mapadayon

[mapadayon]

27

1. Where are you now?

Satellite Team Rm Yoshida-Lab, Tohoku University, Sendai, JP

2. What is the mood like?

Silent. Got the room to myself. Blasting music. I am tired.

3. How was your day overall?

Woke up early, cooked salmon breakfast, went to gym, arrived in Lab a bit late. Having trouble (as always) with my research work. Moon calibration is still unfinished. Still have to troubleshoot Leur Simulator. And I am still learning Matlab. This is frustrating, but grind on.

No celebration today. People I met did not know of my bday. Very minimal social interaction. But it is okay. My friends greeted me online. I am still happy for today!

4. What was the most memorable moment of your day?

Just an ordinary day today, no memorable event. But this is a memorable bday - last in Japan and last as a single person. :o

5. What was the most forgettable moment of your day?

Mundane things like studying loljk hahah

6. Best gift?

None received but it is okay :D

7. What are you most worried about at the moment?

About my research. I still feel greatly inadequate. I have so much to learn and I feel that my pace is too slow. And I feel pressured by the progress reports and the amount of work needed to be done.

8. What is one amazing thing you expect from the coming year?

GRADUATION and WEDDING. Yes next year will be a MOMENTOUS one.

9. Who are your closest friends as of the moment?

Eunice - my fiancee (long time no update tumblr haha), from this point on, she is my best friend and my partner in life :D

Lifehouse Church, Kapatiran, and some Labmates

10. What were the top 3 accomplishments from your last year?

PASSED THE ENTRANCE EXAM - technically more than a year ago but still.

LAUNCHED DIWATA 2 - like whoah i dont know what happened I feel that I dont deserve to be with that team. But Lord you are good that you lead me here. Learned a lot and will learn more!!!

GOT ENGAGED - Finally God showed me the woman for me. Thank you Lord for leading me to Eunice

Bonus: Got to serve and lead in the Church, this is really a blessing and a privilege thank you Lord.

11. What were the top 3 worst things struggles that happened from your last year?

ROAD TO GRADUATION

So much stuff to be learned. The pressure is on, the anxiety and inadequancy is there. God knows how much I need to learn but he will see me through. Taking it a day at a time. 

FEELING OF TERMINALITY

Pending feeling that my season and time here in Japan is about to end. Haven’t  experienced the “international” student life. Did not learn Japanese enough and still have trouble going around despite living 2 years already. But still will greatly miss the people and the family I have made here. It will be another great adjustment soon.

PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE

Must be a good and Godly husband and soon-to-be Father to Eunice and our children. Old and immature and even sinful habits must die. 

12. Were your goals (at that moment) from last year achieved?

Discover what is my heart’s decision that only God will show.

-YES Thank you Father for leading me and for seeing me thru

Start going out.

-Forgot what this exactly mean, I think dating? In that case yes? haha

13. What are your goals at the moment?

GRADUATE  and WEDDING - 2 main goals that I MUST do next year

Bonus Goal: Submit paper and go to a conference abroad

14. Did the things you want to change about you last year happened?

“ Be disciplined. Wake up early, exercise, study, read, pray. Delight in meaningful things - relationships, ministry, health, career. Do not waste time too much. Learn how to persevere. Great things never come easy.”

  – YES, although this is a continuing matter. I have learned so much these past years, including perservering and working hard! And thankful that things are going and growing with the ‘meaningful things’ - relationships, ministry, health and career.

15. What do you think will change about you over the next year? How do you want to grow?

Be confident in your work. Learn and absorb as much as you can while you are studying. Learn from your senseis and senpais! Hopefully you can have that confidence (as opposed to being inadequate) in your current field. 

16. What is one piece of advice would you give to your future self?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your understanding. Happy for you future self, always remember that it is all because of Him!

________

Thank You.

[mapadayon]

GRATIA (grace)

This is a reminder that in my life here, it is only by the grace of God that I am saved, restored, sustained, and humbled. Without it, I am lost, insecure, wretched  and wicked. I am to receive, practice, and extend grace at all times. 

Ultimately, I must deny myself daily and glorify Him constantly.

[mapadayon]

A Sad Story

Then: Stop thinking about her. Now: Stop thinking about them.

[mapadayon]

Timecheck

I want more and I want deeper. But some things are better left off. Back to the point of indifference. It is not worth it.

[mapadayon]

Hike

Slightly awkward, unknowingly jealous. 

