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[manila-bae]

[manila-bae]

hows and whys

I've been crying my eyes out for the past few days now. I do not know when these tears will stop running, but I do hope they will stop soon.

My greatest fear of this connection has finally happened; this time, it's absolute and final: I got ghosted. Totoo na ito. I tried convincing myself na babalik pa, na magpaparamdam 'yan ulit but one can only hope so much, enough to realize that her hopes are nothing but words floating on air, slowly being swept and erased by the quiet winds. I feel so betrayed on top of being hurt and broken because all I wanted was to be with someone and this is what I get. Parusa ba 'to? Is this some sort of a prank? When it's come to being left behind, ba't laging ako? Bakit ako lagi 'yung iniiwan? Why do people choose to hurt me in return? I try not to question myself because I know there is nothing wrong with me. I'm always genuine with anyone I talk to, bahala na kung magustuhan nila o hindi. I hoped that if they didn't like me, they should tell me instead of leading me on... but some guys just don't have the balls to tell this, noh? They would rather lead you on and then ghost you after.

I've been asking the universe how do I move on from something that never even happened? How do I move on from someone who was never mine in the first place? How do I forget? How do I move past this pain? I find it ironic that three years ago, I was experiencing this same situation. Three years after, andito pa rin ako pero dahil na sa ibang lalaki. What is it with August and why do they always leave me during this month?

Ilang araw na rin akong umiiyak. Umiyak na ako sa kwarto, sa CR, sa kotse habang nagmamaneho. My heart has been heavy for weeks now. No one knows what I'm going through right now. Wala akong maiyakan, pakiramdam ko na naman mag-isa lang ako. Ang sakit sakit, at ang hirap hirap. I should have mastered the art of moving on at this point but why does it always feel like it's the first time?

Akala ko talaga ito na. Akala ko talaga may patutunguhan 'to. Akala ko lang pala talaga. I've been praying to God for a few months now, praying that if this guy isn't for me, God should take him out of my life. Whenever I pray this, he always comes back. This time, he didn't. Naisip ko tuloy, baka ngayon lang dininig ni God 'yung prayers ko, na-late lang siya ng response.

Gustong gusto ko na makalimot. Gustong gusto ko na makawala sa sakit na dinulot nito sa akin. I don't know where to start, honestly. Or maybe I do, I just don't have the guts to do it now. Sabi ko nga, baka kasi deep inside, kumakapit pa ako sa natitirang sana. However, I have accepted the painful truth that this is the end for me and him. For what it's worth, I am thankful for the conversations we had, memes we laughed at, stories we shared, and moments we spent. I hope he is happy after ghosting me, I hope he will not regret it. Para sana sulit 'yung sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. At least, I would know that this pain is worth it for him, kahit hindi na para sa akin.

[manila-bae]

I've been trying to put my thoughts into words here but I can't seem to put them together in a coherent manner. My mind is in scramble since Friday night and I'm not feeling any better emotionally and mentally.

I just think that if someone has a problem with me or my words or actions, they should address it and not just be passive aggressive or just simply ignore me. How can I say sorry for something I'm not even aware of? I just feel so sad, humiliated, confused, and hurt. It's two days of breakdowns and spiraling already and I just want it all to stop. I feel like my heart's getting heavier and tired as the time goes.

I don't know what to do... I just don't want to talk to this person if he will still reach out. I wish I could just forget all of this but a person can only hope.

[manila-bae]

[manila-bae]

Why’s it so hard to find people with the same intentions as you

[manila-bae]

Compass

if there is anything I would love to have right now, it would be a compass so that I have something to use as I try to navigate these unfamiliar waters of you.

how does one stay afloat? how can I avoid falling off this boat I tried hard to build so strongly to avoid accidents and falls when strong waves of the seas hit? how can one avoid falling for someone whom you are unsure if they would catch you before you hit the sea’s surface? will he catch me? or will he let me fall and drown myself in this abyss of unspoken feelings and uncertainties?

god forbid this compass helps me, but how do I use it when the maps I have of you do not show how can I get to the heart of you?

- g. e. 5.22.23

[manila-bae]

Girlie is afraid and anxious.

I have quite a lot of thoughts in my head tonight so I wrote them here in hopes of me being able to let them out and calm myself down. I'm unsure how you exclusively date someone in this very modern time.

