mangoonioncilantro

[mangoonioncilantro]

My little baby is almost 7 months and I love that baby so much. I think today was our 4th time at stinson beach, 3rd time just the two of us. We’ve gone to half moon bay beach (after passport appt) and Huntington Beach with Brendan as well as 1x at Stinson with Brendan.

Today we got in the water the most yet. Diaper off, sunscreen on. JD did some laughs at the water coming toward him, had some straight faces, ate plenty of sand. It was such a hot day, anticipated to be 91 in Oakland, 10 degrees cooler at stinson.

I wanted to be brave and jump forward like my mommy: it makes me feel like she’s here with me, us. I want to be excited about life like mom, I wish I were ready when she was.

“It goes by so fast” I’ve been reminded since we first went outside. I’m trying to hold on to the moments, keep the days feeling like two.

I think I’m doing minimal chores. Lead by example in caring for your space. I want every moment with my baby. Is there a way I could do it better? What will I regret later?

(Dad is working 4pm-12am with our recent home purchase, we see him for breakfast/brunch and until he leaves or we leave! You and I travel to florida where we’ll see GG and uncle Jake. When we return it’ll be a few days before we start to move. What an exciting adventure our new family home will be!)

[mangoonioncilantro]

We’ve been together almost every hour of every day for 7 weeks exactly. On Wednesday you slept in your bassinet beside me. I thought you needed my hand on you to sleep, after hours of keeping my arm draped down from the couch on your chest, I removed it and you still slept. You slept in your crib last night. You slept for 4 hours. The three of us in our bedroom. No longer sleeping on the couch where we lived for 7 weeks. Sleeping on my body, my arms wrapped around you. You’ve adjusted to my body no longer being your home, and the doctor recommended safe sleep space is now a safe sleep space. Next you’ll learn to fall asleep in your bed, out of our arms. I’ll let you grow up and stand independently, and I’ll help you find your footing.

I was back to a depressed self hating teen when my dad was over today.

[mangoonioncilantro]

Our first outing other than than the three doctor appointments since hospital discharge on Wednesday, 3/15.

I’ve been weepy. Not sure if this is postpartum depression or if a “normal” increase in emotional state. Anyway, I’m increasing my antis to be cautious.

Our lives changed in the best way on March 14, 2023 at 6:19am. I want to give him the best of me, of us, in return.

[mangoonioncilantro]

Losing people scares me.

Working on being a better home maker, but I’m still so dang unproductive.

I hope I’m just third trimester sleepy and this isn’t something I’m going to have to fight against long term.

I slept last night!

We’ll take the baby to florida at end of May, excited for our first family trip!

[mangoonioncilantro]

33 weeks 5 days

Slept ‘til 11am. Adderall at 12:30ish. Took out compost, scheduled house cleaning. Woo.

Dinner in Montclair tonight.

What am I feeling?

I want my home to be uncluttered, organized. Functional, beautiful.

Goal: to be able to identify what I’m feeling physically, emotionally. Internally, externally. …maybe I’ll start utilizing the calm app again.