Feeling the apparent distance and hopelessness.

Let us move on and I shall move away. 

Far away.

There is no way, not with you.

You will never be right. 

I do not have a clue, what’s on your mind.

And what’s on my mind is probably irrelevant to you.

You are not my everything. 

You are just someone who is nearby.

But not close to me, not anymore.

Together now but will never be together.

[mapadayon]

24

1. Where are you now?

Little Asia Guest House, Kokura, Kitakyushu, Japan. Currently on a Microsatellite Training trip in Japan. 

2. What is the mood like?

Cold and calm. My capsule here in the hostel provided me my own personal space of peace and quiet. The streets were not as busy as other bustling cities, the parks filled with children playing. The hostel was quiet, other guests were not that noisy. Lots of work needed to be done but feeling rested anyway. 

3. How was your day overall?

Started the day working and ended the day working, with rest and leisure in the middle. Spent the previous day doing tests in my laboratory overnight (work is life, even though it is a sunday). Rested in the morning. Toured the city, Kokura Castle, in the afternoon, watched the UP game (we won) in the afternoon. Worked on reports in the evening. My workmates here proved to be kind friends to me and I appreciate their company throughout this trip. My friends greeted me and messaged me on social media, I felt their sincerity and love, I am deeply thankful to them for remembering.

There was no celebration today, maybe I will spend time with my friends back home. But I really really felt loved.

4. What was the most memorable moment of your day?

The fact that I started the day working and ended it with work clearly reflects the state of my life right now. But the sweet messages and greetings I have received trumps it all.

5. What was the most forgettable moment of your day?

Nothing really. This was a good day.

6. Best gift?

Did not receive and gifts from anybody but I do not mind. I am eternally grateful for all the blessings I have received and a lot of them I feel I do not deserve.

7. What are you most worried about at the moment?

Deadlines and my inadequacies in the workplace. There are lots of work needed to do back home and time is running out and I feel that I am still not skilled enough to deliver. Also, life-changing decisions are needed to be made soon.

8. What is one amazing thing you expect from the coming year?

The same life-changing decisions. Might be spending my next 2 years in Tohoku University working and studying. I completely put my faith in God and pray that He will lead me to where He wills me to be. Everything else is a small matter.

9. Who are your closest friends?

Navigators family esp those I have spent time with often: Nav20s, Nav Men, Inah, Eunice, Gelo.

10. What were the top 3 accomplishments from your last year?

LANDED A GOOD JOB. It is by God's grace and by his instruction (revealed to me in a dream, the story of how I got the job was just amazing) that I am working here in PHL-Microsat. It has been a challenging, learning, fulfilling and rewarding experience.

FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE, money is not a problem, by God's providence.

TRIPS TO JAPAN, opportunities have been wildly opened up for me.

11. What were the top 3 worst things that happened from your last year?

Not really bad moments but more like struggles for the past year:

CHALLENGE. The change of environment, with its rate, are scary. Being alone almost all the time and facing my problems with myself and being pushed up in the front lines of a high stakes project (I am the only structural engineer based in the local team) are just few things that I am fighting right now.

INADEQUACY and INSECURITY. If you were a mediocre student back in college and is placed in a critical position of a high stakes, technical-heavy, and skill-intensive project with your colleagues being brilliant professors and honor students, you kinda get the a small feeling of inferiority. This is my first job in unfamiliar territory: research. Something that I really did not see coming. I feel so small and so undeserving in a land of giants. 

MATURITY

Last year was the first time that I think I independently steered the course of my life, the time that my decisions then will greatly affect my future. It took me a long time before I came to accept my job today and the same goes probably with my future endeavors. Same goes with my relationships with other people, I made it an effort to be intentional and to choose the people who I want to be friends with. 

12. Were your goals (at that moment) from last year achieved?

To have a meaningful, restful, and enriching vacation – YES

To continue to hone my hobbies - apply to UP Mountaineering and enjoy its benefits. - No, I kept on moving from place to place.

To have a job and be (financially) independent. -Yes

To move on from her. - Definitely! 

13. What are What are your goals at the moment?

Discover what is my heart’s decision that only God will show.

Start going out.

14. Did the things you want to change about you last year happened?

“I want to learn how to live independently, making my own decisions, taking control of my life, and having a vision of what you want to become. Continue to sustain healthy relationships with right people. Continue to grow and cultivate my character into which God has prepared me to be.” 