As implied in my old posts, I have been single for quite some time now and came from a four-year relationship, so I have no idea how dating happens these days. I don't know if courting someone is still a thing, or does one just simply ask the other person out and they just literally see where it goes? I'm totally clueless about how it happens now! When do they decide they want to date someone? How do they realize that they like someone enough to date them exclusively? Do they happen to ask up front if they plan to date you exclusively? Or is this just literally trying to feel it all the way until one makes the first move?

I can't help but feel like laughing because of all these questions in my head. I really have no idea how dating happens these days. It makes me anxious when I think about me being loyal to the guy I'm talking to and the possibility of him talking with more than one woman. I know that some people would frown upon me being loyal already but I just take it seriously, even just being in the talking stage because dating is not something I'm willing to play with. Anyway, it makes me anxious because I really don't know how should I go about this. I don't want to come off too strong by asking serious questions but at the same time, it confuses me and makes me anxious that we're communicating almost every day for almost two months now and we have not been out on a real date still. Or does that only happen when he officially asks me out? I do not know, and that's what makes me anxious. My guards are all up because I don't want to allow myself to develop feelings for someone who might not be thinking of dating me exclusively and might not be willing to develop his feelings for me.

Admittedly, I am afraid to get hurt again. There, I said it. I am afraid because the last time I got hurt, I lost myself and it took me a long time to find myself again. The last time I got hurt, I felt like everything was taken away from me and I had nothing left except my broken heart. So yes, I'm afraid to get hurt again. I'm afraid to get my heart broken again. I'm afraid to fall for someone who might not feel the same way towards me. So when I say I'm afraid and anxious, I have reasons to be because I don't want to go back to that dark place I was in.

Last night, I was bawling my eyes out because I was praying to God again (for the nth time) that if this man is not meant for me and that our connection will not develop into something more, He should take him out of my life as early as possible because that would hurt less than me continuing this and getting hurt more in the long run. I was literally begging with tears for God to just please, please get him out of my life. I'd rather he ghost me now than be rejected by him in the future once my feelings develop. I've been praying this to Him for several weeks now because I just am so afraid of where this might go, and so last night, I prayed and begged. I told God that I don't want a man as another life lesson, I want a man who will be there to love, care, and support me and if he's not that man, God should take him out of my life already. Again, I've been praying this for weeks now after seeing on TikTok that some girls do this, and God always does it immediately for them so I thought of trying it out too. I know God knows what is best for all of us (my Catholic self is speaking) and the TikTok girlies said that when they pray this, God acts on it as fast as he could. And despite my praying this for weeks now concerning the same man, this man never goes away. He's always there to chat with me and we even went out once. Every time, I pray that God takes him out of my life if he's not the one for me and if the two of us won't work out eventually... but this man always comes back, it's literally irritating me at this point. Hahaha! I don't know what God even wants to happen to me but I just truly hope and pray that He will do what will make me happy, calm, and contented.

I told myself that I'd give this man around June probably because I do believe that men who are not serious with someone won't talk to you almost every day for three months or more. Only men who are serious and have good intentions will do that, because hello? Three months is already a long time for you to just be tiptoeing around a woman you only want to fuck and leave after, right? I don't want to let my guard down so easily, so I have this push-pull thing when it comes to him because yes, I do enjoy his company and all that, but I'm also afraid to let my guard down because I don't know what he wants with me and out of this connection we have. I'm really skeptical about this. Again, I have cried and begged and prayed for God to take him out of my life but well, he's still here. I don't know when. I'm not looking forward to that day coming because I really don't want that to happen since I am really enjoying this man's company and I do enjoy talking to him. But then again, my guards are up and they will be up until the day comes when he lays out his feelings and officially asks me to date him exclusively and be his girlfriend.

That might sound so delusional but I am just being true. I want this to work out despite the fear and anxiety I have, and despite my being unsure of where this is going to lead. If it works out, I'll definitely be happy. I admitted to myself that after such a long time, I found peace and happiness again with someone. If it doesn't, then I'd just have to say thank you to him for making me happy even for a short time and for allowing me to find peace and happiness again which I have never felt because of someone for a long time now. It will hurt, I know. I feel pain so much and embrace it as long as I could because I allow myself to just feel, so I will just let that pain linger until I have grown out of it.

But God... if there is a chance that it can work out, then please let it work out. Maybe it can. All I have are these maybes and ifs right now but if these maybes and ifs are powerful enough to make all these come true, then it won't be a loss for me to have these maybes and ifs.

[manila-bae]

Girlie tries again.

