party in paris for all of eternity. 

[marilynnbuitron]

[marilynnbuitron]

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[marilynnbuitron]

idk what the fuck you just said but imma give it a like