   – YES, I am living independently but of course with the support of my friends and family. I am growing and indeed enjoying this season in my life.

 15. What do you think will change about you over the next year? How do you want to grow?

Be disciplined. Wake up early, exercise, study, read, pray. Delight in meaningful things - relationships, ministry, health, career. Do not waste time too much. Learn how to persevere. Great things never come easy. 

16. What is one piece of advice would you give to your future self?

Learn to receive, give, and live out grace to everyone and everything.

________

Thank You.

[mapadayon]

Friendship

Right now I do not know what else to make out of you other than you were my ex-bestfriend who turned me away. My once closest companion who suddenly and unexpectedly cut me off and broke my heart in the process.

When it all started, you went cold. You did not reply, you did not say anything. I thought you were going through something so I respected your space but I never thought that that something was because of me. We promised that we will be honest to each other and that we will not allow feelings to hinder our relationship. You broke that promise and then kicked me out of the picture. Then when I demanded that we should meet and talk about this, because everything was going by too fast for me, I have to force you to reluctantly agree. It was as if you were ready to drop me out and that you did not realise how unfair was that for me. At that meeting you confessed, but the thing is you said I was blameless. I have done nothing wrong. I was, at that time, very sympathetic to you as I can see you were very much in pain. At the same time I was in shock both by what you were feeling and your actions. I am trying my best to understand, but I realized that I could not do anything to help. And that is the hardest part, is that knowing that you broke your heart because of me but it was not my fault and that I know I cannot do anything to actively help the situation. So, I just gave you time and space.

My graduation passed and came my board exam review. A period of isolation and focus. Basically, it was the first time for me living alone and. We were talking again. I said to you that I will be closing myself from the outside world because I will give my everything for the review but I will still maintain contact with my closest friends, and at that time included you. I said I will need support from my friends but later you were just upset that you were offended on how “needy” I was and that I still cannot comprehend what was happening in our relationship. This was coupled with what you described as petty reasons from our organization and then you aired your anger against me. And there was I all alone in my room, now crying.

I was crying because of the things that happened to us and the things that were happening then and the realization that we will never recover from this as friends again. I was crying from the loneliness and the pressure and now because of you. You reacted like you were the only one from our relationship who was hurting and who was at loss. I was of course in so much emotional pain, though I tried really hard not to show it to you. And of course, I still did not comprehend what was happening. You disappeared all of a sudden and you deactivated yourself from me. I do not get how quickly our relationship deteriorated when only a few weeks before you even wrote a post about me on how we can be “loving in the most platonic way possible.” Then you said it was okay to talk as friends, but everytime I texted you, I was hurting you and you were angry at me because of that. Worse is that I cannot afford to breakdown and analyze the situation properly because of the board exam review. I know that you have to do what you have to do and you said I cannot put that against you. But actions have consequences and that these consequences hurt me badly. So I realized that our relationship has now become so so toxic and so that we can continue to live functionally with our own lives it was best to cease contact altogether. And so we did. It was an ugly “pseudo-breakup” made even uglier as it was done only on the phone. But it needed to be done. It was my choice, it was my way of saying this has to stop and I need to protect myself.  Thus, for the rest of the review period, I bottled up all these complicated emotions of mine, pushed away thoughts of you and made myself numb. It was indeed emotionally unhealthy but it needed to be done.

Then I finished the exam and became an engineer. I was ready to entertain these overdue emotions but to my surprise they were nowhere to be found. I was expecting an emotional breakdown but it did not happen. I thought that maybe I had buried my feelings deep down that I now cannot bubble it up to the surface. I knew I was upset before but at that moment I was indifferent. Out of sight and out of mind probably best describes that state. And I wanted it out of sight as much as possible. I chose not to engage you in further conversations until we decided it was finally time to meet in person, the proper venue where we can discuss.

So we did meet. For the first time in about 5 months. We exchanged pleasantries, small talk, asked how each other how we were doing. I am glad, sincerely glad, that you have moved on. But I admitted that I was still reeling from the confusion about my emotions and how I feel and how I must feel about the situation. But I must add, that I still felt nothing positive from the meeting. Only a feeling of loss and distance from you. We were together but we are miles away in my heart and mind. It was overall an uneasy welcome back to you for me. So we bid goodbye from, for me, the uncomfortable engagement. And the next time we shall meet, you promised, was at my despedida, where I invited my closest friends to cherish and thank them for the year, and that supposed to include you.