After almost three years of being single (turning three in August), I decided last month that hey, let me try being in the dating scene again. Why not look for my potential significant other, right? I don't just miss the feeling of being in a relationship, I also miss the feeling of loving someone and being loved back. I miss the cuddles and kisses, compliments and cheers, and those sweet, quiet moments of shared comfortable silence. It won't hurt to try again. I did tell myself that if this attempt fails, I don't think I will try again next time. It's a huge decision for me to try dating again, so I am truly hoping this one succeeds! Haha!

Being single made me realize so many things. One of those is that being in a relationship is no longer a necessity for me. I don't see it as something that I should be in or have especially despite being at the age of 26 when quite a lot of people are either getting engaged or married. My younger self would fucking flip and freak out if she discovers that I am still not married at this age, but that is my reality now. I said that she'd flip and freak out because I used to have this goal of getting married at 25 back then, but you know that things didn't work out with my last partner and I became single in 2020. I thought I had to get married at that age, like actually settle down with the love of my life because hey, that's what people are doing, right? So my younger self thought that she should do the same thing.

Well, I cannot do that. Not anymore. Not just because I am single, but because I do not feel the need to rush things in my life anymore. I've tried dating apps since last year but it really didn't work for me because no one in those apps looked interesting enough or my type. Anyway, I am not in a rush to date so it really didn't matter if I have someone in my life or not. For the first time, I do not feel the desperate need of being in a relationship with someone. When my friends at work share about their romantic relationships, I always say "sana all" but it's all for clout, I say. I am really enjoying the single life, and even if sometimes I truly feel a bit envious of those who have such healthy, romantic relationships, I do not really think I should have my own too.

Anyway, I did say that I decided to start dating again. Well, correction: I am not dating anyone... yet. It's funny for me to be in the scene again because I truly have no idea how the dating scene goes now. I truly enjoy the talking stage and all that, but I do not know how one person enters a relationship eventually. It's difficult to tread such mysterious, unfamiliar waters after being in a long-term relationship and spending almost three years of singlehood in peace and tranquility. I did tell myself that there is nothing wrong if I want to try again because, in my heart and mind, I know I am ready to be in a relationship again. I think the only question left right now hanging is if the man I am talking to will develop feelings for me and would want to be in a relationship with me too eventually.

I have been reminding myself every now and then that there is no need to rush things, that it will happen eventually. That if a man wants to be with me, he will tell me when he is ready to tell me. I do not want to get married yet; I believe I am not ready for that in any life aspect. However, I am ready to settle down. What I mean by that is, I do not want to go and date so many guys. I'm pushing 30 in a few years, for Pete's sake. I should not be doing that because that's not what I'm looking for and I should not settle for that practice just because others normally do it. I'm ready to settle down with one man in a romantic relationship where both of us will work and grow together to reach the point of getting married when both of us are ready.

I no longer want a relationship that is too open to others outside of it. I will allow our close friends to be involved but not to the point that they know our problems and even meddle with our decisions. A relationship is only me and him, not me and him and our friends. I want a quiet, calm love. The kind that does not make me anxious or overthink, leave me confused, and wallow in uncertainties. I want the love that feels like home. It calms you, it does not make you worry but makes you so happy it feels like you're drowning in so much joy. It's the peace that your car-alarm heart needs. The love that won't make you doubt your partner if he does not text you every hour because you're assured that he is loyal and faithful to you. The love that is consistent and does not require you to ask something twice, or even ask anything at all. The kind of love that does not have to be extravagant, but can be as simple as one plus one equals two because it's easy, understanding, loving, and calm.

I have been praying to God and Mother Mary for guidance about my romantic endeavors. I always pray that if a man is not the one for me, he should be taken out of my life because I'd rather be single than be with a man who is uncertain of what he wants with me. I don't believe in the "right person/wrong person" thing because anyone could be the right person for you if they choose to be right for you, and they could be the wrong person if they choose to be wrong for you. What I pray for is a man that does not think he has to complete me because I am not missing any piece of myself, but rather thrives calmly and happily in a relationship with me, and celebrates my individuality at the same time I celebrate his. A man that will always choose to love me even and most especially during days that I don't feel deserve to be loved. I pray that God gives me the man that is like the Chandler to my Monica, the Jake to my Amy. I don't really have to elaborate on those, I hope you get the references.

So, yeah. I'm back in the dating scene again. If this fails, then let it be. But I do hope it succeeds. Maybe this one will be the last. Maybe this one is my Chandler. My Jake. Just... maybe.

