mamamemoirs

[mamamemoirs]

[mamamemoirs]

[mamamemoirs]

Glastonbury Festival in my 20s vs 30s

In my early 20s I attended the infamous Glastonbury Festival and left with some pretty epic memories which had me yearning for a repeat experience some time in the future.

I would consider myself the avid festival goer, having been to several in my 20s - one year we did a festival every weekend for 3 months! - We even went to our favourite festival for our honeymoon. - Not the most conventional way to celebrate a union of two people but it was just perfect for us.

2019 was upon us and I had suggested to some girlfriends about going to Glastonbury festival together. Exclusively women, no boys allowed for a weekend of heavy drinking, dancing, music enjoyment and all the other debaucherous activities one gets up to at these kinds of goings on. It had been a while since my last festival and I was gagging for a rave up.

The girls agreed. I was pumped!

We bought our tickets on the second sale and we were all absolutely buzzing. 2020 Glastonbury Festival - The 50th Anniversary here we come!

Then the pandemic hit.

Two long years we waited and in that time I had moved out of the UK, fallen pregnant and birthed my gorgeous baby girl. Not to mention living through a global health crisis that had us locked down for months on end cut off from social interactions and general enjoyment. Some people living in fear and too afraid to look each other in the eyes. It was agonising to say the least. I'm glad we've made it through the worst of it although there is still a whisper of it lingering. Much of which I try desperately to ignore. Don't judge me!

Finally it was here! The long awaited come back of world famous Glastonbury Festival. 2022, the year the world started to open back up again and festivals were back in full force. I was excited but also desperately nervous and anxious about leaving my baby girl who had barely started to crawl as I was about to embark on my 6 day adventure without her or my husband. In the 11 years I have been with him the longest even we have spent away from each other was only 4 days! How was I going to cope?!

It's amazing the contrast in feelings I had leading up to the festival this year in comparison to before I got pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I was fucking excited but I also couldn't imagine being away from the two loves of my life for nearly a week! Especially since we spent every waking hour together from the moment she was born. It was a gut wrenching thought but one of my friends is a mother herself , of two, and she assured me that my little bundle of joy would be absolutely fine. She was gonna be with Pappa and I needed this time to recharge from the intensity of motherhood and be the old me again. It was only 6 days. I knew she was right so on the days leading up to my flight back to the UK I drowned out the noise of doubt and anxiety with copious amounts of drum and bass and the "Glastonbury Festival 2022" playlist on Spotify. - Thanks to whoever made that playlist it was a great hype inducer! 

The day I caught my flight was the same day of the coach to the festival, so lots of travelling but at least it was finally happening.  I cried intensely as I walked away from my world, my mind gushing with anxious thoughts, will she forget me? What if she doesn't want to breastfeed when I come back? Am I ready for that kind of rejection? Is she going to struggle to sleep without me? - I knew my partner would manage, in fact he was desperate for this special time to bond with her just the two of them. They really did have a great time together.

As soon as I boarded the plane and put on my headphones with tunes to distract me and get me pumped for the week ahead, that was the instant I left "mama" behind and re-embodied my former self. I couldn't keep still the entire flight, I had some serious pre-party jitters.

The rest of that day was just travelling to our destination, setting up our tent and exploring the festival grounds before the mayhem of the main event a day or so later.

From that point on my phone did not work except for early in the morning when everyone was still asleep. This was my chance to catch up with my family before packing my phone away again and enjoying the festivities. I have to admit, I am addicted to my phone, it's very hard not to look at it a million times a day - although since having a baby I do check it considerably less than before. - It was so refreshing to not have my phone all day long and just be present in the moment taking everything in. It's so easy to just get your phone out and want to capture an event, but by doing so you aren't "living" in that moment and truly experiencing it. I have no pictures or videos to look back on but I have sweet memories, which is far more precious.

The rest of the festival really was amazing. The music was on point, though sadly due to mixed genre preferences within the group I didn't get to skank down and dirty as much as I would have liked. But I still got to see my favourite band "Little Dragon" at the John Peel tent just as I had the first time I went. So that was pretty epic in itself. The food was exquisite, so many vegan stalls to choose from. And finally lots of wonderful memories to reminisce with my gals.