But you never came. This is the cherry on top. The final blow. I felt that any seed of reconciliation was killed off that day. I could not care for whatever reason you had at that time because you gave me your word. You know that I was going away again for a long time and that party was very, very meaningful to me. And you turned away, once again. It goes more than your word and it was the value you placed on me and on our very, very strained relationship. It solidified my position to completely move on from you. Move on and move away. I was dismayed by, what I interpret, as the selfishness of your actions and brought up the things you did in the past. Any feeling of loss has now becoming hate, a thing which I now struggle against everytime I remember you.

Thus, this sums up all the wounds that you have caused in my heart. I wanted to forget you, forget all about you, because every memory is now tainted by your betrayal and selfishness. But realistically I cannot completely forget you without giving into hate. Something that I strongly do not want to happen. Thus, this is the reason for this letter. I am writing this to acknowledge my hurt, the hurt that you caused. Acknowledge that everything you have done mattered to me and I was greatly affected.

But my God is a gracious God and He is telling me to forgive as He has forgiven me many, many times. It does not mean that I will overlook all of the hurt. It does not mean that every time I will remember you, I will not feel pain. It may not mean that I will want to talk or see you again. But it means that I chose to extend forgiveness, something divine from the Lord and I release you. And I release myself also.

Now let me heal.

[mapadayon]

23

1. Where are you now?

Upper Manhattan, New York, the apartment of Auntie Nedie. Currently on my vacation in North America.

2. What is the mood like?

Actually wrote this a day late (Nov 7, Eastern American Time), just woke up. Still adjusting to the place and the weather. It’s 17C outside, no need for any air conditioner, obviously. Sound of people and cars outside. Just had a good night’s rest and looking forward for a new day and a new adventure.

3. How was your day overall?

Also “celebrated” quietly as I did not publicly announce on facebook the occasion. Only a few friends greeted me but I don’t mind (okay, maybe a little haha). But this was probably the strangest birthday ever, since I was “celebrating” it on two different timezones, thus people were already greeting me on the 5th of November. Also, since I have no friends here, I did not really celebrate it on my own accord (didn’t treat anybody). On the other hand, the day was also exciting since I visited Central Park and other places in Manhattan. So the day was quiet, not festive, but it was exciting and fresh at the same time. So peculiar. So weird.

 4. What was the most memorable moment of your day?

Aunt Alpha, Daddy Ric, and Kuya Gabe gave me a (hagen-dazs) ice cream cake and prayed for me. I toured part of Central Park and Times Square, enjoying the mix of urban scene with nature. Aunt Nedie, Ate Chen, and Ate Joy ate at a seafood buffet restaurant on the 34th St, near the Empire State Building. It was heaaavy but delicious.

5. What was the most forgettable moment of your day?

It was a “quiet” celebration, but I don’t mind.

6. Best gift?

This trip(/year) is already a gift.

7. What are you most worried about at the moment?

Planning the rest of my vacation efficiently. How to make a travel video properly. Not getting fat. HAHAHAHA

8. What is one amazing thing you expect from the coming year?

Career!!!

9. Who are your closest friends?

Navigators family. 

10. What were the top 3 accomplishments from your last year?

GRADUATION, finally! Got my highest GWA and my best performance on my last semester. Finally finished with ME 188!

BECOMING AN ENGINEER, trust me! (Although the board exam itself was full of shit, my experience was one of faith and perseverance)

COMING TO AMERICA! My transition period, a time to rest.

11. What were the top 3 worst things that happened from your last year?

Lost my best friend.

ME Board Exam: the student, the proctors, the review center, the exam, and the stupidity of the people. Also failed to garner a topnotcher spot.

Left my band, along as being detached to my organizations (some for the better)

 12. Were your goals (at that moment) from last year achieved?

To be a member of MBS and enjoy its privileges.  - yes

To form a band with the UP MC. – yes, albeit short-lived. Mindless Pop!

To graduate. - YES

 13. What are your goals at the moment?

 To have a meaningful, restful, and enriching vacation – and to document it properly.

To continue to hone my hobbies - apply to UP Mountaineering and enjoy its benefits.

To have a job and be (financially) independent.

To move on from her.

14. What are your long term goals?

 Working towards my dream job(?) industry (maybe corporate but hopefully not a desk job) – alternative energy.

Start searching for a partner.

