marcusmixes

[marcusmixes]

Charlie had fallen asleep. 

For all intents and purposes, there was nothing strange about the image that was laid out in front of Marcus. The lights of his New York flat had been dimmed hours before, the fluorescent glare deemed to bright by the young Brit, overstimulating him as he’d tried to make himself accessible, his attention being shared by both the mixing desk in the corner of his sitting room and Charlie. The other man seemed to like joining Marcus at work, but in equal measure he seemed to enjoy his company no matter where they found themselves. It was surprising. People as loud and excitable as Charlie rarely gravitated towards Marcus, and when they did, they scarcely stuck around. 

With his curtains drawn, lights down low, and the other man’s chipper voice filling the space, it had stuck Marcus just how right it had all felt. He’d found the perfect equilibrium. Charlie contrasted him and the life that he led so drastically, yet Marcus had been drawn to him from the moment they’d met. Tentative as they’d both been – nerves had been plain on the Londoner’s features, a walking advertisement for mental illness; Charlie, on the other hand, was the polar opposite to him and yet also his mirror – the two men had managed to find a common ground in their music, their passion for it. Fear had enveloped Marcus at the prospect of approaching a strange man in the darkened night club all those months ago, and Charlie’s own uncertainty had been tucked behind all his bravado, his distrust mingled with curiosity. In that regard, they’d been two sides of the same coin. 

It was a strange sensation to feel so accepted, but that was how Charlie made people feel. He was warm and eager to let people in. As cuddly and affectionate as he was, he’d soon adjusted to Marcus and his own aversions to touch, his discomfort when faced with loud, boisterous behaviour. The other man never pretended to be something that he wasn’t, but he adapted and eased Marcus into their friendship – he hoped he could call it that, he hoped Charlie wouldn’t mind being called his friend – and had carved out a safe space for him. He’d shown no signs of mocking or teasing him, had never called him annoying or weird. 

Sufficed to say, Marcus was comfortable. And as he stared across at the other man now, it occurred to him that he’d never been comfortable before. 

So, yes, Charlie had fallen asleep, and it was altogether a strange image for Marcus to process. He wasn’t used to people staying late, and he certainly hadn’t predicted that he’d leave the room for a short time and return to... this. But it was okay, and it was nice, and he found that he didn’t want to disturb him. As partial as he was to a few drinks and a joint with the DJ, it hadn’t gone unnoticed to him that Charlie wasn’t always able to stop – or slow down, even. When he’d stopped by that afternoon his eyes had been red-raw, he’d been jittery and talking at full speed, seemingly with no desire to pause for breath. On the surface it had seemed like the other man hardly even knew how wired he was, that there was a cause for concern. Marcus had been uncertain, but ultimately he’d known he needed distracting. He’d carefully supplied him with glasses of water between cans of coke and red bull – he'd slipped away on more than one occasion to water down the caffeinated drinks, shame buried deep in his gut – and they’d poured over countless demos and new records as Charlie had come down from his high. 

Marcus had only been gone for ten minutes, slipping away to order food. By the time he’d returned, he’d stumbled upon the image before him now; Charlie, with his head slumped against the arm of the sofa, his legs curled up beneath him, hand limp as it rested at his side. In spite of how the afternoon had started, Marcus couldn’t help but smile. If sleep was what he needed, then he wouldn’t begrudge him that. He wanted him to be healthy and safe, to be taken care of and to always have somewhere he could turn. It wasn’t in anybody’s best interest for him to baby the other man, to belittle him and raise talks of cravings and addiction, but if he could draw him away from dangerous substances, distract him with art and life and laughter, then he’d try to do that. 

Charlie’s smile was warm and contagious, just like the rest of him. Whether he was stone-cold sober or wiping white powder from his nose, he never let his compulsions turn him cruel. He had kind words to say to everybody, compassion pouring from him in waves that, at times, overwhelmed Marcus in the best ways imaginable. He was love and light and warmth, and he was his friend. 

With as much care as he could muster, sock-footed and wrapped in the comfort of his own, baggy sweater, Marcus padded across the room, silent footfall against the carpet as he reached for one of the sofa cushions. His touch was gentle as his fingers grazed Charlie’s cheek, fighting off the familiar tremble as he lifted the other man’s head just a few inches higher, releasing it only when he knew there was a soft place to land. He was holding his breath, nervous that Charlie might wake, might be offended by his touch, however innocent. He didn’t stir once, even as Marcus wandered from the room, returning with a few blankets to drape across his body. 

“Goodnight, Charlie,” Marcus whispered. For the first time in years, he felt content. 

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: @charlieinthemix Oh. Did you want to come to the studio tomorrow? Or just grab a coffee? I can be free.

↳INSTAGRAM: @producermarcus uploaded a photo:

Missing home.

[marcusmixes]

↳INSTAGRAM: @producermarcus uploaded a photo:

Missing home.

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: @danteleept Oh. Thank you? I think. Um, yeah. Thanks.

↳INSTAGRAM: @producermarcus uploaded a photo:

Photo by Maggie.

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: @charlieinthemix Thanks? @producermarcus: @charlieinthemix :)

↳INSTAGRAM: @producermarcus uploaded a photo:

Photo by Maggie.

[marcusmixes]

↳INSTAGRAM: @producermarcus uploaded a photo:

Photo by Maggie.

[marcusmixes]

@producermarcus: I’m sorry this happened, Henry. I hope you get the rest that you need. The internet is full of a lot of noise, try to protect your mind too. Here if you need an escape.