With all of this in mind there definitely was a difference between the two times I went to Glastonbury festival. Let's make some comparisons:

Toilet breaks:

In my 20s: Toilet breaks were few and the queue was an opportunity to talk and make new friends. - When you have mdma coarsing through the blood stream you rarely need to pee and a queue is just a social gathering of sorts! -

In my 30s: If there happens to be a quiet loo area, squeeze one out even if you don't need to go. Quiet toilets a few and far between. Make sure you go for a leak BEFORE you are busting because if you need to wait in the queue you might have an accident. - Especially if you've had a baby, one's bladder is no longer made of steel okurrrrrr -

Walking, walking and more walking!

In my 20s - Damn my legs were like Tina Turner after 5 days of walking the equivalent of 2 marathons! All the walking plus all the dancing had me feeling super fit. Wasn't even phased.

In my 30s - Just a completely different story... My back was in agony every night after hours of walking. Codine was my best friend. I truly felt old. - Pro tip: Bring a picnic blanket that you can throw down on the floor and sit to your hearts content before the next triathlon to the next stage.

Bottlenecks

In my 20s - I seriously don't remember caring or it even being that busy. Again, putting it down to my altered state.

In my 30s - If there is ever a time I felt more like a cow it was now. Be prepared for uncomfortable closeness to a complete stranger. Agree a place to meet if you get separated in the crowd, because you will. - I do feel this year was particularly busy. Perhaps due to the pandemic extra tickets were sold to make up for the previous years missed....

Overall, I loved my time away with my friends. It was exactly what I needed albeit not quite what I initially wanted to get from it. I had imagined in my head that I would be the 20 year old me again re-living the messy antics of the past but I had to accept that what I was originally chasing before I went was behind me. I didn't walk away with quite the same view about Glastonbury Festival as the first time I went and I am putting it down to my age. I am an old girl in her 30s after all, wiser, less intoxicated and far less tolerant of large crowds.

I don't know if I will go back to Glastonbury but I definitely want to make a thing of going away with my girlfriends and nurturing every version of myself.

We're already planning the next trip!

Mama out x

[mamamemoirs]

[mamamemoirs]

[mamamemoirs]

oldskool rave flyer from uk unknown designer

[mamamemoirs]

Glastonbury Festival, 1971 Photo : Ron Reid.

[mamamemoirs]

Dreamy chill dnb to soothe the soul.

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Mother Nebula <3

Onion-like layers of Egg Nebula

[mamamemoirs]

A woman transformed.

12:20am one morning in fall, after a gruelling 24 hours of labour my daughter was born. In that instant of blissful relief from the hours of hard work my body endured and the anticipation I felt to meet her, I also was reborn. Transformed from the old me into a brand new woman. A mother, a protector, a full time carer.

I know it’s so cliche to say that I never truly understood this metamorphosis that a woman undergoes when having a baby, but I really didn’t until that moment.

Pregnancy is one chapter, a prelude to motherhood. A journey — if it is your first child — that is filled with so many questions and unknowns. So much preparation and joyous anticipation. (Along with the odd crisis and pregnancy scare along the way!) I spent hours leading up to the due date of my daughter researching, watching birthing videos, taking courses and reading stories to no avail. Nothing could have prepared me for the change that happened to me soul deep.

I chose to birth my daughter without any pain relief. During the worst of the waves, I shivered from its intensity and cried, moaning to my husband the regret I felt for not having an epidural. I even said I never wanted to have another baby — though that was completely baseless and I knew it! But I realised in this short time of weakness as I sobbed and told my husband I couldn’t do it anymore, as I asked him what I was doing wrong? Why was she not coming no matter how hard I pushed? That this struggle, discomfort and what I saw as weakness was in fact strength.

My body grew and carried this baby for a whole 9 months and now it was birthing her into the world. How incredible it was to feel so empowered in that moment. But I couldn’t have done half of it without the support of my husband. I didn’t know I could love him any more that I already did before this process. He was my rock, my strength and my cheerleader. My love for him is infinite.

With my final push and as my husband lovingly guided our daughter Earth-side, I felt my whole body relax and a wave of euphoria came over me. All the discomfort I endured every second of those 24 hours just melted away into sweet sweet rapture.

My husband brought her to my chest and embraced us as we both cried in ecstasy.

She was finally here, and so was I. Reborn a mother.