15. What do you think you will be doing this time next year? In 5 and 10 years from now?

Next year - Starting my career, starting to be financially independent. 5 years - steady career path and with a long term girlfriend and own a car. 10 years - having a family and own a house.

16. Did the things you want to change about you last year happened?

My convictions, hopefully. Hoping to understand myself, the world, and God better. I want to “come to terms” with Him and be back with solid foundations. 

    – YES, improved significantly but still in the process.

17. What do you think will change about you over the next year? How do you want to grow?

I want to learn how to live independently, making my own decisions, taking control of my life, and having a vision of what you want to become. Continue to sustain healthy relationships with right people. Continue to grow and cultivate my character into which God has prepared me to be.

18. What is one piece of advice would you give to your future self?

Have confidence in yourself, it’s okay to make mistakes. Have faith.

________

Thank You.

[mapadayon]

Well that was anticlimactic.

I think that deserved better. A better goodbye, a better closure. But for now my thoughts shall be full of ‘i don’t know’s. I don’t know what to say, how to say, what to express, how to express. I don’t know if that was right or that was proper. I don’t know what to do next with regards. I don’t know what to feel.

And I can’t feel and I can’t afford to feel. Not now. Not this time. But soon definitely.

I want to give you better, I want it done right, but maybe sometimes you can’t do it right or maybe you are not meant to do it right, as there is no right. 

But I hope I will give you better. A better message. A better expression. A better tumblr post, maybe not now but soon. For you or at least, for me. 

[mapadayon]

Thoughts on God 1

I remember when I was little I asked my pastor uncle how does he know that God was speaking to Him. He was quick to say that he just knows it and he know without a doubt. Being the child I was back then I was eagerly waiting for God to speak to me but the problem is that I always question whether it was really Him, so I (think I) dismissed them.

Fast forward to today, I now learn that God, being the friend to us, speaks to us all the time and to recognize, we just need to be “familiar” or “acquainted” with His voice, just like we recognize the voices of our close friends without seeing their faces. I know God has spoken to me before. He has been a part my decisions - big decisions. He has provided me comfort in the saddest times in my life. 

Looking back, I wonder why is it so hard to remember these things with joy? With what happened to me, I remember the times when He was silent, clearer and with more emotion than the times He was communicating with me. I remember the times of pain when I was all alone and empty and when I was crying. No matter how hard I pray I felt nothing. I remember when things were falling apart, I tried to be intimate with him by going to worship programs and church services expecting a renewal of the spirit, but nothing. Worse, when I was given time to myself, when I was given time to rest and process and reflect, I felt the distance between Him growing and my faith crumbling as more emotion were being felt. At the time when I though I reached a new level of relationship with Him, ironically, was the time that I felt forsaken. 

I do not know why I am feeling those things, I still think that I should not have felt those as they were inappropriate (i.e. Give thanks and be glad! Count your blessings!), but the fact that I can write these things down validates and legitimizes these experiences. For now, I resign to the idea that that was all part of His bigger plan and that this is part of the human experience. Again, I find myself treading through life, this time much more careful and much more reserved with my trust. I pray that as I go deeper, I grow closer again to Him. Just as I regain my composure, I regain the lost ground from our relationship. This will not happen without a fight. 

[mapadayon]

I need me to believe in me

[mapadayon]

Overthinking Nights 5: Retro/Introspect

Tonight I attempt to describe myself and my experiences and evaluate my state. The other week, a friend asked me if I have moved on from the pains of last year. Honestly, I still do not think so. As a matter of fact, I have yet to define a concrete interpretation of what the hell happened. I know I was lost and alienated but I do not have labels for what were the underlying causes. I do not put blame on people, though they were players one way or another, but does that mean that I am all at fault? Or does that mean that I should blame it on circumstances? I was discouraged of the way things turned out or how people treated or even valued me. I was afraid and I struggled to express myself effectively. I was frustrated of my perception of reality, of how fucked up the world and people really are. I was left alone. I was conflicted. All these I have come to realize slowly (and painfully), and I am sure everything will be made clearer and finer as time passes.

Now, what I need is to find the wonderful life lessons and use these to understand myself further. Use these to enrich my character, my personality, and my worldview. Use these to make my own realizations, my own pains, my own mistakes, and my own victories. I pray that I will learn and that I will not be haunted by the shadow of the past. That I will spearhead myself into growth and discovery even though I will probably be on my own. I pray that even if I am only one, I will be one.