[manila-bae]

[manila-bae]

What ifs and whatnots.

I decided to start writing here again tonight. It’s 10:24 pm, Sept. 3, 2022. I’m in my bed, fresh from a long, good bawl. I needed to cry my eyes out. I watched Ben&Ben’s new music video, and I started to take a short, painful trip down the memory lane by listening to some songs that still haunt me till this day.

Do not get me wrong. I have moved forward and let go. It has been more than two years since I became single, and life has been mostly good since, especially after some realizations. I have decided to move forward from the situation I was in at that time, and I have let go of my ex because it is the best thing to do. I have flirted here and there since last year, tried dating apps for awhile before deciding to uninstall them because my taste in men cannot be met by any of those guys, plus, most of them (if not all) are only looking for a hookup or FWB, and I am never up for either.

Anyway, what I did tonight was another vulnerable moment I let myself experience every now and then. Despite having moved forward and let go, I allow myself to still cry and reminisce, not over my ex (obviously), but over the feeling of being in a relationship. What if I am in a relationship now? What if I am still in a relationship? What if I have someone to come home to? Someone to call when I need comfort and affection? Someone who can tell me that I am totally right when I say that my boss was sent from hell to fuck with my life and my colleagues’?

I admit that I miss being in a relationship. No, it’s not only about the intimate relations, though, you can certainly count that one in. But it’s not only that. It’s also knowing that there is someone out there who is ready to comfort and love me, even during those days when I know I do not deserve to be loved and comforted. I miss the feeling of being in love, and loved. 

However, to be clear, I am not desperate to be in a relationship anytime soon. I actually love and enjoy being single. I’m happy with being alone. I am able to do lots of things and experience many moments. I got huge blessings, too, since I became single. Must be the universe’s way to make it up to me after letting a boy fuck my heart over and over until it shattered into a million pieces.

So, as I was saying, I had those what ifs in my head as I listened to three particular songs that still haunt me to this day because I deeply associated them with my ex back when we were still happy and in love. He would know those songs, because he knows what those songs mean to us. 

After listening to B&B’s new song, I listened to ‘Tulog Na’ by Sugarfree, because it was the song that Ebe Dancel himself sang in front of us when we were seated on the dirty floor of Route 196 in Katipunan. I didn’t care about how dirty the floor was; my head was leaning on his shoulder as we listened to Ebe sing. After, I listened to ‘With Whom’ by Kitchie Nadal, because it was the song I used when I created a surprise video for our third anniversary, in which I compiled clips I took every time I met him since our second anniversary. Then, I listened to ‘Leaves’ by Ben&Ben, because it was the song I was listening to on many days and nights since he broke up with me. Ben&Ben’s new song played again after that, and I closed my Spotify after that ended.

Despite having what ifs, I know that what happened was meant to happen. It was not what we wanted, but it was what we needed that time, and even if it hurt me to fucking death I almost gave up on my life, I knew it needed to happen. The break up was meant to happen. I know it hurt me so much, and I admit that it still hurts today. I know I’ve moved forward and let go, but the pain still lingers. Not everyone might not be able to relate to that, but I know it happens to some of us, and that is totally okay. We can hurt and still be okay.

It took me some time to write another entry here. I’ve always seen my Tumblr as my online diary. Besides, I know only those who still follow me and who are still active here can read my entries. I know my ex does not read these, because I know he never dared to remember my Tumblr account.

Anyway, I have calmed myself down. Today has been filled with a roller coaster of emotions. I think it’s the effect of taking birth control pills, no? I am not sure. I started taking BCP a few weeks ago to help my period be regular, because I discovered days before my birthday that I have fucking PCOS. What a great birthday gift, right?

Until next time, dear.

[manila-bae]

by karprj

[manila-bae]

does any one else think it should be easier

[manila-bae]

Of break ups and blessings.

Almost a year ago, specifically last August 2020, my longtime partner for four years decided to call it quits. After having a huge, toxic fight, he decided he does not want to be with me anymore and he chose to stop loving me.

All I thought that time was how I lost everything. I wanted to give up because I thought I have nothing left with me anymore. He was my rock for years, and having no choice but to wake up one day alone was truly a huge struggle. A painful one at that.

Today, the universe and God proved to me that when you lose something, you get a blessing in return. When you have been in so much pain, the universe will bring you so much happiness. This was proven today, June 29, 2021.