↳INSTAGRAM: @henrybly uploaded a photo:

all good. 👍 honey is taking care of me. so sorry to the fans who came out to the show last night and didn’t get what they paid for, and to the fans whose tour dates have been rescheduled. i’d love to play these last dates for you guys but was advised by medical to step back.

[marcusmixes]

TEXTING: CHARLIE Marcus: Yes. My dad is their best friend. He was their donor. Marcus: He owns a record store. I think you'd like him a lot. He's the coolest person I have ever met. Marcus: Oh, sorry. I didn't mean any offence. Gay mums, you know? I think people assume. Marcus: I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you were loved too. Marcus: I can see that you are now. Marcus: You're very handsome, Charlie. You're going to find someone.

TEXTING: MARCUS

Charlie: u got a dad too? wow. ur so loved man

Charlie: oh haha that’s okay

Charlie: i’m pan so it’s all love over here

Charlie: i dunno her, my daddy either

Charlie: i grew up in the system so

Charlie: i bet she was cool though

Charlie: thanks for sharing ur moms and ur record collection

Charlie: just gotta find me a husband now :-)

[marcusmixes]

TEXTING: CHARLIE Marcus: I suppose I am. Marcus: They're very cool. Marcus: My dad is great too. Marcus: I'm not gay, Charlie. Marcus: Sorry. Marcus: Don't you get along with your own mum? Marcus: I'm happy to share mine, for the record. They already think you're wonderful. And I'll share my records with you even if I can't marry you.

TEXTING: MARCUS

Charlie: ur such a mamas boy it’s so cute

Charlie: they did? oh man that’s so fun

Charlie: maybe i’ll marry into ur family i could use two moms

Charlie: especially ones as nice as urs

Charlie: we could combine our record collections !

[marcusmixes]

TEXTING: CHARLIE Marcus: Thanks. Marcus: They really like you too. I love them. Marcus: They thought you were my boyfriend. Marcus: I'm not sure why. Marcus: I do? Marcus: Oh. Marcus: Thank you. Marcus: I don't know what to say now.

TEXTING: MARCUS

Charlie: those people are just fucking stupid like

Charlie: if they can’t take it they’re missing out on a cool fucking dude

Charlie: ur moms are awesome btw, i like them a lot

Charlie: i think you’re imprsssive. u impress me

[marcusmixes]

TEXTING: CHARLIE Marcus: I don't really see the point in being dishonest. Marcus: I suppose that's probably why I don't have friends. My mums raised me to be truthful, though. Marcus: What do you mean? Marcus: I'm not impressive. I'm just Marcus.

TEXTING: MARCUS

Charlie: nah

Charlie: you’re just upfront it’s nice

Charlie: no bullshit

Charlie: and that means a lot, especially since ur so like impressive

[marcusmixes]

TEXTING: CHARLIE Marcus: Did I cross a line? Marcus: I'm not good with tone. Marcus: I'm sorry. Marcus: I mean it all, though. I do think that you're gonna make it big.

TEXTING: MARCUS

Charlie: o

Charlie: thanks man

Charlie: doing wonders for my self esteem lol

Charlie: really tho. thank u

Charlie: ur kinda awesome huh

[marcusmixes]

TEXTING: CHARLIE Marcus: Every producer in New York will know your name some day, Charlie. Every producer that's worth their shit in the industry will know your name. Marcus: Trust me.

TEXTING: MARCUS

Charlie: yeah?? yeah! okay.

Charlie: nope never ever

[marcusmixes]

TEXTING: CHARLIE Marcus: It isn't. Marcus: We can just listen. Marcus: Or we can mix. And if you hate it, then we go again. Marcus: We can have fun with it. Marcus: Have you ever worked with another producer, Charlie?

TEXTING: MARCUS

Charlie: maybe ur radar is slightly wobbly

Charlie: i just really like listening to music

[marcusmixes]

TEXTING: CHARLIE Marcus: Yes, really. Marcus: You're welcome any time. Marcus: I think you're more talented than you believe. Marcus: I have never had a client that hasn't reached number one with an album I have produced. Marcus: I recognise talent, Charlie.

TEXTING: MARCUS

Charlie: i hope so babe

Charlie: oh yeah?? i’d like to hear it. i really dig your sound man

Charlie: wait really??

Charlie: i dunno?? that would be cool but i’m kinda an amateur at this stuff

Charlie: don’t wanna fuck up ur mix

[marcusmixes]

TEXTING: CHARLIE Marcus: Yes. Of course. Marcus: I think any friend of yours if somebody that I can trust. I hope. Marcus: I'm working on a new song that I think could favour you. I've written some lyrics and played around on the bass with it. Marcus: I would like if you could do some work on it? Mix it. Adjust the tempo, listen to the melody and see what needs work.

TEXTING: MARCUS

Charlie: fr???

Charlie: i think shed like that a lot you know

Charlie: i love sephy and i think you would really love her too. i also think she would love u tbh. you’re nice and you’d respect her space and stuff ygm

Charlie: i’m glad you have a safe space man

Charlie: have you got anything new ur working on i can hear?

[marcusmixes]

TEXTING: CHARLIE Marcus: If you and Persephone ever would like a place to unwind, she's always welcome too. Marcus: I know I said it before, but I'm not always good with words? But I understand that there are certain pressures that come with the sort of fame that she has endured. Marcus: Sometimes it's hard to shut out the noise. My studio makes things feel safe for me. Marcus: I'm glad too.

TEXTING: MARCUS

Charlie: i’m really lucky in love

Charlie: oh

Charlie: youre a sweet guy marcus

Charlie: i’m glad we’re friends now