mariandoyoucomein

[mariandoyoucomein]

andrew dresses up as kevin for halloween one year. brown wig, green contacts, jersey he's swimming in, and even draws the queen on his face with sharpie. and stays in character for the entire night. he will not respond to andrew, you may only address him as kevin, kevin day, or queen of exy. he will not spend the entire night draining the candy bowl like usual and is instead angrily altering between a protein shake and straight vodka on the couch and mindlessly staring at trojan games. he goes on a twenty minutes long tangent about jeremy knox's arms and the roman empire, then calls anyone who tries to stop him (kevin) brutus repeatedly whilst pretending he's been stabbed. and when people stop playing attention to him he chucks exy balls at their heads.

was it originally to prove a point to kevin on how annoying he is? yeah. did he get way too into the character? maybe.

but will he pretend it never happened the next morning? absolutely. he pins it on aaron and never mentions it again.

[mariandoyoucomein]

I never got to be your grandson.

[mariandoyoucomein]

reached that phase of burnout where I am behind in things and just thinking about it makes me more tired-

[mariandoyoucomein]

“slut era” i whisper to myself as i rot in my bed, sick like a frail victorian child

[mariandoyoucomein]

[mariandoyoucomein]

god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait

[mariandoyoucomein]

*through gritted teeth* my academic performance does not define me my academic performance does not define me my academic performance does not define me my academic performance does not define me my academic performance does not define me my academic 

[mariandoyoucomein]

when they think they can hurt me, but i have an emotionally immature mum and an emotionally unavailable dad

[mariandoyoucomein]

My life is a constant cycle between "I need to rest before I burn out" and "I'm wasting my potential, I should work harder"

[mariandoyoucomein]

The "gifted kid who didn't need to study" to "neurodivergent burnt out college student who doesn't know how to study" pipeline is very real and I don't like that I'm experiencing it, I need to graduate to get a job and get out of my parents house and get better mentally and physically. 🥲

[mariandoyoucomein]

am i more productive at nighttime or am i so choked with responsibility and duty during the day that my free time is now only ever available to me when in exchange for a sacrifice of tomorrow's wellbeing? (because apparently revenge nighttime procrastination is an actual thing??)

[mariandoyoucomein]

By 11 shit was already fucked up

So I would be still 5 I guess

[mariandoyoucomein]

who else mourning the person they could've been if they were treated kindly as a child

[mariandoyoucomein]

I wish I could feel real on my own skin.

[mariandoyoucomein]

the mortifying ordeal of knowing that no one will ever perceive you correctly. their expectations fit slightly too wrong, even when they come from love. like you favourite childhood tshirt you've begun to outgrow. the hem is just a little too short, the chest too tight, the sleeves leave little red lines on your arms. but you can't throw it away, it becomes a part of you. it becomes all of you

[mariandoyoucomein]

jealousy

im so happy that ur on hrt. but part of me wants to throw up bc of how jealous i am that someone is on hrt while im not.

like im so happy and excited this person go to this point, but i look back at my own body and feel disgusted.

[mariandoyoucomein]

entirely honest here I think the reason i’m so attracted to Michael Sheen, not only because of my tism but because he’s so passionate and so set on whatever he does. He’s so entirely him, and i can only imagine how filling loving someone like that is, yk?