Today, I got a phone call from one of the middle administrators at work to inform me that she wants to invite me to their team to be a team leader. After being in this job for five years (turning six), they saw my potential for leadership. It was a promotion, and a huge one at that.

I accepted the promotion. It is a great opportunity for me to develop myself and my career. It means more pay too, and right now, I am in need for a higher pay to support my family and my personal needs.

After the phone call, I cried. I didn’t cry because solely of the promotion, but mostly because of the realization that almost a year ago, I felt like I lost everything when my ex broke up with me. It turns out that I didn’t lose anything, instead, I gained more.

The universe really blesses you a hundredfold when you have been through so much. I may not be in a relationship anymore, but I’m striving in my career. This is definitely the glow up I deserve.

[manila-bae]

i can’t stop thinking about this

[manila-bae]

New year.

It’s been months ever since my ex broke up with me. When the breakup happened, I thought everything has ended in my life. I thought I wasn’t going to be able to get back up. Akala ko talaga katapusan na ng mundo ko. Iniisip ko pa kung paano na ba ako ngayong wala na siya sa buhay ko. I wanted to end my life back then just to end the pain and heaviness of everything. Ang nasa isip ko kasi, sa kanya lang umiikot ‘yung mundo ko for six years, tapos biglang mawawala na lang siya bigla.

But all those thoughts were wrong. Mga bandang November, para akong nagkaroon ng moment of epiphany. Ewan ko, parang doon ko na-realize na, shet, lalaki lang naman ‘yon. Hindi ko dapat sinasayang ‘yung buhay ko para lang sa lalaki. Hindi nakasalalay sa kanya ‘yung buhay ko, o ‘yung saya ko, pati worth ko bilang babae. Na-realize ko na ang tanga ko pala noong nagmakaawa ako sa kanya na mag-stay siya. I decided then to stop pining for him anymore, to stop wishing each day for him to come back. I decided to stop hoping for him to suddenly send me a message, apologizing for breaking up with me and asking me to take him back. Basta parang simula noong November, tinigilan ko na ‘yung pag-ikot ng mundo ko sa kanya. Hindi pala totoo na siya ‘yung mundo ko. He was never mine, I was never his, despite being in a four year relationship. I never owned him, and neither did he towards me. Hindi ko magagawang pabalikin ‘yung isang tao na parang diring diri na sa’kin at layong layo na talaga. Kahit ilang dasal man ang i-recite ko araw-araw, o kahit mag-wish pa ako sa Santa Clara at mag-alay ng itlog, hindi naman siya babalik. Right then, in the middle of November, I decided to stop everything. I decided to stop choosing him even if he didn’t choose me. Instead, I decided to choose myself.

Simula noon, mas bumubuti na ang mga araw ko. Hindi ko na rin kinailangang araw-araw sabihin sa harap ng salamin ‘yung daily affirmations ko, hindi dahil kinakalimutan ko na, kundi dahil hindi ko na kailangang ipaalala sa sarili ko na:

- Deserve ko ang pag-ibig.

- Kaya kong baguhin ang sarili ko, pero ang iba hindi.

- Magiging okay din ako.

- Hindi ako aayusin ng iba dahil hindi naman ako nasira.

- Kailangan ko na ring patawarin ang sarili ko sa mga pagkakamali na hindi ko sinasadyang gawin.

- Hindi naman ako ‘yung nawalan kahit ako ‘yung iniwan.

I smile brighter ever since. I wake up better, and I can sleep better. Nabawi ko na rin ‘yung weight na nawala sa’kin nang sobra simula noong nag-emotional and mental spiral ako. Nakakatulog na ako nang maaga at kung kailan ko gusto. Hindi na rin ako umiiyak lagi dahil sa kanya. Siguro kasi, tanggap ko na wala na talaga? Ewan ko, parang ganon. Tanggap ko na hanggang doon na lang talaga ‘yun, wala ng kasunod na chapter. It was the end of a long story, though it ended on a painful note.

Sabi ko nga, if we assume na babalik siya, it would take a lot of convincing for me to take him back. As if namang babalik talaga, ‘di ba?! Hahaha! Pero syempre, hindi rin mapigilang tanungin ng iba ‘yun sa’kin. A young friend even told me, paano raw kung may epilogue pa? Sabi ko, ‘wag na. Ayoko na rin. Kung ano man ‘yung nangyari, hanggang doon na lang dapat. At saka, nakakatawa naman kung nakipaghiwalay siya tapos siya ‘yung babalik?! And him coming back seems too impossible, parang diring diri na nga ‘yun sa’kin nung huli naming usap eh. ‘Yung pandidiri, akala mo naman nangaliwa ako sa kanya. Ganon katindi, kaya sabi ko ‘wag na lang din talaga kung makipagbalikan. Hindi naman pwedeng aalis siya kung nahihirapan siya, tapos babalik kung kailan convenient for him. It doesn’t work that way.