So far, I am proud to say that I have given conscious attention to myself and I thank the heavens of giving me the valuable time on which I can afford to work on myself as a project. I like that I am learning to actively choose decisions based on its effectiveness - not being pressured to make plans or spend time on things that will be proven to be meaningless. I am working to be comfortable in my own skin, not to be so much insecure, to entertain my inner self and not allow ‘busyness’ as an excuse for a distraction. So far, so good.

But as always there are issues needed to be resolved. Now that I have ideas of what I want to do (in short terms at least), I need to develop the discipline to attain these goals. Managing time, avoiding multitasking, proper prioritizing, maximizing productivity, etc and etc - mechanical skills that are need to be done effectively. But above all, it is crucial to keep in sight the underlying motives of my endeavors and to keep up my passion for learning. I pray that I will have faith in my actions and that they all will ultimately add value to life. 

Furthermore and most essentially , I need to deal with who I want to be - what kind of person I will become and grow into. I want to live in accordance to my nature and to principles I believe to hold true. In line with this, I must go back and make my peace with God and with myself, slowly but surely. This will be a great leap of faith (again). Slowly but surely. I need to be critical of the “truths” of the world; filtering out the pretentious and the senseless. I will make mistakes and falter along the way but this will not justify any reasons for inaction and passiveness. I may be hypocritical at first, but eventually I must be principled and apologetic. These times are my formative years and it is high time to grow.

All these being said, I pray that I will remain faithful to myself and continue to live my life out. I pray that I will make the most of this learning process.I pray that my decisions be purposeful and my actions intentional. I pray that I will learn to love all the things that will be given to me. I pray that I will discern God’s ultimate plan form and that I will be in obedience to Him.

[mapadayon]

[mapadayon]

22

1. Where are you now?

Still studying, graduating BS ME. Currently residing at Krus na Ligas boarding house.

2. What is the mood like?

The weather is cold tonight and the moonlight is heavenly. I am slightly isolated, by my own intention, for a better melancholic and contemplative atmosphere. Finding meaning lala~

3. How was your day overall?

"Celebrated" quietly as I did not publicly announce the occasion. Slightly felt lonely as many forgot (again by my own doing) but outweighed by  the love received from those who remembered.

 4. What was the most memorable moment of your day?

Surprised by my roommates and best friend with food (cake on midnight and breakfast in the morning respectively). Received the most number of cakes ever (3). 

5. What wast the most forgettable moment of your day?

Going to an org "happening" (applicant group task) yet still feeling the apathy of the people around me. Even though I am part of the organization, I still dont feel a PART of it. I felt alone.

6. Best gift?

Letter from my bestfriend.

7. What are you most worried about at the moment?

MBS skills test and academic requirements (this will be true until the end of the sem).

8. What is one amazing thing you expect from the coming year?

Graduation.

9. Who are your closest friends?

Navigators family. Anya. My roommates - Tim and Gelo.

10. What were the top 3 accomplishments from your last year?

Passed all my classes for the first time since I shifted. Survived as org president - made some great realizations. Self-actualization - got drunk alone (and cried). Bonus: Painted the university, bucketlist.

11. What were the top 3 worst things that happened from your last year?

Lost direction - failed my classes, horrible adjustment due to change in environment. Being left out by people (batchmates, friends, and people I look up) -never felt so alone. Lost a good friend - my buddy.

12. What are your goals at the moment?

To be a member of MBS and enjoy its privileges.  To form a band with the UP MC. To graduate.

13. What are your long term goals?

Working towards a relevant and service-oriented career, perhaps with the government.  To pursue further studies, EgyE as a serious option and Law as a wildcard.

14. What do you think you will be doing this time next year? In 5 and 10 years from now?

Next year - either having vacation abroad or looking for work 5 years - steady career path and with a long term girlfriend and owns a car. 10 years - having a family and owns a house.

15. What do you think will change about you over the next year? How do you want to grow?

My convictions, hopefully. Hoping to understand myself, the world, and God better. I want to "come to terms" with Him and be back with solid foundations.

16. What is one piece of advice would you give to your future self?

Be decisive and stick with your decisions. Do not be fickle minded.

________

Thank You.

[mapadayon]

The devil’s right there, right there in the details. And you don’t wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself. By looking too closely.

Fink - Looking Too Closely

[mapadayon]

To battle is the only way to feel alive.

30 Seconds To Mars - Alibi

[mapadayon]

Rafiki: Change is good. Simba: Yeah, but it's not easy.

Lion King