When we broke up, I thought na lahat ng plans ko sa life ay nasira. Well, I still think that way too until now, pero ngayon, ine-embrace ko na ‘yung pagkasira ng plans ko, kasi ngayon, I can start anew, with a clean slate. I’ll make things right this time for myself and for my happiness. Hindi ko naman minamadali ‘yung sarili ko. Kung kailan ko lang gusto pulutin ‘yung mga parte ng sarili ko na nawala ko sa relasyon na ‘yon, saka ko lang pupulutin. Wala namang dahilan para magmadali ako, kasi life ain’t a race.

Natatawa nga ako, kasi halos lahat ng 2021 predictions and forecasts na nakukuha ko, sinasabi na may reconciliation with an ex na mangyayari ngayong bagong taon. Nako, grabe ‘yung kaba ko nga kahit syempre, hindi naman ‘yon matic na totoo. Ewan ko, kasi ‘yung isang tarot reader na nagsabi noon, lahat ng readings na nakukuha ko sa kanya, nagkakatotoo. Lahat na magkatotoo, sige, ‘wag lang ‘yun. Utang na loob. Hahaha!

‘Yung glow ko nga ngayon, iba. Para akong inlove?! Ewan ko bakit pero ganoon ‘yung itsura ko. Akala mo teenager. Siguro kasi masaya ako sa sarili ko at sa mga ginagawa ko ngayon sa buhay ko. Masaya ako na kahit ako na lang mag-isa, buo pa rin ako. Masaya ako na natututo ako sa mga maling nagawa ko, kaya ito ‘yung chance for me na bumawi.

I am just simply looking forward to a year that is filled with peace and tranquility. Wala na akong gustong makuha ngayong taon kundi peace of mind lang. I just want to start anew this year, with a great load of good juju. Bahala na ang universe sa ibang bagay, basta ako kuntento na ako sa sarili ko at masaya ako.

Happy New Year.

[manila-bae]

You left like I was never a reason to stay.

[manila-bae]

Day ???

Gurl, hindi ko na alam kung ilang araw na ba. HAHAHAHA.

Madali talagang bumitaw kapag pinili mong bumitaw ano? I just realized today that love is a choice, not just a feeling. Sinasabi ng isang tao na hindi ka na niya mahal kasi pinili niyang hindi ka na mahalin. Sinasabi ng isang tao na hindi na siya sigurado sa’yo kasi pinili niyang ‘wag manigurado. Sa iba, pinipili nilang magloko hindi dahil naakit sila kundi pinili nilang magpaakit at magloko.

My ex definitely chose to not choose me. Sabi ko nga kahapon noong nagdadrama ako a la Lovi Poe sa Sana Dati, ang dali lang para sa kanya na bumitaw, magliwaliw, at tumuloy sa bawat araw. Habang ako ito, nakakapit pa rin sa kanya at sa natitirang sana. Buti pa siya, umuusad at nagpapakasaya kasi solo na niya ‘yung oras niya. Ako ito pa rin, iniisip siya bawat oras kahit pinipilit ko na ‘wag na.

Ang dali lang para sa’yo na hindi ako piliin. Tapos ako ito, ikaw pa rin ang pinipili. Hirap makalimot at hirap mag-move on. Buti na lang, umuusad ako. Gumaganda nga ako these past few weeks eh. Ito na yata ‘yung post-break up glow na sinasabi nila. Char.

Pero sabi nga nila, kapag ikaw ‘yung iniwan, ikaw ‘yung gumaganda/gumagwapo. Ibig sabihin daw kapag ganon ay hindi ikaw ang nawalan kaya maglaway na lang sila dyan. HAHAHA!

Ewan ko. Shuta. Ang saya saya ko these past days, as in. Glow kung glow! Iba talaga ‘yung nadadala sa’yo ng pagmamahal mo sa sarili. Self-love is the best kind of love there is. Siguro kailangan ko talagang mahalin muna ‘yung sarili ko para magawa kong magmahal ng iba na walang duda o pag-aalinlangan.

Damn. My next boyfriend will definitely be a lucky man. Trust.